The Paddling Pirate

florida is just like that

[captions] Newscaster [offscreen]: “We saw people in the streets ready to put 2018 in the rear-view mirror, and say hello to 2019! We also saw this dog with a banana! A festive atmosphere in the heart of downtown Orlando is what it’s all about!”

why they keep doing her like this

Wow I was not expecting it to keep going but it sure did

“And its gonna taste like Mario was in your ass himself.”

some horny gay really had too much time in their hands

This is just literally what it’s like to sit on my porch

is this what the kids call “ big mood “ ?

The Buddha bust, usually in a faux Thai or Indonesian style, is one of the ugliest and most ignorant bourgeois accoutrements one can posses. Not only is it a bland and obvious attempt to purchase the appearance of spiritual depth, its presence immediately belies a total ignorance of the context and history of Buddhist images themselves! A severed Buddha head, plundered from Borobudur, in the corner of a gentleman’s study is a romantic relic from a bygone age when the world considered genocide and forced military conquest a viable means of affairs. To keep a stolen cultural artifact as a trophy is to deny a sovereign people access to their own cultural heritage to satisfy one’s own ego. That the idea of the severed Buddha head as decoration flourishes today is a disappointing remainder that the aesthetics marketed towards the middle class are a cheaper version of those objects collected by the wealthy, further divorced from their original context.

The Buddha is not an accessory or a complement for your decor. 

Reblogging for historical context I didn’t know about.

my perfect crime? I memorize the entirety of the macy’s store inventory. I then go on aliexpress.com and find exact replicas of every single purse in the store. I break in at 3am, and replace every purse with a cheaper version of the purse. I take my real purses home and open up an online store on the darknet featuring fake purses. I then sell these real purses as fake purses, making it so that when the feds catch on to my antics, they spend countless years trying to figure out who can replicate purses this well, and who is selling them. Soon an entire division of the FBI is dedicated to finding me and figuring out how my “fake” purses appear to be real. 45 years later they finally trace my ip address and break into my villa in texas and shoot me right in the leg when i attempt to flee. While this would normally not be a fatal wound, due to my constant devotion to my online fake real purse storefront i have suffered an iron deficiency for 35 years. My blood can’t clot and I start to bleed out. Turns out the woman who shot me was a girl who i made out with once in college, and she holds my dying body in her arms and asks me how my fake purses were so real. I spend the last moments of my fleeting life telling her about how every five years i break into a different Macy’s and replace all the purses, and that the purses I have been selling online for a severely discounted price were actually all real, and I have been doing this purely for the gag of it all. When my former college girlfriend gets home from work after rightfully murdering me for my crimes, she goes into her walk in closet, looks at the 13 gucci purses she owns, and realizes that they’re all fakes.

this passed the bechdel test

i cant wait to love the fuck out of somebody and not look stupid

not to be a typical dramatic leo but every time a baby boomer asks me when im going to move out of my parents’ house I wanna ask them when they think they’re gonna die 😬

Does anyone else ever feel like they’ve lost literally all motivation and all you want to do is curl up in a ball in bed and eat junk and watch films and avoid all other responsibilities for like 37 years or so

The daily grind

merciless god.

Same. (via matsuda98)

the tilting of the manhole cover back into place is what makes this video

leave that sewer goblin alone

I fucking hate it when you’re in such a fantastically giddy mood and then you see one simple little thing that makes you think, “oh” and then you just get this empty feeling in your chest and you get nauseous and the world just crumbles and you want to just lay under a blanket and close your eyes and fall asleep and never wake up. 

When you die, you appear in a cinema with a number of other people who look like you. You find out that they are your previous reincarnations, and soon you all begin watching your next life on the big screen.

too much

My previous incarnations throwing popcorn at the screen and booing: this bitch is fucking stupid!!!

“live fast, die young. bad girls do it well” I sing as I organize my sock drawer before going to bed at 9:30pm on a Friday night