the meme box!

❛Do I look or sound like a baseball player?❜ ❛All you ever do lately is bury yourself in your work and hide in your apartment.❜ ❛My apartment is the only place that I feel safe right now.❜ ❛I think my apartment has been robbed.❜ ❛Sometimes they don’t take those Hunger Games checks seriously, but I get such good Mockingjay points.❜ ❛I can’t stay mad at you.❜ ❛I am going to take you for sushi tonight.❜ ❛I was afraid to tell you, but I guess I was just waiting for the right time.❜ ❛I’m dropping out of college, and i’m going to be a rapper.❜ ❛Remember that time I bailed my own mugger out of jail?❜ ❛I’m gonna knock you out.❜ ❛I tough love you!❜ ❛So, is there anything to eat around here?❜ ❛It’s not that bad, come on.❜

❛Please fake a work emergency and get out.❜ ❛You ruined my life.❜ ❛I thought my presence would be comforting.❜ ❛I just didn’t want you to be by yourself.❜ ❛I thought I’d made progress, but I was wrong.❜ ❛Is anybody else sick of this Christmas music?❜ ❛So we’re just gonna sit here and listen to Christmas music?❜ ❛How about I bring a gingerbread house?❜ ❛You’re not the only one dating somebody.❜ ❛He offered to take me Nascar riding.❜ ❛Why are you sleeping with my boyfriend?❜ ❛Everything’s gonna be fine. I promise.❜ ❛Are you telling me that she’s not the other woman, I am the other woman?❜

❛Why do hospitals always have the world’s ugliest posters?❜ ❛I haven’t seen you in a few days. I thought I’d better come to you.❜ ❛I brought you some Thai food, but I threw out the rice.❜ ❛I wish I got to see you more.❜ ❛I think you can have everything you want.❜ ❛I don’t remember the last time I saw my apartment.❜ ❛So you don’t need me here at all?❜ ❛I’m worried about him.❜ ❛I want to see more of that sleeping guy.❜ ❛Who the hell do you think you are?❜ ❛No amount of breathing techniques and scented oils is gonna help you.❜ ❛Kelly Ripa’s a big fan.❜

❛How was your weekend?❜ ❛I went to a self-defense workshop at the “Y.”❜ ❛Do you think you could teach me some moves?❜ ❛I’m actually legally blind in Hawaii and Alaska.❜ ❛I thought that Gwyneth Paltrow would be in it more.❜ ❛I can’t believe how little I’s getting from this conversation.❜ ❛I get most of my information from Chelsea Handler books.❜ ❛It tells you which superhero you should marry.❜ ❛I saw you hit on your Chinese delivery man one time.❜ ❛I wish that we were lesbians so we could get married.❜ ❛I just came here to apologize to you.❜ ❛You hit me in the head twice with a volleyball.❜ ❛I cannot keep you from getting your heart broken.❜

❛I didn’t know you were such a cook.❜ ❛You made everything on a panini press?❜ ❛Maybe all these years drinking nothing but energy drinks has left me legally taste-blind.❜ ❛My family isn’t sophisticated like you and me.❜ ❛I have not seen you in forever.❜ ❛My diagnosis is that you’re a huge nerd.❜ ❛I just figured, if i’m going to be a mess, might as well be a hot mess, right?❜ ❛Why do you care who I hook up with?❜ ❛I’m sorry, is this Wayne Manor?❜ ❛Why are you calling me from a strip club in Atlanta?❜ ❛That is just about the grossest thing that anyone has ever said to me.❜ ❛I think I could be exclusive. I don’t know.❜

❛That actually looks really good on you.❜ ❛You look like Drew Barrymore in one of those movies I hate.❜ ❛How about we both play hooky today?❜ ❛If we are indulging imaginary situations, I would love to introduce you to my husband, straight Anderson Cooper..❜ ❛You and I don’t have a personal relationship.❜ ❛I see how you look at me when i’m in a t-shirt.❜ ❛You’re such a narcissist!❜ ❛With that in mind, where should we hang the piñata?❜ ❛I could spend the rest of my life in jail if I so much as kill someone.❜ ❛I was taking fish oil until the bottle rolled behind my fridge.❜ ❛Do you know, when I die, in my will, I leave all of my money to Tina Fey.❜ ❛I have such a girl crush on Tina Fey.❜ ❛I don’t say this lightly: You should write magazine articles.❜ ❛It was difficult, but I managed to win in the end.❜

❛Who am I supposed to be trying to impress?❜ ❛You were really drunk at the wedding.❜ ❛You’re so weird about spoilers.❜ ❛It’s so weird being my own role model.❜ ❛I think someone needs a hug.❜ ❛Why are you so much angrier than usual?❜ ❛Did you even read the book?❜ ❛Why does everyone want me to die alone?❜ ❛Never wink at me again.❜ ❛This random loser cat tried to be my pet.❜ ❛Can I tell you a secret?❜ ❛When your favorite sub sandwich shop closed, I heard weeping through your door.❜ ❛I think that Inigo is actually better than Wesley.❜ ❛That’s a horrible thing to say.❜ ❛Can we skip the party, move this conversation to the memory foam?❜ ❛Please stop telling me how much everything costs.❜

❛What do you mean you have a sex tape of me?❜ ❛So you found the tape of me.❜ ❛Your weekend sounded really depressing.❜ ❛Drake showed up with a white tiger.❜ ❛You have to take me clubbing with you this weekend.❜ ❛I haven’t been to a club in over a decade.❜ ❛NBA players hang out here all the time.❜ ❛You look handsome. Like a youth minister.❜ ❛Why are you staring at that girl? Do you know her?❜ ❛Weird. It’s like if Hermione liked Voldemort.❜ ❛I don’t know those words.❜ ❛Why did you keep it such a secret?❜ ❛You wanna get a drink with me?❜ ❛I told the bald man I was with you.❜ ❛I think some of your friends are making eyes at me.❜ ❛Don’t worry your gorgeous giant head about that.❜ ❛Welcome to the bathroom.❜ ❛You’ve been in there for forty-five minutes. Are you okay?❜ ❛He says I won’t end up like the others.❜ ❛I’m very flattered by your lesbian overture but i’m not in an adventurous mood.❜ ❛I just can’t be saddled with this anymore.❜ ❛Apparently Jamie Foxx has taken charge of the pizza oven and the toppings are getting weird.❜ ❛I just need to have my parents wire me $300.❜ ❛I want to hear all about when you were knighted by the Queen.❜ ❛I am as happy as the mustache man on the pizza box.❜

❛If you look hard enough you can see love everywhere.❜ ❛I can’t have these beautiful insights and not share them with someone.❜ ❛I can’t run into someone I know on the Subway and stand next to them. It’s weird.❜ ❛I brought you the bottom half of my movie theater candy.❜ ❛If there’s one thing I can never resist, it’s a good tote bag.❜ ❛Are you going to buy that book?❜ ❛I don’t support Shakespeare. I heard a story that he didn’t write any of his plays. He made his butler write them, then he took all the credit.❜ ❛Is it Oscar ballot season again?❜ ❛I think I see Joaquin Phoenix!❜ ❛Is that from Sleepless in Seattle?❜ ❛Good luck with that date.❜ ❛You’re just going to decide with your weird, lumpy gut?❜ ❛You cried at a box of Girl Scout cookies.❜ ❛You disagree with her feeling?❜ ❛Are you in charge of being a douchebag? Because you’re doing a great job.❜ ❛This is a ridiculous waste of my time.❜ ❛I feel that you could be a fascinating subject of a documentary short.❜ ❛Do you trust me?❜ ❛Can you handle pain?❜ ❛This is gonna hurt like a bitch.❜ ❛I got punched in the face.❜ ❛My looks are very important to me.❜ ❛Can you not be so loud? You’re making a scene.❜

❛Tom Hanks was my first boyfriend.❜ ❛Did the elevator just stop?❜ ❛You are acting like a fucking idiot.❜ ❛It’s important for you to know that this is not who I really am.❜ ❛Your life is not a romantic comedy. Right now it seems more like a sad documentary about a criminally insane spinster.❜ ❛I think he’s Hugh Grant in ‘About A Boy.’❜ ❛I used to think that Sex Addiction was made up by male celebrities.❜ ❛I am not good at saying no. One time I left a flea market with a samurai sword.❜ ❛Do you wanna get smacked?❜ ❛I’m basically a vegetarian for moral reasons. I eat eggs and fish and hamburgers, but never steak.❜ ❛I didn’t know that pot and marijuana were the same thing until college.❜ ❛I respectfully decline.❜ ❛I’d be pissed off if I was Meg Ryan and some guy interrupted my New Year’s Eve like that.❜ ❛Never speak for Meg Ryan again.❜ ❛I never know when you’re gonna get wasted and spend the night in jail.❜ ❛Tomorrow is going to be different.❜

❛I want to be like you when I grow up.❜ ❛I don’t have what could be considered a conventional sense of reality.❜ ❛What if something goes wrong and my brain blows up?❜ ❛In the end, the choice couldn’t have been easier to make.❜ ❛I heard someone say once that we’re only as sick as our secrets.❜ ❛How many gay Republican drug users do you know?❜ ❛We found out later that the barber who came every day turned out to be a pimp with a talent for hair.❜ ❛No matter how I go, I want it reported that I drowned in moonlight, strangled by my own bra.❜ ❛Not only do I not like you, I don’t like you personally.❜ ❛Maybe I shouldn’t have given the guy who pumped my stomach my phone number.❜ ❛I can tell that you are a very warm and sensitive person.❜ ❛I was tempted to marry him so I could tell people how we met.❜ ❛I never realized how fun it could be to get a current partner and a past partner together and then pit them against each other.❜ ❛It’s sort of like: I have problems but problems don’t have me.❜ ❛Resentment is like drinking a poison and waiting for the other person to die.❜ ❛I like to quote fictional characters, because i’m something of a fictional character myself.❜