#begin again

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25.06.26 Thursday

•Finish 21st,22nd and 24th classes today (watch the remaining 2 on Saturday afternoon)

•Try to watch important FA classes and finish them today

•Practice most important syllabus questions on FA

•Sleep only at 12 am midnight

00.23 is where my body start to rest but my mind start to race. Seconds after I lay my head on a pillow, I feel the need to rethinking all my decisions that day, resolve all my life problems, planning for the future, not to mention a rush of regrets, shame, happiness, all kind of feelings, all at once. Ugh. #remindmetogoseeashrinksoon.

On one of those night, I was thinking, it'd be great if I could go back to my life 10 years ago, even just for one night, it will be sweet. Ah, there it is. My old tumblr account, which link I put on my twitter bio. Let's walk through how lame I was back then, I thought. lol. After a quick password recovery, I was already sinking deep into my old life.

Quotes-pictures-posts-songs-reposts- most are lame tho. HAHAH. But most importantly, they are all representing all the memorable life events I've had.

A heartbreak that was once taken up so much of my energy. It seems nothing now but at that time I swear it's all I'm crying about lol. Uni life that was so stressful, oh those endless sleepless night writing essays in front of a huge stack of reading materials. But also so fun because I got to do all that with my friends, some of them become the integral part of my life until now. The tumblr posts that I reposted in my gabut time, while waiting for shuttle bus or when I got bored from studying, or when I'm running out of movies to watch. And of course, my "secret admirer" era when I had a crush on a boy who either had his earpods on or being uncontrollably noisy in the library's red sofa area. Total drama this one #butworthit #incasehereadsthis

Boy, that was an intense nostalgia, a very emotional one at that. You know you can't make a decision when you're emotional right? But I'm weak. In that moment, I decided to write again here. I know it will be a burden for me (I will feel guilty if I can't live up to it but I'm a perfectionist so..must...write). At the sametime tho, I can't help feeling excited and happy also. I like that I can be honest here because practically nobody is here anymore hahaha, also because I might re-read this years later in the future and find it nostalgic again.

So yeah, here I am with messy writings all over again.

Note: I think I might not always love the past as it can be shameful, hurtful, or just nothing. But I will always appreciate it and it got me to begin again, like this time. hehe.

Taylor was right. 🌸