The Shattered Compass

Barber: What do you want? Cat: I'll have the simba. Barber: Are you drunk? Cat: Yes. Barber: Good, me too.

Slicing a Reese's neatly implies portion control and possible sharing. What sort of monster would do that?

When you look up and realize you've been on the couch for just over 46 hours.

No matter how much I try I can't see the spaceship in this magic eye.

Bath mats. They keep your feet warm and your bathroom dirty.

This is a basic rule I live my life by.

Gorgeous view from the plane.

If you need something to do count the holes. If you don't want to I wouldn't blame you.

Either tray tables have gotten smaller or I've gotten very large.

When you really have to pee on a road trip but don't wanna stop till you need gas...

When people ask you what you did today...

For people who like fudge and cheese but don't have time for both.

Nothing says "I'm exhausted" like airport carpet. (at Denver International Airport)

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if trump slashes the EPA’s budget to help increase military spending?

I don’t know whats more disappointing. The fact that the mall has massage chairs in them, or that people actually pay to use them when sharper image has them for free

For me, scrolling through Facebook  has become a game of “look for the person you know in the picture full of strangers...” and you know what? I don’t always win.

“Charge Match” is set inside inside an ‘Electro-Dome,’ a two hundred square foot concrete platform surrounded by chain link fences and one outlet in the middle.  The sport places two young people in a room that only has one charger for their phones. First person to 100% battery wins. Let the charging begin!