Here’s my story 💜
Bad guys are everywhere. They can look put together and professional. They can be charming and sweet. They make promises and project honesty, sincerity and humility. Sometimes we, as imperfect humans, ignore the warning signs and red flags. We compromise on the basis that the good out weighs the bad or maybe we’re over reacting. We fail ourselves all the time. Sometimes that’s ok, it makes us stronger and wiser. Sometimes, we have royally fucked ourselves and forever changed our lives.
On April 13, 2012 I met a sweet, charming, humble country boy. He was hard working, full of life, adventurous, said all the right things and promised me the world. After six months of honeymoon bliss he convinced me I lived too far and he just couldn’t stand being away from me any longer. I royally fucked myself over and forever changed my life. I quit my job and moved away from my family and friends to live with him.
Learning to cohabitate with the opposite sex isn’t always roses but eventually we fell into a routine and became comfortable living together. He showered me with gifts, affection and even co-signed for me to get my first real car. SURPRISE he went without me to pick it out. What a sweet gesture, right? Wrong. Little did I know, I was being groomed for abuse and that sweet surprise was his plan to build a life I couldn’t escape. Although the loan was in my name, the car was in his. After several months of slowly building a life that would later become my personal hell, he got drunk. Really drunk. He was mad, why? I have no idea. He slammed me into the carpet of our newly leased apartment and choked me until the blood vessels in my left eye started bursting and he could see that he had gone too far. About an hour passed and the police were at our door. He hurried me to the guest room and held my mouth shut as tears ran down my face and over his hand. He whispered how much he hated me as we sat in the corner with the lights off until the police gave up and left.
There were many months without “incidents” or “episodes”. Sometimes I was happy. There were many times I thought it would be ok and he was getting better. We talked in depth about how I’m learning not to set him off 🙄. Over all I endured 6 years of choking, backhanding, kicking and punching. I have been left on the side of the road to walk home more times than I can count, he has removed all my belonging from our home on countless occasions, he has thrown food, KNIVES, beer, my purse and all kinds of things at my face. He has opened credit cards in my name, attempted to cancel my debit card when I left the house without him and wrecked “my” car twice.
He’s charming. He has a great smile and people love him. My family liked him. He made friends everywhere we went. Who knew he would be this monster? My sister did. My sister, my best friend, the one that knew me better than anyone... she expressed concern. I was defensive and cruel. I cut everyone out of my life that could possibly get me in trouble with him. Ultimately that left me pretty alone and isolated.
Fast forward 6 years. We were on a good swing and I felt safe to end it. We talked about how we wanted different things and we knew it was over. After many months of living together but “broken up”, I was ready to move on. One day, i decided to have a conversation about moving out and parting ways. I chose to do this in a public place for my safety and unfortunately an ex boyfriend of mine was in the same restaurant. He saw my ex and immediately became silent, he said nothing, he kept it to himself as he poured mass amounts of tequila down his throat. After I finally convinced him to let me drive, we got home and the worst night of my life began.
He stared at me with cold dead eyes through a large mirror hanging on my closet door. He finally had nothing left to say about me “sneaking around with my ex” and ripped the mirror off and began beating me with it. Repeatedly. After a good hard blow to the shoulder with the shattered and split mirror dangling by the broken frame, he pushed me to the ground and squeezed my neck. I’ve been here before. I knew to stay quiet, stop struggling, close my eyes and try to breath while I drifted off. When I woke up he was gone, I grabbed my phone, called the 911 and locked myself in the bathroom.
Cody Kirby has plead guilty to a 3rd degree felony by the state of Texas. He will never truly be punished for the things he’s done to me and he will never understand how he’s altered my life or my family’s lives.
I am a survivor of domestic abuse. But just barely. I almost lost my life to a “man” that swore he loved me. I have a life time of anxiety and insecurity ahead of me but that’s ok. I’m alive. I’m moving on and I’m healing. I am lucky that the damage done to my relationships was not fatal. I’m lucky to have my sister back. I’m lucky to have a friend willing to sit in a hospital with me in the middle of the night.
I’m lucky nobody gave up on me.
I should have done a lot of things differently. The reality is, when you’re in it, you’re fucking IN IT. I was stuck. He built and manipulated a life that isolated me from help, forced me to rely on him and seemingly impossible to break away from. I am working everyday to heal and to learn. I have found strength in surrounding myself with people that enhance my life and encourage my growth. It’s not easy to leave or start over but it was worth it.
Moral of the story, don’t dismiss the red flags. Trust actions not words. And it’s never too late to leave.
