:'|

all the novel transformations and breaks and unexpected randoms and predictable tediousness

"I don't want to change."

i put way too much pressure on myself. i have really high expectations for myself. can you tell? hahah

lol it's kinda like at some point i gotta ask do i just like not breathing or wat haha

letting myself be irrational, and out of control... hmm...

i just dont want anyone to feel unheard since ive lived that and i dont want anyone to feel as bad as i felt

and ig i assume if im standing up for once in my writing and not just completely on my knees ass up head to the floor listening to your sound waves, im automatically not hearing something or someone i should hear

i have order and control issues. 😮‍💨

...it'd be funny if it wasn't so sad

like im such a hateful quiet human. seriously. i do not believe a word that any of you say. and i just sit there.

be hatin. (hahaha x'D)

im used to being told im wrong and worthless. like it happened prolly just in the mid thirties all throughout my life but my good ol brain makes me feel like thats every second of my life. lol

like just whats the point yk

i could go crazy, ripple out.

and i think i'll still just feel sad in my core. my pointed friend tells me that its okay to do useless things actions. and like i want to believe them.

haha this is my im sad im lazy post

but idk, it still feels oddly self care somehow. hmm.

ok for the sake of a secret, i will do one smol useless thing today

kain ba muna ako o maligo hhmmmmm

:) heh

not to be all sheltered shy kid with no friends, but yeah...

like... it isn't that bad though. i'd make a joke about change rn but sigh change. *snort* idk what to say i like thinking and feeling to myself haha (>_<) <3 smh

and yk what im okay with like having trouble reconciling my flirty feelings

and my shyness :<

omg i just love the meme response i have in my mind for like the criticism i can see this my writing having [hahaha]