What I love most about River, I will say, is her absolute fortitude and humour in the face of what is, objectively, an utterly terrible life – more or less an orphan, raised to be evil, has spent an incredible amount of time in prison, and her husband is a mostly absent maniac who occasionally looks like Colin Baker. I mean, things are really pretty tough for her.
It’s that contrast – the jolly, fearless, sexual outer shell of River, compared to what we know she’s been through, and what we always, always know she’ll go through at the end – that really appeals to me writing the character. She can’t possibly be that jolly when she’s alone. And she’s spent more than enough time in solitary confinement. No wonder she wants to let loose once in a while.
I think that’s what attracts her and the Doctor, the universe’s loneliest man. They have an amazing amount in common.
“I am never”, she broods. “As brave as I pretend to be. And sometimes I think he’s the only person in the universe who is.”
River is condemned to love someone she cannot fully have, and who amongst us doesn’t know what that feels like? But it doesn’t stop her shimmying into a knock-out gown, shaking out that glorious hair and fighting the good fight shoulder to shoulder with the Doctor whenever he comes to call; mostly by kicking the nearest ass most in need of kicking at any given moment.
After all, as she says to Amy Pond, her mum (eye-roll), “when you’re in love with a lonely God, one does one’s best to hide the damage”. Plus, she’s the only person allowed to criticise his driving.
In real life, the character has massively benefited by being played by a woman with the power, beauty, wisdom and charisma of Alex Kingston – and if you’ve ever been in a room with her, you’ll know exactly what I mean. She makes the younger popsies look positively insipid. Look at the ‘Husbands of River Song’: there hasn’t been more crackling middle-aged sexual tension on BBC1 on Christmas day since Den handed Angie the divorce papers.
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