If you want to understand me, you need to know that my heart broke for the first time when I was 6 or so years old and I was told by my classmates that Ladybugs didn’t survive the summer. I had known sorrows and the depths of childhood sadness before, but this I remember so keenly because it felt exactly like I expected. Like a crack was opening deep in my chest. It felt so unfair that my life felt endless, inconceivable in scope and that there was nothing I could do to help them. I hid in a copse of trees on school grounds and cried for what felt like forever. And then spent the rest of my recess and lunch hour gathering Ladybugs in my backpack to take home and take care of, just in case I could be the one to figure out how to keep them alive. I know now of course that this was all untrue, Ladybugs can live up to several years. There are a myriad of other cares and concerns that bedevil my unquiet mind, as there are for all of us. Such is the state of modern life. The Economy, Politics, Health, Climate, Culture...all of these are more important things to concern oneself with and I do.
Even so...my heart still breaks for the Ladybugs every summer.
