SI

It’s that time of year—top ten lists! 

This year, I’ll be compiling top ten lists (or top ten-ish because I don’t have it in my heart to make the cutoff point at ten) for my favorite albums, songs, films, and television shows of the past year. 

Disclaimer alert: if I have not finished the current season of a given television show (e.g. all network television shows that are halfway through their current seasons), I will mention it in the honorable mentions below.

To start them off, here are my favorite television shows of 2015! 

10. Girls, HBO (Season 4)

Because part of growing up is about making hard choices—choosing who we want to become, what kind of life you want to lead, and who we want along the ride. Girls drives me insane sometimes with its inconsistency, but for all of its WTF moments, it also has some incredible highs, like this one: 

GET IT TOGETHER, BITCH. And let’s be real—the girl probably deserved it.

9. Orange is the New Black, Netflix (Season 3)

OITNB has always been at its best when seamlessly sharing the stories of these inmates, even those that we sometimes forget about (e.g. Chang). Without a central villain like Vee last year, however, this season struggled a bit in finding cohesion. Regardless, some of the heights reached throughout the season—most notably, the delicate handling of Pennsatucky’s rape by a heinous prison guard—make it some of the most noteworthy television of this past year. 

8. Game of Thrones, HBO (Season 5)

Before I begin: look, bitch—you have absolutely no right to bitch about spoilers about a show that wrapped up its most recent season in JUNE. That damn Mariah Christmas song is STILL playing in every mall, so guess what? IT’S NOT JUNE. 

Now, with that out of the way, this season of Game of Thrones was probably my least favorite season thus far—the Dorne storyline was an absolute mess and featured one of the most horrific lines I’ve ever heard on television. That said, it’s still one of the most hotly anticipated television shows week after week (for good reason) and and produced some glorious hours of television (”Hardhome”, “Mother’s Mercy”). And let’s be real—all of us still DIE when something like this happens:

Burn, bitch, burnnnnnnn.

7. Show Me A Hero, HBO 

Let’s get something straight: I will watch anything that Oscar Isaac is in, so when HBO announced a six-part miniseries starring Oscar Isaac, I didn’t really care what the show was about, I was just excited to watch this man give a hell of a performance and NOT be rewarded for it (still annoyed by the lack of an Oscar nomination for Inside Llewyn Davis for a man named OSCAR, but whatever). 

Little did I know that over the course of six hours, David Simon and Paul Haggis would piece together a show that was dense with political machinations, but never once lost sight of the individuals and their stories that get caught up in the political fray. By the end of the six hours, I felt such a burden weighing down on me. Perhaps it was because there was a cultural resonance, given the issues it addresses that remains all too real to this day. Or maybe it was because when you really think about it, rarely are there any heroes left to live their own tales. Regardless, it was an excellent miniseries—probably the best of the year—and it is an important work of television. 

6. Looking, Season 2 (HBO)

When people refer to Looking as a “gay television show,” I can’t help but feel slightly agitated. Sure, it’s about 30-something gays in San Francisco, but to reduce this television show to a “gay television show” would be to overlook the incredibly universal stories that these characters have to tell, regardless of whether one is gay or straight (I can’t remember any other television show that addresses dating someone who is HIV-positive in such a real and sensitive way—and last time I checked, HIV/AIDS is NOT a gay disease). Reducing it to a “gay television show” overlooks the detailed, nuanced character work that intertwines to create this gem of a show. Reducing it to a “gay television show” would lead you to possibly miss one of the best 30 minutes of television all year (”Looking For A Plot”) that led me to find one of the most cathartic experiences of grieving my dad’s passing. 

However, what annoys me most about people referring to it as a “gay television show” is that it’s probably the reason why a lot of people ended up missing out on it and it is most likely the reason why the best show featuring gay storylines that actually felt relatable, as opposed to campy, was cancelled. 

But I guess we have the special Looking movie finale to look forward to.

5. Jane the Virgin, Season 2

Sobbing uncontrollably as I re-watch Gina Roriguez’s Golden Globe speech, excuse me. 

“It [the Golden Globe] represents a culture that wants to see themselves as heroes.”

Okay, crying again. Pause. 

Jane the Virgin. The little show on the little network that could. How did a show about a girl who’s artificially inseminated by her former-fling-turned-boss-turned-lover’s sister turn into one of my favorite shows and must-see television? 

I have no idea, really, but I am so glad that this show appeared when it did. In its first season, the show effortlessly bounced back and forth between its telenovela elements and its heartfelt core; and in its second season, in a sign of what was to come, the writers smartly decided to resolve the cliffhanger of season one’s finale in the first half hour of its hour back on television and boldly continue burning through plot, not undermining any of its characters’ stories, and seamlessly keeping us at the edge of our seats—all while making a few bold political statements along the way. 

And it gave us Gina Rodriguez (who is on her way to becoming a huge star—and deservedly so) who probably did not know that by playing Jane Villanueva, she would inspire so many people who are not beautiful white people that they, too, could be seen as heroes. 

#TeamRafael #RogelioMyBrogelio #AbrahamLimOnJTV

4. Veep, Season 4 (HBO)

Veep has also been filled with jokes galore, insults (many of which I plan on using in my own daily conversations with people once enough time has passed since the season’s finale in June), and stellar acting from a cast whose talents are just sickening. 

But this season also felt a little darker, particularly with Amy’s meltdown and Gary and Selina’s war of words. Moments like these showed significant character growth, but more importantly, it showed that while some of these people absolutely suck at their jobs (love you, Selina, but I’m looking right at you) and are in Washington DC for God-knows-what-reason, there are those who actually care about this country, no matter how self-motivated they may seem on the outside. 

Veep is one of those shows that I look forward to week after week, but this season, it surprised me and—dare I say it—moved me, even. 

Oh, and fun fact: days after the season finale in June, Donald Trump announced his candidacy for President of the United States, giving this satirical political comedy all the more cultural relevance. One is hilarious, the other... not so much. VOTE.

3. The Americans, Season 3 (FX)

It’s kind of sad when there is a show that is as great as The Americans, yet it’s met with such little fanfare and gets little to no awards recognition. 

Since watching the season finale, I’ve thought about that from time to time (you know, along with things of grave importance like who the next POTUS will be, global warming, etc). Perhaps it’s because The Americans doesn’t give you hashtag-worthy moments. With every line of dialogue written with intention and both short- and long-term goals in mind, it requires your patience. It’s not exactly fire-breathing dragons (though I love me some fire-breathing dragons) or cooking drugs in the middle of the desert (though I love me some drug cooking in the middle of the desert). 

You would think that a show centered on two KGB spies would involve more shoot-offs, explosions, and things we see in the spy movies nowadays, but it’s often just a conversation or how straightforward deaths are depicted on this show that sends chills down your spine. What’s even more riveting is the collision of worlds—the US and the Soviet Union, work and family, secrets and the truth—and how those lines may sometimes blur in the face of some very high stakes.

Speaking of high stakes... PAIGE! DO THE RIGHT THING! BUT WHAT IS THE RIGHT THING.

2. Transparent, Season 1 + 2 (Amazon)

Transparent. Oh, Transparent. 

As an actor, it’s part of my job to watch as many films and television shows as I possibly can. I’m happy to say that there are many entertaining shows that keep my attention. I think it’s semi-true—we are living in a golden age of television. Then, there are those rare shows that you are downright thankful to be able to see week after week and the idea that one day the show will no longer be in existence fills you with grief. Transparent is one of those shows. 

What’s remarkable about this show is not just how it manages to push its investigation of sexuality and gender forward, but how it manages to do so effortlessly showing you the complex intricacies of a family, even it means pulling it apart by the thread.

I’ve watched episode after episode and have judged every single one of these characters at least once (often times, more than once). However, what’s remarkable about these characters—and this show’s writing—is that right after said judgment of characters, I immediately feel guilt for limiting them to my worldview. Transparent stretches me. It stretches how I see the world and the people that inhabit it. And we all want to be seen. 

1. Mad Men, Season 7 (AMC)

A perfect and heartwrenching farewell. 

Honorable Mentions:

According to MOI. 

Starting from #17 (because you can't make me choose just ten)...

17. "Go" by Grimes

I was introduced to this song a few weeks ago by my friend Clark, who thought of me when he heard this song ("Abraham would love this"). I didn't.

Originally written for Rihanna (who left us with absolutely no new music in 2014) by Grimes and Blood Diamonds, the track blends Grimes' musical eccentricity with a more mainstream sound, resulting in this weird song that has strangely grown on me a lot over the past few weeks. 

Which leads me to this conclusion: if Rihanna rejected "Go" from her album, her new shit better be amazing. 

16. "Bridges" by Broods

One of the best electro-pop singles of the year from a New Zealander that is not named Lorde.

15. "Old Money" by Lana Del Rey

What I love about this song is that it paints a picture, both soft and blurry, evoking melancholy and longing. It's also a "Young and Beautiful Part II" (which I'm still annoyed about it robbed of an Oscar nomination—and win—for Best Original Song at last year's Academy Awards). 

14. "Work Song" by Hozier

The hums. The steady clapping. Love is sometimes a long day's work, but so incredibly worthwhile. An enormously sincere song that takes something as cliche as the aforementioned sentence into something real and heartbreakingly sweet.

13. "Can't Do Without You" by CARIBOU

This song is everything that most mainstream EDM is not: subtle and soulful. The gradual, climactic crescendo and the sudden drop that follows really embodies that feeling of falling in love and not wanting to let it drop.

12. "Fall in Love" by Phantogram

The song starts off with soft strings and proceeds to take off with a bang—a driving electropop hook that sweeps throughout the song. It's symphonic, memorable, and so incredibly catchy. Also, shoutout to "indie" artists who do more than make good music and actually sing well. 

11. "Flawless Remix" by Beyonce, Nicki Minaj

I mean, the woman premiered the song unannounced. On the song's own website, embedded with her selfies with Nicki Minaj. Some of Nicki's finest bars since "Monster" and Yonce's best confronting-a-controversy: "Of course sometimes shit goes down when there's a billion dollars on an elevator"

10. "Yellow Flicker Beat" by Lorde

I have a very personal connection to Lorde: I came across her music when she had less Twitter followers than I did and when "Royals" wasn't even the hit it would eventually become. With the release of her incredibly successful—and really, really good—debut album, Pure Heroine, I eagerly anticipated whatever else she would release to the world. Then, it was announced that she would curate the soundtrack to The Hunger Games: Mockingjay and released "Yellow Flicker Beat". 

"But I got my fingers laced together and I made a little prison / And I’m locking up everyone who ever laid a finger on me"

Oh, shit.

9. "Rollercoaster" by Bleachers

An 80's-throwback that evokes both nostalgia and intense energy. Both dreamy and anthemic. It's one of those sad songs that you can't help but dance to and I've had some incredibly cathartic drives with my windows down to this one. 

8. "I've Told You Now - Live at St. Pancras Old Church, London 2013" by Sam Smith

This song was technically released in 2013 on Sam Smith's Nirvana EP, but I prefer this version of the song over the one that was released on his debut album earlier this year. I knew this man would soar to some amazing heights this year when I first heard his music last year and I'm glad I wasn't wrong.

I love a lot of Sam Smith's songs, but this song—and this performance in particular—is just really special. You can just feel all of the underlying frustration and heartbreak in his voice and it's really powerful. 

7. "Talk is Cheap" by Chet Faker

When I first heard this song, I thought the singer was James Blake, but later found out that the voice was actually that of Chet Faker—an artist who hails from Melbourne, Australia. It's smooth, soulful, and sexy ("I wanna make you move with confidence / I wanna be with you alone"). Extra points for the saxophone component, which adds even more texture to an intricately-produced track. 

6. "Do It Again" by Röyksopp & Robyn

Robyn is, hands-down, the best at turning painful experiences and aches into dance-pop goodness and here, she does it again with... "Do It Again". When is this bitch coming out with an album again? 

5. "Out of the Woods" by Taylor Swift

What a year this girl has had. While Godney still reigns supreme in most-albums-sold-in-one-week-by-a-female-artist, Tay Tay came close and deservedly so. With 1989, she produced a bold, cohesive, and important piece of work and within it is one of my favorite tracks of the year: "Out of the Woods". 

Some people found it lyrically repetitive, but what I loved about the song is that the lyrics really painted a picture for me, and more than anything, listening to the song felt like an experience in and of itself. With its 80's-throwback feel and anthemic feel, it's also no coincidence that Jack Antonoff co-wrote/produced this song. Good for you, Tay Tay.

4. "Two Weeks" by FKA twigs

Incredible synthwork, breathy sighs, and fucking artistry for days. Like the artist, the song leaves a lasting impression that's hard to brush off. Also, TMI alert: I would have sex with this song playing on-repeat in the background. 

3. "Say You Love Me" by Jessie Ware

God, I love this song. It's a song about heartbreak that hits of all the right notes. It makes demands and pleas, yet shows restraint that makes the song even more powerful. The video also moves me everytime I see it—and it's such a simple video! It also annoys me that Jessie Ware hasn't had as successful a crossover as some of her British peers. With this song and its album, she deserves it. Highlight of the song: "Want to feel burning flames when you say my name"

2. "I Don't Want To Change You" by Damien Rice

I used to joke around (angrily) with my roommate sometimes, asking whether Damien Rice had died (or something?). I mean, the man hadn't released an album in God-knows-how-long and I grew frustrated, running out of patience for an album, which I believed was long overdue. 

Well, if all those years was what it took to birth this song and album, it was well worth the wait. Talk about finding strength in the midst of one's fragility: “No matter how far, well I can go before you.” 

Try listening to this song and not being moved by it. The video is equally as moving (and jarring). 

1. "Chandelier" by Sia

I've always loved Sia. However, in recent years, she became known more for her songwriting (she's written every other hit that you've heard on the radio) than her own individual artistry. So imagine my surprise and excitement when I heard that she would be releasing her first solo album in years.

When "Chandelier" was released earlier this year, I was not disappointed. I rocked my head, had goosebumps, and teared up—all in one listen. It was a party song that was unlike any party song on the radio—partially autobiographical, I'm sure—and it painted such a stark picture of the dark realities that often underlie the girl or guy swinging from a chandelier at a party. You're not really happy. You're not really swinging on a chandelier out of enjoyment. You're really just holding onto it for dear life. 

... Shit just got real really quickly. Anyway...

And that chorus, my God, that soaring chorus. Oh, what I would pay to have been there when Sia recorded those vocals. 

AND THAT VIDEO. 

Bonus: yours truly belting this song for the 29837th time this year

Here's the entire playlist for your perusal on Spotify!

Hey Tumblr universe! 

So, I covered this song called "Story Of My Life" by One Direction. I hope you like it and that it makes you guys happy. Like this: 

Be sure to leave a comment (as I do check them and comment back sometimes), like the video, subscribe to my channel and just share the video! I'll be uploading more covers this year and already have my next few planned :) 

It really is for you guys, so if you ever have any song requests, leave a comment on my Facebook page or tweet me. 

(Because 10 is just such a limiting number and 30 just seems excessive)

Here's Part II, amigos: 

10. American Hustle (David O'Russell)

You want a hot body? You want a Bugatti? You want a Maserati? You'd better work, bitch.

Yes, I just rewatched Britney's opening number at her Vegas residency , but it does relate somewhat to American Hustle, except that in this film, it's about dissatisfaction and the cost of reinventing one's life for the chance at a better one. Some people work, others scam. 

To be completely honest with you, I haven't thought once about this movie since I came out of the theater. Yes, it was wildly entertaining and the depth with which each character is examined is great, but it didn't really leave any sort of impact on me as a viewer or a person whatsoever. That combover Christian Bale sports though... wow.

Also, this is another one of those instances where I feel as though Jennifer Lawrence is was overhyped. Yes, she was good and of course she's funny (this is the girl who ordered McDonalds while on the red carpet at the Oscars). But for JLaw to be dominating the conversations surrounding this movie when Amy Adams was just mind-blowingly good is just sort of bullshit. But hey, that could just be me.

9. Captain Phillips (Paul Greengrass)

When attempting to make a delivery with his crew, Captain Phillips' ship is hijacked by a group of Somali pirates. Shot in a documentary-like style, the film is both seemingly authentic (yes, I've read reports that claim the contrary) and incredibly intense.

What I love about the film, however, is that the film takes the time to show the backstory and circumstances of the Somali pirates, in which they had no other choice but to live a life of crime. Expertly played by Barkhad Abdirahman, the "new captain", Muse, embodies a perfectly balanced blend of menace and vulnerability. By the end of the film, I couldn't help but feel sympathy in spite of the terror that they produce. Yes, what the Somali pirates committed were acts of heinous measures, but can I really judge them?  Captain Phillips not only allows, but challenges you, to see outside the box and really stretch our boundaries of perspective, and that's something. 

Side note: the acting by Tom Hanks in the last few minutes of the film is a masterclass in acting. Those few minutes alone warrant him being a frontrunner for the Oscar in his respective category. Mindblowing.

8. Frances Ha (Noah Baumbach)

Initially, I had heard about this movie from people who claimed that I would really like it (this assumption is based on my avid love for HBO's Girls). Finally, after much delay, I watched it a few days ago and...

Frances Ha, played by Greta Gerwig, is a bumbling idiot. I can't even begin to tell you guys how much judgment I threw her way and she's not even a real person.

That was my initial response. 

But after mulling over it, I realized that while Frances isn't a real person, I do know a lot of Frances's in my life and that much of my generation is, at least one point in our lives, like Frances: dreamers, sure, but aimless in how we go about pursuing their dreams. Instead of really living, we sometimes scrape by day to day, struggling to survive in the face of mounting desperation. We see our best friends move on to greater heights and when they ask how we're doing, we tell them that we're doing great when, in fact, you've just lost your job and can barely afford to pay rent at an already shitty apartment. But when all you've got left is a dream and your pride, is there really any other option? 

So, no, Frances isn't a complete moron. This movie isn't that simple. As a character study of this generation's dreamer, it's insightful, charming and real. Plus, Greta Gerwig is adorable and her portrayal of Frances makes me appreciate this a lot more. 

7. Blue Jasmine (Woody Allen)

Once a socialite on top of New York's upper class society, Jasmine French (whose real name is Jeanette) finds herself at her "poor" sister's apartment building doorsteps after she loses everything she holds dear: money, high social standing and her designer clothes. 

Like my #6 film, this film gives us a look at what happens when a woman will do absolutely anything to hold onto her place in the Upper East Side. Lying to others is bad enough, but how many times will you have to lie to yourself until you start believing the lie as truth? 

Woody Allen's dialogue is always incredible and always-brilliant Cate Blanchett brings so much depth and sheer insanity to his words. Jasmine may be batshit crazy, but hey, at least she doesn't stop trying.

6. Wolf of Wall Street (Martin Scorcese)

I felt like if I were to begin this post with anything, it should be with a GIF of Leo working it like there's no tomorrow because for a man of Jordan Belfort's stature, the prospect of tomorrow is an uncertain, if not hazy, one. 

On the exterior, Wolf of Wall Street is raunchy celebration of American excess, lauding bad behavior and reveling in every moment of its drug-fueled debauchery. Go beyond that though, and there's a commentary on the dangers of that excess and how far one will go to reach the pinnacle of high society. 

I'm not going to lie. There were times when I felt bad laughing out loud in the movie theater due to the sheer inappropriateness of it all; but really, how else would you go about making a film about a man who went on to serve minimal time in prison and continues to live a successful life (and doing it legally this time)? 

Side note: I'm a huge Leo fan and it's a shame that he hasn't been nominated for more Oscars or even won one at this point in his career. This role may be too "controversial" for Academy voters to garner him an Oscar win, let alone a nomination, but Oscars be damned, this is an iconic performance from him and he lit up the screen like no one else could have in The Wolf of Wall Street. 

And I leave you with this: 

5. Short Term 12 (Destin Cretton)

First of all, screw you, Internet, for barely having any usable GIFs for Short Term 12. That can only mean that not many people who fall into the age range of those who typically make GIFS watched this movie.

... Which is unfortunate because not only is this one of the best films of the year, but it is such an important film for my generation.

Short Term 12 is an unapologetic look at the lives of neglected youths and it plays so viscerally that it almost feels like a documentary at times. Brie Larson’s performance is marked by inner and outer conflict, fighting her past demons while dealing with ones right in front of her on a daily basis. It's unfortunate that her performance is being so overlooked by the Academy, as it's one of the best performances of the year, but that's just a personal quip I have with... the world. 

I found myself getting lost in the realism of the film, empathizing for the stories that were told and crying because I understand all too well that sometimes, it feels as though the only time you can really feel anything is when you force yourself to feel the pain. 

If you haven't seen this film, do yourself a favor and watch it. 

4. Inside Llewyn Davis (The Coen Brothers)

Inside Llewyn Davis is, ostensibly, a snapshot of the folk music scene in Greenwich Village in the early-1960s. In actuality, Inside Llewyn Davis is an aching and bracingly emotional character piece about a talented singer-songwriter who floats adrift bitterly amongst friends and colleagues who seem to have a much firmer grasp on their existences than Llewyn does.

At one point in the film, Llewyn, much to his chagrin, travels cross-country with a man of few words and another man with a propensity towards unfounded criticism. This is his last shot. With paper-thin clothes, he braves the freezing winter of Chicago to perform in front of a record label A&R, in hopes to impress him. 

He doesn't. Or he does, but not enough.

We're always told that hard work pays off, but quite frankly, I don't know if that's true, and I have an inkling that Joel and Ethan Coen feel similarly. 

The soundtrack for Inside Llewyn Davis, produced by T Bone Burnett, is not just an accompaniment to the film—it helps tell the story. I can't think of a better, and more cohesive, soundtrack to a film this year.

It's not all dark and depressing though. It's the Coen Brothers, bitches, so it's incredibly funny. Adam Driver is hilarious in his brief appearance and this is Carey Mulligan at her most profane (which is amazing). 

3. Blue is the Warmest Color (Abdellatif Kechiche)

Before watching this film, I had heard about the controversy surrounding an "explicit, seven-minute-long, lesbian sex scene," which earned the film an NC-17 rating. I had also heard of tensions between the film's lead actresses and their director since their collective win at the Cannes Film Festival. 

Well, it must have been a hell of a film, because at the end of its 179-minute runtime, the only thing running through my mind were thoughts of how, in order to truly find ourselves, we must sometimes be lost—even broken. What is sweeter than the taste of our first love? What is more painful, then, than the loss of that love, especially when so much of who you are was discovered through the love that was grown between you and the other person?

Writing about this film, my heart literally hurts. I'm crying. Pause. 

Okay, resume. Blue is the Warmest Color holds nothing back when bringing to life both the extreme highs and tumultuous lows of a relationship. You smile, you laugh, you cry and you wish it wouldn't ever end. But then, it does. What else can you do but move on?

Side note: I think it is horseshit that Adèle Exarchopoulos isn't getting more recognition for her performance in this film. At the very least, she deserves a nomination. Easily one of the best performances of the year by a female lead.

2. Her (Spike Jonze)

Her is centered around Theodore, played brilliantly by Joaquin Phoenix, who, after an impending divorce from his wife, finds himself socially and emotionally detached from even those who are closest to him. That is, until he "meets" Samantha, a computer OS whose personality develops as the communication between these two grow into... a relationship of sorts. 

I found myself taken by not only the story, but where it took me on an emotional and visceral level. With each scene and conversation between Theodore and Samantha (once again, I'd like to emphasize that she is an OS that does NOT have a physical body), I found myself more invested in these two characters, feeling for each of their individual sense of loneliness, pain and longing for something more, to the point that I cried during a sex scene between the two characters. You're probably scratching your head in confusion and on paper, I know it sounds ridiculous, but I guess it's just something you'll have to watch to understand. 

Her also serves as a commentary on the ever-growing detachment we as a society experience with the constant advancements in technology. Think about it—how many times have you Instagrammed or tweeted about a moment rather than just living in the moment? Browsed through Facebook at the dinner table? Picked up a text message during a film? Her successfully makes a commentary on all of this without shoving it down our throats, but even the subtlety with which it was conveyed was enough to make me think twice about the moments that I've really lived in or lived through.

Whether it's the idea that sometimes, relationships just end because... they do or it's the monologue by Samantha at the end of the film, everything in this movie just did it for me.  

Side note: Scarlett Johansson does a hell of a lot as an actress with just her voice and needless to say, Joaquin Phoenix is, once again, brilliant in his vivid and stark portrayal as Theodore.

This was actually my favorite film of the year until I reconsidered my list...

1. Before Midnight (Richard Linklater)

... And realized that I can't separate Before Midnight from its predecessors, Before Sunrise and Before Sunset. While they're three separate films that span nearly two decades, I feel like they're inseparable; a cohesive body of work that can stand alone, but are ultimately stronger together. I guess the same can be said about its protagonists Jesse and Celine. 

Rather than give you a breakdown on the film and what I thought about it, I feel like it would be more effective if I just shared some personal thoughts that pertain to me as a person (we are, after all, at #1). 

I've always believed that there are times where we, as people, have to fight to love someone. You may be in a young relationship—the honeymoon stage, if you will—where all is smooth sailing. After a few months though, you begin to realize your significant other's imperfections and flaws, of which there are many. They let their hair clog up the bathtub (gross). They don't do their dishes in a timely manner, leaving it to just sort of gather. They tend to get jealous, letting their passive-aggressive tendencies get the best of them. They just start to get sort of annoying. At that point, you can either choose one of two options: 1) leave them or 2) learn to bend and stretch your heart, continuing to love them in spite of their imperfections. After all, you have them too.

It's so sad to see how so many people give up on love too easily. Maybe it was never love in the first place then. I get it: sometimes, it's inevitable. Trust broken is sometimes broken beyond repair. Shit happens. But when you look into the eyes of that someone you love and look hard enough, that person you originally fell in love with is bound to still be in there. They may have changed, you may have changed, but they're still there if you look hard enough.

Before Midnight is special because it forces you to go beyond the notion of "happily ever after" and see the beauty that still lies in what may look like a pile of ruins at the moment. 

There aren't many films that I can say this about, but Before Sunrise, Before Sunset, and Before Midnight have changed me as a person. I've grown with Celine and Jesse in their development as human beings. At one point in my life, I, too, was that young lover on a train, willing to soar with a serendipitous string of circumstances in reckless abandon. Now, while I be somewhat jaded (because unfortunately, that happens), I can still say with complete confidence that I believe in love. It's not always pretty and it's certainly not an easy journey, but if I shut out all of the arguments, the pettiness, and all of the dust that won't matter come tomorrow, I'll be able to see much more clearly what matters—and that's the love that we share. 

Well, that's it for 2013! As an actor and aspiring writer, I'm so glad that a part of my job is to watch as many films as possible because it was a great year for film.

(Because 10 is just such a limiting number and 30 just seems excessive)

Here's part one of my top 20 films of 2013. Starting from #20...

20. The Secret Life of Walter Mitty (Ben Stiller)

I'm a sucker for LIFE magazine covers—the cover photos are either stunning, heart-wrenching, iconic, or all of the above. Add in the sweeping sounds Of Monsters and Men, along with some inspirational text (which, according to the film, turns out to be LIFE's motto), and you've got yourself a winning trailer. Yep, this film was one of the most anticipated films of the year for me, yet, here it sits at #20. 

Yes, it was an entertaining film—and beautifully-shot. However, it required me to suspend my disbelief so much throughout much of the film's duration, that even in the moments of vulnerability and realism, I found myself feeling little beyond mere entertainment. And for a story centered around a company whose motto includes as life's purpose "[to] find each other and feel", I found myself not feeling much beyond being entertained.

But hey, I took my family to watch it on Christmas Day (my second time watching it, my family's first), so it must've been entertaining enough, right?

19. The Grandmaster (Wong Kar Wai)

Admittedly, it's been a while since I've seen this film (this applies to some other films on my list), but one scene that sticks out to me in this film is a fight sequence between Ip Man and Gong Er, soulmates from two different schools of martial arts in China. As they're fighting mid-air, there's a moment where their fingers graze each other. By the end of the movie, that scene nearly broke my heart. 

Not to generalize, but a lot of American films tend to make a moment (and then some) of two lovers and the emotional sparks that fly between them. In The Grandmaster, however, the romance between Ip Man and Gong Er is handled with such subtlety and suppression that it makes it matter all the more (and by the end, all the more heartbreaking). Mix that in with the sense that our battle with time is probably the greatest battle of them all—and one that even some of the strongest succumb to—and it makes for a hell of a beautifully heartbreaking film. 

Plus, Zhang Ziyi is a bad bitch in this film. #workbitch

18. The Hunger Games: Catching Fire (Francis Lawrence)

I'm a rabid fan of the books. To illustrate this point, Shanna Henderson introduced me to the books during The Glee Project and I read it tirelessly between our homework assignments, music video shoots, choreography and eliminations. Reading about a game where only one emerges victorious through a string of brutalities and murder DURING The Glee Project... I guess I'm a really intense person. Anyway, I digress. 

It's rare that a movie franchise is anything more than entertaining, especially the sequels, but Catching Fire is one of the rare exceptions. Yes, it has the eye-roll-inducing moments (like when Peeta hands Katniss a pearl from an oyster he shucks moments before and smiles - refer to my issue with this in my Grandmaster post), but it's also Katniss' coming-of-age story where she begrudgingly accepts her role within the coming revolution as a symbol of hope for the people. It's a satirical piece on society's insane obsession with pop culture and its ridiculously distorted love affair with fame in all of its costs. It depicts the media's ability to subvert the status quo in such a powerful way that people can rise in upheaval to something they had just cheered for moments before. In all of its imperfections, Catching Fire is ambitious, especially for a franchise whose target demographic is young teens. 

My favorite part of this film, however, has to be Jennifer Lawrence. Personally speaking, I think she's overhyped to the point of frustration, but in Catching Fire, her spark burns bright. She carried the high stakes of this film throughout its entirety and brought me with her on her journey. And in the film's last minute, as her eyes burned through the screen with everything from sadness to rage, I couldn't help but eagerly await the vengeance that the Girl on Fire was about to lay on the Capitol (coming in November 2014). 

17. The Great Gatsby (Baz Luhrmann)

Besides the film being critically panned and some pretty blatant imperfections, I think this is a pretty faithful adaptation of the novel by F. Scott Fitzgerald—and yes, I'm aware that Beyonce and Andre 3000 were not alive in the 20's, so, let's just get that out of the way.

I watched The Great Gatsby in 3D and in all of its vulgarity and excess, I thought it was appropriate (hello—the roarin' 20's, anyone?). More than anything though, what I personally loved about the film was its portrayal of an impossible love that became possible, even if it was just for a fleeting moment, because of one man's belief that he could be anything. You say you can't repeat the past. He would beg to differ. He would not only repeat it, but change it, if the stakes were high enough.

We do this everyday. We tell ourselves it will get better; that we will make it one day; that we'll prove the world wrong. We repeat what is a lie in the present until it becomes true in the future.

I could go on and on about what the aforementioned notion of delusion versus power or how the story of hopeless and unrequited love broke my heart. But for the sake of brevity, I'll leave you with this: if "Young and Beautiful" by Lana Del Rey does not Best Original Song at the Oscars, I will be pissed.

16. Stoker (Chan-Wook Park)

Are people born evil or is the nature of evil birthed through a series of life-changing events that force us to leave our conscience at the door and pick up a weapon in its stead? And do I really find this eerily disturbing piano scene between uncle and niece sorta-kinda-hot? 

Those are just two of the many questions that ran through my head after the film. It's beautifully shot by the acclaimed Korean director behind the original Old Boy and true to his style (I haven't seen Old Boy, but I hear some... things about it), it's dark and disturbing, but beautifully so. Some of the shots in Stoker are some of the most visually striking shots I've seen all year. 

But that's all I'll say about it. Not because I don't have much to say about it, but because there is an underlying tension and sense of conflict throughout the entire film that can't be described, but just has to be experienced. Plus, maybe then you won't judge me for being mildly enticed by an incestuous scene that takes place at a piano (and no, no sex takes place in this scene).

Side note: Matthew Goode is so creepy in this film. His performance was definitely the standout performance for me.

15. The Place Beyond the Pines (Derek Cianfrance)

Another one of those films that I haven't seen in a while, so bear with me. 

Even if the results beg to differ, I think that most of us mean well (most of us). However, as we've learned at one time or another in our lives, even some of our best laid plans—and the intentions that drive such plans—can lead to some pretty horrible outcomes that repeat themselves in an endless cycle that seems inevitable, no matter how hard you try to escape it. 

I remember being really impressed by the opening scene—a long tracking shot done in one take. It's ambitious and it establishes the tone of the film: risky, ambitious, dangerous. And by the final scene, I remember feeling heartbroken because sometimes, even taking risks and being ambitious in making things right can sometimes not be enough. 

Side note: Ryan Gosling is the only person who can still look good with all of those tattoos and that ridiculous bleach-blonde hair. 

14. Mud (Jeff Nichols)

Part coming-of-age story, part love story, part thriller.

But the biggest thing I took from Mud (that is all-too-well portrayed through Matthew McConaughey in the GIF above) is, you gotta know what's worth keepin' and what's worth lettin' go. 

13. Gravity (Alfonso Cuarón)

What this film accomplished on a technical level is beyond remarkable. I watched Gravity in IMAX 3D not once, but twice, and I can say that I wasn't just watching the film—I was experiencing it. In this case, it was a terrifying experience (for those of you who don't know, I have a huge fear of anything "endless" - e.g. the open sea, OUTER SPACE, etc), so bravo to Alfonso Cuarón for helping me experience high levels of anxiety for over two hours. 

But upon watching Gravity for the second time, I lowered its position on my top 20 way lower than it was originally ranked. Why? Well, there are a few things: 1) the novelty sort of wears out after the first time, 2) I have an issue with Sandra Bullock's near-great performance, and 3) the screenplay is not just simple, but weak at some points. I could go on, but I don't want to take away from the film's accomplishments, which are out of this world. Get it? Out of this world.

12. 12 Years A Slave (Steve McQueen)

12 Years A Slave was, by far, the most difficult film to watch in 2013, but it is a film that, I believe, everyone must watch. It holds nothing back in depicting the racial cruelties of America's history and after the film, I couldn't help but feel disgusted by the innocent blood that's been spilled on this land. 

Being in this industry as an Asian American, I've realized more and more  that racism isn't dead; it just disguises itself in sheep's clothing. 12 Years A Slave strips away all of the cotton and wool to reveal the injustice that was, and still is. All debates regarding the authenticity of the memoir aside, it reveals an element of truth—and the truth is something that we sometimes have a hard time facing. Maybe that's why it's so hard to watch. 

Side note: Lupita Nyong'o is remarkable in this film.  

11. Dallas Buyers Club (Jean-Marc Vallée)

Ron Woodroof, a Texan whose womanizing and drug-abusing ways lead him to being diagnosed as HIV-positive, starts a "buyers club" after discovering alternative methods of treatment in Mexico. It's a story about one man's refusal to just go sit in a corner and die, but instead, fight the pharmaceutical industry who just drags their heels in the face of an epidemic. 

Just because I don't want to be the millionth echo raving on and on about McConaughey and Leto's performances, I'll just say that both of them were absolutely amazing in the portrayal of their characters. 

One thing I particularly liked about this film was how Ron Woodroof didn't just become a saint after being given a 30-day death sentence. Yes, this film is about how common struggles can unite even the most different people, but Ron's intentions behind his buyers club weren't completely selfless, especially in the beginning. He wanted to make money. He was a raving homophobe and that wasn't about to change overnight just because his new business partner was a transgender woman. The internal discord was evident even as he was slowly "changing" and I loved that because change, even in the face of death, is sometimes never easy, especially when there is a lifetime of experiences that have made you who you are in the present.

... I didn't win. Remember this?

Admittedly, I don't think I knew myself as well as I think I did, which resulted in the downfall (get it? down-"fall"), but hey, I made it pretty far and I made a few pretty kick-ass friends along the way. Plus, since then, I was here: 

...among some other really cool places (both literally and metaphorically).

Two years later, on January 13, 2014, I'm relaunching my YouTube channel, in addition to the many, many things I'm working on, but this time, I'm coming at you like this: 

In short, I am coming for some weaves and I intend on doing you guys proud. 

I've been working extremely hard on relaunching my channel amidst acting classes, auditions, work, meetings, writing and just so many things, but I'm really proud of what I'm about to share with all of you, so...

This YouTube relaunch is really for you guys. Two years later, my love for all of you has only grown stronger. I know it's been a while, but I've been working hard and I hope you what you're about to see, both on and off this channel. 

Put this in your calendars! Set your DVR's! 

I'll be on this week's episode of The Crazy Ones, starring Robin Williams and Sarah Michelle Gellar, on Thursday night at 9/8C! 

I'll be live-tweeting the episode as well as posting a vlog on my YouTube channel that morning. 

Poor decisions in hairstyling aside, it was an amazing night. While waiting in line for the doors to open, Joy Williams and John Paul White both came out and we were able to say hello to them. What followed, however, was even better, as the live performances of their music absolutely blew me away—I found myself smiling at Joy's occasional sways, mouth gaping open during their cover of "Billie Jean," and tearing up during the finale, "Poison and Wine." 

As we were driving back home after the show, I remember telling Sam, "I'm going to perform there one day." I think I mentioned something about how pretty the venue was, with particular emphasis on the overhead chandeliers, but Lord knows what else I said (or sang) as we drove home. 

It's odd. It's true that those words came out of my mouth—"I'm going to perform there one day." It's also true that after leaving the venue, I went into planning the launch of my YouTube channel, released a cover of "Someone Like You" less than a month later, auditioned for The Glee Project later that summer, attended callbacks in November, and finally received that Skype call from Robert, who informed that I had made it onto the show, right before Christmas and mere months after that show. But I don't know if I ever truly believed the words that came out of my mouth. 

Well, on July 1, 2013, I performed at The El Rey Theatre, opening for LeAnn Rimes and performing alongside Austin Brown, Frenchie Davis, and Dia Frampton. 

With my dancers and pianist, I performed a four-song set, singing and dancing my ass off (sometimes, quite literally), for a crowd of hundreds, celebrating a night of love, friendship, and music. It was a benefit concert for The Friend Movement, which I am so proud to be a part of, and I opened the show. 

Let me say that again: I opened the show. 

If I were to be completely honest with you guys, this industry is so tough. It does not matter if you are the most talented person in the world. Looks don't count for much when every other person in this industry looks like a model (or is a model). I don't believe in luck, so that's out the window. And ever since The Glee Project, I have been working so hard on a few projects (all of which are still in the works) and auditioning for many different television shows. I guess what I'm trying to say is that, whereas in many aspects of life, you can expect to see the fruition of your labor materialize within a given period of time, this industry could not be any more different. It could takes months. Years. Decades. A lifetime. But that's why you have to love what you do in this world. If love doesn't drive your craft, then you grow bitter, tired, and give up. Thankfully, I love what I do, so that's not a concern whatsoever. 

Having had a little bit of time to reflect on the past week or so, all present circumstances aside, I can't help but be humbled, thankful, and encouraged. I can still taste the sweat that dripped down my face as I performed onstage earlier this week and the faces that I met as they shared some beautiful words of encouragement with me. Those words that came out of my own mouth two years ago—"I'm going to perform there one day"—keep coming to mind and I can't shake them from my head. It really happened.

Like I said, I don't know if I fully believed in what I was saying at the time, but somewhere deep inside of me—even with the voices inside my head telling me that I couldn't do it and that law school was the way for me—I must have believed in it enough to give up what was in store for me to create a whole other walkway.

So tonight, I share these words with all of you and the rest of the world, keeping other words to myself: 

- "I will create, write, direct, and star in a television show." - "I will see my face in movie theaters one day. Arclight would be nice." - "I will perform onstage at Madison Square Garden." - "I will release an album that is both critically and commercially successful." - "I will win an Emmy, a Golden Globe, an Oscar, a Grammy and a VMA. I know that a VMA seems to be the least of these, but it's important to me, damnit!" - "I will write a New York Times Bestseller."  - "Through my art and activism, I will bring more exposure to those who feel disenfranchised and underexposed on television. In other words, I'm fucking sick of Asians playing the "Token Asian" roles and barely being represented in mainstream American entertainment and pop culture and I will bring about a change to that." - "I will be on GLEE. And yes, it still matters to me."

Now that I've shared some words of intention with you, all of which I intend very much on happening (some sooner than others), what are some of yours? 

Believe it, but don't just believe it. Believe it so hard that you will fight for it, work endlessly toward it, and not stop until it becomes real. And along the way, never forget the humble beginnings from which you emerged from and the people who stuck with you along the way. 

Thank you guys for cheering me on as I continue on this marathon. I love you so much for it and I promise to give you so much more to cheer about in due time. 

Love,  Abraham

This video really challenged me to stretch my patience, thus allowing room for greater understanding and different perspectives. It's challenging, especially because I can be such a reactive person at times, but this is definitely a video worth watching. I watched it last night and consciously tried to apply its principles throughout today and so far, it's been a really great day. A day filled with lots of surprises I don't think I would have otherwise noticed without a conscious effort on my part.

Watch it. You might be surprised yourself at how much weight can be lifted off of your shoulders once you tweak a few things here and there.

What's Skidaddle? Skibabble? What?

Watch the video and find out! Starring Blake Jenner, Michael Weisman, Leigh Parker. Also starring Nellie Veitenheimer, Maxfield Camp, Robert Ulrich, and yours truly as... Momo. 

It's funny, you're the broken one, but I'm the one who needed saving.