thinker bell

I'm not really a materialistic person, but I do get excited about the little things and love celebrating special moments. My heart feels warm whenever I receive gifts from others. Unfortunately, during my graduation, birthday, and after passing the board exam, I didn’t get anything from the people I had hoped would celebrate with me. Am I being childish for having those expectations? I can’t voice these feelings openly, but I often find myself crying at night when I see friends on social media being showered with gifts. I envy them and wish for those moments too. I tried treating myself to things I wanted instead of waiting for gifts. At first, it brought me some pleasure, but that happiness quickly faded, as it’s just not the same when someone gives something to you out of love. For example, I have always dreamed of receiving a bouquet of flowers since high school, so I finally bought one for myself after I passed the board exam because I got tired of waiting for someone else to give it to me. At first, it was fulfilling, then later on I felt like I was so petty.

Despite this, I really want the feeling associated with it, so I think doing it for myself will make me foolish, but at least it might bring some happiness.