for the beat and the broken

“Olive scions one year old growing on a 30 year-old stump.” Olive culture in California. 1960.

Simon thought, maybe, that at some point Grace would remember him. That after going to save Rocky. Coming to Erid even if it nearly killed both of them. Lost his arm fishing and finally settled in the biodome with a soft enough atmosphere, that he’d know him. But he didn’t. 

It didn’t feel the same. The love was there. The love he had for Grace at every turn. For his husband. But Grace’s love for him was different. Like the love he had for Rocky. Which was fine. He liked that love. He had basked in that love for a while when they had first met. It was nice. But all he can think about is what life would’ve been like if he never came up.

Grace wouldn’t have remembered. Wouldn’t have batted an eye about turning back for Rocky, even if it meant leaving an unknown love behind.

And yeah, he was unknown. He can’t fault him for that. But that doesn’t stop the bitterness from leaking in. The numbness.

Because he came up for his husband. And he’s only ever found a friendly stranger.

“<Eridian scientists are ready...to prepare Hail Mary for journey home.>”

The words were flat against Simon’s ears, where he sat on Rocky’s other side, a little closer to the water with his arm slung in his lap.

“Can I think about it?”

Those words, however, felt like knives tearing through his stomach lining.

Can he blame someone for not remembering? Blame someone for staying when they don’t know they have someone waiting for them? Blame someone for not falling in love with him again?

Maybe their circumstances had been too specific. Maybe in every other universe, they didn't make it. Maybe their love had all been by chance.

“<Yes, think about it long time!>”

He was selfish to think it. That he could do it all again. Grace was happy like this. He was healthy. With someone who’d take care of him till the day he died. That’s all anyone could ask for. It’s all Simon could ask for. His happiness. However blind it was.

“<Simon think about it too?>”

The man swallowed tightly, crunching gravel in his hand, shuffling it around in his palm, before glancing back with a somber expression, not expecting Grace’s soft look. Not expecting that teasing squint. Like he knew what Simon would say.

“... No,” Simon says softly, the squint in blue eyes releasing. “I um… I should go back.”

“Oh.” Grace says, his contented expression ruined with surprise, his bent knees punching out. “I- I didn’t think-” He was lost in his own words. His expectations. Had probably thought they’d all live here together as friends. As beings who revel in coexistence and new discoveries every day.

Maybe in the past that would’ve been enough. But after all of this. After every attempt that had won Grace’s heart falling flat, he doubted what they had was supposed to happen at all. He’d rather mourn that than pretend to live in it.

“I have to get home.. Ya know… My uh,” Simon thumbs over the Silver band on the ring finger of his xenonite arm. Remembering the grave that sat empty on earth. The one with his husband’s name on it. But it wasn’t empty anymore. It just held the memory of him. 

“I have to go take care of my husband.” (This is def ooc cause I think he'd stay no matter what but I like how this hurts :'D)

OUCH ANON THAT HURT-

Just as Grace finally remembers it all (a sudden flood or influx of memories that makes his head ache and knocks him out for a day), Simon has already left... *cue to both poor, poor, unfortunate babies crying (alone in Simon's case 😭 which is worse)* dw I'm crying too (they crew, we all crode)