They haven't got the hang of pronouns yet, everyone is a 'he' because that's what they're called even if I just referred to Grandma as 'she' in the previous sentence. They've only recently stopped saying 'Good boy, Mumma!' when I do something like wash my hands. They're pretty good with understanding different biology but, on a social and language level, they've never divided people into different categories based on that or gender identity. They do know that I'm a girl/woman, it's just that the term holds similar weight to saying someone is tall or short or mentioning the colour of the eyes, and they apply the terms inconsistently. Their default setting to people and language has been gender neutral.
It makes sense that they've got a shaky grasp of the whole concept: they're four. They're starting to spell out words and do some addition but also still learning how to correctly say my full not-mum name and understand that their dad was once a little baby in Nanna's 'tummy'. They'll probably keep referring to every human on earth as a 'he' for awhile longer.
But over the last few days they've started insisting that pink is my second favourite colour (it isn't) after purple (which they know is my favourite and will remind me of multiple times a day). They don't do this to their dad.
When I said 'it's a nice colour, but no it's not a favourite' there was genuine confusion from one of them. Awhile later, he asked 'Mumma, you're a girl?' I said I was, and he was quiet and thoughtful.
Later that night he told me pink is one of my favourite colours again. When I asked why he thinks that he could give me no explanation other than a confused 'it's pretty?'
I said 'It is pretty. Do you like it?'
Keep in mind pink was, very recently, one of his favourite colours. But he shook his head adamantly, eyes wide.
His brother thought about it too, and said 'Oh yeah, it is pretty! I love pink!' which confused the newly-pink-disliking twin further and you could practically see the gears turning in his head as he remained silent.
He's four. Last month he loved pink. He still loves cuddling his (very pink) rainbow kitty-cat fluffy toy and telling me how cute it is, so I doubt it's a genuine aversion to the colour. And he seems to be insisting he doesn't like it because it's 'pretty,' and assumes that girls must like it for the same reason.
We think he learnt it from one of the few days they're at kindy, from another four-year-old.
Only four and already being taught that prettiness and certain colours aren't for them, and are only for girls.
Then last night, as we were getting ready for bed, he casually said 'Girls are bad at swimming.' The same way he'll tell me 'Spinosaurus looked a bit like a crocodile,' 'octopuses have three hearts,' or 'a hexagon has six sides.'
I gently asked him what he said, he repeated it, and when I asked why does he think girls aren't good at swimming he said 'because girls aren't, boys are good at swimming.'
I told him that wasn't true, girls and boys can both be good at swimming.
He accepted it easily, just a happy 'Oh!' to receive new information. Smiling at me.
'Am I a girl?' I asked him.
'Yeah, you're a girl Mumma.'
'And do you think I'm good at swimming?'
He was actually very excited with this revelation, that I'm a girl and good at swimming. He was happy to know girls aren't bad at swimming, this wasn't some inherent belief. And it definitely didn't form from his own experiences - we're Australian, the twins have never been swimming with anyone who isn't good at it. And I'm the one normally in the pool with them and I'm a good swimmer even by Australian standards.
I don't think it came from their kindy teachers either.
This is something else another four-year-old has said.
They're four. FOUR. And already sexism and toxic masculinity is creeping into their conversations, pressuring them to stop liking certain colours and pretty things, and to diminish the capabilities of girls.
I was worried about the manosphere influence my boys would be exposed to as they got older, and how to talk to them about that and the rising numbers of young men who think women aren't as smart as them and shouldn't be able to vote or work after marriage, etc.
I didn't think it would start in kindergarten.
And if my boys have heard it, the little girls in their class probably have too. Do they disagree with it openly? Internalise it? Will they mention it to their parents and have it corrected? (Did one of them hear it from their parents - it could be a little girl sharing it, this does coincide with two new girls joining the class.)
