A Woman's Worth

This morning I woke up so with so much gratitude. I'm not going to sit here and go on about all the things but I just need to express this externally because showing gratitude to the universe outside of yourself hits differently for me. I feel like it's just a more direct approach. Sometimes I get in a negative space and forget how abundant I am in life despite my shortcomings. I have come such a long way financially, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. I'm still a work in progress but damn have I been working....and working fucking hard! FOR MYSELF! I love myself so much and I haven't been the kindest to myself in the past. 2022 has taught me many lessons but the most important were self-love and preservation. I've overextended myself to others in friendships for the better part of my adulthood at the cost of my own peace and happiness. I found myself in a position where I needed to decide between them and me. Although it hurt, I chose me and I will forever choose me from here on out. It is okay to re-evaluate those you keep nearest to you and decide that their presence no longer serves you and the journey you are preparing for. You can do this at any point in your relationship no matter the longevity or nature of the relationship. This year I am truly focusing on myself, my husband, and the beautiful life we've created together. There is an abundance of blessings coming our way and I've never been more excited for the future while also living in the moment. Remember that life is just an experience and some of those experiences hurt in order to for you to learn and grow. The more you resist learning from your mistakes, the more painful the next experience will be JUST TO TEACH YOU THE SAME DAMN LESSON. Life is not that deep. The world is not out to get you. You either resist and suffer or surrender and live in peace. BREATH. EVERYTHING IS OKAY!

Life has been getting ahead of me lately and I've been finding ways to incorporate small habits in order to feel and stay grounded. Sometimes I find myself feeling completely overwhelmed in the midst of my busy tasks for the day. Sometimes I don't even know where to start, but I'm learning to give myself the space to figure it out as well as grace when I don't get everything done in one day. That's part of the problem. I feel I need to do all the things at the same time and that is just unrealistic. I called myself getting two fucking jobs on top of being a full-time student and a disabled veteran with chronic pain and illnesses. I don't want to use language that is self-limiting but what was I thinking. Now I have to quit a job I barely even started because I bit off more than I can chew, causing myself to get super overwhelmed with doctors appointments, work, school, and taking care of my home, animals, husband, and myself. Although I'm disappointed that I had to come to this decision. I'm so grateful that I have the self-awareness to realize when I'm in over my head before I allow myself to self-destruct. That's something to be very proud of. You go, girl!

I’m going to get back to journaling in the form of a blog. Just speaking my truth in hopes the right people will read it. Enjoy this journey with me year 2023 baby!!! xoxo <3

It’s been over a year since my last post and A LOT has happened. I’ve lost found myself time and again; but I’m back and better than ever!  And…...I GOT MARRIED TO MY BEST FRIEND. This past year I’ve learned a lot about myself and learned how truly resilient I am. Gaining this said resiliency has been the result of a few loses and many trials and tribulations. Through this I learned that the Army is not for me, neither physically nor mentally. I originally joined the Army because I needed more college money to finish my career path. When I first got in, I absolutely loved it throughout basic training and advanced individual training; to become a pharmacy technician where I was granted a nationwide certification. I loved it so much that I was motivated enough to see myself doing 20 years and retiring from the service. I felt this way up until I got to my first duty station, Fort Campbell, KY. I felt bamboozled when I realized what kinds of sacrifices were required from me and the amount of time and energy the “BIG ARMY” would actually take from me. This amongst other experiences produced a 180 to the positive outlook I had for the Army and my future in it. I eventually let this negativity build up so intensely that it encompassed me as a person and I eventually lost who I originally was. I caused myself to become chronically sick physically and mentally.  All of this has initiated a medical discharge from the service and its truly a bittersweet feeling. I enjoyed being a part of something bigger than myself, experiencing once in a lifetime opportunities, and of course the benefits; but I am so ready to start the next chapter in my life. The Army has brought me so many great things financial stability, education, but most of all my AMAZING husband and best friend, John. He has been my saving grace through it all and I couldn’t be more grateful to God for saving his soul for me. We have so many great things planned for the future. Stay tuned for the story of us, our YouTube channel, and my new photography page.                                                                         Love Always <3

Instead of comparing yourself to other people and thinking negatively about what you see in the mirror, I challenge you to make a change. You can start by making a list of things you dislike about your body. Separate the things you can change and the things you can not. With the list of things you can change make a goal and steps to reach the goal you set to better yourself. Whether that be in the gym or saving up money for a surgery. Then work toward those goals. If it is something you cannot change, you need to exchange your negative thoughts about it and learn to love yourself the way you were made. I know that you’ve heard that before but it’s factual; with everything in life. If you speak positively on something it will turn the entire situation around because positivity radiates from the inside outward. What you think is what you will feel. I challenge you to write down all the things you dislike about your body whether you can change them or not. Then write positive affirmations about each of those things; read them to yourself everyday while looking in the mirror. Every time you think something negative about yourself correct your thinking into one of your affirmations. It sounds corny but I can promise you with due time those insecurities will fade away. Feel free to let me know if this method works for you because I will be trying it too. So much love ❤️

Today I took a moment to reflect and just be in my own presence. I noticed that I haven’t been taking steps to become my true self, the person I want to be. The past 7 months I’ve been in such a negative place when it comes to dealing with other people. I’ve been everything but compassionate; and honestly a straight up bitch to most people who caused any kind of turmoil in my day. Ive been saying any and everything that comes to my mind without filtering it with empathy or common courtesy. Like straight up talking shit to people’s faces about anything I disagreed with. I’m not sure what really caused this spell of assholeness but it’s time for me to hold myself accountable. Not only is it exhausting but it truly is tainting my energy to the point where I wake up pissed off. Like waking up is a fucking blessing in itself and I’m already acting like a bitch. I don’t know if this happens to any of you but it’s really not a good feeling to reflect back on yourself and see how horrible of a person you’ve been. Despite if anyone has addressed you about your attitude or not, you should honestly “check yourself before you wreck yourself”. Having that kind of energy blocks any kind of higher vibrations and blessings coming your way. Being a bitch isn’t a good look and I mean bitch as in saying things that don’t need to be said, even if you know everyone’s thinking it. You don’t have to be that person that has to be the voice of negativity. My goal for the remainder of the year is to redirect my negative thoughts into something positive to speak on instead of putting negativity out into the world. Anyone who’s tried to change their thinking feel free to message me with some tips because I can already see myself struggling with this change. Xoxo ❤️

Since today is Memorial Day it seemed fitting to write a little about my experience joining the army. For the past 9 months I’ve been training to become a 68Q in the Army; which is a pharmacy technician as a civilian. It’s been one of the most challenging processes I’ve been through in my entire life and I’m so grateful for this experience. A lot of people were confused when I popped back up on my socials wearing greens, after an abrupt disappearance for 3 months during basic training. Honestly it was a shock for me as well and sometimes I still wake up shocked that I’m really an American soldier. The decision to join was a really out of nowhere for me. I was living in Tampa with my best friend while going to college, life was crazy as fuck (movie type shit). We were honestly living our best life. Fast forward, at the time I was receiving my BS in Sports Medicine and felt this calling to switch my major to Psychology. So I went to my counselor with the good news (lol). As he’s going through my files and making sure all my things were in place to make the change; he comes across this message stating that I’m almost out of student loan money and wouldn’t be able to continue courses next semester unless I pay over half of my current student loans off :). Needless to say I dropped out of college that day. I went home and had a mental break down into the next day...literally. Then sat down and brainstormed options to reach my goals of getting a PhD in Psychology. This ultimately brought me to the decision to join the Army. So 2 days after dropping out of school, I was sitting in a recruiters chair filling out paper work. A month later I was on a plane to Fort Sill, Oklahoma to make the change from civilian to soldier. Joining has been one of the best adult decisions I’ve made in my life. Before joining, I was hella stressed and battling anxiety and panic disorder. I was a hot fucking mess you wouldn’t believe me if I told you how bad. Since joining I can honestly say that I’ve 100% stress free.  I’ve sacrificed a lot of things to become a soldier but it’s brought me so many blessings. I no longer have to worry about any of the things I used to stress so much about and I’m so grateful to have this opportunity to serve my country. If you’re thinking about joining or have questions about  what military life is like feel free to send a message.

Everyone learns the golden rule as a child, "Do to others what you want them to do to you". It's such a simple thing to live by but it seems our generation doesn't acknowledge it as a standard. In life It's never your job to teach people how to treat you. If you feel that your love and energy isn't being reciprocated in a relationship, weather it be an intimate one or just a simple friendship it is your job to address it. Weather or not they care is on them but what happens after that is up to you. No matter what people have told you or what your insecurities have made you believe, you are worth the simple task of reciprocation. Don't let people drain your energy it's too valuable, you are too valuable. As 2017 comes to a close, be sure to evaluate your relationships and decide what kind of vibrations you want to bring into 2018. Life's to short to surround yourself with leeches and moth. What you allow will indeed continue. Protect your energy protect your light. You get what you give in this life. Bless up.

Once you realize that you do not need men to be happy, complete, or sexually satisfied; and that their roles in the lives of women have been greatly exaggerated, you open your life up to a quiet and peaceful independence. I appreciate that you can want men and love them, but you don’t need them for a single solitary thing, not even to become a mother, and once I understood that I added 548 years to my life expectancy. Although the right man can complement and enhance my life. I know that I can still live a happy fulfilling life without one. I can spend my time loving me and becoming the woman God wants me to be without actively seeking a mans love or approval. That alone brings me relief and peace in it's self. I can be myself unapologetic. Every woman deserves this kind of freedom

All of this can help you see things for what they truly are, see people for who they truly are. 9 times out of 10 the truth is right in front of you. EVERY SINGLE PERSON you surround yourself with affects your inner being in some way. From co-workers to your inner circle, people will ruin your life if you allow them to. PROTECT YOUR PEACE!!

How can you be a failure if you haven't failed? A few months ago I was in the same position as you. I felt stagnant. I felt like I should've been further along in my success at 23 years old. An I treated myself like I wasn't allowed to make mistakes. To get out of this I seriously sat down and wrote my goals on paper with a plan to reach them. I soon realized that I was doing everything I should be, I just needed to refocus (which took moving to a new city on impulse). Not that you should do that but NO ONE in this life has had a straight road to success. It really is a process that takes focus, determination, and perseverance. I'm learning this everyday and that was keeps me up and running even on my hard days. I know that as long as I work hard and take the right path everything I deserve will be at the tip of my fingers. There's no time limit on success remember!

As I am growing into the BLACK woman I am, I feel myself becoming more “woke” to this thing called “colorism”. Although this has been an issue since before I was born, things are becoming more evident and I am starting to feel how much hate there is for women of color. I mean actual color, not caramel or light skinned but BLACK. That’s what they used to call me growing up “Blacky” lol. I never took offense to it because In my eyes it was just childhood teasing and everyone went through it. As I evolve I'm noticing that it wasn’t just on the playground, The mass majority including men of color, really look at me as if I'm untouchable. They’ll call me pretty but still, I am untouchable. They’d fuck me but they wouldn't dare cuff me or get me pregnant because they “want light skinned kids”. I always get chosen last when standing next to my two light skinned best friends, which is dope because I don’t like to pick up guys at the club. There’s a lack of representation of dark skin tones on every media platform and I have learned to accept that as well. What upsets me is to know that despite how hard I try, how hilarious I am, how intelligent, or how beautiful my skin glistens in the sun I will always be chosen last not only when standing next to my girls but in every aspect of life in America.

If this morning you got out of bed and handled your priorities. Went to work, school, and took care of the ones that depend on you. I commend you. I know it would have been easier to stay in bed, stay asleep, or maybe you were even hoping you didn't wake up at all. You did it you made it another day. Let's do it again tomorrow. ❤️

So for a long time now, one of the main topics I chose to post about on social media has been men. I'm not certain why but I'm guessing it's because there's only so much I like to share about my life on social media and my preference of men is one them. If I asked my followers what type of man I go for, they would think they knew without a doubt and they would all say the same thing in unison, "white men". They'd be correct based off of what I have shared with them on social media but in reality it's something much different. In fact it goes much more above the surface than skin color. I love myself a strong man in every shade of color. I just put emphasis on white men because that's what I was really into for sometime. Everyone took my posts about white men and correlated it to me not liking black men and they were way off. When in reality it was just a preference. The shade of my mans skin is the last thing I am thinking about when I picture my ideal man. Find out what that is in next weeks post. Feel free to message me about anything you want questions or comments, advice.

I know it's been a few weeks since my last post. Some of you care and some of you don't, either way we're back in action. The past few weeks have been super busy for me. I've been working more hours and my heads been in the books, so I haven't had time to put my thoughts down on paper. I hope everyone is doing well, striving towards their goals, and loving themselves by taking care of their minds as well as their bodies. See you Wednesday ❤👸🏾

I wake up and ask myself this everyday recently, the absence of answers has undeniably taken a toll on the positive outlook I’ve had the past few weeks. I have been in the dumps and annoyingly emotional, all because of the simple fact that I am not as successful as I expected myself to be by the age of 23. I’m not sure what exactly I expected from life at this age but I know there was a lot more money and less stress.  I sometimes allow myself to fall into episodes of depression over this minor fact of my life. When I actually sit down, take a step back and really think about exactly where I am in my life, I am successful. I pay all of my bill on time by myself, my grades in college mirror a future successor, and I have a group of friends that are supportive, beautiful in and out, and are real AF. I am not sure what about my life gives me this sense of failure, when all I do is win with the cards that are dealt to me even when they are hard to play with. Maybe I expect so much from myself that I don’t give myself the credit I deserve for being at the level of success I am at currently. I just need to trust the process and allow God to do his part in my life because he is the one in control no I. I am not where I want to be because Gods wants me right where I am.

We all have had at least one experience where we have been bamboozled by a man we thought could be our knight in shining armor, or even fooled into thinking feelings were attached to the dates, endless texting, and even sex; just to find it there wasn’t anything there at all. I’m here to maybe save you from future disappointment and even a few tears. Let us get started. First off, you need to establish what it is you’re looking for from a man before you just go out searching for anyone that’s available. Your time is valuable so if someone interests you, you need to find out if they are looking for the same thing as you. Doing this will eliminate any confusion, ONLY IF YOU’RE REAL ABOUT IT. Don’t say you’re looking for a casual friend when in reality you want someone to come home to every night. You will be disappointed every time. Now if you choose to become “casual friends” with someone you can’t feel entitled to girlfriend benefits, stick to your title. You are friends with this man he is not yours, but every ounce of respect should be a standard for any kind of relationship. Before getting involved with anyone on any level, it is necessary to be clear about your standards. STANDARDS ARE KEY and you must stick to them to keep that line of respect you deserve. You first have to respect yourself to demand respect from a man. If you are looking for more than just a one night stand (if you are cool), you cannot give up the goodies before you set your standards, 9 times out of ten it will never go any farther than just sex. I am not by any means saying that you need to make an entire list of things that need to be done before you sleep with someone, but if you want to be respected you need to set someone kind of criteria. An example of a standard I’d set before I got serious with someone would be to know his goals and aspirations in life and what exactly he’s doing to reach these said goals. That is something that is important to me because I myself have goals and I cannot risk becoming unfocused by associating with someone who doesn’t. That’s me though, a standard for someone else could be as superficial as a good morning text. Whatever you decide is tailored to you and what you want from a man. Before investing anything into someone these standards need to be discussed so that there is no confusion when feelings get involved. Please do not go to your person of interest with a list of demands HE WILL RUN! Declaring your standards should always be done in the form of finesse. For example, instead of saying “I don’t mess with men who don’t take me on dates”, say “I really enjoy going to a nice dinner and having intellectual conversation.” Speaking this way puts your needs, wants, and most importantly your standards into a form of give and take. Any man who wants you will do what it takes to gain your trust, your love, but most importantly your goodies. They will do this without making you feel like you’re asking for too much because in reality your body is a temple and you decide who gets a piece of you and what they have to do to get it! Any man that deserves you, will do these things knowing that you are a woman that demands respect, and in return you will not get played. Please don’t misconstrue what it is that I am saying. A MAN who deserves you, a MAN you set standards for, a MAN who wants you, will see these standards you have put in front of them as a challenge and will meet each and every one of them with a smile and a feeling of accomplishment. Last but not least don’t be dumb! If he’s showing he’s uninterested after you’ve had the talk then don’t keep wasting your time on him. He doesn’t have what you are looking for and you will get yourself played like 2k17 all 2017 if you don’t let him go. Also the warning signs are real ladies don’t let them make you feel crazy. If they taking phone calls outside, if you only hear from him 2 days out of the week at the same hours, if he only wants to hang out at his house; IT’S EXACTLY WHAT YOU THINK! If you don’t take the warning signs for exactly what they are you will undeniably get your ass played. See you next week <3