TheReal BrainlessShow

As the Big Game frenzy reaches its peak, it's not just about who will win or who will score the most touchdowns.

Actually it's not about that at all. It's about those wonderfully ridiculous prop bets that make even the most casual fan become a high-stakes gambler.

And we have compiled the most ridiculous of all!

1 - Patrick Mahomes Endorsement Deals

How many new endorsement deals Will Patrick Mahomes receive after the Big Game.

The over-under is set at 3.5.

Considering his popularity, marketability and hair, I'd take the over on this one.

2 - Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift

Who cares about whether or not he pops the question let's talk about real commitment.

Will Travis Kelce cross the International Date Line to make it to one of Taylor Swift's concerts if she accomplishes the same thing by making it to the Big Game.

In other words, would a man actually travel that far just to see his girlfriend? Most men consider driving more than 20 miles a real inconvenience no matter what's waiting in the end zone.  

I think the deciding factors are, will there be snacks and an open bar.

3 - The MVP's Post-Game Interview Catchphrase

Will the MVP thank their mom, their coach, their pet iguana, one of the Kardashians or their lucky socks.

4 - The Number of Times the Winning Quarterback is Shown Kissing the Lombardi Trophy (over under set at 2.5)

BONUS BET! - Will they give it a peck, a smooch, or a full-on make-out session.

And my all time favorite!

5 - Will A Team Win Solely by Scoring Safeties.

Each one of these brainless prop bets are guaranteed to add an extra layer of entertainment to Super Bowl Sunday.

I sip my morning coffee. I pause a moment before tapping the news app on my phone. 

I can't help but wonder, no wait, it might actually be a prayer. 

Will this be the day? Could you please make this the day? I promise to be really good all day.

Actually, when I think about it, is it really too much to ask for just one day without his name plastered across every headline?

I get it, he's got legal troubles coming out of his ears, but hey, if he didn't insist on playing the role of the world's most promjnent troublemaker, maybe we could all catch a break.

It's a screwy evil torture.

Every day, it's like a game of Virus Roulette.

Will today be the day his latest legal shenanigans dominate the news cycle, or will we be treated to a brief respite, only to have him burst back onto the scene like an incurable rash?

This is just so absurd! I mean, sure, there are plenty of politicians out there who are up to no good, but he is so competitive that he even needs to dominate the I suck more than you do category. 

Okay I understand there are no longer any boundaries of what constitutes acceptable behavior for a public figure, but why not cover those stories on Monday Wednesday Friday and then on Tuesday and Thursday we could hear about what somebody else tweeted.

Why do we have to keep paying the price?

We're the ones subjected to these endless debates.

He's a good guy, he's a bad guy, this whole situation is politically motivated and my favorite, the media blows everything out of proportion.

If politicians could just all spend one day contemplating keeping their mouth shut there wouldn't be anything to blow out of proportion.

I'd even be willing to look at pictures of other people's kids on that day.

They're so many great things that could happen if his name was just not in the headlines every day.

Twitter users could use their 280 characters for more meaningful conversations like my celebrity addiction is stronger than yours.

Newsrooms could stop spending hours debating whether his hair is real or not.

In an era of Sci-Fi movies peeking into the future, wouldn't it be off the charts incredible if medical science mixed up the perfect potion to tackle the world's most abundant problem? Jerks.

Imagine a world where dirtbag behavior, the endless parade of entitled individuals and Mr and Mrs Me-Gimme-Mine, plus their four kids, could be cured with a simple shot. 

The mere thought of a vaccine that could curb snarky comments, temper tantrums, and egotistical monologues might seem too good to be true. But hey, we've put a man on the moon, so why not cure jerkiness?

Since we’re going to shoot for the moon and turn this whole thing into a new streaming channel called Utopian Vision, let’s see who would be eligible for the ultimate personality makeover?

Would it be based on a jerkometer scale?

A special selection committee analyzing butthead behavior?

We could make it into a game show where contestants debate “Who's Jerk Enough” to warrant the vaccine.

Better yet, let's just play it safe and go with the obvious choices.

Politicians, influencers, the idiot writing this article, the designer of the 737 Max or just that one person who cuts in line at the coffee shop every morning.

Now remember like any Big Pharma commercial this magical brew will come with a laundry list of side effects. 

Contact your physician immediately if you experience more than four hours of any of the following.

Increased kindness, excessive niceness or an unexpected urge to hold doors open for everyone.

There's also the risk of extreme empathy causing people to actually listen to each other. The horror.

We should also consider the potential evolution of jerk behavior. Could this vaccine trigger a mutation in the jerk genome? Suddenly we have a new strain called dipstick varmint!

Could it be we have doomed us all and the jerks will inherit the earth?

Actually they wouldn't survive alone. They need someone to unleash the jerkiness onto.

Damn and I thought we were really on to something here!

I was almost looking forward to family get-togethers, running into that buffoon from accounting in the break room and only looking at one picture of other people's kids.

But the truth is, life would be boring without a few challenging characters to spice things up.

I could possibly go through withdrawal without having somebody singing along with the song on their headphones, wearing too much cologne, talking at the movies, not letting people off an elevator before they get on, or refusing to walk single file on a crowded sidewalk.

In the meantime, keep those fingers crossed. Who knows, maybe one day, a vaccine for difficult personalities will emerge from the misty depths of scientific discovery and make the world a much more harmonious place.

But until that day dawns, keep those witty comebacks and coping mechanisms at the ready, you're going to need them.

Are you tired of the petty childish workplace drama that goes on day after day? Why not turn it into a TV show and make a little money pitching gossip as fact!

May I suggest calling it Cable News The Ultimate Reality Show!

Simply mirror your workplace's drama and gossip, just with more flashy graphics and breaking news alerts.

Yes, you read that right!

Imagine sitting at your desk, sipping your morning coffee, and realizing there's a gold mine in high school he said she said.

Cable news is to news what reality TV is to reality. Just combine the two and start counting the money!

Simply follow our patented five step program

Endless Sensationalism:

Just like workplace gossip, cable news thrives on sensationalizing every tidbit of information. Need a mundane event blown out of proportion? Cable news anchors have got your back! From a stapler missing in the office to a slight disagreement between colleagues, sprinkle in breaking news banners and dramatic music and presto chango a ratings grabber.

Exaggerated Opinions:

Remember those co-workers who turn the office water cooler chats into their personal soapbox? Cable news does that too, just on a grander scale. Brace yourself for over-the-top opinions and pundits passionately arguing over trivial matters, making you wonder if you accidentally switched to a reality TV show.

Looping Stories:

Workplace rumors tend to circulate endlessly. Cable news channels do the same thing! Repeating the same stories, breaking them down into microscopic details until you're positive the whole thing happened to you.

Distraction Galore:

Just like that office gossip that tempts you to abandon your daily duties. Cable news serves up an addictive cycle of ca ca. It's the perfect distraction! Who needs to focus on solutions when you can indulge in childish finger pointing and a multitude of malarkey?

Reality TV Drama:

Swap out the Kardashians for political feuds and scandalous news stories, and voila! Even better, hire the Kardashians as your news anchors and bingo, bango, bongo you've got cable news! Your personal reality TV show disguised as informative broadcasting.

Sorry Doritos I know you worked really hard to come up with each and every flavor to somehow duplicate those most special moments in our lives and in a cheap cardboard way you have.

Actually, “late night cheeseburger” flavor sounds like you're so damn hammered that you just need that thing in your gut that will uncross your eyes as soon as possible.

But it’s time for me to move on.

Table for One also means a little more style than just buying a bag of chips. Sometimes, the most memorable evenings are the ones that come together with a touch of creativity and a pinch of resourcefulness.

Picture this: a cozy evening at home, nothing fancy but full of character. 

So, what’s on the menu? Well, prepare your taste buds for a rollercoaster of flavors because we’re diving into the unexpected world of buttered pasta seasoned with taco goodness.

Yes, that's right! It's a fusion of Italian simplicity and Mexican spice that might just blow your mind. The smooth, buttery pasta intertwining with the zesty taco seasoning creates a taste bud tango you won’t soon forget.

Plus, I don’t have to work very hard to “cook” it.

Now of course you will need a beverage companion?

Enter dollar store coffee brewed through a reusable K-Cup. The unlikely pairing of budget-friendly coffee beans and a reusable pod might not scream sophistication, but it’s the practicality and resourcefulness that add a certain charm to the whole experience.

Who’s to say a good ol' cup of joe can’t be enjoyed on any budget?

As the aromatic aroma of this unconventional feast fills the air, your eyes catch a glimpse of the TV screen. Ah, 'The Untouchables,' playing in the background.

A classic film that perfectly complements the offbeat vibe of the evening. The allure of a bygone era, mixed with a bit of gangster drama, serves as the ideal backdrop to your culinary adventure.

But wait, there’s more!

While savoring your unique dish and sipping your budget brew, you’re not just lounging around.

You’ve got Rebel Cops fired up on your PC. It's an intriguing game that lets you dive into the world of law enforcement without breaking the bank.

A little virtual action and strategy mixed into the night brings an extra layer of excitement to the whole affair.

Because who needs a night on the town when you can craft an evening filled with unexpected delights right in the comfort of your own home?

Sometimes, it’s the offbeat, low-cost adventures that leave the most lasting impressions.

Why are you wasting your time watching somebody else's scripted drama when you can write your own.

Imagine a world where you aren't just a viewer but the director, producer and the writer, shaping the story line with every decision.

It can be about medicine and you can rewrite Dr Zhivago or Grey's Anatomy.

Make it about cops and write your own version of Law & Order or NYPD Blue.

Do you prefer secret agents? 007, Jason Bourne, Annie Walker and Evelyn Salt now have a new path to follow. In the PC Visual Novel of your choice.

Like one of my favorite PC games about organized crime figures. You can rub elbows with Benny the Chief, Albert the Barber and Frankie Blue Eyes. The Sopranos, Untouchables and Peaky Blinders have nothing on you.

Welcome to the realm of "The Commission 1920," a PC game that isn't just a game, it's your canvas to write the next Amazon Original TV series.

"The Commission 1920" places you at the heart of a Prohibition-era setting, where you become a part of the criminal underworld.

Your choices influence the course of the game, which is the same thing as writing a plot for each episode. With each decision, you script the fate of your character and the world around them.

Develop your characters exactly the same way that a writer shapes the characters on a show. "The Commission 1920" allows you to define your hero’s path.

Will they be a ruthless mob boss or a cunning negotiator? A public figure or operate from the shadows?

The game unfolds like a series, with each mission or task resembling an episode.

Every choice shapes their personality, alliances, and enemies. Driving you toward the next episode ending cliffhanger.

The tension and drama escalate, mirroring the pacing of a TV series, keeping you ready to binge write/watch the next installment.

You've got a virtual world with ethical choices that carry significant weight. Does that sound like any show you've watched or should I say every show you've watched?

Every decision alters relationships and impacts the storyline.

Decide the fate of a rival or choose between loyalty and personal gain, the consequences echo throughout the game/season 1.

Wake up your imagination when you take a deep dive into the visuals and atmosphere. The architecture and costumes. Hear the soundtrack. Immerse yourself in the era and taste the flavor.

Playing "The Commission 1920" isn't just about completing missions; it's about weaving your own intense, episodic TV series.

Do you build and expand your criminal empire by any means necessary? Everyone knows violence is bad for business but sometimes there's no way around it. You’ll need to protect yourself by putting cops, judges and politicians on the payroll. Can you trust them? Maybe you won’t know until season 2.

So many visual novel adventures to choose from. So many scenes to be played. So many episodes to be written.

Because remember, you're not just playing a game, you're taking a journey into the director's chair of your own thrilling drama.

When you describe this rush to your coworkers they’ll want to know what channel it’s on.

Ah, turn-based PC strategy games – the epitome of leisurely-paced, tactical brilliance.

It's like a chess match but with pixels and a whole lot more attitude.

Now, let me count the ways why I’m head over heels for these games, not that I need to justify it to anyone but myself, of course.

First of all, let's get this straight: I adore turn-based games because, well, I simply enjoy seeing my opponents sweat in anticipation.

There’s something deliciously satisfying about watching them squirm and flail while I calmly contemplate my next move. It’s almost a form of art, really.

The psychological torture that's going on is pure bliss.

And oh, to all the naysayers out there who can't fathom the joy of a turn-based strategy game, it’s okay if you don’t appreciate the finer things in gaming.

No need to pretend you understand the intricate dance of tactics and patience that we enthusiasts revel in.

For those who dare question my love for these games, let’s clear the air: I didn’t ask for your opinion.

I’m perfectly content basking in the glory of turn-based strategy games without needing your validation.

If you don’t like it, feel free to click away. I won’t lose sleep over it – I’ll be too busy planning my next strategic move.

One of the many perks of these games is the luxury of time. I get to sit back, relax, and ponder my next move without the pressure of a ticking clock.

Unlike those real-time fanatics who thrive on adrenaline, I relish the mental gymnastics of strategic planning.

And oh, playing against the AI is my preferred choice. Why bother dealing with the impatience and, let’s be honest, the sore losers of the online multiplayer world?

It’s a solitary affair, just me against the cold, calculating algorithms.

Less drama, more strategic conquest. That’s my mantra.

I've got a t-shirt that says it and everything.

Turn-based strategy games are an acquired taste, much like a fine aged wine or a perfectly cooked hamburger, seasoned to perfection and then broken up and added to a bowl of ramen. Don’t laugh, in many places across the planet it's a delicacy.

Turn-based strategy games might not be everyone’s cup of tea, but for those of us who revel in the seductive dance of strategy and patience, it’s a glorious, addictive obsession. No rehab necessary!

But hey, what do I know? I'm just a turn-based gaming aficionado, enjoying the silence of my solo conquests. Cheers to the strategists and may the impatient souls find their solace elsewhere.

1 Because finding that missing fork is more thrilling than any political debate.

2 Listening to the clinking of plates is more melodious than political banter.

3 Scrubbing dishes burns more calories than yelling at the TV screen.

4 Soap bubbles are better conversationalists and more visually appealing.

5 The only spin you'll find is when the water goes down the drain.

6 The only debates you'll have are about whether to use the sponge or the scrubber.

7 There's no need for fact-checking while doing dishes.

8 Standing and moving while doing dishes can provide some light physical activity.

9 The rhythmic nature of dishwashing might stimulate creative thoughts or ideas. Politicians don't have those.

In the rabbit hole complex of life, there exists a secret that separates the successful from the ordinary.

The prosperous from the struggling.

The achievers from the mere mortals.

What might that secret be, you ask? It's none other than the simple separation of underwear.

Yes, you heard right. In this age of sophisticated philosophies and life-changing hacks, the world seems to have overlooked the pivotal practice of categorizing undergarments.

People divide their underwear into two distinct categories - the work underwear and the play underwear.

If you think it's just me, think again.

This is a phenomenon so widespread that even the overprivileged of society partake in this vital ceremony.

Do you seriously believe business magnates, the creative geniuses, and the mammoth minds of our time don the same underwear while sealing deals in the boardroom as they do sipping champagne on a yacht?

Absolutely not!

They, too, adhere to the sacred doctrine of underwear compartmentalization.

Ever wondered why the wealthiest and brainiest individuals on the planet possess an elegant aura of success around them? It's not just their wisdom or cleverness or their bank accounts for that matter. It's their knack for keeping their unmentionables meticulously separated.

Whenever those lists come out highlighting the habits of the elite, look closely, hidden within the mostly common sense practices is they keep their underwear in separate, distinct drawers.

The philosophy behind this profound practice is simple - your work underwear is your armor, your battle suit. There's an aura of professionalism about it. A shield against the corporate jungle.

On the flip side, your leisure underwear is your cape, your symbol of liberation from the shackles of work. It signifies fun, relaxation, and the embodiment of your true self when you're off the clock.

Now, you might ponder, "Is there a specific technique to this underwear separation?" Indeed, there is.

The careful arrangement involves designated drawers, color-coded dividers, and possibly even a ceremonial ritual of folding, but that one's your call. Kind of a game time decision.

Go ahead and scoff but there is a correlation between success and the ability to discern between which underwear to don for different occasions. It's the subtle nuances that set apart the champions from the spectators.

So, if you aspire to climb the ladder of success, take a leaf from the book of the high and mighty – separate your underwear.

Embrace the duality of life, for in the separation of unmentionables lies the path to triumph. I think Socrates said that.

And who knows, your organized undergarment regime might just be the missing link between you and your aspirations.

In a world where emotional support animals have become an essential part of daily life, a groundbreaking revelation has emerged: if you're carrying the dog, you might just be the real support animal.

Picture this: You're strolling through the park, and you spot someone with a furball cradled in their arms like a baby. Don't be too quick to judge. They might not be pampering their pet. They could be fulfilling a crucial support role.

Researchers have discovered that the act of carrying a dog, particularly in public spaces, can significantly boost your mental well-being. In a groundbreaking study conducted by the Institute of Quirky Discoveries, it was found that those who tote their furry friends experienced a 200% increase in spontaneous laughter from onlookers. It turns out, the mere sight of a human carrying a dog triggers an involuntary release of joy hormones in passersby.

Dr. Chucklestein, the lead researcher, explains, "It's all about breaking societal norms. When people see you carrying a dog, they can't help but smile. It's like a mini carnival for the soul, right there on the sidewalk."

The phenomenon has sparked a new trend in therapy sessions, where therapists now prescribe patients a weekly dosage of "puppy lifts" to enhance their emotional well-being. The effectiveness of this unconventional method has led to a surge in the demand for portable dog-sized pouches and canine carriers.

"I used to rely on traditional talk therapy, but ever since I started carrying Mr. Snuggles everywhere I've noticed a significant improvement in my mood," shares Sarah Wagglesworth, a self-proclaimed "support human."

However, not everyone is on board with the newfound trend. Some skeptics argue that this is just another ploy for dog owners to show off their adorable companions.

In response to the debate, the International Association of Support Humans issued a statement urging the public to embrace the positivity of carrying dogs as support animals. They emphasized the importance of spreading joy and laughter in a world that could always use a little more of both.

In a world dominated by music subscription services, the future of broadcast radio stations seems to be taking an unexpected turn.

More talk and less tunes.

Yes, I have just mentioned the unmentionable.

Spoken the unspeakable.

In the immortal words of The Hues Corporation I have rocked the boat.

Don't rock the boat baby!

Rock the boat!

Don't tip the boat over!

Holy music marathon Batman! The ship's passengers are in peril!

Before you reach for your trusty utility belt consider this, there's a growing trend that suggests our radio waves might soon be filled with captivating conversations on a wide variety of subjects.

Remember the good old days when your favorite radio station was your go-to for the latest hits? Well, get ready to swap those beats for banter. With the rise of music streaming services providing an endless library of tunes at our fingertips, traditional radio stations are finding a new groove by embracing the talk-driven format.

Why the switch, you ask? It turns out that there's something uniquely charming about the human voice connecting with listeners.

Imagine tuning in to your local station and hearing hosts giving their actual opinions. Not well crafted opinions designed to up the ratings. Covering a wide variety of subjects. Not just sports and politics.

Why Star Wars, The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi are the only films that were ever needed in that series.

Esports are in fact sports, even if your bowling champion grandparents say they're not.

Isn’t it obvious that all continuing dramatic series are telling the same story but with different costumes and sets.

Microwave scrambled eggs are just as good as those made in a frying pan and cooking on a charcoal grill or a gas grill is exactly the same.

It's like having a conversation with your witty friends, and who wouldn't want that during their morning commute?

Plus, when you add social media it’s easier for everyone to comment on the conversation.

Let's face it; we live in a fast-paced world where people crave connection and conversation. Podcasts have already shown us the power of talk-centric content, and radio stations are simply catching up. From pop culture to science, history to hilarious personal stories, the talk radio revolution is set to cater to every interest imaginable.

As we usher in this new era of radio, we can't help but feel a sense of excitement. No longer confined to the hit songs of the moment, radio hosts now have the freedom to explore a vast array of topics, creating an immersive and entertaining experience for listeners. It's the perfect antidote to the monotony of our daily routines.

In a world full of reliable information and trustworthy leaders, it's refreshing to take a step back and appreciate the importance of blindly trusting those in power. Who needs transparency and accountability when you can revel in the excitement of uncertainty?

I can only stand in amazement of why no one has created a television channel to help celebrate this lack of accountability.

One of the most crucial aspects of a functioning society is unquestioningly putting our faith in leaders who have a knack for never scoring in the last 2 minutes.

Forget about pesky things like honesty, integrity, and a track record of ethical decision-making. Those are for the weak-hearted.

Trusting untrustworthy leaders is like playing a thrilling game of Russian roulette with your future. Will they make the right decisions? Will they prioritize your well-being over their personal interests? Who knows! The suspense adds a dash of excitement to our otherwise mundane lives.

Sure, some may argue that a foundation of trust is essential for a healthy society, but why not embrace the chaos? 

It's like living on the edge, not knowing what political scandal or controversial decision will be unveiled next. Plus, it makes great television!

Forget about holding leaders accountable for their actions. That's just a buzzkill.

Instead, let's celebrate the art of turning a blind eye to inconsistencies, flip-flopping, and a general lack of reliability.

After all, who needs leaders with a moral compass when we can have ones who navigate by pure ego or the smallest body part of their choosing.

Blindly trusting untrustworthy leaders is not just a choice, it's a lifestyle and who knows maybe next year it'll be a game show.

In a shocking revelation, it turns out that the iconic action film "True Lies" is not an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie at all. It’s a Jamie Lee Curtis masterpiece with a side of Arnold!

Forget about the Austrian accent and the catchphrases; it's time to focus on the real star of the show.

While most people remember Arnold as the suave secret agent Harry Tasker, the true hero here is Jamie Lee Curtis, who steals the spotlight with her impeccable comedic timing and killer dance moves.

Who could forget that unforgettable striptease scene? Move over Terminator, it's all about Helen Tasker's seductive tango.

In this action-packed romantic comedy, Arnold plays second fiddle to Jamie Lee Curtis's wit and charm.

Sure, he might be defusing bombs and saving the world. But can he lose his balance in high heels, drop the machine gun while stumbling down the stairs and still kill every bad guy in sight? I think not.

Helen Tasker's undercover escapades are the real heart and soul of "True Lies."

Imagine the film retitled as "True Laughs," where Arnold's one-liners take a back seat to Jamie Lee Curtis's hilarious antics. From faking her own death to orchestrating a high-stakes game of spy vs. spy with her husband, Helen Tasker proves she's the true mastermind behind the chaos.

So, next time you watch "True Lies," remember to give credit where credit is due. It's not an Arnold Schwarzenegger action flick. It's a Jamie Lee Curtis extravaganza with a splash of Tom Arnold’s marital advice and being the guy in the van.

Move over, muscles.