create in spite @theninjazebra - Tumblr Blog

I draw things - sometimes for myself, sometimes for others.

My art tag

Animal kingdom fanart tag

Expanse fanart tag

Interview With The Vampire fanart tag

Siren Blue comic

Peace Day comic

All other comics can be found on my deviantArt

#hello

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#my art #old shit #REMEMBER WHEN I WOULD DRAW FOR FUN????#i used to have time and energy and thoughts and id draw and enjoy it and there were no emails involved #s2g every job i have now is just people bitching at me that i'm not doing it right or enough #meanwhile i'm running on fumes so badly my brain has set itself on fire #never turn what you love into work

i'm just a migraine girl living in an LED world

#had a work meeting #and it was a good productive meeting and the pain wasn't too bad #but omg the light overhead was so loud #also whoever renovated my house before we bought it installed bright LED everything #i'm in light hell #id get those dark contacts but i have to see colours correctly for work

Me: rest and routine and learning to manage stress are the way out of this mess so I should relax and do less and I dunno, meditate under a tree or something

Also me: fuck that, im bored, let's go to Auckland for 11 days

#decided over the weekend that resting and consistency arent working (barely tried)#and actually fuck this shit imma live my life #one crash out too many about family shit #i lost so much time years and years to bad mental health and dysfunction and tradgedy #im not giving up any more ground #im not the same i dont have the same capacity #but fuck what else is there? remove all pleasure so i can better work more??? wtf????#anyway gonna rest now because i watered some plants and apparently thats over the line

Update.

#Weirdly #I actually dont feel utterly awful right now #i dont think it will last #like in the last he the desk light has started to piss me off #which is never a good sign #might just be that its fuck off cold and misrable today #but for the first time in like... 11 days i have a moment of being myself #I'll take it #who knows i might actually be able to go to retail job next week without wishing i would just die #i might even be able to form sentences!

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chiimeramanticore

do me a favor and reblog this and put in the tags what time it is for you and what you're currently doing/thinking about

#10:32am #trying to get a teensy bit of work done so i dont go insane

Unfortunately I don't need my head opening up like a tin of beans, so I guess I'm just going to have to improve my life the hard way.

#fuck boundaries and stress management #ur gonna have to hunt me and my poor life habits in the woods #i havent ruled out medication its just that there isnt much in the way of good options that i can afford #the unsolicited advice brigade have been out in force tho #thank fuck my mother is dead and cant suggest exorcism #or weird shit she found on the internet #for a brief weak moment last week i kinda wished she was here #but the other 60something yr old women in my life have reminded me why I actually don't

Slow progress is still progress.

#my art

How would I know exactly how wonderful a blisteringly hot shower in the dark is if I wasn't having migraine symptoms 24/7?

#life isnt very fun atm #im trying not to complain 24/7 #but omg this is boring af #wheatie on the eyes is also 👍👍👍👍👍

#music #the veils #new album yay #Youtube

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Time to work this up.

#my art #also my head #doc tomorrow so hopefully some answers #or at least a plan

theninjazebra

#music #david bowie #as death omens go she had a pretty good one

I can't quite assemble my thoughts today, but pretend there's 7k of incoherent personal rambling about art, grief, religion, mental illness, and music here.

#im just saying that for someone who explicitly raised her daughters to be tradwives #my mother had banging taste in music #and 10 years later its one of the things i most appreciate about her still #and music is by far the easiest way to reach her now that a decade seperates us #art isnt an inherently moral force #but its the closest thing to a religion i have left #the divine on earth in this life #for the way moves across time and distance and death

theninjazebra

Intergenerational.

#my art #interview with the vampire #iwtv #tvl #i spent my su day working painfully slowly through freelance #so still no new fanart #but i want to #i just also want to be less burnt out #which is almost definitely why im having a migraine a week #with collection of symptoms that last 5 days #that or the brain tumor that 3am emma is Very Sure that i have #3am emma is a mad bitch and isnt allowed to make decisions or message anyone for this reason #anyway even if the migraine hell is caused by something else im still burnt af #when freelance is a bit more in control and ive got a couple more pieces done for this show

#my art #i suspect i've given this piece away #which is a massive fuck off pain in the ass #sigh #not having a great week #could someone please just give me $10k for shit and giggles?

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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

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you know you're Doing Great when cancelled work is just a relief.

(Edit: Realised this didn't come across right - my brain is broken and I'm trying to not quit all my jobs right now because everything is so hard)

#even the spectre of being broke is less stressful than attempting to work rn #i mean #i still have too much on my plate really #but still

theninjazebra

#my art #got a plan for these now #somehow #the group show art is coming together

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create in spite