BEGIN AGAIN.
00.23 is where my body start to rest but my mind start to race. Seconds after I lay my head on a pillow, I feel the need to rethinking all my decisions that day, resolve all my life problems, planning for the future, not to mention a rush of regrets, shame, happiness, all kind of feelings, all at once. Ugh. #remindmetogoseeashrinksoon.
On one of those night, I was thinking, it'd be great if I could go back to my life 10 years ago, even just for one night, it will be sweet. Ah, there it is. My old tumblr account, which link I put on my twitter bio. Let's walk through how lame I was back then, I thought. lol. After a quick password recovery, I was already sinking deep into my old life.
Quotes-pictures-posts-songs-reposts- most are lame tho. HAHAH. But most importantly, they are all representing all the memorable life events I've had.
A heartbreak that was once taken up so much of my energy. It seems nothing now but at that time I swear it's all I'm crying about lol. Uni life that was so stressful, oh those endless sleepless night writing essays in front of a huge stack of reading materials. But also so fun because I got to do all that with my friends, some of them become the integral part of my life until now. The tumblr posts that I reposted in my gabut time, while waiting for shuttle bus or when I got bored from studying, or when I'm running out of movies to watch. And of course, my "secret admirer" era when I had a crush on a boy who either had his earpods on or being uncontrollably noisy in the library's red sofa area. Total drama this one #butworthit #incasehereadsthis
Boy, that was an intense nostalgia, a very emotional one at that. You know you can't make a decision when you're emotional right? But I'm weak. In that moment, I decided to write again here. I know it will be a burden for me (I will feel guilty if I can't live up to it but I'm a perfectionist so..must...write). At the sametime tho, I can't help feeling excited and happy also. I like that I can be honest here because practically nobody is here anymore hahaha, also because I might re-read this years later in the future and find it nostalgic again.
So yeah, here I am with messy writings all over again.
Note: I think I might not always love the past as it can be shameful, hurtful, or just nothing. But I will always appreciate it and it got me to begin again, like this time. hehe.
Love, thereyesya <3
