Grunts & Gratitudes

Welcome back to another week at Grunts and Gratitudes, where I bare it all – the ups, the downs, and everything in between. This week has been a whirlwind of emotions, with its fair share of grunts and gratitudes. So, let's dive in.

Grunts of the Week:

Forgetting things: Ah, the bane of my existence – my forgetful memory. Keys? Check the sofa cushions. Where are things in the house? Probably wherever I last left them. Did I already feed the dogs? Always a lingering doubt. The constant wondering if I'm forgetting something important adds a layer of frustration to my days.

Existential Crisis: Ever find yourself questioning your own identity? That's been me this week. Am I truly my own person, or just a mosaic of the people I've encountered and the experiences I've absorbed from them? Is that a good thing or a bad thing? These existential musings have left me feeling a bit untethered.

Heaviness in my Chest: There's this perpetual heaviness weighing on my chest, a silent companion in every moment. It's like carrying around a burden that I can't quite shake off, no matter how hard I try. It colors everything I do, casting a shadow over even the brightest moments.

Gratitudes of the Week:

My Pets: Amidst the chaos and uncertainty, my pets are my constant source of joy. Their unconditional love and goofy antics never fail to bring a smile to my face. Whether it's the wag of a tail or a slobbery kiss, they remind me of the simple pleasures in life.

My Relationships: Nothing compares to the richness of my relationships. They are the bedrock of my existence, grounding me in times of turmoil and lifting me up when I need it most. In the company of loved ones, I feel invincible, capable of weathering any storm that comes my way.

Gratitude for Myself: In the midst of it all, I find myself grateful for my own resilience. Despite the challenges, I have a knack for finding silver linings and mustering the strength to carry on. My ability to seek out gratitude, even in the darkest of times, serves as a beacon of hope and resilience.

Grunts of the Week:

Grief's Heavy Burden: The weight of grief settles upon my chest like a leaden cloak, suffocating and unyielding. Each breath feels like a battle, as constant chest pains serve as a relentless reminder of the void left by the loss of something dear. No matter how deep I inhale or how long I exhale, the ache persists, a haunting echo of what once was.

Restlessness Amidst Exam Stress: The looming specter of exams casts a shadow over my days, leaving me feeling perpetually on edge. With a mountain of tasks demanding my attention, the pressure mounts, fueling a sense of restlessness that refuses to be quelled. Each moment feels like an eternity, as the weight of expectations bears down upon my weary shoulders.

The Elusive Motivation: In the face of mounting stress, motivation seems to slip through my fingers like grains of sand. While stress often serves as a catalyst for action, in this instance, it only serves to drain me of energy and enthusiasm. The simplest tasks feel like insurmountable obstacles, leaving me feeling defeated before I even begin.

Gratitudes of the Week:

Reflecting on Personal Growth: Amidst the chaos and turmoil, I take a moment to reflect on the journey that has brought me to this point. Despite the challenges and setbacks, I have been the architect of my own universe, sculpting a path of personal growth and self-improvement. Through discipline and determination, I have transformed my mindset and reframed my habits, emerging stronger and more resilient than before. With each hurdle overcome, I have learned to love myself and the world around me with a depth and clarity that was once unimaginable.

Finding Solace in Nature: Amidst the chaos of life's demands, nature stands as a steadfast ally, offering solace and sanctuary in its embrace. Whether basking in the warmth of the sun's rays or losing myself in the tranquility of a forest glade, the beauty of the natural world reminds me of the simple joys that exist beyond the confines of my worries. In the gentle sway of the trees and the chorus of birdsong, I find peace and perspective, grateful for the healing power of Mother Earth.

Welcome to another chapter of my journey, where I lay bare the highs and lows of navigating life's maze. Strap in as I delve into the depths of my thoughts and experiences, exploring the tumultuous terrain of self-discovery and gratitude.

Grunts of the Week:

1. Frustration at Myself: With each new change in my life, it feels like I'm locked in a constant battle with myself. The cacophony of conflicting thoughts in my head leaves me feeling like a ship lost at sea. I find myself endlessly berating myself for not measuring up, for faltering at every turn, for simply not being enough.

2. Racy Thoughts: As the sun peeks through the curtains each morning, my mind awakens to a whirlwind of thoughts, racing at breakneck speed. They swirl and twirl, a chaotic dance that I struggle to control. Paralyzed by their intensity, I'm left staring at the blank wall, held captive by the relentless onslaught.

3. Hiring a New Househelp: The never-ending quest to find the perfect househelp is a journey fraught with frustration and exhaustion. Each new candidate brings with them a glimmer of hope, only to be met with the harsh reality of mismatched expectations. Teaching them the intricacies of household chores requires patience and understanding, qualities that are in short supply amidst the chaos of daily life.

Gratitudes of the Week:

1. My Sister: In the ebb and flow of life's tide, my sister stands as a beacon of unwavering support. With a wisdom beyond her years, she navigates the complexities of my soul with grace and compassion. Her mere presence is enough to soothe my troubled mind, offering solace in moments of uncertainty.

2. The Internet: Amidst the chaos of daily life, the internet stands as a bastion of knowledge and opportunity. From learning the art of cooking to accessing invaluable study resources, its vast expanse holds the keys to endless possibilities. With a few clicks, I can unlock a world of information, empowering myself to grow and evolve in ways I never thought possible.

Grunts of the Week:

1. Settling In: Adjusting to such unfamiliar surroundings has been quite the challenge. Moving from an apartment to a plot feels like a cultural shock. In the apartment, I lived on the 18th floor, shielded from the hustle and bustle of the streets below. Now, every noise echoes through the walls – honks, voices, tires screeching, dogs barking. It's overwhelming. And getting used to the local stores or groceries feels like deciphering a complex puzzle.

2. Emotional Headaches: The weight of emotional turmoil has taken a toll on me, manifesting as a constant headache. It feels like a drumbeat behind my eyes, relentless and pounding. Managing it becomes a Herculean task, adding to the already heavy load of stress and worries.

3. Making a Routine: Establishing a routine was challenging enough, and now with the move to a new home, I find myself starting from scratch once again. Forming new habits and adjusting to a different environment is exciting, but it's also incredibly taxing and downright annoying at times.

Gratitudes of the Week

1. The Sanctity of Sleep: Amidst the chaos and stress, sleep has become my sanctuary. Each night, I eagerly await the moment to sink into my bed and escape into the realm of dreams. It's a precious respite from the cacophony of daily life, offering much-needed rest and rejuvenation.

2. The Comfort of Hugs: In a world where physical touch feels scarce, each embrace becomes a lifeline in the vast sea of loneliness. The warmth of arms wrapped around me brings a sense of comfort and solace, like a soft pillow for the soul. It reminds me of the profound connection we share as human beings and assures me that I am never truly alone in this journey called life.

Welcome to Another Edition of Grunts and GratitudesHello, everyone! Welcome back to this week’s Grunts and Gratitudes, where I navigate the rough seas and celebrate the calm waters of daily living. Let's dive into the complexities and joys of the past week.

Grunts:

The Great Escape Artist: This week has brought its share of frustrations, notably my dog's newfound hobby: escaping from home. Each getaway adds stress and worry until he’s safely back. It’s tiring to constantly watch out for any open door or gate, which has definitely added an extra layer of tension around the house.

Echoes of Work Stress: My mother’s work stress has been spilling over at home, resulting in her lashing out. It’s tough to bear the brunt of her bad days, feeling like an emotional punching bag when she comes home charged with frustration from her job.

Adjusting to Dad's Visit: My father is coming to stay with us for a month. Since he doesn’t usually live with us and our lifestyles are quite different, his presence means a lot of adjustments. It's challenging to adapt to his ways and integrate him into our daily routine, which can be quite disruptive.

Gratitudes:

Childhood Reflections: Despite the challenges, having my father around is a poignant reminder of my childhood. His stories and habits, though sometimes difficult to align with, bring back many warm memories and remind me of where I come from, which is something I deeply appreciate.

Sacrifices for My Future: My mother spends a lot of time at work, and though it can be tough on our relationship, I am grateful for her dedication. I recognize that her hard work is a sacrifice so that I can have a better life. It’s a profound expression of love that doesn't go unnoticed.

Power Over My Responses: This week has also reinforced a valuable personal growth lesson: the power to choose how I respond to situations rather than react impulsively. Realizing this has given me a sense of control and maturity, helping me handle stress more effectively and maintain my peace of mind.

Hello, friends! Welcome back to another week's journey through my Grunts and Gratitudes. This is where I vent a little, celebrate a lot, and share the real ebb and flow of my daily life. Let's unpack this week's trials and triumphs together.

Grunts:

Sudden Heatwave: This week, we abruptly shifted from a cool, comfortable winter to an unexpectedly harsh summer heat. The sudden temperature spike has been jarring, making even simple outdoor tasks feel overwhelmingly hot and sticky. It's like winter handed us over directly to the scorching arms of summer without any warning

Navigating a Man's World: As a woman, moving through spaces that often feel dominated by male presence and perspective can be exhausting and unsettling. There’s a palpable tension, a constant alertness that I have to maintain. It's a stark reminder of the strides we still need to make toward genuine safety and equality

The Exhaustion of Giving: There's a particular kind of tiredness that comes from being a giver. This week, I've felt the weight of continuously extending my energy and care, emotionally and physically. It’s draining to keep pouring parts of yourself into others and tasks, and it has left me feeling depleted, emphasizing the need to find balance in my generosity.

Gratitudes

The Courage to Cry: This week, I found gratitude in my tears—those moments when I allowed myself to just let go and express my vulnerabilities. Crying is not a sign of weakness but a brave act of confronting my feelings head-on, and each tear shed is a step towards healing and strength

Embracing My Emotions: I am deeply thankful for the ability to feel my emotions so intensely and care for them without judgment. Whether it’s joy, sorrow, fear, or excitement, I embrace each emotion, giving myself the space to understand and learn from them. This emotional depth is a gift that continues to shape my resilience and compassion

Self-Love in Solitude: This week, my solitude reminded me of the profound love I have for myself. In moments of quiet, I'm grateful for the company I keep in my own thoughts and feelings, celebrating my own presence as much as I would with someone else. Self-love isn’t just a practice but a state of being that I cherish deeply.

Welcome to another edition of Grunts and Gratitudes where we learn together that things are only ever as bad as we make them out to be and by finding the serenity and our chaos, we may truly find happiness in our being.

Today Let's talk about a Grunt that has been bothering me for years:

Every morning, I wake up to the unwelcome embrace of Sacroiliitis, a chronic condition that plagues my days with relentless back pain. Sacroiliitis, characterized by inflammation in the sacroiliac joints, turns even the simplest tasks into monumental challenges. It's like having an uninvited guest that overstays its welcome.

The pain manifests itself in various forms throughout the day, each sensation a reminder of the constant battle raging within my body. It starts as a dull ache in the lower back, gradually intensifying with each step I take. It's as if every movement sends shockwaves of discomfort rippling through my spine, a constant reminder of the burden I bear.

Even simple activities like bending down to tie my shoes or reaching for a high shelf become difficult feats, each movement accompanied by a sharp twinge of pain. It's like trying to navigate through a minefield, with each step fraught with the risk of triggering a flare-up that leaves me incapacitated for hours on end.

Despite my best efforts to push through, the pain relentlessly wears me down, sapping my energy and leaving me feeling defeated. It's a constant companion, a shadow that follows me wherever I go, casting a cloud of smoke  over even the brightest moments of my day.

But amidst the darkness, there are glimmers of hope – moments of respite when the pain momentarily recedes into the background. It's during these fleeting moments that I find the strength to soldier on, knowing that even in the midst of adversity, there is still light to be found.

Yes, despite the challenges that Sacroiliitis presents, I refuse to let it define me. I am more than just my pain, more than just the sum of my struggles. I am a fighter, a warrior who refuses to be defeated by the relentless ache that courses through my body.

So I rise each day with determination in my heart, ready to face whatever challenges come my way. And though the road may be long and fraught with obstacles, I take solace in the knowledge that with each step forward, I grow stronger, more resilient, and more capable of overcoming whatever life throws at me.

If you or someone you know is grappling with Sacroiliitis, remember that help is within reach. Whether it's seeking advice from healthcare professionals, exploring physical therapy options, or connecting with others who share similar experiences, there are avenues to alleviate the burden of this chronic condition. To learn more about managing Sacroiliitis and finding relief, I encourage you to explore reputable sources such as Cleveland Clinic and Mayo Clinic. 

Welcome to another edition of Grunts and Gratitudes, where I invite you to join me on a journey through life's ups and downs. In this space, we explore the grunts – the challenges and frustrations that come our way – and discover the gratitudes – the moments of joy and appreciation that help us navigate through the storm. So grab a cup of tea, settle in, and let's dive into this week's reflections.

Grunts of the Week:

Time Flies: This week felt like a blur, with time slipping through my fingers like sand. There just aren't enough hours in the day to tackle everything on my never-ending to-do list. I find myself constantly racing against the clock, leaving me feeling overwhelmed and stretched thin.

Adjusting to a New Home: The process of settling into my new home has been far from smooth sailing. Each day brings its own set of challenges and emotional hurdles, leaving me feeling drained and vulnerable. The weight of this transition hangs heavy in the air, casting a shadow over every interaction.

Back-to-Back Assignments: Just when I think I've caught my breath, another assignment comes crashing down on me. The relentless onslaught of deadlines leaves me feeling like I'm drowning in a sea of work, struggling to keep my head above water.

Gratitudes of the Week:

Awareness Amidst Chaos: Amidst the whirlwind of chaos and uncertainty, I find solace in my ability to be aware – to hear my thoughts and have conversations with myself. This inner dialogue serves as a lifeline, keeping me grounded and sane in the midst of turmoil.

Unconditional Family Support: I am endlessly grateful for my family, who have never judged me for anything and have welcomed every aspect of me with open arms. They embrace the quirks and imperfections that make me who I am, standing by my side through thick and thin.

The Internet: And then there's the internet – a vast repository of knowledge and inspiration, a paradise for thinkers and the endlessly curious. In a world that often feels overwhelming and isolating, the internet serves as a bridge connecting us to new ideas, perspectives, and communities.

As I reflect on the events of this week, I am reminded of the resilience of the human spirit. Despite the grunts and groans of everyday life, there is always something to be grateful for. Whether it's the simple act of being able to hear our own thoughts, the unwavering support of loved ones, or the boundless expanse of knowledge waiting to be discovered, there is beauty to be found in every moment.

Welcome back to another edition of Grunts and Gratitude, where I take a moment to reflect on life's unexpected twists and turns. This week's journey is marked by a moment of frustration and resilience, as I navigate through the grunts and find gratitude amidst the chaos.

Grunt of the week:

MY PHONE BROKE : As I made my way down the stairs, lost in thought, a sudden collision shattered the tranquility of my morning. With a jolt, I felt the impact as someone bumped into me, causing my phone to slip from my grasp. Time seemed to slow as I watched in horror as it tumbled down not one, but two stories, landing with a resounding crash in the basement below. The sickening sound of glass hitting the floor echoed through the stairwell, leaving me stunned and speechless.

The sight of my phone lying broken and battered on the cold concrete filled me with frustration and despair. How could something so simple as a misstep on the stairs lead to such a disastrous outcome? In that moment, I couldn't help but feel a wave of annoyance wash over me, cursing my luck and the clumsiness of the situation.

Gratitude of the week:

Yet, amidst the almost shattered screen and loud gasps from strangers, a glimmer of gratitude began to emerge. As I took a deep breath and surveyed the damage, I realized a few things:

1. Nothing happened to me: while my phone may be broken, I was unharmed. In the grand scheme of things, a shattered screen was a small inconvenience compared to the potential harm that could have befallen me in that fall.

2. I wasn't alone: I found myself surrounded by my kind friend who rushed to my aid, offering words of comfort and assistance. Their empathy and concern served as a reminder of the goodness that exists in the world, even in moments of chaos and uncertainty.

3. I can learn something from this: this mishap also served as a valuable learning opportunity. It prompted me to reflect on the importance of mindfulness and being present in the moment. Perhaps keeping my phone securely tucked away in my bag, rather than in my hand, could prevent similar accidents in the future.

As I reflect on the events of this week, I am reminded of the resilience of the human spirit. Despite the setbacks and challenges we may face, there is always a reason to be grateful. Whether it's the safety of ourselves and those we love, the compassion of our friends, or the lessons learned from our experiences, there is beauty to be found amidst the brokenness.

Welcome back to another week of Grunts and Gratitude, where I take a moment to reflect on the highs and lows of life. Join me as I navigate through the twists and turns, finding gratitude amidst the grunts.

Grunts of the Week:

1. Rush Hour Traffic: As I sat in bumper-to-bumper traffic this week, frustration mounted with each passing minute. The honking horns and impatient drivers added to the chaos, leaving me feeling stressed and agitated.

2. Endless Classes: Hours spent in back-to-back classes left me drained and longing for a moment of peace. The never-ending stream of discussions and debates seemed to consume all my energy, leaving little room for creativity or focus.

3. Spilled Coffee: Just as I settled into my morning routine, disaster struck in the form of a spilled cup of coffee. The dark liquid spread across my desk like a small river, drenching papers and electronics in its wake. Cue the sighs of annoyance and the scramble for paper towels.

Gratitude of the Week:

1. Sunrise Serenity: Amidst the chaos of daily life, I found solace in the beauty of a sunrise. The soft hues of pink and orange painted the sky, casting a sense of calm over the world below. In that moment, I was reminded of the simple joys that make life worth living.

2. Unexpected Kindness: A small act of kindness from a stranger warmed my heart this week. Whether it was a friendly smile or a helping hand, their gesture reminded me of the goodness that exists in the world. It's moments like these that restore my faith in humanity.

3. Family Time: Despite the busyness of the week, I carved out time to spend with loved ones. Whether it was sharing a meal or simply catching up over the phone, their presence brought comfort and joy to my days. In their laughter and conversation, I found a sense of belonging that can't be found elsewhere.

Grunts.

Good or bad?

Both?

Both.

When I say grunts, I mean things like the existence of that fleece on the insides of socks. I mean the time wasted on untangling earphones everytime you want to use them. I mean how we have to clean the washroom even though it literally is always full of water. I mean things like not being allowed to reuse a previous password again, like having to make your bed every morning only for it go back to being messy the same night. And many, many other things. The list is endless.

When I say grunts, I also mean the larger, more life- changing challenges and difficulties we face that make us feel like there is no way forward and we are doomed to fail in everything we do.

When I say grunts, I mean anything that makes us think, “I wish this wasn’t the way it is”

Grunts are a completely natural part of our lives. We grunt at things everyday, for some reason or the other. What we fail to do however, is recognise these moments of dissatisfaction, displeasure or discomfort as opportunities for learning and development.

( When I say “we” I mean “I” )

My grunts overpower me, because I find it hard to sit with them. As I experience a “grunt” my body tenses up and I immediately do what I can to make it go away. Because sitting with it is harder. And it is fair if that happens to you as well, by the way. Because research shows that we have problem focused brains. We have a natural tendency to sit in judgement and seek out the information that feeds our dominant beliefs. So, if we believe the world is dark, we’re more likely to notice events and information that reinforces the thought that “the world is dark” or “I am not good enough”. In fact, these self imposed beliefs are so powerful that they are almost always subconscious.

Creating awareness of our beliefs is the first step to change.

Good thing we’re humans and hence have the power to reshape, refocus, or repurpose our energy from a judger to a learner at any time. The power lies in questioning our thoughts. We must learn to examine our thoughts to create a type of space between action and reaction.

In this space, a cute little thing called Gratitude can be consciously imbedded that has the power to reframe our thinking and turn anything bad into something good. People my age simplify this process by calling it “gaslighting yourself” but I simply call it Positive Thinking, an approach proved to eliminate negative self talk and motivate us to find silver linings and cope with stress.

Hello!

Gratitude

It is hard to believe that benefits can be non fiscal.

What I mean is, it is hard to feel like moving to a smaller space that costs more is a good decision, because anyone sane would tell you it is not. And they're probably practically right.

I disagree, with others and myself on this - my family and I just moved to a new place and this house has something for each of us.

It has a literal garden. I’ll tell you why that is important : it keeps my mother happy to have little babies to take care of that she’s grown herself, and that makes me happy. It has a backyard-ish place. It reminds my sister of one of those older early 2000s Indian independent houses with small rooms and huge verandas. We used to live in one those before our Dadu passed away. It reminds her of him and that seems reason enough to me. And me, I am just happy to have a room that gets dhoop. A lot of dhoop. ☺️☺️

There are honestly so many more variables that make this home so much better than our last one and none of those reason are monetary, and I’m okay with that.

You've reached the end of my 7AM unedited ramble on my new home.

Thank you for sticking around. Good morning!

✨ What are some of your morning thoughts?

Also, would you like to fill out an answer from the question posted below for no reason at all but fun?

Grunt.

Enter periods.

No pregnancy? Great

Body cleansing? Accha hai accha hai

But everything else about it sucks.

Nobody knows emotion regulation better than a woman working corporate on day 1 of her period amirite?

In case it wasn’t clear, I am currently on day 1 of my period. I’m not a corporate girly like my mom but I have my struggles too. I just imagine it must’ve been so much harder for her.

Anyways, I was saying how sucky periods are.

Everytime I get them, it feels like I’m getting them for the first time. FYI, I have had 275 periods so far, so I should be pretty adept at managing them. But I’m not. Like a lot of other women, my symptoms are very weird. Sometimes it makes me hot, other times it makes me cold. Sometimes it makes me hungry, other times it makes me lose my appetite. There is a such a wide range of behaviours and bodily responses during my period that I just know I can attribute to my menstrual cycle because no I would not be crying five times a day if I was not on my period. Also, I have spent almost 12,000 rupees per year on medical bills to get through the pain of being a woman, and that irritates me. I spent 7,200 rupees per year on my Whisper XXXL pads because they’re the only kind long and wide enough to prevent from leakage and are also soft. And it is crazy to me that I must spend so much money for something like this while I think about how if men had menses, it would be a sport. Doesn’t it irritate you?

I feel bad complaining about having periods as a 19 year old female who only has studying as her responsibility when there are so many other people with worse problems doing a lot more than me and succeeding. However, I remind myself (as you should too) that A) other people’s problems don’t minimise mine. B) others might have it worse but my responsibility is to myself and C) comparing my troubles to those of others is not a constructive way to solve my problems

So what do I do instead?

Simple, I rant on Tumblr about how irritating periods are so I can make peace with how irritating periods are.

Also, if you’re like me - on your period Day 1, overly annoyed and desperate to bring yourself some immediate comfort from your pain, feel free to click the link below for some self care resources.