#gratitudes

I am grateful for the cat sleeping on me and the one in another room

I am grateful to the knowledge I have gained in the past few months

I am grateful to have the motivation to get better

I am grateful to the me that took that first step into recovery and I am grateful to the me that continued down that path

So I'm just. Hangin out. In their garage. On their golf cart.

My (elder) biofamily wasn't very communal growing up so it's just ... really nice, and I'm so grateful. I also feel incredibly anxious just at minimum, the ominous spectre of Bad Guest, but also honored they trust me enough to just lock up when I leave.

And we had a nice extended family dinner earlier, our whole household and theirs and my remaining brother -- unfortunately other cousin couldn't make it bc emergency, and gma bc An Episode-- and we all just really actually enjoyed each other's company, which is something else I'm really just ...not used to.

Flu shots

Therapy

Coping skills

In partial hospitalization we talked about trauma being a box on a shelf. Sometimes the box falls, and it hurts and we acknowledge that it fell and it exists, and then we put it back on the shelf.

This morning a box fell down, but I had to work. I told myself I'd acknowledge it and put it away later. I had a good day at work.

This afternoon someone tripped over the box and the contents spilled out.

I sometimes wonder if he thinks about me. If he ever has days like I do, where the pain of what could have been bubbles to the surface and overflows. Where the box falls down, and it takes time to put everything back inside before he can shelve it again.

The box is put away. It hurt when it fell, and it hurts to put it away. But I honor that pain. I let myself feel what I needed to feel, and now I'm ready to keep moving forward.

Hello, magical beings! This months focus has really been on Non-Attachment. We’ve explored non-attachment in spellwork and spiritual practices, but what about in our everyday lives? How do we live without clinging to the things we desire, the outcomes we hope for, or the material possessions that surround us? Let’s dive into practical tips for integrating non-attachment into daily life and…

Grunts of the Week:

Grief's Heavy Burden: The weight of grief settles upon my chest like a leaden cloak, suffocating and unyielding. Each breath feels like a battle, as constant chest pains serve as a relentless reminder of the void left by the loss of something dear. No matter how deep I inhale or how long I exhale, the ache persists, a haunting echo of what once was.

Restlessness Amidst Exam Stress: The looming specter of exams casts a shadow over my days, leaving me feeling perpetually on edge. With a mountain of tasks demanding my attention, the pressure mounts, fueling a sense of restlessness that refuses to be quelled. Each moment feels like an eternity, as the weight of expectations bears down upon my weary shoulders.

The Elusive Motivation: In the face of mounting stress, motivation seems to slip through my fingers like grains of sand. While stress often serves as a catalyst for action, in this instance, it only serves to drain me of energy and enthusiasm. The simplest tasks feel like insurmountable obstacles, leaving me feeling defeated before I even begin.

Gratitudes of the Week:

Reflecting on Personal Growth: Amidst the chaos and turmoil, I take a moment to reflect on the journey that has brought me to this point. Despite the challenges and setbacks, I have been the architect of my own universe, sculpting a path of personal growth and self-improvement. Through discipline and determination, I have transformed my mindset and reframed my habits, emerging stronger and more resilient than before. With each hurdle overcome, I have learned to love myself and the world around me with a depth and clarity that was once unimaginable.

Finding Solace in Nature: Amidst the chaos of life's demands, nature stands as a steadfast ally, offering solace and sanctuary in its embrace. Whether basking in the warmth of the sun's rays or losing myself in the tranquility of a forest glade, the beauty of the natural world reminds me of the simple joys that exist beyond the confines of my worries. In the gentle sway of the trees and the chorus of birdsong, I find peace and perspective, grateful for the healing power of Mother Earth.