Talking Heads

As a woman you get attention, often unwanted, in clubs, bars, the street, Burger King… etc etc. I am fully aware of the argument of why should we, as women, accept this “harassment”, and disregard this as a normality of life.  Yeh, it can suck, but this isn’t the route I’m taking with this article.  This article is about a recent experience I had while on a night out which, although amusing, was shocking.  

SCENE… I was at pretentious club/restaurant in central London, let’s call it Densington Hoof Gardens for anonymity sake. (I really want to make it clear here that this is not my normal hangout, my best friend had received a free dinner voucher for two.  Who could say no to that).  My friend had recently become single for the first time in five years, but was ready to have some serious fun this night.  But with men.  Which kind of resulted in me finding my own fun.  First thing I learnt about this place – not a place to go if you’re not single. No one wants to know.  When I managed to infiltrate one group, and the question came up (again) are you with anyone? Instead of the standard answer, aka the truth – Yes I have a boyfriend, I decided to let them know I was a lesbian so their question was redundant.  I often do this when drunk by the way – make up outrageous stories which are obvious lies, but I usually have a partner in crime with me so it’s “funny” (when you’re by yourself you gotta commit to the lie… so much more at stake, also a bit more weird).  I’m not sure what I expected by doing this, but as the night went on and different men approached me, I heard the SAME DAMN THING every time, and usually in this order:

“I don’t believe you”

Rude.  Rude you’re assuming I’m lying, (which I am…), but more because why would you question anyone’s sexuality?  Just because I don’t prescribe to the stereotype of what constitutes as a lesbian in your head (heaven forbid what that is), does that mean I can’t be gay?

“But you’re too hot to be a lesbian!”

I’m definitely not.  What does that even mean?  Ah yes, your flattery will immediately turn me straight! Go home.

“Why don’t you like penis?”

 Easy.  Same reason you don’t.

“Can I change your mind?”

Of course, after all this is a choice!  This one honestly came up so many times, but you would have thought in this day and age… Exasperated is the word.

And then the killer…

“You should meet my girlfriend”

 OK, so at this point there is acceptance. There is also admittance that they have had a girlfriend all along…  

George Orwell, 1984

I think it’s super hard to try and write a blog that people can connect with, in which they can read it and hear a voice.  My aim is that when my friends read this, they can hear me say it in real time.  I’ve seen that it’s very easy to fall into a habit where bloggers adopt an almost Stephen Fry-esque way of speaking, which sounds unnatural, and outright pompous (if I do say so myself.)  I’m having a cackle (I have a shit laugh) because there is one appalling blog I have in mind which does this, which gets plastered all over Facebook by her friends and such when she’s posted something new.  I mean… it’s awful.  Downright offensive to the English language.  However… that being said, it has inspired me to write something better.  It’s one of those blogs that jumps on hot topics of the Now, that reels off excruciatingly obvious regurgitated opinions that they've read in the Guardian (probably Buzzfeed though), and offers nothing new.  I’m not asking for ground-breaking theorems or new ideologies.  But reading something that’s written in a way as if it’s presenting the next Nobel prize worthy ideas, is dull and laughable.