I rant here. @thelonemockingjay - Tumblr Blog

I learnt to cook for my cat.

#i had never set foot inside the kitchen to truly make something before #I would survive on coffee and instant ramen #as I had every day before #but he cannot and I cannot afford to buy him the wet food he loves and needs for his health #so me #someone who had never learnt how to cook for my sake because I never had to and probably never will #dethawed chicken #used a pressure cooker to boil it #cut vegetables into tiny little pieces and boiled them #mashed them down #took the bones out from the cooked chicken and set them aside for the marrow gravy #learnt how to use a mixer #(I was really scared of the sound still am)#all because of my son #a cat #I never loved myself enough to make anything for me #but today I learnt I love him more than I ever could love anyone including myself #that I learnt how to cook for him #please pray he likes the food and his stomach likes it too #I love him so much.#mine #my text #poetry #journal #notes #cat #cats of tumblr #cats #kitten #kittens

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i cling to the idea of God like it's the last thing to keep me going.

When I was young, I had a premonition-like dream. Didn't realise what it was at the time but when it came true, about 3 years later, it stayed with me. I doubt if that really happened anymore. Surely, if there's a god, if they cared about me, enough to show me that, would they let me live like this? Would they watch me suffer the way I do?

The memory is hazy to me now. It's so long ago and so surreal, it's blurred and indistinct. If you're real, why do you let this happen to me? I say to the wind. I move on. I stop believing. Well, I stop thinking.

Until..my son. I have a reason to keep living now. I love him so much my chest hurts and my eyes tear up thinking about it. I'd die a million times over for him. I'd go through everything again because I met him at the end of it. And I pray, please please be real. God, please be real. Please be real so I have someone to ask to care for him when I can't. Please keep him safe.

You didn't save me. Its okay I don't deserve saving. But he does. Keep him safe and happy. I'll be miserable all my life but if I ask one thing of you, it's that you keep my baby safe. I pray you're real because I'm desperate.

And I sit there and watch, tears streaming down my face as from desperation stems belief again. And where the root of all of it lies, in love. Belief born out of desperation born out of love.

My

"dear lord when I get to heaven, please let me bring my man. /when he comes, tell me that you'll let him in ."

Needs a

"I'd tell them put me back in it / heaven is not fit to house a love like you and I ."

#thats it #thats the post #i can see i love the way lana loves #but i want to love the way hozier loves and be loved the way he loves his women #i wanna be loved like that #hozier #andrew hozier byrne #lana del rey #lana del rey lyrics #hozier lyrics #young and beautiful #francesca hozier #unreal unearth unheard #unreal unearth #francesca #text post #i need you to worship me like im your religion and your salvation as i pray to god for forgiveness

Okay hot take (probably gonna get hate for this but) Bridgerton is such a shit show like?? I do not understand the hype that it gets at all it's such crap, so historically inaccurate, nauseatingly predictable and dragged out so much, it's practically 16 filler scenes and ONE relevant scene.

I hate the instrumental versions of modern songs, the dances, the makeup, costumes and hair like..the acrylic nails?? The modern dresses?? The fake lashes, eyeliner and cut crease?? The Blush?? The hair styling??? They're not even PRETENDING to try anymore and people eat that up? I'm so disappointed ugh.

#dont come for me i watched literally every single episode #because of my complete inability to stop watching a series in the middle I need to see it through or it will bug me until i die #Skipped though some that's kinda true its so predictable and DRAAAGGEED OUT like ew. theres not even tension #and the characters make no sense at all even like remember when the duke was an absolute asshole to Daphne until they had to meet the queen #then he declares his undying love and gives his shit speech on finding a friend and lover in one or some crap like that #then they get married and everything is fixed #hes the perfect husband #With Kate being so outdoorsy #never caring for rules..riding horses EVERYDAY...her entire thing being independent and confident and shit then she marries Anthony and #she gave it all up LMAOOO what was the point of introducing her as the 'not like other women of the century' character then??#All of a sudden she's the viscountess she cares for throwing balls and stuff I get that she will try to fill in her role in the new family #but completely erasing her personality is just FUCKED #and Anthony and Kate not arguing or disagreeing even once is .....yeah well..#Then there's Colin. Pen changed clothes and immediately he's deeply madly in love with her and have been forever #Look I love plots where people realise later on they've always had feelings for their closest friend but it taking them a #wardrobe change to realize it is....shallow.#And the fact that his response to finding out Pen was Lady whistledown was 'you will not besmirch the Birdgerton name' is just crappy.#He stated that more than once if I remember it right #And pen having the baby boy and heir to the Featherington name is just so fucking cliche #ew.#Don't even get me started on the fact that the entire thing is just glorified porn sorta #Anyway I hate that people like it as much as they do #But its fantasy and they're doing different tropes fake dating enemies to lovers friends to lovers so its pretty entertaining #bridgerton #bridgerton spoilers #bridgerton season three #bridgerton season 3 #anti bridgerton

swirlingvortex

Why are some people such fucking dicks for no reason at all? I can't imagine being the sort of person whose thought process goes like "Well, I'm probably never gonna see this person again so why not be an arse to them? It doesn't matter". Empathy is free. You don't even HAVE to be kind, if you're not upto it, but it literally costs you NOTHING to not be rude. To not ruin someone else's day. To not be the reason someone second guesses themselves.

thelonemockingjay

And from personal experience, it ALWAYS some fucking asshole in a position of authority who feels entitled to treat people this way. They think everyone is so beneath them. Take away your fucking title and money, and you'll find you breathe and eat and shit like every other living thing.

Hopefully you'll be reminded of it someday soon.

#my text #text #text post #txt post #txt #rant post #personal rant

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"You're too sweet for me."

Sure, I like my coffee with cream but I would burn empires to the ground for you. I'd get my hands, and my conscience bloody without hesitation if you wished it so. Nothing about me is sweet.

#too sweet #andrew hozier byrne #hozier #unreal unearth #unheard #unreal unearth unheard #girl goes of off a tangent as she rants and dies #i love this man #god i need a man like that #when's it gonna be my turn #on a side note #i really fucking hate black coffee or tea #like ew what's that brother

Wish I could turn back time to when I hadn't heard

"The future's so bright, it's burning"

so I could appreciate it and take it in with its full intensity again.

#unreal unearth #unreal unearth unheard #unheard #unheard ep #hozier #andrew hozier byrne #empire now

Hozier :

"My peace has always depended on all the ashes in my wake."

Also Hozier:

"I'd burn every soul I knew if I thought the fire was warming you."

#these lyrics have had me in a chokehold ever since I first read them #andrew hozier byrne #hozier #unreal unearth #in my head these two lyrics are married #for eternity #thank you.

I've always kinda wondered, when people have a crush on someone, do they uh..like touch themselves to said crush? Is that a thing?

#im ace btw #just wondering #if thats a thing im done #like wtf

Trying so hard not to kill myself but God I'm so close. Id rather die than fail

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Taylor wrote 'Cowboy like me' for me. I will not accept otherwise. Argue with the wall.

#taylor swift #taylor swift lyrics #cowboy like me #evermore

thelonetribute

I mourn the child I used to be. I mourn the woman I could've been.

" I'd walk so far just to take the injury of finally knowing you. "

Excuse me sir, who gave you the permission to break my soul into a million little pieces and have me try to patch it up to the best of my capabilities just so you could find more crushing, creative ways of shattering it all over again?

#andrew hozier byrne #the man that you are #why do you have to have me in this state #every word you've ever uttered is poetry #and I'm so tired of being crushed this way #I should stop and listen to some roblox music #instead of subjecting myself to this torture #but oh god #how could I #when i know of the reach of your words #hozier #unknown / nth #unknown nth #unreal unearth

If the wind turns, if I hit a squall

Allow the ground to find its brutal way to me.

#felt this in my bones #what a way to start the song #allow the ground to find its brutal way to me #i feel this in the very fibre of my being #hozier #what a way.#i carrion (icarian)#I carrion #icarian #icarus and apollo #icarus and the sun #icarus #unreal unearth #unreal #unearth #andrew hozier byrne

Hozier : ( rips out my heart and stabs it with a poison laced knife about fifty million times and kicks it down, spilling blood everywhere )

Also Hozier : " Anyway, "

#what listening to 'first time' feels like #andrew hozier byrne #how dare you do this to me #how can you possibly follow that verse up with an 'anyway' like you didn't just push me into yet another existential crisis #and mess me up forever #pretty sure some part of me died the first time I ever listened to this song #first time #hozier #hozier my beloved #unreal unearth

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Ken literally said "I only exist within the warmth of your gaze." and made me question everything I knew about him then followed it up with "Without it I'm just another blond guy who can't do flips." and made me go 'aand he's back again.'

#barbie #barbie 2023 #barbie movie #ryan gosling #margot robbie #greta gerwig #ken #he's just ken

does anyone know what to do with this loneliness?

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