killjoys kiss some boys

(Cylinder seal of First Dynasty of Ur Queen Puabi, found in her tomb, dated circa 2600 BC, with modern impression. Inscription: 𒅤𒀜 𒎏 - Pu3-abi(AD) Nin - Queen Pu-abi. Nicked straight off Wikipedia as it's a fab comparison of seal / relief.)

In the British Museum you can find "Lady Layard's jewellery". Austin Henry Layard is a guy whose academic efforts I'm admittedly very indebted to. He was passionate about Venetian and Roman glass and did a great job re-popularising both styles in the UK, but more importantly he was the assyriologist who excavated Nineveh and the Library of Ashurbanipal—where we've found the majority of the Gilgamesh tablets. Pioneer figure in terms of Near Eastern archaeology... but check this out:

This is a necklace Layard had made for his wife. It uses real cylinder seals.

To quote the British Museum's entry on the item: One cylinder seal is Akkadian (about 2200 BC) and four belong to the second millennium BC, but eight are late Assyrian (about 1000-612 BC). Late Babylonian and Achaemenid stamp seals (about 600-350 BC) are used for the pendants and clasp.

Enid later wrote in her diary that, when they dined with Queen Victoria in 1873, it was 'much admired'.

Ancient Near Eastern artefacts, repurposed as jewellery in a set that doesn't give a single fuck about accurately dating them, let alone treating them with the sort of respect you might perhaps expect of items over four thousand years old. Instead they've become a mark of elite colonial status, an Oriental curiosity utterly separated from their historical context. They're 'old'. They're non-descriptly 'other'. Time and place dissolve into an attractive and vague exoticism.

All while the place these seals have been appropriated from is busy being exploited by the very empire this "jewellery" is being shown off to!

as promised, the transplanting tutorial

most sources make transplanting sound incredibly difficult, but transplanting young seedlings from areas with sparse dirt, like a driveway or roadside, is actually incredibly easy and can get you some great stuff. Once I worked out the method, i've had a very high survival rate

it took me like a month of trial and error to figure this out so you don't have to.

It is a common belief that native plant gardening is hard and expensive but plants are free. They're everywhere. They just do their thing.

It is common for seedlings to grow in places they cannot survive longterm; the side of the road, pavement crack, gravel driveway.

How did they get here? Plants spread their seeds in a variety of ways. Some of the main ones are:

birds: when birds eat berries and fruits, the seeds are not digested and sprout in the ground when the bird poops.

wind: lots of seeds have fluffy parachutes of helicopter wings so they can be blown far away to find a place to grow

water: rain and streams can wash seeds away and leave them in a muddy area to sprout

mammals: acorns and nuts from trees are foods for families, who bury them later. sometimes they sprout into trees instead

A seed will do its best to sprout... whether it's a good place for a fully grown plant or not. Plants that sprout in harsh places are sometimes beautiful and vulnerable species, and they are easy to transplant.

Here's how:

you will need

a pot: A red solo cup is the right size for most transplantable seedlings- don't use anything much smaller. You can also use an orange juice carton or even a cardboard box. Make sure you cut holes or slits in the bottom so it won't be soggy forever when you water it.

potting mix: it's not the same as dirt- it's lighter, fluffier and drains easily.

a place to put it: put them outside where they get some sun, but not where they get direct sun all day long. If they're on a surface that gets hot, elevate them by putting them on a cardboard box or something.

The idea is to transplant seedlings that wouldn't survive where they are. Don't just uproot plants that aren't in any danger. Obviously don't do anything dangerous or illegal. AVOID roads with frequent traffic or main highways. Do NOT put yourself at risk of being hit by a car.

I collect from roadsides because I live in a neighbourhood with no outlet. If you grab an invasive species, it's in a pot where it can't hurt anything and you can just kill it.

NEVER plant anything in the ground without knowing what it is, though.

A seedling this size (about an inch) or smaller is most likely to survive. The two most important things are to keep as much of the root intact as you can and to make sure the roots stay damp. You can wrap the roots up in a wet paper towel.

How to transplant:

From gravel: seedlings growing in gravel or pebbles are easiest to transplant. Remove bits of gravel one by one and carefully pry up the pieces that are stuck, until the roots are exposed. Mulch can be removed the same way.

From a crack in the pavement: Very carefully pinch the stem as low to the ground as you can and shift and tug until you pull it free. Be patient! Breaking small roots is fine but if you hear the main root 'snap' RIP to the plant.

From dirt: Digging around the whole plant is hard to do quickly and seamlessly. Soaking the ground in water or searching after a rain can help you gently pull small plants up.

How to put them in a pot:

Carefully put potting mix around the roots. Don't crush them.

Don't touch any part above the lower stem with dirty hands... especially not new leaves. A speck of dirt on a delicate new leaf can make it start rotting which will spread to the whole plant. Water, immediately. Get only the potting mix wet, not the leaves (that can make them vulnerable to rotting).

Seedlings with broad, big leaves can dry up easily from direct sun exposure, but many aren't happy in the shade So you can cut one of these (cardboard toilet roll centre) in half and put the half around the seedling like a "collar".

How to take care of them:

After transplanting, plants are very weak. It's like recovering from an injury or illness.

Check on the plants at least a couple of times a day and water a little if the potting mix is dry. I like to adjust their location at different times of the day- newer seedlings might need to be moved to a shadier spot when it's sunniest, but later in the evening plants in the shade benefit from being put in the sun.

Don't be discouraged if they die, they had a very harsh early life and some of them won't make it.

As they get bigger you can identify the species you have and decide if you want to plant them. My policy is to plant only species that are native to my area. You WILL find invasive species and you want to get rid of those, trust me. Uprooting them and leaving them on a concrete surface kills just about everything. Don't throw an invasive plant in the grass and DO NOT try to compost them.

G- So I thought you were playing some kinda crazy octave and shit,, yknow Ray got so excited- he'll explain, right?

R- Yeah yeah yeah, I was completely out of tune for that last chorus. I got too excited fuckin headbanging with Jamie, fucked my solo up