The Totally Useless Blog

How could you be like this? How could you message, text call and put the phone down so soon. You talk endless chat of missings and longings and yearnings to see my face yet are so ready to exit my day when it suits you best.

 I miss you so much it hurts. My heart burns like the tired exhaust of a ceaselessly moving vessel. Exhaustion from thnking of you, exhaustion of staying up late just to see your face in one, last, final snapchat before you switch your phone off for bed. But to see your tired face in a badly lit room at one o’clock in the morning, sort of makes my heart explode.  

The emotional energy spent wishing you were here for just one second so I can hold you and kiss you and feel you. Time you’d rather spend doing as much that is possible, anything you can fit in, anything starved of sentiment or intimacy, as long as it fuels your needs. Don’t get me wrong boy, you mean the stars and the skies and the sea and everything in between to me at this point, but boy oh boy you’re just a boy. Get over it, I tell myself because its ‘oh so worth it’ when I see you … but then what? Do it all over again? No.

There. You call again to express YOUrself but the emotions don’t come out like a tiny little thread from a wool jumper. They explode into expressive chaos and your so called ‘pine’. Please. Could it be you’re getting the attention and affection I give you confused with your constant yearning of approval and respect?

I can cry and whine and try and get you to realise that I am NOT okay but it’s probably not possible for you to think that anyone can hurt more than yourself.