Confessions of a Lonely Spinster

Dearest reader, dates are rather the most uncomfortable events of anyone’s life. And truly, the constant worrying, the games, the judgement and of course the conversations which one must decide if one were to be themselves or appease the other person would really drive anyone off a cliff. I of course dear reader speak from experience because this writer has broken yet another of her sacred rules of spinsterhood and gone out on a date. And truly she was excited but once meeting the person she felt no attraction and felt so bad that she did not that she spent the day conflicted by emotion and trying to make something out of nothing. And in fact, the whole situation was catipulated to the deepest of anxieties when the gentleman turned out to be simply the sweetest of men. And this spinster, felt nothing. How horrid is that dear reader? To like a man on paper, and yet to feel nothing in person, to a man who truly deserves so much more than yourself. What is one to think? And now, having broken it off because the conflicting emotions were driving this writer mad, this writer still worries about this man, hopes he is alright. And yet is so fearful of starting a conversation again because she truly does not wish to break his heart. And of course what makes matters worse is that after this debacle this writer has decided that she has accepted spinsterhood without a doubt. Not to say of course she does not yearn for affection, but she simply does not wish to put the effort into a relationship any longer. And so we are left, dear reader, with these constant emotions of sadness for this fool who dared to give an ounce of his own heart to this cold shell of a woman. And the conflicting emotions continue. Forever. A brief update for you dear reader into the rather ridiculous life of this lonely spinster. Until next time.

Dearest reader, my, it has simply been an age this this author has cared to delve into this column. Well dear reader simply so much has happened. Firstly, this spinster has become the dreaded stereotype to which she tries to avoid. She has...adopted a feline. From an intellectual perspective this feline is rather an excellent test of this author’s fragile anxieties. For example, dear reader, this animal is quite vocal, and this author is in constant fear that there is something wrong or she is being a horrid human to this cat. Knowing full well of course that this feline is of Asian genetics and is prone to meow simply because she can. In any case dear reader, I do anticipate to be back upon my path of hiatus, but could simply not come and tell you of this advancement in my lonely existence. Until next time, dear reader.

Dearest reader, as one may have noticed, this author is taking a hiatus from this column. It pains this author to say that writing on the daily about her rather lonely existence and particularly calling out her spinster status has only enhanced the emotions regarding these situations. This author thanks you all for listening to her diatribes and emotional discontents and truly wishes you all quite the very best. She shall write occasionally shall she find something to complain or comment about. However the regularity if her posts shall be unknown. I wish you well, dear reader.

Dearest reader, this morn this author had a thought about the comparisons of the mordern world to the world of yesterday. It reminded this writer of a lecture she attended and quite disagreed with. It was a course on stress and the lecturer quite simply asked the audience if life was more stressful today than in the past. Everyone in attendance agreed, sans myself. Dear reader, the world has different stresses true than the past, but that quite does not mean it is more stressful. Those in the ages before dealt with poverty, filth, drugs, poisons, etc, etc, in quite different ways that us today. We do still have poverty, however it is not nearly so bad as it was during the Great Depression for example. Shall we also discuss medical advancements of today? A simple surgical procedure during this century is quick; in the past it most often was ill practiced and caused death. And need I not mention dear reader the pressures of marriage and conceiving children for a woman in decades past. We have simply switched off stressors from yesterday to new ones of today. As our world becomes more and more advanced, things that may seem hard now shall simply move away and new stressors shall arise. And so, dear reader, I would quite like to wrap that lecturer upside the head for being so small minded as to believe that our advanced society is so much more complicated that in the past. It is only when we remember where we have come that we can learn to move forward. Until next time, dear reader.

Dearest reader, one must imagine that if a spinster such as I does not post on her beloved column for three days in a row that that spinster is either dead or she has become entrapped by a gentleman. I shall simply laugh to this dead reader. Ha! This author has quite just had enough with reliving her single existence on the regular and wished for a break, either that or this author simply had nothing of note to present to the universe. As we know dear reader, being a single woman of an unmarriagable age with simply no social life is ever so boring. Until next time dear reader.

Dearest reader, the great outage of the social platforms Facebook and Instagram of yesterday past truly messed with this spinster’s existence. She rather missed spending her hours in which she should have been working, scrolling through photograph after photograph of antiques and historical costumers (this writer’s current delicious obsession). Or truly she did mourned the loss of her acquaintances frequent political postings or perhaps even a rather random science fact or discover. This writer also could not access her dearest gaming applications either due to their connection with the dreaded Facebook application. You quite know I am dramatic dear reader but the outage simply ruined my day! Faints. Did you truly suffer such as I dear reader? Please, let us mourn the regaining of our eleven or so hours yesterday past. Until next time, dear reader.

Dearest reader, it has simply be such a busy day this author almost forgot about the few of you who actually read this column. Do not fear dear reader, this author is still well and still a spinster. She is also still avoiding downloading a dating application. I will also advise on another rather delicious round of hair gossip that a silk hair wrap is simply a divine way of protecting your locks during the evening as you sleep. It rathe reduces split ends and enhances sheen. This author washes her hair in the evening, twists it up in her wrap and then in the morn her hair is lucious and curly. I rather recommend it to every individual with hair. And if you, dear reader, do not concern yourself with the silken texture of your strands than hear me...you shall still enjoy your locks not strangling you in the middle of the night as you slumber. Think about that, dear reader.

Dearest reader, today this author shall discuss a subject to which is completely different than our normal subject matter. Dry shampoo is simply the greatest invention in the modern world. Truly, this author has rather oily hair which must be washed every day; however that quite makes her hair dry and frizzy. As all fabulous spinsters know dear reader, one’s hair oils are important to a healthy scalp and healthy hair, or so this author has read on the Internet. Which we all know dear reader could be completely false and this author could be feeding into the futher lies that she reads. However, she shall move on to her original topic. Dry shampoo adds such volume and with the right brand one can not tell if this writer’s hair was fresh washed or not. The conscience of the age is astounding dear reader. And whilst this author does wish she lived in the regency era, she also wishes that she could just bring some modern conveniences with her, such as running water and dry shampoo. Until next time, dear reader.

Dearest reader, this author is about to break one of her most sacred rules, she is about to download a dating application and she is rather terrified. She has experienced the online dating world in the past and rather despises the games and emotions around it. The dangers that she has heard and the pains that she has felt. However, there is this small voice inside her mind that keeps asking, “what if?”. And so, this author is fighting her own morals to once more join the dating realm and possibly her spinster status. Although dear reader, we know that being a spinster is not always an affliction that is celebrated, it may simply be a fact of someone’s existence. A fact that is somehow written that one such as I shall be alone until the end of time. It has been quite true for some of her relations and perhaps it shall be true for this writer. However, this does not mean that she shall not present herself as available...does it dear reader? In any case, this author shall most likely change her mind by tomorrow’s post. Until next time, dear reader.

Dearest reader, it has come to this author’s attention that she has rather given much time into discussing her ridiculous emotions as of late and truly ignoring the topic of opinion. As so, dear reader, I wish to correct upon this now. It has been suggested that a woman of a single persuasion may go out to a bar and drink alone or yet attend a restaurant and sit at a table alone. Dear reader, it is embarrassing to be alone in a restaurant with simply no one to talk with and to enjoy one’s only thoughts. To be served and gawked at by the other patrons whom have also rightly waited for a table for their parties of two or more. The fact that a woman alone dares to eat alone is simply anxiety inducing. In fact, this author has only attempted the experience once and found the whole experience to be pointless. Truly, one can enjoy eating on their own in their quiet residence and enjoy the same culinary experiences as a restaurant may entail. However, the one experience that shall be avoided is the staring and talking of the other patrons. You have heard me discuss my paranoia dear reader and this is quite the height of it. So dear reader, if you are also of the spinster affiliation, I do advice calling in an order and bringing it to your more comfortable dwelling. Even the finest of restaurants shall allow you to “take out”, even if it is not advertised. Until next time, dear reader.

Dearest reader, this author, who clearly knows simply nothing about the world around her, did not realize that this day was International Woman’s day. And so this author would like to say congratulations to all women, for being fabulous and for slowly breaking the boundaries that have been set for us in our patriarchal society. This author is rather proud to be a female, and although yes, she does wish for a man in her existence, that is not to say she is not proud to be a confident woman in our world. And so dear reader, be-ist you female or male I quite do wish you a pleasant afternoon.

Dearest reader, this day has begun better than the last few, although this author shall admitt the strain of the last days has emphasized her loneliness. Her heart aches for companionship, for love and someone to speak with during the hard times. All this author has to distract her is her mobile telephone and her television set; her mind is not helping the situation in the least. On her automobile ride this morning she geared up in fear of the day, the anxiousness of what she shall find and endure and knowing that she shall once again find herself alone by the evening. Dating applications are once more finding their way into her thoughts and even the stories akin to a gothic tale are no longer finding their sway to keep her at bay. What shall one do, when they are a professional and forever a spinster in the modern world; especially when one is an introvert and has a hint of social anxiety. What is one to do dear reader? Shall this author cave in her trepedations to find love or shall she find solace in something more certain, for example a pet, perhaps a feline companion. Another day has past dear reader and this author has once more expressed her loneliness to the endless void of the internet. Until next time, dear reader.

Dearest reader, this author has once more found that she can not stand the existence of an egotistical acquaintance, especially when that acquaintance is influencing others of her circle. It is rather immature and rude and this author truely wishes she was able to give this individual the cut direct for their behavior. It is abominable and making this author’s life quite the living equivalent of the pits of hell. What is one to do dear reader, when they are being terrorized as an adult by an acquaintance. Truly I wish I could remove them from my life entirely, however that is simply not an option. I do feel as if my anxiety regarding this issue shall drive me into insanity. Or perhaps I wish someone would give this indidiviual a stern talking to on my behalf. I dislike confrontation, however I also dislike being walked all over like a child. Do you have any advice dear reader? This author is quite at her wits end.

Dearest reader, this author was simply touched yesterday when she received a private missive from one of you on their own issues with anxiety and depression and how they have tried to avoid these hideous emotions. I would also like to convey how horrid the internet is in conversing or sharing one’s feelings with another human being. We quite hide whom we truly are under a mask. As you know, dear reader, this author is quite not what she appears to be, she rather does not speak in a British accent nor does she use such formal language on the regular. And yet here dear reader, this author is able to express herself in a matter to which she could never do face to face with another. Truly dear reader, we all crave the anonymity of the internet and yet we also fear it because we are simply not able to read the person on the other end. They could be simply fake, spreading lies, they would wish you harm or hurt you in ways most of us would shun away from in a public setting. The internet is a horrid place dear reader, and yet we are drawn to it. We are drawn to that sense of brief acknowledgement, that sense that there is simply someone else out there in the world that has spent the time to watch your video, like your photograph or even reader your blabbering blog post. It is rather the same with dating on the internet dear reader. That initial conversation brings you such glee because you feel as if the other person is quite just like you and attracted to your being, attracted to the version of yourself that you portray. And yet, you are hurt by these people, them disappearing or writing in response that they are simply not interested in the identity you portray hurts beyond anything else you could know. And yet, we return, dear reader. This author has done this on countless occasions during her short dating experience and simply refuses to be hurt anymore by the idiocies of the virtual relationship. One can not know a person by words alone dear reader. One can also not escape into words, escape into the virtual world of forums and role play, simply because one does not know to whom they speak on the other end. This writer has seen people’s lives ruined by trusting those on the internet and in truth, it has happened to her as well and had at one point destroyed a blossoming relationship with a darling group of individuals just like herself. This is why we must all keep our hearts close dear reader and not give them away to those we meet in writing. As much as this writer wishes it, life is not like a regency romance novel. Until next time, dear reader.

Dearest reader, how dare I deprive you of my blabbering for a whole day and night. Truly what kind of monster am I to keep you from boredom. Well, dear reader, this day past was filled with anxiety and paranoia and new socializations and I quite found myself needing to stop thinking and just survive. This day is admittedly not very much improved; I went into my profession anxious and quite wishing to take a sick day. And yet I am here, sitting in front of my computer, writing to you, dear reader. I truly understand that I shall survive this day, this week, and yet at the moment all I wish is to curl in a ball and read a regency romance novel and disappear into a fantasy world. I shall try dear reader, to not become overwhelmed so that I may once again distract you on the morrow. Until next time, dear reader.

Dearest reader, this author simply has nothing to say of any note today, which mind you is simply as surprising to me as to you. Perhaps she shall mention that being lonely means that her mind often drifts into paranoia quite often, being her own worst nightmare. But as this author has visitors this weekend she simple does not know what else to comment on. I fear I shall bore you now dear reader with my pointless post. Until next time, dear reader.