Blue Balls

Trekked paths in my bare skin through Zions dusk skies.

I have sucked cock through the desert night in Joshua tree.

I have known you closely,

But just because you’re around,

Does not mean I’m not lonely.

I am mostly horny.

I like to be near you,

I like it when you hold me.

Whisper in my ear,

I have banished again,

Into the depths of a desert.

That place we call home

Is now gone because you’re alone

And I still haven’t found a cure.

There’s a cloud raining over us,

It’s darker than most

And you and I don’t seem

To be able to hold on anymore.

Well I won’t ever let that happen.

Depression is black like these clouds,

And this sand is cold and brown,

I am barefooted, you are my home

Somewhere at a Northern California Beach where it is cold and isolated.

I am alone and it is my birthday. I go into my bag and grab my phone to play music, I scroll for the right song, it’s No Woman, by Whitney.

I glance at the water. I start to think about you and a tear falls down my cheek.

What were we thinking?

I start to write in my journal beside me.

What went wrong?

I close it, and see a person far off in the distance.

It is a man and he is also alone.

I romanticize the thought of that man being you.

As he gets closer, I see a stranger, I see reality.

The beach is fucking cold. Why did I come here?

All of the sudden

I feel so trapped. 

I am a purist, 

looking to love. 

I give my heart, 

Is that enough? 

An old song and a dance 

The female body

Is just a mask. 

I am a good time if you ask

I am freak if you pass.

Your words mean nothing, 

What was once so rare became alive.

Does love lose its value, 

Or do I pay the price?

 I am struck with riches,

Blessings so wide,

Where shall I begin…