CMGB is The Best

eliza:

what adulthood did to me

Hogwarts freshmen 2: [with a lisp] leviosa! I, no, I have - I have a lisp. I can’t really pronounce things. [still with a lisp] Leviosa! I-I’m trying.

Hogwarts freshmen 3: Now you said the bathrooms were three doors down on your right, right? Well there’s a three headed dog in there. I’m not sure if that’s the ladies room or whatev. Why don’t we have maps?

Hogwarts freshmen 4: waitlisted: Are y'all gonna get anymore owls? Because I mean, yeah, see, he’s too tiny and he’s not as fast - he’s not as cool as, you know, the other owls.

It’s a breezy summer day and the rustling from the leaves outside sound like whispers from my small apartment. I’m sitting in front of my laptop, silently studying the 1.6 billion faces speaking simultaneously in front of me. It’s Monday, the day of the weekly conference call between all Muslims. We have been required to attend this Skype meeting from the the tender age of fetus, but I had never spoken in one of them before. 

That changes today. 

“Hey guys, what if…” I start to say. 

Nobody hears me, but I refuse to be silent. How could I show my face again on Tumblr if I couldn’t even save my mayonnaise friends from death? How could I expect to earn their respect? Anon was right; why hadn’t I done this before? Thousands of lives had paid the price for my ignorance, but not anymore.

“What if you guys….. stopped killing people.“ 

Suddenly, silence. 

1,643,398,023 pairs of eyes are on me. My heart is in my throat as the ISIS leader gives me a blank expression. 

A single tear rolls down my cheek. "Please.” I say with a broken voice. 

He is moved.