Re-Reading Harry Potter

DISCLAIMER:  I don’t own any of the text excerpts (obviously) but the comments are from my head! SPOILER ALERT:  I reference future plot events/themes.

Oh, and before I forget... Happy #HarryPotter20 :’-)

“Miss Granger, three turns should do it.  Good luck.

Dumbledore backed out of the room, closed the door and took out his wand to magically lock it.  Panicking, Harry and Hermione ran forward.  Dumbledore looked up, and a wide smile appeared...

1) Imagine what Dumbledore would’ve felt like if they DIDN’T show up... just “oh.  well.  sh*t.”

“Harry and Hermione slipped back inside the dormitory.  It was empty except for Ron, who was still lying motionless in the end bed.”

2) Ron missed so much today lol

“’...THIS --- HAS --- SOMETHING --- TO --- DO --- WITH --- POTTER!’

‘Severus --- be reasonable --- Harry has been locked up---’

BAM.

3) Introducing Snape, the all knowing swine.

“‘Well, there you have it, Severus,’ said Dumbledore calmly.  ‘Unless you are suggesting that Harry and Hermione are able to be in two places at once, I’m afraid I don’t see any point in troubling them further.‘“

4)  DUMBLEDORE!  you sneaky b*stard, you!

“He [Lupin] hesitated, then held out the Marauder’s Map too  ‘I am no longer your teacher so I don’t feel guilty about giving you this back as well.  It’s no use to me, and I daresay you, Ron, and Hermione will find uses for it.”

5)  what a bro

“The consequences of our actions are always so complicated, so diverse, that predicting the future is a very difficult business indeed...”

6) YES DUMBLEDORE, PREACH

“It’s the Quidditch World Cup this summer!”

7) It sure freaking is, Ron.

“Please consider it [the Firebolt] as thirteen birthdays’ worth of presents from your godfather.  I would also like to apologize for the fright I think I gave you that night last year when you left your uncle’s house.  I had only hoped to get a glimpse of  you before starting my journey north...

I, Sirius Black,Harry Potter’s godfather, hereby give him permission to visit Hogsmeade on weekends.”

DISCLAIMER:  I don’t own any of the text excerpts (obviously) but the comments are from my head! SPOILER ALERT:  I reference future plot events/themes. 

“Personally I [Snape] try and treat him [Harry] like any other student.”

1)  lol I would argue that Professor Snape treats him worse than any other student

“‘Sirius Black showed he was capable of murder at the age of sixteen,’ he breathed.  You haven’t forgotten that, Headmaster?  You haven’t forgotten that he once tried to kill me?’“

‘My memory is as good as it ever was, Severus’ said Dumbledore quietly.“

2)  I can smell the tension.

“He had grown used to the idea that Dumbledore could solve anything.”

3)  We all need a Dumbledore in our lives.

“She was holding the chain out.  He saw a tiny, sparkling hourglass hanging from it.”

4)  I feel so much anticipation right now it’s embarrassing

“Shh!  Listen!  Someone’‘s coming!  I think --- I think it might be us!”

5)  Wow.  This isn’t strange at all.

“...what awful things have happened when wizards have meddled with time... Loads of them ended up killing their past or future selves by mistake!”

6)  What a way to go!

**Beaky escapes**

“There was a swishing noise, and the thud of an axe.  The executioner seemed to have swung it into the fence in anger.

7)  Sue for damage.

“Macnair, if Buckbeak has indeed been stolen, do you really think the thief will have led him away on foot?’ said Dumbledore.”

8)  Dumbledore Saves Harry pt.198475761762548591286476

“Harry looked up at the sky.  Clouds were obscuring the moon completely.”

9)  Ahhh that explains why they tied Ron and Peter to a freaking werewolf (they didn’t know it would be a full moon)

“Barely two minutes later, the castle doors flew open yet again...”

10)  These people have such eventful lives smh

“’Harry, your dad’s --- well --- dead,’ she [Hermione] said quietly.”

11)  This must be what my mom felt like when she told me that Santa Claus isn’t real

“And then it hit him --- he understood.  He hadn’t seen his father --- he had seen himself ---

Harry flung himself out from behind the bush...

‘EXPECTO PATRONUM!’ he yelled.”

12)  Wait WHAT HOW WHAT how does this WORK in the time travel paradox thing what

“‘How --- how ---?’ said Black weakly, staring at the hippogriff.”

13) MAGIC. duh.

“But Black was still staring down at Harry.

‘How can I ever thank ---’

‘GO!’ Harry and Hermione shouted together.”

DISCLAIMER:  I don’t own any of the text excerpts (obviously) but the comments are from my head! SPOILER ALERT:  I reference future plot events/themes.

“Once my [Sirius] name’s cleared... if you wanted to a... a different home...’

...

‘What --- live with you?’ he [Harry] said.”

1) Did Sirius just ask Harry to move in with him

“He [Lupin] had gone rigid.  Then his limbs began to shake.

‘O, my---’ Hermione gasped.  ‘He didn’t take his potion tonight!  He’s not safe!’

...

Ron was chained to Pettigrew and Lupin.’“

2) Hmm clearly did not think that one through

“Black and Lupin both gone... they had no one but Snape for company, still hanging, unconscious, in midair.”

DISCLAIMER:  I don’t own any of the text excerpts (obviously) but the comments are from my head! SPOILER ALERT:  I reference future plot events/themes.

"'Twelve years, in fact,' said Lupin.  'Didn't you ever wonder why he was living so long?'

‘We --- we’ve been taking good care of him!’ said Ron

1)  C’mon RON smh

“‘This cat isn’t mad,’ said Black hoarsely. He reached out a bony hand and stroked Crookshanks’ fluffy head. ‘He’s the most intelligent of his kind... He recognized Peter for what he was right away... It was a while before he trusted me... he’s been helping me...’“

2)  I know I’m reading Harry Potter right now but WOW this is strange

“I persuaded them [Lily and James] to use him [Peter] at the last moment, persuaded them to use him as Secret-Keeper instead of me [Sirius]"

3)  Imagine having to live with this kind of guilt

“’I must admit, Peter, I have difficulty in understanding why an innocent man would want to spend twelve years as a rat,’ said Lupin evenly.

4) I chuckled a little too hard at this one

“I’ll never understand why I didn’t see you were the spy from the start.  You [Peter] always liked big friends who’d look after you, didn’t you?  It used to be us... me and Remus... and James...”

5)  Oh my god sh!t is getting DEEP

“... you [Peter] never did anything for anyone unless you could see what was in it for you.  Voldemort's... half dead.  You weren’t about to commit murder right under Albus Dumbledore's nose, for a wreck of a wizard... were you?”

6)  So basically Peter isn’t even respectable for a Death Eater

“... he thought I was the spy, Peter,’ said Lupin.  ‘I assume that’s why you didn’t tell me, Sirius?’ he said casually over Pettigrew’s head.

‘Forgive me, Remus,’ said Black

7)  What a terrible time to be alive

“Ron was staring at Pettigrew with the utmost revulsion.

‘I let you sleep in my bed!’ he said.

8)  Ron has it the worst tbh

“‘You don’t understand!’ whined Pettigrew.  ‘He would have killed me, Sirius!’

‘THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE DIED!’ roared Black.  ‘DIED RATHER THAN BETRAY YOUR FRIENDS, AS WE WOULD HAVE DONE FOR YOU!’“

9)

“‘You can’t kill him,’ he said breathlessly.  ‘You can’t’.

Black and Lupin both look staggered.

‘Harry, this piece of vermin is the reason you have no parents,’ Black snarled.”

10)  Again, why do I think this is funny

“I’m doing it because I don’t reckon my dad would’ve wanted his best friends to become killers --- just for you.”

11)  Ah ok I mean I guess that makes sense

“Crookshanks leapt lightly off the bed and led the way out of the room, his bottlebrush tail held jauntily high.”

DISCLAIMER:  I don’t own any of the text excerpts (obviously) but the comments are from my head! SPOILER ALERT:  I reference future plot events/themes.

“It is very painful to turn into a werewolf.  I was separated from humans to bite, so I bit and scratched myself instead.”

1) Oh my gosh that sounds terrible… how could I have not remembered this

“… they [James, Sirius, Peter] didn’t desert me [Lupin] at all.  Instead, they did something for me that would make my transformations not only bearable, but the best times of my life.  They became Animagi.”

2) Where can I find friends like this

“You father and Sirius here were the cleverest students in the school, and lucky they were… Peter needed all the help he could get from James and Sirius.”

3) Lol RIP

“…he [Dumbledore] gave me a job when I have been shunned all my adult life, unable to find paid work because of what I am.”

4) Woah, did not realize that werewolf discrimination ran this deep

“He [Snape] especially disliked James.  Jealous, I think, of James’s talent on the Quidditch field…”

DISCLAIMER:  I don’t own any of the text excerpts (obviously) but the comments are from my head! SPOILER ALERT:  I reference future plot events/themes.

“...All they could see now was one of Ron’s legs, which he had hooked around a root in an effort to stop the dog from pulling him farther underground --- but a horrible crack cut the air like a gunshot;  Ron’s leg had broken...”

1) ...OW !?!?!??

“’He’s [Crookshanks’] friends with that dog [Sirius Black],’ said Harry grimly.  ‘I’ve seen them together.’“

2) The real question:  why is Sirius Black friends with a cat?

“His yellow teeth were bared in a grin.  It was Sirius Black.”

3)  Sirius Black decides to greet someone who thinks he’s a villain by baring his yellow teeth in a grin?  Must not have thought that one through..

“Perhaps it was the shock of Harry doing something so stupid, but Black didn’t raise the wands in time.”

4)  I'm sure most of us can empathize with Black on this one

“Harry yelled. ‘YOU’VE [Lupin’s] BEEN HELPING HIM [Black] ALL THE TIME!’ He was pointing at Black, who suddenly crossed to the four-poster bed and sank onto it, his face hidden in one shaking hand.”

5)  Lol hold up isn’t that a face palm

“‘That’s not a rat, croaked Sirius Black suddenly.

‘What d’you mean --- of course he’s a rat ---’

‘No he’s not,’ said Lupin quietly.  ‘He’s a wizard.’“

6) Ron right now

DISCLAIMER:  I don’t own any of the text excerpts (obviously) but the comments are from my head!

SPOILER ALERT:  I reference future plot events/themes.

“Percy was getting ready to take his N.E.W.T.s (Nastily Exhausting Wizarding Tests)”

1)  Sounds accurate

“After dinner, the students hurried back to their common rooms, not to relax, but to start studying for Care of Magical Creatures, Potions, and Astronomy.”

2)  Love finals!

“’Hello there, Harry!’ he [Cornelius Fudge] said... Hermione and Ron, not being on speaking terms with the Minister of Magic, hovered awkwardly in the background.”

3)  Well  if that ain’t me

“Harry’s and Ron’s last exam was Divination;  Hermione’s, Muggle Studies.”

4)  Hermione taking Muggle Studies... I would say that’s an easy A but also she’s in a billion classes so I mean

“’Ronald Weasley,’ said the familiar, misty voice from over their heads... Harry was now the only person left to be tested.”

5)  Lol, of course he was

“There was a jumble of indistinct male voices... and then, without warning, the unmistable swish and thud of an axe.”

DISCLAIMER:  I don’t own any of the text excerpts (obviously) but the comments are from my head!

SPOILER ALERT:  I reference future plot events/themes.

“Hermione flung her arms around Ron’s neck and broke down completely.”

1)  Woahhh okay did not realize that the romantic tension starts in book three

“Ron, looking quite terrified, patted her [Hermione] very awkwardly on the top of the head.”

2)  Men.

“...And he was a bit useless.  You never know, Mum and Dad might get me an owl now.”

3)  I know that Scabbers is the rat version of Peter Pettigrew but can we acknowledge that Ron just said it’s ok his pet died because his parents might get him a better pet now

“’She [Hermione] could’ve done with a Cheering Charm on her too,’ said Ron as the class left for lunch, all grinning broadly --- the Cheering charms had left them with a feeling of great contentment.”

4)  I could use a good Cheering Charm myself ngl

“The last thing he [Harry] needed was another near-fatal accident, with the Quidditch final drawing ever nearer.”

5)  Dang I’ve forgotten what it’s like to care this much about an extracurricular activity

“... the burden of winning fell largely on Harry, because capturing the Snitch was worth one hundred and fifty points.”

6)  Uh no offense Rowling but that’s a really dumb rule

“Harry hadn’t forgotten Malfoy’s attempt to sabotage him in the match against Ravenclaw, but it was the matter of Buckbeak that made him most determined to beat Malfoy in front of the entire school.”

7)  Spite truly is the best motivator, isn’t it.

“He couldn’t walk to class without Slytherins sticking out their legs and trying to trip him up.”

8)  When people are trying to trip you up both emotionally and physically.

What a conundrum.

“Angelina, Alicia, and Katie were laughing at Fred’s and George’s jokes.”

9)  I like how Angelina, Alicia, and Katie basically only show up to play Quidditch and laugh at the Fred’s and George’s jokes

“Harry couldn’t help grinning broadly as he saw that both the Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff tables were applauding them too.”

10)  so bas ically everyone hates Slytherin

wuts new

“’THIRTY-ZERO!  TAKE THAT, YOU DIRTY, CHEATING ---’

‘Jordan, if you can’t commentate in an unbiased way ---!’

‘I’m telling it like it is, Professor!’”

11)  I’m so glad I chose to reread this dialogue during post election America

“... Lee swore so badly that Professor McGonagall tried to tug the magical megaphone away from him.”

12)  Lol I love this kid but also how does he still have a job

“If only there had been a dementor around... As a sobbing Wood passed Harry the Cup, as he lifted it into the air, Harry felt he could have produced the world’s best Patronus.”

DISCLAIMER:  I don’t own any of the text excerpts (obviously) but the comments are from my head!

SPOILER ALERT:  I reference future plot events/themes.

“He [Neville] seized the [Howler] envelope, and holding it before him like a bomb, sprinted out of the hall...”

1) I feel bad for Neville and all but you have to admit this is pretty funny

“Dear Harry and Ron,

How about having tea with me this afternoon ‘round six?  I’ll come and collect you from the castle.

WAIT FOR ME IN THE ENTRANCE HALL; YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED OUT ON...”

2) Dear Harry and Ron,

blah blah blah blah blah

ALL CAPS ALL CAPS ALL CAPS...

“I’m not blamin’ yeh!’ said Hagrid, waving Harry’s apology aside.  ‘Gawd knows yeh’ve had enough ter be getting on with... but I gotta tell yeh, I thought you two’d value yer friend more’n broomsticks or rats.  Tha’s all.”

3) aw I feel uncomf

“I know the truth, all right?  He saved your [Snape’s] life!  Dumbledore told me!  You wouldn’t even be here if it wasn’t for my dad!”

4) now I feel even more uncomf now because I know this isn’t entirely true

“Professor Snape, master of this school, commands you to yield the information you conceal!”

5) ... Master of this school?  Not yet SNAPE

“He strode across to his fire, seized a fistful of glittering powder from a jar on the fireplace, and threw it into the flames... Seconds later, Professor Lupin was clambering out of the fireplace, brushing ash off his shabby robes.”

DISCLAIMER:  I don’t own any of the text excerpts (obviously) but the comments are from my head!

SPOILER ALERT:  I reference future plot events/themes.

“Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Cho following him... She’d decided to mark him rather than search for the Snitch herself...”

1) that’s... so... annoying...

“Harry turned around in midair and saw six scarlet blurs bearing down on him; next moment, the whole team was hugging him so hard he was nearly pulled off his broom.”

2) ahhhh s’cute

“’Come on, Harry!’ said George, fighting his way over.  ‘Party!  Gryffindor common room, now!’”

DISCLAIMER:  I don’t own any of the text excerpts (obviously) but the comments are from my head!

SPOILER ALERT:  I reference future plot events/themes.

“’Okay,’ said Harry, trying to sound as though he wasn’t apprehensive at all and merely glad that Lupin had found such a good substitute for a real dementor.”

1) Harry right now

“But the classroom and the dementor were dissolving... Harry was falling again through thick white fog, and his mother’s voice was louder than ever, echoing inside his head.”

2) Wow ok so this boggart is really good at pretending to be a dementor

“’I’ve lost the passwords!’ Neville told them miserably.

...

‘Oddsbodikins,’ said Harry to Sir Cadogan...”

DISCLAIMER:  I don’t own any of the text excerpts (obviously) but the comments are from my head!

SPOILER ALERT:  I reference future plot events/themes.

“’Your mum and dad wouldn’t want you to get hurt, would they?  They’d never want you to go looking for Black!’

‘I’ll never know what they’d have wanted, because thanks to Black, I’ve never spoken to them.’ said Harry shortly.”

1) I’m shook                                                               

“What d’you think Harry’s going to do with it [the broomstick] — sweep the floor?”

2) Through all the Quidditch madness I’ve forgotten what broomsticks were made for in the Muggle world                                                                  

“Because I thought — and Professor McGonagall agrees with me — that that broom was probably sent to Harry by Sirius Black!”

DISCLAIMER:  I don’t own any of the text excerpts (obviously) but the comments are from my head!

SPOILER ALERT:  I reference future plot events/themes.

“Ginny Weasley, blushing furiously, turned up with a get-well card she had made herself, which sang shrilly unless Harry kept it shut under his bowl of fruit.”

1) The ship begins.

“They planted the Whomping Willow the same year that I [Remus Lupin] arrived at Hogwarts”

2) aHA I’m remembering things now

“Ron and Hermione had decided to remain at Hogwarts, and though Ron said it was because he couldn’t stand two weeks with Percy, and Hermione insisted she needed to use the library, Harry wasn’t fooled; they were doing it to keep him company, and he was very grateful.”

3) Where can I find friends like this?

“Fudge dropped his voice and proceeded in a sort of low rumble.  ‘Not many people are aware that...’”

4) why is the prime minister dropping secrets in a pub

“I was often rather sharp with him [Peter Pettigrew].  You can imagine how I --- how I regret that now...’”

DISCLAIMER:  I don’t own any of the text excerpts (obviously) but the comments are from my head!

SPOILER ALERT:  I reference future plot events/themes.

"One casual wave of his [Dumbledore’s] wand... and the floor was covered with hundreds of squashy purple sleeping bags.”

1)  SLEEPOVER!

“’Have you any theory as to how he [Sirius Black] got in, Professor [Dumbledore]?’ asked Snape.

...

‘Many, Severus, each of them as unlikely as the next.’”

2)  can we just acknowledge how eloquent that statement is

“I’ll ask Madam Hooch to oversee your training sessions.”

3)  sad life of a plot device character lol

“’Today we shall discuss---’

...

‘--- werewolves,’ said Snape.

...

‘You will each write an essay, to be handed in to me, on the ways you recognize and kill werewolves.’”

4)  OH SH!T 

“The team... waited for Wood’s usual pre-match pep talk, but it didn’t come.  He tried to speak several times, made a gulping noise, then shook his head hopelessly and beckoned them to follow him.”

5)  how reassuring

“’I’ve had an idea, Harry!  Give me your glasses, quick!’

... Hermione tapped them with her wand and said, ‘Impervious!’

‘There!’ she said, handing them back to Harry. ‘They’ll repel water!’”

6)  for real though what would these mofos do without Hermione

“When he [Cedric Diggory] looked back and saw you on the ground, he tried to call it off,  Wanted a rematch.”

7)  whatta man

“’C’mon, Harry, you’ve never missed the Snitch before.’

‘There had to be one time you didn’t get it,’ said George”

...

‘We’ll come and see you later,’ Fred told him.  ‘Don’t beat yourself up, Harry, you’re still the best Seeker we’ve ever had.’”

8)  this is so important

“’And it [Harry’s nimbus] hit --- it hit --- oh, Harry --- it hit the Whomping Willow.’”

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

DISCLAIMER:  I don’t own any of the text excerpts (obviously) but the comments are from my head!

SPOILER ALERT:  I reference future plot events/themes.

“’This is our last chance --- my last chance --- to win the Quidditch Cup,’ he [Oliver Wood] told them, striding up and down in front of them.  ‘I’ll be leaving at the end of the year.  I’ll never get another shot at it.’”

1) NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU OLIVER

“’We’ve got two unbeatable Beaters.’

‘Stop it, Oliver, you’re embarrassing us,’ said Fred and George Weasley together, pretending to blush.”

2) Everyome needs some more Fred & George in their lives

“’And we’ve got a Seeker who has never failed to win us a match!’ Wood rumbled, glaring at Harry with a kind of furious pride.”

3) This must’ve been terrifying

“...the Quidditch Cup should have had our name on it these last two years.  Ever since Harry joined the team, I’ve thought the thing was in the bag.”

4) Hate to be critical but dang people need to start writing children’s stories in which the hero is not unbelievably talented at everything they do

“’There’s something funny about that animal [Crookshanks]!’ said Ron”

5) I would say the same about Scabbers, Ron.

“’Anything worrying you, Harry?’

‘No,’ Harry lied.  He drank a bit of tea... ‘Yes,’ he said suddenly, putting his tea down on Lupin’s desk.”

6) Lol ME

“’Not at all,’ said Snape, but there was a look in his eye Harry didn’t like.  He backed out of the room, unsmiling and watchful.”

7)  This.  Must.  Have.  Been.  Terrifying.

“Professor Lupin took another sip and Harry had a crazy urge to knock the goblet out of his hands.

...

‘Some people reckon ---’ Harry hesitated, then plunged recklessly on, ‘some people reckon he’d do anything to get the Defense Against the Dark Arts job.’”

8) Lol why does this kid keep on thinking that Snape is straight evil

“Professor McGonagall, please go to Mr. Filch at once and tell him to search every painting in the castle for the Fat Lady.”

DISCLAIMER:  I don’t own any of the text excerpts (obviously) but the comments are from my head!

SPOILER ALERT:  I reference future plot events/themes

"’Weasley, cut up Malfoy’s roots for him,’ said Snape without looking up.

Ron went brick red.”

1) When you’re such a heada** that you make gingers redder than they already are...

“Ron seized his knife, pulled Malfoy’s roots toward him, and began to chop them roughly, so that they were all different sizes.”

2) Yoooo Weasley seems ready to chop a limb

“This one [boggart] moved in yesterday afternoon.”

3) He says it like he’s talking about some random relative

“You see, the thing that really finishes a boggart is laughter.”

4) lol this is such a children’s book sentence

“The wardrobe shook again, though not as much as Neville, who walked forward as though he were heading for the gallows.”

5) I know this shouldn’t be funny buuuuut HA

“If all goes well, Professor Boggart Snape will be forced into that vulture-topped hat, and that green dress, with that big red handbag.”

6) wow Lupin and Snape are gonna be bffs after this one

“Crack!  Snape was back.  This time Neville charged forward looking determined.  ‘Riddikulus!’ he shouted.”

7) YES NEVILLE YOU DA MAN

“Homework, kindly read the chapter on boggarts and summarize it for me... to be handed in on Monday.”

DISCLAIMER:  I don’t own any of the text excerpts (obviously) but the comments are from my head!

SPOILER ALERT:  I reference future plot events/themes.

“’So you have chosen to study Divination, the most difficult of all magical arts.’”

1) Ok sorry but who straight up tells their students that their subject is the most difficult one they are going to learn... who even has the authority to say that...

“My dear boy, it is an omen --- the worst omen--- of death!’”

2) ... Near death I assume?  I mean everyone dies so if the omen is “of death” it really isn’t that big of a deal

“’I think you’ve had enough to drink, Hagrid,’ said Hermione firmly.  She took the tankard from the table and went outside to empty it.”

3) When you’re barely a teenager but already the mom friend in your group...

lol can’t relate

***Hagrid sticks his head in a water barrel while drunk***

“’That’s better,’ he said, shaking his head like a dog and drenching them all.  ‘Listen, it was good of yeh ter come an’ see me, I really ---’

Hagrid stopped dead, staring at Harry as though he’d only just realized he was there.

‘WHAT D’YEAH THINK YOU’RE DOIN’, EH?’ he roared, so suddenly that they jumped a foot in the air.”