i want to break free

so im graduating on friday and heading out of town for saturday and possibly sunday, but that isn’t the main reason for this hiatus. the main reason is that i feel like i need some time to rest and feel motivated to write again, because right now i literally have none.

i just feel like the only reason im writing is for you guys and while that is a valid reason, it doesn’t feel genuine to me. i mean i don’t want to have to put up a facade around you all, because that wouldn’t be right. although, all your comments and messages seriously keep me going, i feel sad.

which brings me to my main point, i feel bad.

i have had these episodes before and there have been way worse ones. i haven’t had one in a long time, so im guessing that’s why it’s really hard.

like a week or two ago, i was learning guitar, writing stories and songs, but now i just feel empty. i feel ugly, inside and out. i mean ive always had self-esteem issues, but this one is like a mild combination of everything. it’s strange, it’s like i don’t necessarily hate myself, but i don’t like me either. my self hatred especially grows when i work hard in something and find out was waste, and for any of you who see my posts, it’s kinda a thing hahhshs.

anyways, yeah there’s my shitty excuse for anyone who cares.

im sorry if you think im being a little shit, but i don’t want to get used to this, because i used to be and it was horrible. i made some progress and i don’t want to throw it all away, because i hate myself.

so im gonna go try and convince myself im somewhat ok and i have purpose and stuff. ugh i hate fighting myself, but i can’t let her win either so ¯\_(ツ)_/ ¯ wish me luck

feel free to use any of these! 

send in requests!

1. “Your hair is so soft..” 

2. “It’s too cold! Come back!”

3. “No, I’m not letting you go. It’s too early to get out of bed.”

4. “C’mere, you can sit in my lap until I’m done working.”

5. “I’m not going to stop poking you until you give me some attention.”

6. “Shh, you’re safe. I won’t let you go.”

7. “What? does that feel good?”

8. “Just pretend to be my date.”

9. “He/She did it.” “No he/she did.”

10. “I think I’m in love with you and I’m terrified.”

11. “It’s not a double date. We’re just third and fourth wheeling.”

12. “No no–it’s alright, come here.”

13. “I’m not going to leave you. You’re never going to have to suffer by yourself again, I promise.”

14. “Look, I know we don’t know each other that well, but I’m still worried about you. No one deserves to be alone.”

15. “If I could, I would kiss away all of your scars.”

16. “I think I might be falling in love with you.”

17. “Your lips are so soft. I could kiss them all day.”

18. “It’s not bad to cry. In fact, I think it makes a person stronger.”

19. “Mmm.. you’re warm.”

20. “You’re so cute when you’re half asleep like this..”

21. “I’ve had a rough day and honestly all I want right now is a drink and someone to cuddle with..”

22. “No, you can’t get up! You’re my prisoner for today.”

23. “Shh, it was just a bad dream. Just a dream, okay? None of it was really.”

24. “You know I’m/we’re always here for you, right?”

25. “Please talk to me about it.”

26. “You have something in you hair.. um–do you want me to get it out?”

27. “I remember practicing how to ask you out in the mirror..”

28. “I would’ve had breakfast ready, but you were sleeping on my arm and I didn’t want to wake you.”

29. “I know I’ve kissed you like, ten times, but just like another ten, please.”

30. “Are you wearing my shirt?“

31. “Wanna, like–I mean, if you’re not busy.. We could get lunch? Or even just coffee if you don’t have a lot of time?”

32. “So I was driving past a pet store and couldn’t help but wonder how cute an animal would be like in our home..”

33. “Let’s just stay in bed.”

34. “We live together. You can’t blame this on anyone else.”

35. “You’re beautiful, you know that?”

36. “Shooting star. Make a wish.“ 

37. “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”

38. “Wow, you’re hot.“

39. “I want to marry you.”

40. “I want to take a shower so you should probably join me. It’ll save water.”

41. “You’re just not the same anymore..”

42. “It’s midnight! Where the hell were you?”

43. “What the hell is your problem?!”

44. “Why do you run away from your problems all the time?”

45. “You can’t keep it all inside, you know? Bottling it up won’t do any good.”

46. “Hey, I know you’re hurting.. but, you’re not alone, okay?”

47. “I hate you! I’m sorry it took me so damn long to realize that.”

48. “You lost your chance.”

49. “I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression.”

50. “You can’t just lose your temper like this every time you get a bit upset!”

51. “Calm down! You’re scaring me!”

52. “Don’t look at me like that.”

53. “Were you ever going to tell me?”

54. “I’m done trying to help you!” 

55. “Sorry doesn’t fix everything.”

56. “You didn’t call. You didn’t text. Nothing.”

57. “It isn’t up for debate.”

58. “I don’t know what’s wrong, okay? I’m just… really tired.”

59. “I’m fine. Stop asking.”

60. “I’m not leaving until you tell me what’s wrong, and don’t try lying to me.”

61. “I hope someday you get a taste of your own medicine.”

62. “Pack your shit and go. Get the fuck out of my sight!”

63. “Is this how little you think of me?”

64. “I can’t do this anymore.. not with you.”

65. “Are you happy now? Huh? DOES THIS MAKE YOU HAPPY?!”

66. “You said you’d always be there for me… so how did this happened? Why weren’t you there?”

67. “Did it ever occur to you that you’re hurting me too?”

68. “I don’t need help! I just want the pain to stop!”

69. “We can be friends instead.”

70. “I tried to move on, but nobody is you.”

71. “Do I look like I’ve moved on?”

72. “I don’t remember a fight or a reason, so what happened? Why did we break up?”

73. “Can I at least buy you a coffee? For old times sake.”

74. “I can’t take the loneliness anymore.”

75. “What are you talking about? You’re married!”

76. “I feels like everyone just forgot I exist.”

77. “Maybe I’m meant to be alone.”

78. “I gave you your chance, and you just used it to stab me in the back.”

79. “I’ve been alone for so long..”

80. “But you promised..”

81. “Isn’t this, like, illegal?” “Probably.”

82. “You’re really drunk right now. I don’t think you’re gonna remember any of this.”“No, I’m not drunk at all. You’re just blurry.”

83. “I have a feeling we should kiss.”“Is that a good feeling or a bad feeling?” 

84. “Yeah, well, I shut everybody out. Don’t take it personally. It’s just easier.”

85. "You’re jealous, aren’t you?” “I’m not jealous.”

86. “Were you ever going to tell me?”

87. “I can’t believe you dragged me into this.”

88. “Bite me.” “Eat me.” “Kiss my ass.”

89. “You think I’m dumb enough to fall for that stupid move?”

90. “You have to tell me why were committing a felony before we do it. Not that that’s going to stop us, but at least I’ll have all the facts.”

91. “You weren’t supposed to laugh! I’m so embarrassed!”

92. “I vote today be a pajama day.”

93. “You aren’t supposed to laugh! I’m embarrassed!”

94. “It’s a real shame nobody asked for your opinion.”

95. “There’s been some real friction in our friend group lately. I suggest an orgy to save our friendship.”

96. “I saw that. You just checked me out.”

97. “Are you stupid or stupid?”

98. “How about you make me?”

99. “Do it. I dare you.”

100. “Rise and shine, motherfucker.”

101. “Well fuck me!" 

102. "Are you… Drunk?" 

103. "Walk it off." 

104. "Did you just go throw up?" 

105. "Could you turn it down? A bit? Maybe?" 

106. "Don’t drink that! I saw that guy slip something in there!" 

107. "Get out of here! This is my hiding spot!" 

108. "Quick, pretend your talking to me." 

109. "Could you hold my hand?" 

110. "You’re hiding under that blanket because you’re blushing?" 

111. "Can I kiss you?" 

112. "Quit looking at me with that stupid expression. You’re pissing me off." 

113. “ …Why? Why are you being… so nice to me? I can’t understand. I can’t understand! I just can’t understand… “ 

114. "Don’t you think you’re a little too old to be using cheesy pick up lines?" 

115. "You’re the perfect combination of sexy and cute." 

116. "You know I’ll kill him if he hurts you." 

117. "Can we please pretend I never said that?" 

118. "Forget the douche. He’s a dick. He’s a dickdouche." 

119. "You guys are yelling and I want ice cream!" 

120. "How ‘bout you stick it up your ass instead?" 

121. ”“Punched” is one word, “Fisted” is another.“ 

122. "Please! Leave me alone!" 

123. "It’s too late for you to be out by yourself." 

124. "You seem like a friendly face, mind if I sit with you?" 

125. "You made me this way." 

126. "I think about you all the time, it’s freaking annoying." 

127. "Bill Nye couldn’t even help you." 

128. "You left your shirt at my house. It’s mine now." 

129. "I just wanted to hear your voice." 

look at that smile

smile lights up the whole world

plus great teeth

cuter than a baby lamb eating a cupcake on a rainbow

yeah okay let me know when you find a cuter stage exit than that

booty

AWWW

disco deacon’s got moves

party hard

um wow check out that deaky fro

b u l g e

holy guacamole you got a nice stromboli

mirror mirror on the wall who’s the sassiest of them all

the thing that really got me from this lecture, though, was the fact that there was so much stigma surrounding HIV/AIDS in the medical community that people avoided going to tested because they were afraid of the reaction from their doctors. people didn’t get tested, didn’t get treated, and eventually died without any hope for living a normal life with HIV because of the stigma and judgement from medical professionals. those who did get treated went from doctor to doctor, fearing that to stay with the same doctor would lead to their diagnosis getting out to their communities.  moral judgement is expected in religious communities, but in the realm of medicine and science? people were labelled with moral judgement from the get-go in the wording of how their diagnosis was presented - the medical community actually used terms like “innocent” to describe contracting HIV through blood transfusions, which automatically condemns HIV contracted through sex.

32) “Oooh, you’re blushing!”

“John, John, JOHN!”

“Hmm––wha?”

Brian sighs, hands on his hips. “Could you focus for like two seconds, please––just until we get that riff right?” 

Roger smirks, sitting behind his drum set, knowing exactly what––who’s––making him lose his concentration like that. 

You’re sitting on the couch of the recording studio, legs flung atop Mary’s and laughing at something she just told you while the boys work on their new songs. 

“I’m gonna go get some water,” you say quietly before hauling yourself off of the couch. “You boys want anything?” you call as you make your way to the door. 

“No thank you,” Roger says too sweetly, “Deacy?” John discreetly flips him off from behind.

“I’m good. Thanks, Y/N.” You smile at him, which makes his stomach drop, before heading out. 

When you’re out the door and out of earshot, Mary crosses her arms. 

“You guys are so obvious,” she says from the couch, lips curled up in a smile. 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” John says. 

‘You know you should ask her out. I know for a fact she would say yes.” John stops, going comically still. 

“Actually?”

“Oooh, you’re blushing! He’s blushing!” Roger says with glee, nudging Brian. Brian simply rolls his eyes, but smiles nonetheless. 

“Shut up!” 

“Deacy has a crushhhhhh,” he teases. 

“Roger, I swear I’m gonna whack you with your own drumsticks.”

“Yeah right, you could try, but you know––”

“Shhh––she’s coming back!” And then in the hurry to go back into a state of normality, John does the exact opposite: accidentally tripping over the wire connected to the amp, crashing into Roger’s cymbals, and then falling onto the ground, not without taking the drummer down with him. 

“Amazing!” Freddie says, clapping his hands together. 

“Fuck,” Roger groans from the floor. 

“Oh my god, are you guys okay?” you ask, hurrying over to help. You gently touch John’s arm, and he scrambles up, face bright red. 

“You know, you’re cute when you blush,” you say with a wink. He dies on the spot.