tired ksenia

So my name is Ksenia, 24 y.o. I'm from russia and I didn't use a capital letter on purpose. My country is a terrorist state and I hate it. I had an acc on Tumblr before. It had a lot of my fanarts with many fandoms, I wrote some big posts with my headcanons, I told many jokes about my ships. I liked re-reading my own posts 'cause they seemed funny to me. And I reaaally loved re-reading people's reactions to my art.

But something really bad happened. Because of my views. Those months were pure psychological horror. I remember myself crying on a date with my girlfriend because I saw a squirrel and realized that it might be the last squirrel I'll see for a long time. But it got better. Right now I don't even know if I was in real danger or not. But it did change my life forever. Now I don't have family nor friends. I do have my beautiful, amazing and beloved soulmate – my wife. She's everything I have. I wouldn't be here anymore if it weren't for her. But going back to the bad stuff, I don't have a life outside of our place. Even virtual one. I had to delete all of my accounts on every social media I had. Thankfully I was able to save some of them later but still I lost years of texts with my friends, all photos from our chats, my posts. In some way, my memories. It's like I had to erase the evidences of my own existing. And Tumblr was one of them.

I know I didn't have to write this poem. It's so needy and it seems like I'm begging for pity and attention. And maybe I am, huh... Yesterday I would've write this post completely different. It would've been short, maybe a little funny and with information about my fandoms, likes and dislikes. But few hours before I got triggered by a man in a uniform near our front door and now I just want to get all of it off of my chest.

He doesn't act any different when he hears it, doesn't react to it. He quickly decides that Wilson won't tell the truth he's been hiding and he needs to discover it on his own. After that he tries hard to uncover the truth, maybe even including hiring a detective and definetly including going through Wilson's place but he finds nothing unusual (the only not Wilson's items at his place were House's).

Tha

Huh.

this dialogue with MAGA person is just 💥

I don't consider my English flawless and I understand that there is a chance this person's texts actually make sense but still

Feel free to ask any questions.

# she was preparing for this shit

# can't save her own country so wants to save another

If you are an American then this was written for you.

I'm not American. Actually I'm russian. Ashamed, but not hiding this fact. And I know how autocracy looks like, how desperate it feels to have brainwashed people around you, how horrible it is to be scared of people in uniform. And I definetly know how feels the guilt for things your own government does to innocent people.

And I want to say that you are better than us, russians. You haven't been brainwashed for such a long time so you don't have that big number of zombies (maga, in your case). You've had honest elections therethrough you have a proof that number of sane people is quite big, actually it's half of you (we can't even nearly guess the percentage of people who don't support putin). It means you have a proof you are not alone. There are people who feel the same way you do. And if you rise – they will rise with you.

And that's why I want to ask you. Fight back. 'Cause it will get worse. Right now you have а freedom of speach – that's a lot. You are allowed to protest. Even your famous influential people can be openly against government. You have politics who openly disagree with president's actions. And all of that can be gone. These rights can be taken away from you very quickly. You need to take actions before that happens. Resist. Don't tolerate any of this. Don't get used to it. Be angry. Anger activates us. It motivates us to change things we don't like.

I learned from our, russian opposition's, mistakes. Peaceful protests do not work in autocracy. It works only in democracy which is not the case. In these extreme conditions people need to fight for their country against their own government. Against the man who stole their country, who poisoned it. So go to the protests and protect your neighbors. All of you are in the same boat. Don't just record a video of men in uniforms stealing people, beating them, arresting. Stop the pigs. That was one of our mistakes – we were just recording. We thought that the attention brought up to these horrors will stop them. It didn't. You are stronger than you think when you are united. That's why you need to protect each other. Do not think that this horror won't affect you. We have a phrase that translates like "if you are not interested in the politics, the politics will be interested in you". You always can be the next target. The repressions always start with the minorities but they will get to you too, just wait. If you want to learn ways of protesting and protecting yourself you should research information about protests in different countries. It is really helpful. I myself learned a lot from other countries' experiences, especially Ukraine's and Belarus'.

Or

Being in multiple fandoms is liking pins on Pinterest for an hour and doing it by just clicking suggested by Pinterest similar pins. And an hour later you tab "back" button on repeat to go back to the main feed and see pins with one fandom, but 21 pins later it moves to another fandom, 17 pins later the fandom switches again, and again, and again.

Or

You don't have time at all because of all the work and chores. And when you do, you are just too exhausted to read or watch anything, you just wanna sleep or doomscroll emotionlessly. And you have to make money. All the time. And when you "waste" time on fandoms you feel guilt. Because you don't have enough money and you need it to survive. And it seems like all the others can watch or read something new, be in the front rows. And you just can't keep up. You feel far behind. And even if It happens for you to fully enjoy fandom content, you feel miserable going back to normal life.

Now she thinks I romanticize problematic stuff