A world of PURE imagination!

I have encountered many new beasts this morning, such as the ever elusive Neko, the odd GenderSwaped Character's and OTP'S I fear that the community may be attempting to suck me in with its constant bombardment of Homestuck spoilers and jokes about how mothers do not understand Video-Games.

If you see this post...I may have already been sucked in. If I can I will continue this Diary.

I find it hard to believe that I am a (or at least what some people may regard as) normal person. Because I manage to throw away what I hold dearest to me. Aly, and my family, my own sanity...everything I keep pushing those things farther away from myself and its so hard to pull them back in. I wish that I could find a way to just be normal....or not...me ya know? Because after you, do exactly that, push away everything, its hard to be yourself (If you are a thing) or call yourself "you" I don't know why I decided to get on Tumblr and post this bullshit, I honestly don't. Maybe self-consciously I need some damn help, or maybe I'm just needing to let it all out. So you know what? FUCK THE WORLD IM DOING JUST THAT.

In all of my life I have seen so much. I have seen beatings, bullying, depression, anxiety, and worst of all heart break. I think that every time I see a thing like those happen it rubs off on me a little like coloring a chalk board. And as of now, I'm all filled up, there's no more room for this bullshit anymore. But it keeps coming, wiping off the old and giving it a new fresh stronger coat. And every time a single shred of my board fades a new coat replaces it before I can enjoy...the likeness of myself in it.

I can recall staring at a knife thinking there should be blood coming from me already. But I never acted on it....because I knew Id end myself doing it.

I hide my emotions to well to be normal, on days when I'm depressed I mask it with anger, and vise-versa. So when I hear or see someone who just lets it show I think to myself "Is that me on the inside? Is that what or HELL who! Is that who I am?!" but deep down I know thats the truth...

And in regards to if I want to be coddled like a child andbe told "Everything will get better" I would like to send a more creative response back

I have been told that EXACT PHRASE so many damn times that any meaning it had is dissipated into...NOTHING

And if you think I'm "Over reacting" go say that to the children who have committed suicide, I'm sure that we are SOOOOOO over reacting. Also if you find anything I say or feel offensive I'm not going to change it for you and you alone. I'm entitled to very little in this world I think I should be able to have the freedom of speech.

But I digress, if you actually give a a damn about ya know, things that pertain to myself and others with these issues (Not specifically) then good for you, if not, then good for you.

Thats it for now Ill keep you up-dated on how I'm doing if your one of the ones that care, and also keep up that little Tumble Diary thing, thanks if you read this far and I hope I was able to change a few insights of yours (Though that not being my inherent goal in writing this) and maybe shed a bit of light on this.

If you enjoy the crude humorous sense of a 14 year old, this is the place for you!