not trying to be shady just genuinely curious, but how do u reconcile ur asexual diagnoses with having sex?
Ok bear with me bc Iāve only been thinking abt this since like the start of the year, so Iām no ace expert by any means, except to say that Iāve always been someone who related to the label but never ever thought it could be applicable to me. Esp since I really donāt feel queer, so to say, but have known I wasnāt straight since I was a tiny child.
I think half of it has just been my struggle with being willing and open to identify with the label, but also not really understanding what sexual attraction even is. Looking at someone makes you horny? Like deadass?? Bc Iāve always masturbatedā¦ itās just always been like a decision in the moment vs something Iāve been craving. Iāve been hit hard by lexapro too actually.
But that said, Iāve always been obsessed with sex and romance and blah blah, and have gotten into these weird relationships where I was just entirely unaware of . how fast people could jump into the whole sex thing , which seriously ended up hurting me in high school.
But I realized recently (hence why Iāve been trying to talk about it more) a lot of the pain and struggle I associate with relationships hasnāt just stemmed from my trauma, but also the fact that one of the reasons it was all so uncomfortable for me is bc what I was experiencing was a lack of āsexual attractionā to people I did actually want to have sex with. Crazy. So it never managed to compute in my head, until I just said fuck it, we ball.
That said, now Iām much more comfortable (and I think, just older so my perspective has changed and Iām more experienced in this world) with the idea that,, sex is NOT dependent on somebody being able to āturn me onā or somebody being sexy. And I donāt mean that in a, ppl donāt get my dick hard way. I mean that in a like, I have to decide to make my dick hardā¦but once I am having sex, there I am having an Experience Iām Interested in LOL and am enjoying.
It definitely manifests strangely tho given I get different things out of it than is typical ā Iām not always on the same page as the ppl Iām with, especially hookups, as Iāve found. Iām not always engaged in the sex aspect, sometimes I want to be talking while itās happening, or I need to get up, or I donāt get off for reasons entirely of my own, or even like I get kind of bored, plus pelvic pain was definitely something I dealt with too. and then I try and talk abt that with ppl and they donāt know what I mean or theyāre annoyed bc they are just there for the sexual attraction aspect of sex and neither of us can read the other.
that said, maybe itās not even asexuality, Iām still very comfortable with a bi/pan label, or even no label at all, bc this was stressful for me to think about for a long time and I donāt need things to be sorted so perfectly. But it also makes me laugh, bc since claiming the label, Iāve been like, people donāt have to understand me for us both to get what we want š
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