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What do you mean that's "the baron's" citrus tree? It's a tree, asshole. Get your guisarmes out of my face.

I can't wait to "stab" somebody until they "die" *guffaws loudly*

wish i could masterbate without the hogs trying to break in and eat my shame

theyre making me umpire at the beheading tournament

I need a GREEN bitch

Got my special knife in the mail. I really really hope somebody scares me a lot

Saw a dog and smushed it

when i was a little green boy my uncle paw went out pig-fuckin and told me this the way yo' deddy n' grendeddy put 'emselfs dinner on their solid bone dining room tables n this will be your kingdom everlasting lil green boy shall you embrace the ways of our clan and i told him from my little pasty green lips you know what i would not like that for myself personally

went to jarasac world and everyone got pissed the frick off I was in there. the cops chased me out with theyre scatter guns oh well

Bunch of knights was outside my cave and one of them was yellin bout somethin n ran into my cave screaming while all the other ones just stood around lookin at each other n they went home. i could tell the guy that got in was mad as fuck about it too I beat the shit out of him n he had the scary teeth and the bloody face and everything. Seems like he had come to terms with the danger i represented but never imagined they were even capable of doing that to him so I think he's more mad at them than me. Those other guys are probably fucked cuz he got out like I thought i broke his legs and he cut some fingers off me and when I came back from the medicine chest he was just gone so honestly im like kind of scared of him and what he will do.

Every one always takes me for granite

The government is inventing a special vitamin that makes it so I cant cum ever again

Wow girl you are beautiful. I want to watch stuff leak out of you.

i will be anything you want me to just let me have your bones for my bone shelf

nast night i prayed really really hard and then god shot me with lightning inside my house and i knew he wanted me to go away but i love him so much i wont