Memoirs and Letters

Bag•yo (Baguio) • 122021

I will always be in awe of the cold breeze that chills me literally down to my core, the warmth and kindness of the locals, and the beautiful city lights at night that rests on top of the hills. Too dreamy, I know!

En route to the city is a five-hour drive from Manila. Since moving here for work, we would sometimes decide to go to Baguio on the day, pack our bags and go (lol). We’d come back every year, just to explore the city, move in a different environment just for a bit and then spend the night. We even went one time without securing a place to stay (please don’t do it, it was so stressful!!! i swear!!).

They say that Baguio City has this kind of a “curse” where couples’ relationship won’t last long if they visit the city together. Back in 2018 when we were just a new couple, we visited the city and we fought at that time when we were about to go home. LOL In 2020 pre-pandemic, we came back in Baguio as 2 people who were trying to fix their broken relationship (we broke up in new year lol). I really thought the curse would work on us at that time. 😵‍💫 Fast forward to 2021, we planned on going for our fourth anniversary and since we’re travelling during a different situation (with travel requirements, QR Codes, Vaccination cards and all), we really have to sort everything — from Hotels, to bus tickets and travel registrations. Tbh, I wasn’t the one who organized everything, it was Ferny 😋 (syempre, may plans pala! 🙈)

This trip is definitely the most memorable. Ferny got a reservation in one of the most romantic yet chill restaurant for our anniversary dinner date, I got tipsy from a margarita that I drank in Kamp, and got engaged in the middle of Session Road. Crazy, I know!!! Just like that, I’m getting married (but not too soon) with my person!!!

Anyway, I’m posting this a day after our first monthsary of being engaged lol 😂 It’s funny how things just works. Four years ago, I didn’t think that I will trust someone and love again, let alone believe in marriage but here we are. I guess things that are really meant for you will find you. God-willing, it will. 🤍✨

So here’s me and Fern just minutes after I said “yes, of course”. Our eyes tell 😅

••••

dear you,

remember those nights when you’ve cried so hard over a heartbreak? you thought you won’t get over it but you did, you got through the pain and you survived.

may this post be a reminder that every rejection is a redirection. you are meant for something greater and better, just trust the process and put your faith in the Lord, He will not fail you.

“Healing is not always comfortable,

It’s unlearning that routine that you’ve always knew like the back of your hand;

like the flowers that withers as the new season unfolds.

It’s sometimes masked in the regrets and drowning in the pool of thoughts at night when you can’t sleep,

or it’s the cold breeze that shivers through your spine in the middle of a hot afternoon.

Most of the time, it’s the tears that you have cried at one o’clock in the morning, thinking it will never get better;

but it does,

and one day you’ll be fine.”

thirteen

ri•zal (052021)

if you’ve read my past posts, you must’ve already know that I am a fan of roadtrips. This might be a perspective coming from a passenger as I have not yet drived that full ride, so let’s see if that perspective will change somdeday. Anyway going back to roadtrips, there’s a certain kind of thrill and excitement as you look forward to your destination — how it looks like, the view, the feeling and the realizations that you might get. Although, believe me when I say that not at all times I get realizations. As a matter of fact, I wanted to think that most of the time, I mindlessly just look at how the colors of the sky changes, or how the time pass by before my eyes. It’s a different kind of healing to feel and see the nature unfold right before you.

To be honest, I have been quite anxious for most days thinking heavily on when our situation will get better, or if we will ever see the light after the end of this dark tunnel. However, with every anxious and heavy breaths that I would exhale from from these roadtrips, and the feast of superb views that my eyes gets, I am constantly reminded that there is still hope. That no matter how crazy this situation gets, we have to continuously ignite that fire within you — whatever that may mean to each of us. That we may still find our purpose, and live up to our whys despite and in spite of.

••••

dear you,

i hope that you won’t give up just yet. there are so many beautiful things that are waiting for you.

••••

“i hope you find someone who makes you feel warm,

like the feeling of basking in the morning sun.

i hope they make you feel cozy,

like the first few sips of coffee or hot cocoa when the weather is cold or the rain is heavy.

i hope that someone will make you want to be better,

like those spring flowers, growing and blooming beautifully as ever.

darling, you deserve the world;

the one that is kind, selfless, and bold.

and if you haven’t met them yet,

i hope you find the warmth, the comfort and the growth within —

because it is where all love should begin.”

twelve

na•ga •• view // na•ga (022021)

don’t you just love the feeling of going on roadtrips with those people who matters to you? those nights when you and your friends decided to go spontaneous, you’ll order take away pizza, stop by at the nearest mart to grab some cold beer and chips, and drive to that highest point of the city where you can just enjoy the view of the city lights, talk and laugh for hours having to worry about nothing (jk only worry is the unlimited calls and text from your parents asking where you are and what time are you coming home lol)?

this view right here is one of my favorite go to place whenever I am back in my hometown — where I just want to breathe, relax, and reflect, or just simply disconnect with the reality and spend time with my friends. As seen on this photo, that night, the sky graced us with full moon, clear skies and million stars.

About 15-20 minutes car ride from the busy streets of Naga, I’ve known this place ever since I was in high school since we pass by it whenever we go to my cousin’s farm. Even before, there’s something about the whole view of the city lights that I find so comforting. I used to come here in different circles, and the only thing that’s common is that the stars and the city lights were the sole witnesses of the laughs, the stories, the life realizations, the evolution of man from being sober to being drunk, and more importantly, the friendships that grew strong and the bonds that also fell apart.

After one full year of not being able to come home due to the pandemic, I am so stoked to be back and spend time with my friends and family — to go back to the places I used to visit and try the new things that Naga has to offer (mostly food and restaurants lol). It’s such a shame that the time was short but my heart is full to get the chance to be with them and always pick up where we left off. I am eternally grateful for low maintenance friendships. 🤍

15/10 will forever go back ♥️✨

••••

dear you,

they say that change is inevitable and you must learn how to live with it. but I think that there is an irony to that, as much as it is true that it can be uncomfortable as they come — like losing friends and relationships along the way, or letting go of things whether it be material or immaterial; some things never really change — like the strong friendships which lasts for years, or even lifetime, or those places associated with beautiful memories. as weird as it may seem, maybe life is all about having to find the balance of things. nevertheless, i hope that as you carry on with life and the changes that comes with it, you’ll never lose sight of the light and love within you.

••••

eleven

ca•li•ra•ya // la•gu•na (022021)

this was a trip with my office buddies, a time to celebrate our small wins in life and honor someone we dearly love and miss. We finally got the chance to be complete.

Endless stories, homecooked foods (thank you to Ayra’s parents for taking care of us and serving us some yummy foods for lunch 🥺), it felt like I am close to home again.

As it was my first time to be here, I was in awe to know that the lake was manmade. Everything was perfect, I couldn’t even imagine how such a big ass body of water was built. The breeze was cold and the air was fresh. As the weather was gloomy, we regret that we bought iced cold drinks than hot; it also rained for a bit so we had to stay inside the car. I was literally chilling lol thanks to Krissa’s jacket (and kuya Mark for offering — our legit office parents), she’s forever my savior in times of wardrobe malfunction (lol!) It kept me warm and comfy— just like how she is to us, warm and comforting. Even if she’s not physically here anymore, I felt her presence the whole time. It felt like she was there with us, silently smiling, listening to our stories and laughing at our silly jokes.

There’s a saying that goes “in life, it’s not where you go; it’s who you travel with that makes it worthwhile.” It’s true. I am lucky to have met such pure souls. ☺️

11/10 Caliraya is beautiful. Will reasearch how they managed to fill it with water since it has been living in my mind, rent free for weeks now. lol

••••

Dear you,

once in your lifetime, you will come across people who will feel like your missing puzzle pieces. It will feel as if life is making more sense than it was before. treasure them and look after them. ♥️

ten

Pi•co de Lo•ro // Ba•tan•gas (012021)

First beach trip from almost a year of being locked inside the four corners of my room (was super excited because finally!!! I am back in my element!). This was a reunion trip of the boyfriend with his ex co-workers-turned-friends from a volunteer work last year.

Normally, I would care less and let him hang out with his friends without me. Buuuut, because it was a beach trip and I have been longing for some vitamin sea for soo long, I can’t and I wouldn’t let the opportunity pass (lol) even though I have never met his friends yet (i just know them on a name basis). As an awkward girl with strangers, I initially thought that it was not gonna be easy for me to blend with them and it will probably take a while for me to adjust and vice versa. Although I am a bit comforted by the thought of the boyfriend (as an extrovert) that he won’t let me fly solo. He would do whatever he can to help me meet all his friends and later on become friends with them, he never makes me feel out of place. Plus, these bunch are really nice and very welcoming. I never felt that I already knew them for so long as the time pass.

11/10 will go back and will join these crazy bunch again wherever and whenever I get the chance.

Hopefully, we can all go back to travelling with having only the fears of the risks that we are going to take and not the fear of getting the virus. Hopefully. Someday soon. *Fingers crossed*

••••

dear you,

Take every opportunity to experience euphoria. Your future self will thank you for it.

“her days became brighter and her nights felt warm — that’s when she knew she found love again; not with anyone but with herself.”

twenty • twenty

this note will be a different entry from all the others. As I want to remember that once in this lifetime, I survived 365 days full of uncertainty.

It’s been two weeks since we said goodbye to the year but everything that has happened still feels like it happened yesterday.

This photo was taken in our office few days before the announced lockdown, unknowingly capturing the last sunset photo in the office for the year.

Personally, I was very hopeful at the start of 2020. Felt like it was a year that I will actually grow, mature and wise. But the pandemic happened, another thing happened after the other. I lost two people whom I so dearly loved, home became my office and office became my home. I couldn’t see and hold my newborn nephew, I couldn’t go home and spend time with my family. I couldn’t go to the beach when I feel like it, I couldn’t travel to recharge and breathe. I literally felt like I was stuck in an infinite loop, getting all suffocated and tired as the day go by. It felt like I was slowly making my way into the gloomy place again, a place that I don’t want to ever go back to if I had the choice.

Looking back, it still feels surreal how I managed to show up all those times. If there are three things that I learned in 2020, that is:

1. Treasure and spend time with the people I love and create good memories with them.

2. You can still grow even in the most uncomfortable way. You might have not noticed it yet but YOU.ARE.GROWING.

3. Be wise of your time and energy.

I am still in awe how I survived. I made progress. I made it to 2021!!! 🥳 Feels like a heavy chapter finally came to an end. Thank God!

••••

dear you,

Give yourself a pat on the back for all the growth and progress that you made last year. You had a lot of silent battles and high hurdles that you conquered but you made it through. Be proud and keep going;

eight

In•tra•mu•ros // Fort •San•tia•go (022020)

I felt like I was a kid on a field trip, going to some historical and educational sites in the Metro. I have been here in Manila since 2018 and it’s my first time setting foot on this historic place. I am too shy to admit but it is true (sorry, ancestors!).

I always have a thing for history, its remnants and the feeling of getting a taste of how the past looked like and how the events led us to who we are now amazes me even more. To be honest, I felt a bit strange going there. It felt like I was about to witness something that I will never forget my whole life: it’s as if I was there during the whole experience of pre-execution of JPR. All goosebumps-ey. Sure it was a long walk inside as the fort is too big but it sure did felt like I was living during the spanish colonization. Huge props to the folks that are preserving all the relics, building, ruins and memoirs of the past.

10/10 will go back and try the bam-bike and dirty ice cream for sure 😋

p.s I decided not to post anything on what was inside so you can get a hold of the whole experience as well. So here’s a photo of the birds being free, reminding us of who we are after all the wars and the battles that our ancestors won (or are we, really?).

••

dear you,

Be grateful for the past — no matter how good or bad it was as it is filled with learnings and experiences that made a lot of impact on who you are today.

••

“You've always emptied your cup in pouring sunshine on other people's lives that you forgot to save some for yourself.”

seven

Ba•li (012020)

First travel out of the country! I remember Bali being on my bucketlist since I was on high school — thanks to that Memories of Bali KDrama that made me also want to go to the place someday. It was a good 4-hour plane ride which I was asleep the whole time. HAHA!

This was originally a plan that me and my elementary friends had while high on alcohol (lol). We weren’t actually sure that we will be able to make it happen. Luckily we did, although doing the itinerary was a bit stressful tbh.

Upon touchdown, we were welcomed by the humidity and then currency exchange which made us a millionaire for 4 days!

Some details that made this trip memorable:

1. My friend wasn’t able to join us despite having the plane tickets to and fro Indonesia because his passport will be expiring on the next 5 months or so. We are not aware that the passport was supposed to be renewed 7 months or 6 months earlier than the validity date. 😢 so we had to bid him goodbye.

2. Since this is my first time to travel out of the country, immigration is strict. I had to answer lots of questions and prove to them that I am employed (we don’t really have an ID in the office except for smartcard so it won’t work plus I did not brought it with me that time — stupid, I know). So I had to contact my bff in the office just so she can take a photo of my employee details and show it to the immig. lady. I swear to God the anxiety of the whole thing made me really sweaty. Thankfully she let me in! *Pro-tip: automatic Out of Office emails are a life saver.

3. My friend from who came all the way from nz got his atm card eaten by the machine and never got it back, ever.

4. We were so fond of buying souvenirs it made us broke just on the 2nd day of the trip. 🥳🤣 Thanking the heavens for Umah Pizza for saving our broke asses.

5. January - March is rainy season in Bali. What a bummer 😔

6. No place to wash/change clothes after swimming by the beach (super far from the resort)

7. Threat of having COVID-19 and being on a 14-day quarantine when we get back to the PH.

While Bali is known for its temples and the Sacred Monkey Forest, for me the experience would not be complete without spending your whole day on the beach. It was a time to relax and recharge. Thanks to the sunset view that cap off the whole experience.

So grateful that I get to travel before the pandemic and lockdown happened. It was also an amazing gift to myself before my birthday. ♥️

••

dear you,

One way or another, the universe will make your dreams happen. Hold on to your dreams and claim that it will soon be real.

••

six

Sor•so•gon 072019

First time to be here for a family reunion and also my first time to ride a plane (woo! Please don’t judge heh) from MNL to LEG with my uncles. lol The usual, we were fighting over the window seat but I’m the baby in the group so they let me!!! ☺️Also, I haven’t seen my one and only first cousin for n years already since she moved to Canada. Boy, we had lots of catch up to do and I must say, she grew so beautifully and intelligently (a maldita like her ates, too! haha)

When this photo was taken, we were just trying to star in our uncle’s drone vlog but I couldn’t let this photo go without showing it off. It’s just too pretty and look how clear and clean the water is! Aside from Subic beach, Sorsogon is also known for Lola Sayong, another surf camp in Bicol (someday, we’ll get there). On this island, you’ll get to interact with the fish in the lagoon, and get to swim freely going inside a hidden gem — a mini island inside a cave without the roof. That’s right, you have a view of the clouds from inside.

This photo just gives me the nostalgia of being and spending time with my family, and just living that full weekend worrying about nothing.

10/10 will go back because of that island inside the cave 💙🌴

••••

dear you,

Spend time with your loved ones as much as you can; those who makes you feel safe and sound. Keep them with you and hold it dear in your heart, as moments like these are rare and the chances are it will feel a bit different the next time.

Five

La •• Union

La Union is one of the popular surf spots here in the country aside from Siargao. Man, I just gotta say that I have so many feelings about this whole trip. Cramming is such a bad idea in La Union. From buying the bus ticket (which is always fully booked) to looking for a place to stay. A little tip if you’re planning to go here (which we learned the hard way lol), make sure that you booked a bnb or a place to stay one month or two months before your trip and it’s sooo much better if you come in groups because places are a bit pricey. Lucky for us though, we found a place to stay. Although it’s a bit far from the party spots — about 15mins away on the highway but 10 mins by shore 😜 and for us to save some moolah from commute, we rented a motorcycle for our whole stay so it’d be easier for us to travel (just lucky that Ferny knows how to ride it lol).

Some of the things I love most in Elyu:

* Sunset watching (still the best sunset spot for me)

* Surfing and the instructors — the waves? LEGIT, it literally washed me off the shore even if I wasn’t surfing yet lol. It was also my first time to surf and the waves did not disappoint (powerful core needed). The instructors? Super friendly and they are licensed, too!

* Beer in the afternoon

* Makai Bowl 🤍

* Flotsam and Jetsam Hotel at night — partying!! Also met some new friends and shared some cool drinks and stories after!

It’s a bit challenging going home though especially if you’re planning to commute to and fro, as La Union does not have its own direct buses yet to Manila and vice versa, they only have bus stops coming from Vigan, Abra, etc. where the seats are already filled — some others were already standing just so they can go home. As for us, we decided to try the other bus line and waited 5 hours so we can have a decent seat in the bus (they have this numbering system to control the flow of passengers). Worst part is that I caught a flu on that day so I was a bit uncomfortable and impatient. Overall, I had so much fun!!

8/10 but will go back (will prolly rent a car and book bnb early haha)

••••

Dear you,

May the view of the setting sun remind you of the many tomorrows that lies ahead. Go and enjoy today.

four

Ta•gay•tay 122019

This place has got to be the closest away-from-the-busy-metro escape where you can just enjoy the slow and steady life. I remember setting foot on this place for the first time when I was already in third year high school along with my cousins. As a promdi who seldom visits Manila (essential trips), I still recall the excitement of doing roadtrips with them and the ardor of being introduced to a new place. Windows down plus singing our hearts out to The Beatles’ Here Comes The Sun as it plays through the radio and just enjoying the cold, fresh breeze, worrying about nothing. Ahh, good old times.

Now that I am living in Manila, I still get the same feeling whenever we plan to escape the city for a weekend or so. As we don’t have a car, taking the bus going to Batangas is the way to go. This photo was taken while I was waiting for my food in the counter. I stood there and was just blown away by the view: how the sun seeped through the glass windows, reflecting the beautiful shadows of the tables and chairs, and of course, the view of Taal. Although my stomach was empty at that moment, my eyes were already satiated.

No questions asked, tara sa Tagaytay!

••••

Dear you,

When life seems to be fleeting, please take time to take a pause and appreciate all the things that surrounds you. As it is in stillness that you allow your soul to speak to you.

“And it feels like home whenever you're around,

added with the calmness of your voice, a beautiful sound;

Waves crashing to the shore;

Sweet sound of serenity that I always long for.

The stars in the night sky, the twinkling lights out in the blue;

Home is where your heart is, and I'm glad that it's with you.“