The Unspeakable Peg

For years, I have debated on starting a blog to log past and present thoughts... to uncover feelings and emotions held deep within my heart, mind, and soul. Today, I decided to STOP living in the dreamland of my mind and to START putting those thoughts into words. Real black and white words. I am bringing the darkness and the light to real life... putting those words, emotions, feelings, and unknown depths into reality.

I will post previous writings from traumas, love, guilt, and shame. I will post present writings, and I will post freestyle writings.

TODAY is the day we stop living in the could be, and we stop living in the could have been. TODAY, we start living the doing, acting, believing, and bringing into existence all of the fears of failure and shame. Today... we live unapologetically!

When you look at me, I can see the pain so deepI have to wonder is it all because of me.Everything I touch turns to something bleakAt least, that’s what they told me, I think. The beauty you bring makes my heart singI want to hold onto everythingI just hope it’s because of you and not meEverything I love ends up on empty. I sit alone in the hole of darknessHolding on to responsibilities Keeps…

Do you remember growing up and getting your first hickey? Excited and confused. This new sexuality was something worth discovering, or so it feels. I remember getting a hickey when I was younger – wearing sweatshirts and makeup made for teens over my neck – trying my best to hide the evidence. The last thing I wanted was for someone to see it on my neck – I grew up in a unrealistically strict…

It's been almost a year since you passed away. All those days of living your life in vain. You were always dedicated to the game. Living a life that was never plain.

You were true to yourself: In good and the worst health. You never lost your true wealth. You looked in the mirror and saw stealth.

You had it all figured out, even as a kid. You knew a lot less than you thought you did. Doing all the things the law forbid. We're stuck looking to the sky for you in the grid.

You're never afraid to let people down. They thought you felt you deserved a crown. But I know what happened around that town. Everything in life left you with a frown.

What happened to us in life went unserved. I wish you knew what you truly deserved. Now help me through life, teach me to swerve. I want to be way on top of the curve

I can't get over the things you will not see: Your grown nephew or your niece. Just two of the people you never got to meet. I just want one more chance to plead.

I hope you're up there, with everyone we love. Looking down on me and helping from above. Giving me what I need: that life-long shove: So, I can fill my life with what it's void of.

I'm so sad you're gone and all you will miss. I can't believe life is like this. Many people wished you a lifetime of bliss. I guess now you got it, while I reminisce.

Embers

Love Is Fragile - Song

Money, House, Love, Travel These are the things I’m trying to unravel When I do, my mind is in a babble, Like a child — love is fragile.

Both afraid to take the giant leap, Of faith, trust, and possibility. We contain all the positivity But the past has us feeling negatively. Put it in a box and keep moving forward, And we can do all the things unheard of. What happens when the past comes back, And it…