The Detective Turtle

God, I can't tell you how much the "there's not enough enrichment in my enclosure" joke has helped my mental health. Because, for some reason I can't comprehend, pretending that I'm a zoo keeper caring for an animal (which is also me) just makes everything easier to comprehend. Like "Your head gets screwey when you're apartment is messy" just doesn't carry as much resonance as "The tiger becomes agitated when its enclosure is cluttered" because then I'll be like, no shit? The tiger? I've gotta keep things nice and clean for the tiger.

I want more villains who care about their henchmen. I wanna see the bad guy fly into a rage because the hero hurt their very favorite bungling goon and it was nearly his birthday.

Can't mansplain manipulate manslaughter my way out of this one

Manwhore it is then

Ma'am, please. That's not me.

Malewife?

We need more vampire men with cleavage windows

i love that they have matching titty windows

the couple looking for a third you actually hope to find on tinder

Americans are kept deliberately in the dark about how uniquely terrible their private for-profit healthcare system is compared to international socialized alternatives if they were made more aware that things didn’t have to be like this that their sense of exceptionalism was misplaced and they were suffering for it there would be a lot less tolerance of the status quo.

I’m convinced if ppl on this site knew how crappy gifs look before you color them properly, they would appreciate editors more

WHY

seeing this door makes me feel like i have never truly contemplated the possibilities of doors as a concept, as though a new understanding of what it means to be a door has been forced upon me

(i pull my pair of tiny binoculars away from my eyes and lean over to my partner as we watch the opera from the upper left balcony) i say darling this singer is slaying absolute penis

(i pull my pair of tiny binoculars away from my eyes and lean over to my partner as we watch the opera from the upper left balcony) i say darling this singer is slaying absolute penis

I’m starting to suspect that the only way to get my fics written is to write them