the hobby hunt

Every day we make thousands of choices. Small things like whether to snooze the alarm six more times and.l big things like what to say to your annoying coworker today. But thinking about the BEST choices you've made in your whole life? That's a lot to think about. My list started out as general things I have chosen to do, like "being a good friend" and "working hard in school." It slowly morphed into a list of affirmations like "I am a good teacher" and "I try to make a difference." Reflecting on all the things I've done in almost 27 years (yikes, been trying to ignore my impending birthday) was a really productive use of my time this morning. I'm working hard to change my perspective on the negatives--especially all the terrible things that seem to have plagued me this year. Do I regret the choices that ultimately led to my unhappiness? No. Things don't always work out and happy endings are few and far between. But I'm really dedicating myself to appreciating what happens along the way and flipping the script. So you ended up with a broken heart and a damaged spirit, but look at what the three years before that did in creating the person you are today. I am CHOOSING to embrace the positive and forgive the pain. Most importantly on my list of best choices: "I have been honest with people who choose to be in my life and who make my life better with their presence." 💜

You can go anywhere in the world, what are your top 10 choices?

Write down ten big dreams that haven't come true yet. Would you believe I'm having an impossible time coming up with ten? This might be because my dreams are big and broad. I could easily come up with ten (even more) very specific accomplishments I want to master, but my sights are set really high. I gotta work. So I've only come up with eight. But in visiting and revisiting and attempting to add to this list all week, I've noticed an interesting trend in many of my ambitions. I set goals for myself of things I want to push myself to accomplish simply to prove to myself, and no one else, that I can do it. "Take a solo vacation--just to prove to myself I can do it." That's number eight. And it's a big dream because it will take a lot of personal courage to do, but is most certainly something I am capable of. And oh man how great I will feel when I do.

And I'm trying journaling out! I bought two self-reflection and self-exploration books to get me started. I'll write on a different prompt every week. Stay tuned!

Fell so far behind on this challenge. Back at it now! The past month has been filled with challenges and change. Who has made me feel good? My new work friends! I vowed to be honest so here's the truth: my friends have been very disappointing. In a rare time when I was the one needing help and support, I have been let down and left alone. I get it that everyone is busy and it's hard to take care of someone else when we have so much going on in our own lives, but this is not the rhetoric of my friendships normally. However. I have gotten much closer with some coworker friends and these ladies have been wonderful. They listen to my feelings and justify them. They tell me what I might feel or think next and offer an opinion on what I might do about it. I hope these friendships stick. These teacher ladies are great.

(I fell a little behind on my bravery challenge! Catching up today!) If my life was a movie and it started today, what would the hero do? The hero today would be kind to everyone and live her best independent life. She would keep fighting the good teacher fight for the benefit of kids. And do everything with a calm positive energy. (I want to live my movie life kthanks) What old routines and patterns would the hero break? The hero would lose self doubt and stop being affected by the moods of others. She would break the pattern of emotional sensitivity. What new habits would the hero replace those old habits with? The hero would replace the old habits with meditation for calming the mind and physical activity to build confidence so the outside can match the inner confidence too!

I love today’s affirmation. I AM enough. I am I am I am.

One of my greatest strengths has always been …​ my drive to always do better. Always learn more, always try something new, always do what I believe. I'm almost overwhelmingly driven (see reasons why my last two relationships failed) but I honestly make no apologies. I see it as a strength. One of my greatest weaknesses that I acknowledge … I struggle to control emotions. When I am angry, it's all over my face. It's in my tone. It's obvious. When I'm upset, I can't control the tears. I can't stop the shaky voice. I wear my feelings so clearly out in the open and I can't hide any part of it.

Day two. I am committing to 30 days of brave because I know I can be and am better than I have been the last few weeks. Small moments of bravery will inspire larger moments of bravery and a happier version of myself as a result. I am not holding back my full self just because some people won't like it.

It's day one of thirty days of bravery! Why did I sign up for this? I want to do things that scare me. I'm already in a life space that makes me uncomfortable and sad and scared and I am determined to come out strong. But everything in my life right now is not a reaction to the breakup. Let's not be ridiculous or give him any false satisfaction that my life revolved around him or that I'm lost on my own. Clearly not. I am motivated every single day to be the best and most positive version of myself because I am confronted daily by hundreds of kiddos who need me to show them how to be. To show them that even when the world goes crazy, you stay true to yourself and the people you care about. I have to be my best self because of them and I make no apologies that they make me be better.