We Are Like Young Volcanoes

"Second of all, you can always go back to your soulmate. That’s what makes them a soulmate."

Jesus, again with the Spanish. You’re gonna make me melt, you need to chill the fuck out. 

Spanish is my native tongue, you know! It's just a major bonus that is happens to do things to do you.

So, I’m leaving in like a few hours. Wow, it’s already one in the morning. Who’s going to be my first goodbye of the night?

Hi. Am...I allowed to say goodbye to you?

I am that clumsy human, always loving, loving, loving. And loving. And never leaving.

Such a gentleman, one of the many things I adore about you. You know, you’ve always had a way of making me feel good enough. Thank you.

I've told you before and I'll tell you again: you are more than enough. Never forget that, mi amor.

You could’ve and I wouldn’t have cared, honestly. I stared sometimes.. They were all up in my face, it was the worst. Well, you have seen my boobs like a million and one times so you probably know more than me.

I would rather have respected my girlfriend and not looked at another woman's boobs, honestly. I don't care that you did, though! Sure have, and I'm telling you that they -- that you are perfect, without any alterations.

Is it the blonde professor lady who’s got the abnormally large boob implants? ‘Cause I remember her…we all remember her. Her plastic surgeon did an A+ job —- but they were still like mondo huge and I just feel like if I had boobs that big, I’d fall over and they’d pop and then I’d just land in the hospital and just…no bueno. —- I did have a fine but I took care of it, don’t worry. Ah, yes, I do recall me saying that. Well, in that case…

Uh...yeah, that's her -- not that I really noticed that, honestly. Please Kennedy, as someone who has seen them many, many times, I'm telling you that you don't need a boob job. At all. Ever. Dammit, just le -- 

I hope you never regret me.

Hey, not to be mean, but, Mrs. Fleming is just still salty because her husband left her for that younger woman. Don't sweat it. Also, did you have a fine? I can at least pay for that, right? You told me to pester you another time, so here I am, pestering you.

I don’t need you to say anything else, Theo, you shouldn’t have to talk through your friend’s life problems 24-7.

I just...[he sighs deeply, wishing there were a better way to help her, to take away her pain. He pauses for a moment before quietly nodding] Come to me, okay? Anytime you need someone. Please.

I told you, Theo, this isn’t goodbye. It’ll never be goodbye when it comes to us. I…I want to be with you again, I want to get married to you, I want to have a life together but I’ve also decided that before I can let myself be with you….I have to fix myself first. I’ve spent so many years saving you and fixing you that I completely forgot about myself. You know what I went through but you don’t know what goes on in my head. All the compliments, all the words, all the love you give me are amazing and I appreciate them and I believe them, I do…but there’s a part of me that just doesn’t…function right because of my dad. I need to fix that, I need to get some sort of help and just…save myself because you will never be able to fully do that. You’ve put pieces of me back together, Theo and for that, I’m always, always going to be so thankful for but —- I have to put the rest of them together. I can’t keep walking around like some broken toy. 

I...wow. Wow. I've never been more proud of you in my entire life. You're the strongest person I've ever met in my entire life, Kennedy, and all I've ever wanted was for you to be happy and healthy. But...I know I can't heal you of your wounds or take away that pain; only you can fix yourself fully, just like only I can fix myself fully. I'm so glad you recognize that. I love you, I love you, I love you. God, if you loved yourself as much as I love you, you would never feel low again. I'm so proud of you, my love; I'm so, so, proud of you for taking these steps in the right direction.

The good isn’t worth the bad, Theo- I’d like to see me happy too but that doesn’t seem to be in the cards for me. And I can’t take anymore hurt, I just can’t.

They say in order to get to the rainbow, you have to go through some rain, Bella. It's a dumb quote, but I think it applies here and...I don't know what else to say to you. I'm sorry. Have you ever thought seeing someone? A therapist?

I love you, Theo. I love you, I love you, I love you so fucking much and I just…I miss you and I am trying so hard not to come running back to you because I just…I just need to prove this to myself for once that I don’t need anyone. I-I don’t…but I need you so much it hurts and my heart is beating so fast and I’m pretty sure you’re gonna have to call 911, ‘cause I’m so close to having some sort of heart attack and its all your fault, it’s always…your fucking fault. You have this stupid hold on me and no matter what fucking happens…it’s always going to be you, Theo. 

I love you too, Kennedy. So, so much. I keep turning around in the apartment looking for you, looking for your beautiful smile and it feels like the wind is knocked out of me every time I reach out for you only to find empty air. I hate that we aren't together and I hate myself for what I've done to you but...I understand that you need space. It will always be you, Kennedy. I asked you to marry me. I asked you to hold onto my heart. You're the one who saved me from myself and everything I left affect me, you're the one who propped me up when all I felt like doing was falling, you're the one who holds my hands when I feel like everything is just too much. You're my everything and you always have been. And now...you're the one who got away. And again, I'm so sorry.