Growing up (and still now even) I played way too many video games. RPG’s were always among my favorite because you built your own character and basically made him unique to that world. Everyone likes having a role. There’s the mages of the world, the fighters, the merchants, etc etc.
I always got frustrated though because I rarely played those kinds of games more than once through. I’d get to the end, and then I really didn’t want to play it through with a new character. So instead, I’d try to make my guy good at pretty much everything. He’d be good at magic, sword fighting, stealing shit. Some games didn’t allow this. Some games intentionally limit how good you could be at certain things because realistically you can only be an expert at very few things, or a jack of all trades who’s not really great at any one particular thing. I never thought this style of playing games would translate to my real life though.
Ever since I started working full time last year my life has become nothing but juggling priorities with hobbies. I’m rarely home. When I am, I’ve usually only got an hour or two to myself before I’m off somewhere, or to bed. When I’m not working, I’m training, when I’m not training or working I’m cooking, when I’m not doing those, I’m trying to maintain something of a social life. It’s hectic and refreshing all at once.
It’s this odd cycle where I get stressed from always being on the move, but if I stand still then the inactivity makes me depressed. Lately though, the inability to excel at any one thing has been making me feel a little down too. All my time spent training with my coach and sparring partners has left me with little time to play games or practice music. All the time I spent at my 2 jobs has left me with less time than I’d like to spend with my friends or my girlfriend. And yet the things I do dedicate more time to (training/work) I’m not excelling the way I want to because I’m spread so thin. I train 6 days a week, but because I can only train for 2 hours, I’m not reaching my full potential in the ring. Because I’m not working a better job with longer hours, I’m not making the ideal money I’d like to make (I have to be grateful for a job that pays the bills at all though)
Sometimes I just wish I could restructure my life. Build it from scratch and pick and choose the things I hold onto, but realistically I can’t do that without everything sort of falling apart first. I don’t do so well with that kind of sudden change, so I really don’t want to go that route. I feel both blessed, and a little cursed to even have this kind of dilemma on my hands. I know it’s weird to say at 24, but it makes me feel like I’ll handle retirement well when I’m older. Most people go crazy not knowing what to do. I feel like I’ll be just fine. I have way too many interests to not be involved in SOMETHING at a dedicated level.
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