these amaranth feelings;

finding yourself at crossroads, with time helps you to accept that the Plutonic darkness is nothing more but the depth of your own unconscious. facing these shadows finally grants you access to that deep knowing, trust and magic. after decades of not being able to ever trust and follow anything or anyone, now you suddenly feel the natural bond between the visible and invisible. one cannot make that intuitive leap when he/she has been so emotionally detached from the light quintessence of life, stuck between the teeth of the "black dog", called depression. but the dog is bound to morph into a lion and eventually a snake. the three faces of Hekate reveal themselves only under the dark side of the Moon. when the veil between dualities is thinning and all defenses are down, you can at last feel one with the dimensions of the full psychonaut experience. starting with the albatross around your neck -- your fears. what cannot be conveyed with words demands you to surrender to it. letting these heavy triple transits go through the 12th house of your most profound secrets, unbeknownst even to yourself. letting them lead you to the void of that cryptic Via Combusta where you finally find one of the missing links. but to do so, you need to be activated. you have to be willing to take in every drop of confusion and get to know your own Black Moon Lilith. letting her reach her lunar apogee is allowing yourself to feel the furthest from your old self which is no longer authentic. you do it every day until you embrace the journey and the journey becomes the air you breathe. the exhaustion from the past enables the shadow magnet to draw in exactly what you (didn’t know you) needed, in order to break free. embracing the hidden enemy within..

Give us trust in The Night Give of color Hundred hues A rich Mandala For me and you"

when a song is SO good and yet so indisputably mainstream we tend to forget what it is really all about. if the inner experience of 2020 could be portrayed in sound form, this one would be on top of my list. so familiar, so soothing, seductively leading to surrender, looping into the comfort of being overpowered by what you already know is coming. the sinister monster of your own helplessness that slips between the cracks every time. exhaustion rules your wary mind but sleep is nowhere near.. instead, you just lie on the floor and try to find refuge in escapism. it is totally maladaptive and yet you cannot resist it. you don’t want to. the long and winding road of distraction eventually leads you back to square one. the patterns of projection and repression are bound to morph into the deeply hidden and rejected parts of yourself that in time become your worst enemies. the images in your mind’s eye are the seed for the outer reality you end up creating for yourself. this lens gives focus to the pain that awaits subcutaneously until it has the chance to erupt uncontrollably. but not tonight. tonight is just like the previous, and the previous one - quietly waiting for the inner shadow in exile to come out and dominate this mind. this particular subtle addiction is rooted in rejection. the psyche is going to rebel against all safety-seeking mechanisms until all that was not accepted and owned comes into the light of integration.   all distorted aspects of the dark feminine within must be rehabilitated to the initial cyclical mystery of the wholeness that was never a part of this human experience. until the archetypal transformation is achieved, depression is always going to creep back in and suck you dry. what others don’t suspect is that sometimes you enjoy the ride.. fighting back only makes it worse.

Пати Смит, ти си просто девиантна - в най-чиста форма. Била си страстта на Рембо, споена с арогантността на Дилън, ураган, затворен в стая - но с прозорци. Тях си ги изпотрошила и си вилняла наволя пред целия свят. Сега си мъдра и уравновесена. И как не би била? След всичката смърт на спътници, приятели-творци и вдъхновения около теб. След войната и лицемерието, които останаха непроменени, само видоизменени. Но не спираш. И винаги ще има кой да слуша, обещавам.

❝ If my virtue be a dancer’s virtue, and if I have often sprung with both feet into golden-emerald rapture, and if it be my Alpha and Omega that every thing heavy shall become light, every body a dancer and every spirit a bird; verily, that is my Alpha and Omega. ❞ - Friedrich Nietzsche

но да се завърна там където знам че от мен има смисъл и аз ще мога да извая смисъла с времето и с пулса на увереността - винаги съм знаела защо съществувам и какво ме прави цяла в кръговрат и кислород-надежда

когато сме между тамяна и неразградените си сънища по изгрев убиваме двугърби камили: защото имаме правото да притежаваме в избавление собствените си сърца пренасяни през пек и шир (пустинята не е за тях).

това не е поезия, това е просто нахвърляне на ‘себе си’, когато няма котви, които да ме постулират. има само отговорност и избор.