The Hitchhiker's Guide to The Hitchhiker

Back in the mid-1990s, I was at a babysitting gig late at night. The kids were in bed and I was waiting up for the parents to come home while sleepily watching their TV. It was close to midnight and suddenly the strangest sound I've ever heard came out of the television. A creepy show that I had never heard of appeared on the screen and while it gave me an uneasy feeling, I was instantly glued to the screen. I told my sister about it and we watched out for it the following week. We both got that same creepy, uneasy feeling but couldn't stop talking about it.

Turns out this was a thriller anthology show from the 1980s that had aired on HBO called The Hitchiker. It featured the titular Hitchiker character as sort of a moral evangelist, only showing up at the beginning and end of each episode. The episodes themselves featured actors we've all seen in crazy plots that sometimes border on the supernatural and mostly teaches the main character some sort of lesson is a horrifying way. It had a run on HBO in the 1980's and in the 90's (when I discovered it), it had a brief run in syndication. To say I was hooked as a highschooler looking for cool stuff on TV was an understatement

I think the show disappeared off the channel eventually. I went to college and kind of forgot about it. But it never left my mind completely. I would see if anyone else had heard of this show when some random thing would remind me of a scene. I felt like I was the only person who knew about it.

Finally at the end of the 90's, the internet was becoming a place where you could look up lost media. Back in the late 2000's I purchased a DVD set, but was incredibly disappointed to find out it only had a very limited selection of episodes. There were some episodes I had distinctly remembered watching late at night that were not featured, which made me more upset.

A few months back I was describing some of the absolute bonkers plots to my fiancé, and I realized that I wanted to see if I could actually go back and watch all the episodes of the show. I feel like there are more hidden gems than just in the so-called "complete" collection that was released. And that is what I am planning to do - to rewatch the whole series (or what I can) from the beginning and share with the world my love for this show.

So here we go...weeeeoooooooowwwwwww. The start of my hitchhiking journey where I ride along with Page Fletcher (who as you must know IS the Hitchhiker), meeting crazy characters in messed up scenarios along the way.

Murderous feelings, really? What a tease. This one was a real snooze-fest. And it wasn't just because there were no notable actors in it, but that didn't help either.

The episode starts off with a scared woman being followed by a mysterious man.

So mysterious, it looks like he could even be the invisible man. She starts running away from him on a train and almost falls off onto the tracks.

The man slowly creeps towards her, about to strangle her and as she is falling off the train...

...suddenly she is in a psychiatrist office. It was just a dream...or she was telling him the dream, not exactly sure.

This of course leads to sex. She starts undressing in his office.

The Doctor gives a creepy smile.

Despite this, she still has sex with him. And this sex scene actually goes on for a bit. She takes her clothes off, then takes his clothes off. Then for some reason she puts his clothes on her.

She does actually reference the title, asking the Doctor why he is telling her she has murderous feelings for her father. Not sure what that has to do with the creepy man on the train, but I assume we will find out.

Cut to the hitchhiker who is just in some field. He says, "Dr. Peter Milne and Sara Kendal are on a journey together, traveling into the subconscious. A place where shadows of the past are just around the corner and their darkest fears wait beyond the next door. "

I guess journey, because she was on that train, so maybe the whole thing was a metaphor...I don't know this is not one of the hitchhiker's strongest openers.

She goes home and wait a minute, this is where she lives? An actual haunted house?

She creeps around inside, which takes forever. Then she gets felt up by her curtains.

She stabs at the person grabbing her with either a knife or letter opener, I couldn't tell. But it turns out...

Yup it was all another dream.

This troubles her so much she decides to seek out her psychiatrist, who just happens to be giving a talk to some prestigious group. It's established that he is up for some big presidency of something and that everyone is watching him closely for him to screw it all up.

Like this guy in the glasses and ghoul next to him. Wait a minute, is that the guy from Poltergeist 2? Oh sorry, my mistake.

Sara comes running over to him, right on cue to scream and cry like a crazy person. There is also a reporter there that is just waiting to dig up some dirt on this doctor. Dr. Milne escorts Sara outside and tells her he will talk to her during their appointment. The reporter runs after her, but of course this doesn't seem to go anywhere.

I think this worries the Doctor enough that he puts in his notes Sara is probably going to kill herself. Okay, I think I see where this is going. Then a man sneaks back into the haunted house and grabs Sara again. This time it's not a dream...I think.

But he is stopped when the reporter rings the doorbell.

"I'm coming!"

Just kidding, he somehow hides and escapes and the scene ends. So what was the plan here? Was she going to have killed herself by strangling herself after her clothes were ripped off?

Back at the psychiatrist office, Sara is begging her doctor for treatment and he is trying to cut her loose. Then he tells her if she wants to get better, they need to re-enact her nightmare on the train.

It's starts as before...but instead of a creepy guy, there is no guy following her.

She is on the train and opens the door...and there is some guy humping a bed?

I can't tell if there is anyone else there. But she does see her stuffed horse and it all comes back to her. Oh God please no, save me from this.

"You raped me daddy!!"

Yup, I really hoped it wouldn't go here, but here we are. After she yells this, the guy follows her and you guessed it, it's the creepy doctor. This time when he comes towards her, she is ready.

The letter opener! Or knife, whatever it is. He is threatened...

...and he goes over the edge onto the tracks. I couldn't get a great picture of it, these are his legs as he falls over.

And that's it, the hitchhiker is of course walking along the train tracks, like a common hobo. He says, "Peter Milne was willing to betray the secrets of a sacred trust for the pettiness of his own ambition. But what he didn't count on was when you lure someone to the edge of darkness, there will always be the chance that you'll be the one to fall."

Wait, is that an attempt at a joke? I mean that guy deserved to fall and possibly die (it's not entirely clear that he's dead), but I think I saw a little smile on his face. Well at least the hitchhiker enjoyed this story more than I did. Wait why was she on a train when the trauma was happening in her house? I feel like they combined two different scripts together.

Our favorite rogue is back at it, and this time he's taking on illegal immigration! Who knew that Mexico shared a border with Canada?

The episode starts off by announcing the famous guest star this time is Karen Black. Wow, that's a pretty famous actress who've been in a ton of stuff, especially in the 1970's. I really only remember her from that Great Gatsby movie I had to see in high school. Anyways, this episode is not that great, but I think she is great in it. We start out at a sewing sweat shop, where there are a bunch of people making clothes.

Karen Black seems to be having some argument about operations with another man among many rolls of fabric.

As a sewist, I did drool a little at this place and all the fabric, despite it looking so dusty and dingy.

Suddenly, someone hurts their hand at one of the sewing machines.

Karen Black is not sympathetic to this at all because it will now affect her bottom line. One of her workers starts to leave to go with the injured person to the hospital. Turns out it was his niece that got hurt.

She is not happy and basically tells him if he leaves, to not come back at all. He says something about how the dark gods will punish her for this. A curse it seems...why am I getting Stephen King's Thinner vibes from this?

One thing interesting about this episode was this strange noise that kept occurring between scenes - and it wasn't the creepy Rubini score that is usually heard. It's hard to describe, but it sounds like the sound the TV show A Current Affair used to make when showing it's logo. I think it's supposed to symbolize some sort of magic going on.

Where is our Hitchhiker character? We are pretty far in.

Oh there he is.

...And Karen Black almost hits him as she's speeding out. We find out her name is actually Kay Mason and she "thinks she is a rich and powerful woman who uses people then throws them away. But the law of business isn't the only force at work out there and she's about to meet someone who's going to drive that point home."

Hmm that person looks a lot like Harry Shearer. Oh wait this is the guy she was arguing with before...I guess he is her husband.

Haha, I just thought this scene was funny. Karen doesn't get nude in this episode so they had to show breasts somehow.

There is some playful dialogue with Kay and her husband about how she needs to find another person to replace the guy she fired. He also needs someone do work in their backyard. He advises her to get someone at "the wall." Wait there was a wall before Trump was in office?

Then he uses the headache line on her and goes to sleep. Classic!

Down at the wall, she find someone that seems to fit her qualifications.

Wow, this guy belongs in a Lands End ad!

After he does some work at her fabric warehouse, she takes him to her house for some "other" chores. You can imagine where it goes from here.

But first we get a shot of him taming her devil dog when he tries to attack. We also find out the dog's name is "Boy." Wow there are all sorts of racist issues at play.

Mrs. Mason are you trying to seduce me?

We get a reveal of an interesting tattoo when Kay's housekeeper hands him a drink.

This causes the housekeeper to freak out and Kay to scream at her to get ahold of herself. This tattoo seems to mean he is a type of devil. This doesn't scare Kay at all.

In fact I think it turns her on. She brings him in the bedroom to look at her air conditioning.

Woah I guess it's not working since he needs to take off all his clothes.

As much as I tried, I don't think you can see anything here when he gets totally nude.

They do some interesting shadow shots for the love scene. This is probably because they don't want to show any nudity. This shot did look pretty cool when it went from sexy time to full on spanking and then hard core thrusting.

This looks like part of a modern dance number.

Things seems erotic until...

Uhhhh....what? Nothing unusual here.

After this night of passion, she is extremely upset her greenhouse is trashed.

Did she not see the black wings coming out of that guy and demon eyes? She starts calling out for her dog...Boy. Ugh.

Haha he has hex vision. He runs over to her...

And this puppet attacks her. She calls out to Maria, her housekeeper for help.

She has Bette Davis eyes. Then Kay notices something else scary in her house.

Black Adder! Black Adder!

Luckily her husband comes home just in time. And everything seems fine...

Uh oh! The only thing left to do is...

But how do you shoot the devil in the back...what if you miss?

Her husband goes down with a bad gunshot wound, but the red eyes are gone. Naturally this is pretty funny to Kay.

Is that the end? What the heck happened?

This ending scene with the Hitchhiker seems to have some secret message about Autodeter. Who is that and what does it mean?

We don't get an answer to that, just the message that Kay Mason took advantage of the helpless and laughed at their superstitious beliefs. But when she angered the gods of their vengeance, she unleashed a darkness that overcame her and should make believers of us all.

I don't know, I'm not convinced. Although it might explain this strange artwork.

After that last episode, the bar had been set pretty low. I had some high hopes for this one since I saw that Michael Madsen was one of the guest stars. I'm guessing this was well before he took any phone call from QT.

This episode made me wonder about the screenwriters of The Hitchhiker - did they get THEIR ideas from spying on people? I say this because that is what this episode is about.

Our "hero" (played by Edward Albert, son of Green Acres star Eddie Albert), is first seen in a town square. I totally got a kick out of all the NYC references they make in this episode, when one look will tell you, this ain't NYC. He is seen with his motorcycle. He pulls something out.

A breast pump? No wait it's a recording device.

He's listening to this couple gripe about old age. Great, this is like a less interesting version of The Conversation. But then he picks up something else.

This woman with a black eye is on the phone with her lover. Sounds like someone is stepping out on someone, which is intriguing our main character. He follows her on his bike, completely oblivious to this guy...

The Hitchhiker doesn't attempt to get a ride, as I think it's pretty tough to hitchhike on a motorcycle. However I do see room on his seat.

Instead he lets us know that "Arthur Bradley Brown steals the words of others and uses them as they were his own. But what he doesn't hear are murmurs of danger, that could warn him of the violence that can pound with the human heart."

Arthur is able to follow this woman to an apartment.

He uses this window plunger to hear what is going on inside. Really? No one sees this in broad daylight?

We see this young woman's lover is...another woman! Wow 80s HBO, I'm impressed! Well I was until I found out this is how brave they were with this:

For a show that who's tagline always seem to be "look at these," I was pretty disappointed there was nothing steamy with this couple. This cuddle is as far as they go. That's the 80s for you.

Well there is the titular Man in the Window. Come on, they don't see this?

He is able to record them talking about the whole sorted affair and how Diane is married to a brutish cop, John. The other woman is Carla, a photography artist.

The snooping doesn't end here as he follows Diane back home to her husband.

Wow this guy is good, even at a cop's house he is able to be completely invisible while staying totally in sight.

Fine, it's okay to show the heterosexual sex, but not the women. Whatever 80s HBO.

Arthur takes this newly developing story to his agent who loves the writing because the conversations seem so real. Strange they didn't seem real when they were acted out, but okay. However, it doesn't have an ending. Even Hitchhiker episodes have those!

Instead of making one up, he decides to try to make one happen using this love triangle to his advantage. He starts by calling Michael Madsen and pretending to be his wife's lover.

He even tries to send flowers to Diane. She gets angry at Carla and Carla lets her know it wasn't her doing this.

Ooo back rubs. Steamy stuff. It's a little strange this woman has this naked photo of her girlfriend just facing out the window. Arthur uses this to take photo of just the cutout, instead of the women getting cozy on the couch.

He breaks into Diane and John's house. You'd think a cop would have better security than this.

He puts some device in the phone...I'll record everything!

He also places the picture of a picture on the bed. This triggers an argument with the couple where predictably, John beats on his wife while Arthur listens.

On further examination, John gets a clue to where the photo may have come from and gets the address of Carla, while still thinking Diane is having an affair with another man.

What ensues is a somewhat tame chase scene, where John, Arthur and Diane all speed towards Carla's place to warn her/save her.

I have to say there were some interesting camera angles on some of the transportation shots. I mean, this was directed by the same guy who directed Teen Wolf Too, so we are dealing with some expertise.

John puts his police siren on, but still manages to fall behind in the chase as he crashes into another car.

This give Arthur the advantage as he reaches Carla and scares the crap out of her by yelling at her, telling her not to be scared of him.

Diane comes over soon after and the two are reunited.

But realize they have no idea who this creepy guy screaming at them is.

Then John shows up with a gun and assumes Arthur to be the lover.

Arthur tells John that his wife is actually having an affair with a woman, and John pistol whips him. I'm not sure if this is because he doesn't believe him, or because he's mad his wife is a lesbian. Carla clocks John over the head with a bottle.

Cop sirens are heard as Arthur grabs the gun and in a very dazed state, stumbles out of the apartment.

The cops yell at him to drop the gun and instead he makes this stupid face.

And of course the cops start shooting at him like crazy.

And then:

Nothing.

It just ends with this freeze frame of him as you hear gun shots! I guess they had spent all their budget on that car crash (credit to that joke goes to my significant other). Ah well, it ends up being the most unintentionally funny ending ever. I was waiting for the Police Squad credit music to come on.

Oh wait, not over yet, I forgot about him. The Hitchhiker wanders in to tell us "Arthur Brown thought he could play people like instruments. He rearranged their lives like so many notes and used their emotions as chords. But then somebody came along that didn't appreciate Arthur's music...and put an end to Arthur's song."

Well this one was a real dud. There were just long stretches of dialogue where just nothing happened. Despite this, there was a strange ending that I will get into...just need to slog through this a bit.

The episode begins like some made-for-tv movie with a photo and music over the opening credits. Who are these people?

That name looks familiar.

They stay on this happy photo for the whole beginning. This is not very Hitchhiker-like to not start with some action.

Suddenly we are inside some sort of restaurant/truck stop. It appears to be the middle of the day, but I guess business is slow? Then all of a sudden:

...two people do it on the pool table. Well I guess we didn't want the credits to spoil this moment, so now that photo scene makes more sense.

Someone appears to be watching them from outside.

He is actually in the woods, so not sure he can actually see what's in the restaurant. And is that a dead fox in the shot? I actually can't tell. But what is he looking at anyway?

Oh it's just the hitchhiker. Hold your fire!

The Hitchhiker walks over the the truck stop...wait is he going to go inside and catch those people in the act?

No, I guess he is going to talk to us.

This time he brought props to emphasize that "roots run deep in this land and so do passions." He breaks the plant in half to further let us know that "they can twist and turn you like a fever running wild through the brain."

Okay, that prologue makes no sense. Is he still talking about roots?

After some more exposition, we find out the people on the pool table were Rae and her husband's friend Joe. And the guy with the rifle is Rae's husband Lew.

Wait a minute, I know this guy. He's the guy that gets cucked by Burt Reynolds in White Lightning. Here is he getting cucked again.

Some old man visits the truck stop and starts talking about war. The men are all veterans - Joe and Lew were in Vietnam and this guy was in World War II. He rants about how the government should have let these guys finish business in Vietnam. This is getting boring.

But I guess it triggers some idea in Lew and he wants all three of them to go shining deer. Apparently that is when you shine a light in a deer's face so it's hypnotized and then you can shoot it easily.

Later on Lew scares Rae while she is making a bologna sandwich.

But I guess this gets her in the mood.

Something something, I got your bologna right here.

Rae really doesn't want to go to this deer shinning party...I mean shining. But she goes anyway.

Through some long boring conversation, we learn that the crazy ranting old man did stir Lew's urge to kill and Joe thinks he and Rae are the targets. Lew shoots at the lights Joe is shining for the deer. Then Rae decides she wants to talk to him. And she brings her flashlight.

I wonder what will happen.

Oh no, Lew shot Rae dead. He seemed to then want to kill Joe, but he ends up being fine with everything and they both just decide to take off, with the body of course.

Oh look, it's the Hitchhiker to sum up the story. And we somehow have 2:15 minutes left on the clock. He tells us that "Joe and Lew are going home now and the way they figure it, their secret is safe and there is nothing much else to do. But if they could just see what is around the next bend, they'd know that Rae's isn't the only life that will have ended tonight." That's strange, what did he mean...

Oh dear God!

Haha! He is deer-shined by the headlights.

And then this final shot. So I guess they died too, just like the prophecy said. Wow.

Well I guess it was kind of funny that the Hitchhiker came in to let us know what was going to happen. Sort of like he made that happen...this isn't the first time he's caused some sort of horrific death.

And that is it, for the episode. Maybe they should have called this The Deer Hunter...then again they may not want to get sued. That shining stuff was already questionable.

Let me start out by saying this is one of the best episodes I've seen so far. The sleeze, the revenge plot, crazy 80's visuals...all perfect for a Hitchhiker episode.

The famous guest star this week is Shannon Tweed, known for being in some not-so-recognizable movies and also for being Gene Simmon's wife. I know her from Hot Dog...The Movie, which I guess is a must see for anyone who has ever been a skier or just likes a lot of full-frontal in their movies. The main male character is played by Gregg Henry, who looks to have a decent acting career, but I didn't recognize him. I thought he maybe looked like a low rent James Woods.

We start out with a woman who has very 80's hair watching a video dating service tape of a guy who is making it out to be his first time doing something like this. She is charmed by his vulnerability.

You can see by her joker-like smile, he has sealed the deal. He takes her out to an art exhibit and I have to say this is something I would love to go to even now. There is an area where you can smash a TV:

I mean, that is a really fun date!

Then we see the exhibit of a hot new artist named Monique. Wait, what? It's always weird when I hear other characters on TV with my name, since I don't hear it too often. I guess with a Canadian show, it was just a matter of time.

This is an art exhibit I would love to go to. People with TV heads that play some sort of strange video. It's creepy and disturbing and I'm all in for it.

This one represents the woman TV head's fantasy of running off with another man (shown on the TV). Of course our male character decides to man-splain to his date and also mention that he knows the artist. She seems to be watching this conversation behind him, unamused.

At least I think that is the artist...right? I guess they don't say but it seemed obvious at this point.

By now, the date is going really well.

Well that was a cool art exhibit so I kind of get it, even though he looks like a creep whose hair is just hanging on for dear life. She seems pretty vulnerable and mentions to him that she doesn't want this to be a one night stand. He tells her what she wants to hear...

...then immediately rushes her into a cab. After she is gone, we find out that wasn't even his apartment! He has been paying his friend who is a doorman to use people's apartments for these sleezy videodates.

As he drive away, we see something we haven't seen in awhile.

Oh yeah I almost forgot, there was also this weird image and some video game noise. Not sure what this is, his car is in a video game now?

Haha, as usual, perfect butt is on display. Man, he looks like he could double for George Michael in this shot. Anyways, we see the main character interacting with the Hitchhiker. He refuses to give him a ride.

Also, we are over 8 minutes into the episode before he shows up! We learn that this main dude is named Jack Rhodes. He has a lot of disguises and thinks he is the master of the illusion. But Jack is not the only one with tricks up his sleeve. Yes! Comeuppance! Comeuppance!

So this guy Jack is actually a salesman at an electronics store. He likes to brag to his coworkers about these conquests.

Co-workers Joey McIntyre and Wallace Shawn are not impressed.

We see the female video artist at the store as he is making a sale using his dynamic personality. She is still observing his behavior with disgust. When he gets home he notices a package at his door.

Wait a minute, am I watching Lost Highway now?

We get a good look at his apartment and his "last known photo" board and notice something a little weird.

Nice, huh? But what I'm not showing is that he has a section on this board labeled "foxes" and there are no photos under there.

He settles in to watch the mysterious tape.

Oh no, why does it look like Videodrome now? How many movies are in this?

Honestly I would be crapping my pants right now.

I mean I know it's a hot babe, but this video is still very disturbing.

Anyways, it's Monique, the artist in her underwear. She is saying her name is Barbara and that she wants to go on a date with Jack. Does he think this is from the video dating service, because I wouldn't think they just plop unmarked tapes in front of his door. I thought you had to go to a place to watch the tapes. Well despite this, she's a fox and we've established he's never been with a fox so he is up for anything.

Hmm, now it looks like Blue Velvet. I should probably stop obsessing over these movie references.

Their first date is playing video games. He plays a round and then she sets out to beat his score. She is the original gamer girl! Maybe she WAS creating a videogame from videotaping his car.

I immediately recognize the video game sounds to be from the game Centipede, however the game they show is shooting the letter E for some reason.

Maybe it's also an eye test, who knows. Defeat Enron!

She cuts the date off with the promise that they will see each other again. She invites him to her place for dinner. The building looks run down and this elevator...

I know, but now it looks like we are in an Adrian Lyne movie! Okay I'll stop.

She's cooking him dinner and he is being a total gentleman.

It's not a Hitchhiker episode without someone leering.

Monique changes in a dominatrix-type outfit under her clothes. They have dinner and retire to the bedroom. Jack immediately lets Monique tie him to the bed.

She reveals her sexy outfit and asks if he wants to play a game called Blastoff. I mean, it sounds pretty sexy right? Sounds like code for something else?

She puts on this neon metronome and says he has 1 minute to free himself or he will blastoff. Pretty cryptic.

This thing keeps booping faster and faster as Monique explains that she knows how he treats other women. Jack is upset and sounds like he wants to kill her, demanding she free him. The metronome goes even faster and then...

...his genitals explode? It looks like he dies in ball of flames. Wow what an ending!

Oh wait there's more.

I guess she had been filming this whole thing for her newest art installation. The people watching the exhibit seem confused, maybe they've never seen an episode of The Hitchhiker before.

There is an announcement showing the artist Monique is there and we get this big reveal.

It's Barbara! I mean, I knew she was the artist all along, were we only supposed to get that now?

Anyways, The Hitchhiker is leaving the art museum telling us that Jack Rhodes used the state of the art in video to get what he wanted (really, VCRs state of the art?) but when he had to do it for the sake of art , he went to pieces. Haha! Good one Page! An actual joke! I think he's enjoying Jack's suffering a little more than he should.

Let that be a lesson to everyone...pick up hitchhikers.

Here we are, another tale of the mean streets. It's funny though, as gritty as these city landscapes are, they always seem a bit too clean. They did try to dirty up this Canadian city though and it's somewhat believable.

The episode starts with some great "street dance" music.

That's a pretty sweet Walkman this guy has got. The background music made me think he was going to start breakdancing and I was all for it.

Instead he just runs and steals this bag lady's bag.

Although its not all it seems as it seems to be an elaborate scheme where the bag lady makes a drop in the trash can and some other guy picks it up. But the weird thing is, the Walkman guy was there to distract the cops and get them to chase him. What if he got caught?

And here is our hero, Mickey who actually doesn't seem to have done a thing during this, except walk around like an idiot. And what is up with him, is he just three children and a giant coat?

After this entertaining opening, the Hitchhiker steps from behind a tree. Has he been hiding here the whole time?

He tells us that Mickey does what he has to, to survive these tough streets. Even here there is love and honor and if he betrays it, he could upset the balance and turn his soul inside out.

What the hell? Is his innards going to become his outwards? That would be an interesting twist.

Mickey and his girlfriend Pearl seem to be squatters in some crappy apartment. He is all excited to tell her about the job he just did for Mr. Strega, but she is upset he is getting involved in criminal activity. By the way, Strega is Italian for witch, but actually I think he spells it Stregga so not sure if that changes the meaning.

Pearl apparently has a pretty big doll collection. I wonder if any of them look like Mickey's mother?

This was the best scene in the show. He stands up and says "We ain't normal!" referring to the fact she is a hooker with a bunch of creepy dolls in the apartment. She informs him that she is no longer hooking. She also said that they are like one guy. I wonder what that means. They end up having sex and this was interesting...

It looks like this doll is on his ass. This other doll was totally shocked.

Mickey brings Pearl to his meeting with Mr. Stregga as requested by him. Mickey wants to be a bagman and Mr. Stregga wants to sleep with Pearl. This ends up being the deal they make, which of course Pearl is thrilled with.

Wow, what a scum bag.

Back at the apartment, Pearl is in a state. She burns her hand and does not even feel it.

Kind of looks like the stigmata. She kept repeating that they are "one guy" while in this drug induced condition. I can't figure out what this means.

She meets up with Mr. Stregga...

Ha ha! He's clearly never seen a woman before.

Now Mickey's earned the right to be the bagman. He pretends to be a fisherman on the pier until he gets the signal to open up the sacks with the drugs.

Wow that was easy. But what's this?

It looks like some undercover cops are on to this scheme. They decide to make their move tomorrow. I mean, why wouldn't they just arrest this guy now? They have him in sight and how do they know another job is going down tomorrow?

The job went so well that Mickey thought Mr. Stregga would make this a regular thing, but he doesn't usually use the same guy twice. Mickey takes this well. Just kidding! He decides to instead to show up anyways and force Pearl to be the bagman. He knocks out the guy who is supposed to be doing the job and for some reason we never see that other guy again.

The cops move in and chase Pearl, while Mickey just yells at her to run.

Mickey shoots one of the cops. There is no way he is going to get away with this.

The other cop shoots Pearl. They are totally screwed.

But somehow they limp away from the cops. How did they not get caught?

Mickey proves to be even more of a scumbag by letting Pearl just die on his couch without getting her medical attention. She kept repeating again they are "one guy." Seriously what does that mean?

Mickey smashes a doll against the wall.

With Pearl dead, he decides to pin the whole thing on her so Stregga's goons will go after her instead of him. This guy really deserves what's coming to him.

Looks like some bad stuff is coming his way.

Suddenly, he notices his hand is burned. This looks familiar.

As he is running, he starts to look different.

Well that makes no sense.

Oh no he's getting boobs!

Mickey has made the full transformation into Pearl when Stregga's guy finds him.

Here comes the blow torch.

Oh I get it, they are one guy! Wait what?

The Hitchhiker emerges from the shadows again and says that Pearl loved Mickey like no one else (I can't see why) and they were one against the odds. But when he used her badly and suffered her fate and was tried by his own conscience (what conscience?) and sentenced by an unwritten law. What law would that be?

This one was just okay. The twist was sort of interesting, even though it made no sense. I'm not sure what the deal with the dolls was though. I thought maybe he was going to turn into a doll. But I guess we've seen that before...

This episode is not that great, but I did like it better on second viewing than the first time I watched it. I wasn't sure what to expect after the opening credits.

Cornfields? Oh no is this a Field of Dreams rip off?

Wait a minute, where do I know that name from? Oh right he was that actor from that Christian show 7th Heaven who got into some troubles. I had to actually look up what he did because I had thought it had something to do with child pornography. Turns out he actually exposed himself to a couple of really young girls under the age of 14. Oof I wish I didn't know this.

We open with the main character actually driving the Hitchhiker and dropping him off. I guess all that time in the city and he needed to spend some time in Kansas. Or at least the Canadian version of Kansas.

Here we find out our "hero" is Todd Field a high school teacher that is about to meet temptation and if he gives in to it, the lesson he'll learn is one he never dreamed possible. Dreamed, heh heh.

Temptation? I'm hoping this is not going to hit too close to home.

Why is the Hitchhiker walking in a graveyard? Is this where he wanted to be dropped off? At least it's understandable how the Hitchhiker would know about Todd, since he did spend some time with him in the car. However how he knows the dream stuff...well that can't be explained.

Oh God I really hope this isn't a picture of his victim he's holding up.

Turns out this guy is a photography teacher in a rural high school. But he wants to do so much more. A mysterious wind blows into the classroom...

And knocks some photos on the floor so one photo is revealed.

Intriguing. He talks about it in class and finds out that the photo belongs to a sexy student named Roseanne. She bothers him for a ride home.

Get a good look Costanza?

I see where this is going...young teacher, the object of school girl fantasy. Also of note, is the incredibly skinny 80's tie he is wearing here. Haha, you can see why that style died.

He goes home and then is an asshole by talking over his wife as she is trying to have a professional call. He is reading some rejection letter loudly, while she tries to have a phone call with her actual job. That's helpful!

He looks through Roseanne's photos and realized she is a stalker.

Now it's time for the saddest school fair I've ever seen.

Roseanne takes a photo of some horse asses.

Then whatever this madness is, which looks like some band playing in a cornfield. Todd the teacher sees Roseanne and talks to her, probably because there are only 10 people at this thing.

A Magician shoots at a balloon which becomes a bird somehow.

Well at least the food looks good. Seriously though, who is going to eat all those rotisserie chickens?

And what is with this bright yellow cotton candy? Is it corn flavored? Is this something they have in Kansas?

One thing leads to another and they end up becoming intimate in a barn somewhere. I'm very thankful this woman doesn't look underage even if she is playing a character who is.

Yeah, this was pretty predictable. He tells her she tastes of peaches when he kisses her. I bet he says that to all the girls. Hmm maybe that was peach flavored cotton candy?

She seems pretty taken with this teacher, as she dances around her porch in the middle of the night.

Her mother comes out and tells her that when ever she gets worked up like this, there is always trouble. Now, we did learn earlier that she had to suddenly move and change schools, but we do not know of the details.

Full moon, eh? The witchy imagery is getting pretty strong.

Woah, I wasn't kidding. Here she talks to his picture while some mysterious object is next to her.

Great now it's Nightmare on Elm Street. Whatever she did, it causes him to have a dream of her where he gives her his ring. You think well it's only a dream, but then...

She teleported the ring through the dream. Kind of makes that shooting balloon Magician look like a hack.

He is totally freaked out because he doesn't know how she was able to take his ring in his dream.

Sorry but why is there a revolving door going into this classroom? It doesn't look like they are coming from the outside.

Well anyways, his warning doesn't work because the next night she summons powers of a Christmas decoration to work her magic again.

Seriously, I had one of these growing up. I never knew it had the power to affect other people's dreams.

They dream they are on a carousel this time.

Ha ha ha! I think that is that skinny tie from the other day! Funny it made it into her sexual fantasies.

Back at school he is pleading with her that it was a mistake they were together and to stop making him dream about her. She listens to him this time.

Just kidding, she is even more intense. In fact it looks like there are three of her now. For his next dream, she pulls him into the room from that photo he liked so much. But when he tries to leave, he is unable to.

She can be heard saying "You can't go back now. You are mine forever." Creepy stuff.

He sort of fades a bit like a ghost.

And then it just ends. The teacher is not coming back so they are having a substitute come in. I guess he is never seen again?

The Hitchhiker can be heard in voiceover that Todd yielded to temptation with the wrong girl, whose dreams were stronger than he was.

I thought they were going to show the photo again with him randomly in it. But I guess she didn't trap him in the photo but in the dream...so what happens to him when she is not dreaming? So many questions.

Well with that abrupt ending, I have no idea how to end this blog entry, so I will leave you with this guy.

Okay this one was a bit better than the last episode. When I saw there was an episode about a transgender character in the 1980's I was a bit worried. But I think for the most part, it didn't do too bad a job with it.

This one starts off a bit artistic with juxtaposing shots. First we see a doctor getting ready for surgery.

That's Robert Vaughn, who was a very well known actor and was in a lot of movies from the 1960's & 1970's. Being the age I am, I mostly know him from Superman III and as a spokesperson for some ambulance-chasing lawyers from Boston. But his IMDB page shows a very full career.

He seems to be giving a monologue about how he is a sculptor like Michelangelo (only with skin).

There was another notable star in this one.

I had never heard of this person but it's a special appearance! I guess she's an actress who is famous mostly for B-movies. If that's the case, this show seems right up her alley. The hospital scenes are cut with scenes of a mystery woman getting ready for the day.

Oooh, nice nails.

Back at the hospital, another doctor (or nurse?) gets horny for Dr. Love.

Wow, not obvious at all.

Turns out the mystery woman is Carmen Sandiego. Where in the world?

We don't even get the Hitchhiker until 3:25 into the show, which is a pretty long opening. This is the first one where he just wanders on screen without interacting with any of the characters. The show has gone full Twilight Zone.

The doctor is Dr. Christopher Hamilton, who is a plastic surgeon with ambition and a sharp scalpel. He sees a face and he wants to change it. But unless he looks deeper, there are some things he's not going to see, like a dangerous smile even on the most perfect face.

Huh? Is this some sort of riddle?

When this woman walks into the hospital, it appears she is disfigured as people recoil and a young kid points and laughs.

But when we finally see the mystery woman, she looks like...

A bit masculine, but nothing hideous. Nina Russell, a makeup artist, is meeting with this doctor because she has had gender re-assignment surgery, but wants plastic surgery on her face to make her look more like a woman. He takes the job but not without telling her that the best makeup looks like the woman is wearing no makeup at all. Funny thing to say to a makeup artist.

So this is where it pleasantly surprised me. The doctor treats Nina with respect, addressing her as a woman. However the episode is not perfect and I will get into where it kind goes into not-so-great territory. This is the 80s though.

Woah this guy's assistant is a bargain basement Eugene Levy.

Back at Dr. Hamilton's apartment, things are really heating up. Ick, what does she see in this guy?

The ladies' love Dr. Hamilton. I'm guessing this is the B-movie actress? And what is that behind that tree? Was that other doctor stalking him?

Dr. Gold is introduced to this famous actress that happens to be one of Dr. Hamilton's patients. He is totally star struck.

Those eyebrows deserve a Golden Globe.

We are back at the apartment and woah what's going on here? Drugs and cognac, definitely the perfect combo for a plastic surgeon. Dr. Hamilton is partying with the B-movie actress even though he has surgery in the morning.

Can't forget the strawberries!

Here he uses his scalpel to cut off her bra straps. Hey those Frederick's of Hollywood bras are not cheap! Well actually, they kind of are. Nevermind, cut away.

Back at the hospital, Dr. Eyebrows has a conversation with Nina about the surgery. She is totally confident that Dr. Hamilton will do a great job. This doctor doesn't seem too sure.

We get actually a pretty touching speech from Nina here, going into details about her life and how she felt like she was in the wrong body from age 6. So far nothing really to cringe at.

Dr. Hamilton gets a rude awakening from a phone call wondering why he's not in surgery. Uh oh, what time is it?

Oh God, no one else sees this? This can't be good.

His eyebrows say it all here, that was not a good cut.

Dr. Eyebrows is here for the big unveiling and informs Nina that her doctor is getting on a plane to Paris right now. He starts to remove the bandages and...

That's not a good reaction. She asks for a mirror and is shocked at what she sees, however we don't see it!

Dr. Hamilton is at the airport, flying to Paris, when he spots another attractive woman he wants to bang.

A sexy flight attendant. Seriously what is the appeal of this guy? She entices him with her foot...

Why was this a thing in the 80's? Did everyone have a foot fetish back then.

When that doesn't work she decides to steal his boarding pass so he can't get on his plane.

When she shows him she has it, he asks where they should go. She of course suggests her place.

Wait a minute, her place is a plane? Those pre-911 days when the airport was just one giant un-supervised playground.

He tells her she is beautiful and then she says the best makeup is like no makeup at all. Now where did I hear that before....

Yes! I knew someone was going to rip off their face!

I'm impressed she had enough time to put a new face on when she was just recovering in the hospital a few minutes ago. If I learned anything from Mrs. Doubtfire, it's that a montage like that usually takes several hours.

Now we see her actual face. Ummm...is this the dangerous smile on the most perfect face? Because I don't think that's accurate.

Oof that's pretty rough. It looks like Edward Scissorhands is her doctor. This is where it takes a not-so-great turn as it shows the transgender character as a scalpel wielding maniac. She attacks the doctor's face.

Hmm actually he doesn't look too bad here. Maybe he is a good plastic surgeon.

Oh great now he's Two-Face. He is still reciting that damn monologue from the beginning. Or actually it looks like he is writing it down for some reason.

The ending cuts to the Hitchhiker telling us that Dr. Hamilton took an oath to heal and care but when all you care about is feeling good, there are things you are going to miss...like vengeance working out its own kind of justice.

Well they can't all be gems. Sometimes you just need to slog through episodes to get to the good ones. But this one wasn't without its merits.

We start with the protagonist, not driving, but biking?

Wow what a nerd. There wasn't anyone really notable in this episode. Susan Blakely plays the titular "Melody" in this episode and while it looks like she's steadily done a lot of TV, I didn't really recognize her in anything. David Dukes who plays biker lawyer here, also had done some TV shows in the 1990s but wasn't too big a star either. That's okay, I'm not here for the stars. I'm here for...

Yeah that guy. Wow, he's in the crowd with all the extras. This is what they are all looking at:

Woah! Did anyone get a good look at the driver?

Well what do you know, The Hitchhiker predicted self-driving cars. This must have been one of the early models that ran down pedestrians.

Here is a rare exchange with the Hitchhiker. Instead of being berated by the main character, he appreciates that he helps him up after the accident. The Hitchhiker informs Ted, our free-wheeling lawyer character, that there was no driver for that car. Ted doesn't buy it and goes off to figure out who to sue for this.

It was pretty funny to me that the Hitchhiker suddenly breaks the fourth wall here while extras are still milling about behind him. I was hoping one of them would ask him who he is talking to. We learn that Ted Miller thinks he knows who he is and where he wants to be so he races to grab the golden ring. But as fast as Ted is pedaling, he can't escape his past. Or a speeding car it would seem.

When Ted gets back to his apartment, I notice something on the screen.

Hold the phone! The source material is written by the Game of Thrones writer himself? I had to check this out and so I read the short story this was based on. They definitely changed a bunch of things although I suppose the main points are there. In the story, Melody is presented as a pretty needy and selfish person from this guy's past where in the show, Melody was someone who supported him and his roommates financially and took care of them and now just needs help. They had to fit this guy into the mold of a Hitchhiker type villain I guess. One thing that remains the same in both is there were four roommates, with Michael and Anne rounding out the family. They all made a sacred promise to each other they would always be there for one another.

Ted works with his girlfriend Jill at the law firm. She is presented as pretty mean in this, but in the story she was actually much more sympathetic to him and Melody.

We get an interesting shot of Ted as he's trying to recover from almost getting killed.

Nah you can't see anything.

He hears someone at the door but when he looks through the peephole...

There is no one there. But then when he opens the door...

Melody!

This episode is a bit on the slow side, probably because the source material is mostly conversational. We get her sob story about why she needs a place to stay. We see him being annoyed that she needs help. There is a lot of conversation between them about the life they had and the promises...bla bla bla.

Back at the office Ted goes into the hell elevator from Angel Heart.

It starts plummeting for no reason...until it stops. Wow what a day this guy is having.

After failing at work, he goes back home. Suddenly this happens...

These love scenes are not in the story, this is purely for HBO.

They fight because Ted doesn't want to help her even though he promised. He's not a hippie anymore, he's a yuppy! She mentions that two years ago on this day she sent him a telegram that said "There will never be any other way." Huh, I wonder what she means by that.

Ted seems upset by all this so escapes to Jill's where he has a disturbing dream. He realizes he needs to go back to his apartment to find Melody.

Great now it's Poltergeist III with the wind blowing through the apartment.

Melody gets naked and walks out the door, but seems to just fade away.

Ted returns to see his apartment trashed.

Wow it looks like the apocalypse in here.

He checks the bathroom...

That's actually a pretty cool visual. The words "Something to remember me by" is written in blood on the mirror. This is a line taken from the short story, although it wasn't quite that horrifying. As you can imagine he freaks out, but Jill comes just in time to calm him down.

After she hugs him, the apartment looks back to normal. But what about the lady in the tub?

Oh she was just screwing with his head the whole time. The car, the elevator, the blood. But what's this?

Jill finds Melody's obituary. Who put that there? Apparently she's been dead for two whole years! Realizing what Melody, or at least the ghost of Melody has been doing causes Ted to call their old friend Anne to warn her.

But instead, it's Melody on the other line. She has plans for all of them. But what? It's never mentioned.

I have to say, the ending on this is pretty tame. Did I say tame? I meant lame. This guy doesn't get any horrible ending except the feel of his own guilt and nothing even explodes.

The closing shot of the Hitchhiker leaving the apartment building lets us know that Ted made promises out of convenience and out of guilt, but when he broke the promise of innocence, he betrayed not only another but himself as well. Yeah and he also betrayed his girlfriend by having sex with a ghost. Don't forget that part.

The Hitchhiker looks up at the apartment here and this made me wonder for a second...

Was he Melody? Was he taking the form of her just to mess with him because he never thanked him for helping him up after the accident? Does the Hitchhiker possess powers like this?

After getting through the first 3 "trial" episodes of season 1, I was delighted that season 2 starts off with a real banger (pun intended) in Lovesounds.

We start out with the wonderful theme song and now I don't have to wonder which Hitchhiker is showing up because the other guy is long gone. After we see...wait what's this?

None other than Werner Herzog's best fiend, Klaus Kinski. Oh boy I wonder if he will get some sort of comeuppance.

Klaus plays a sort of tyrant music maestro named Kurt Hoffman, firing cellists at will and yelling at everyone he comes into contact with. It sounds like this part was not much of a stretch after doing some light research on this actor - it seems like he was not a good dude in real life. I appreciated all the establishing music shots to really clue us in as to what this guy does for a living.

He gets a call from his wife that his new sound system is ready and he rushes home from rehearsal.

Ha ha ha, this is some real 80's technology right here. Complete with state of the art reel to reel action and a Commodore 64.

As he's driving to his house, he encounters our moral hero, the Hitchhiker. Kurt yells at him for hitchhiking on a private road and tells him to go elsewhere. After he drives off, we are informed that Kurt Hoffman thinks people exist for one reason, to serve him! But even the mightiest sometimes see their subjects rebel and the palace walls come tumbling down. Ominous words.

Maybe the Hitchhiker is willing all the bad stuff to happen, because he got yelled at.

We meet Kurt's wife Veronica and the young dude putting in his sound system, Eric. They seem pretty cozy together until Eric makes a move and...

Ooops I guess he read that all wrong. Glass is broken and Veronica's finger is cut, just as Kurt walks in. That would have been a close one.

Now he gets to show off this most excellent stereo. All you need to do to turn it on is press 666, then V for Veronica.

666 huh? I mean is this telling us this thing is possessed? It's a bit on the nose. Eric tries to the code and...

Wow, it knew who was pressing the buttons! But when maestro tries it...

Womp womp. This displeases the maestro. But luckily Eric has one more shot to show it works at Kurt's wonderful dinner party.

Unfortunately, things do not go as planned when Kurt presses the not-so-secret code again.

The stereo sends off sparks almost killing everyone.

Luckily Eric still gets another chance to fix it, while the master, er maestro is away on music business. He gently massages the sound system to get it to work better.

Then we get a look at its kick-ass graphics. I'm guessing this is the love-o-meter.

We hear some weird sounds, like the machine saying he loves him.

And what are these? Are they supposed to be its eyes? What am I even looking at here.

While all of this is amazing since the stereo now seems self aware, Eric instead notices Veronica sunning herself in the beautifully overcast Vancouver weather. They start horsing around and throwing each other in the lake.

Here he is being dorky offering her a flower. Man that water looks cold.

Now that they are both wet, it's time to have some hot laundry room sex. Finally, we get some young attractive actors for this softcore scene, unlike other episodes.

All that infidelity must have somehow fixed the machine because when Kurt comes back from his trip, he tries one more time. 666 V.

Hey it worked! I feel like there is a Seinfeld joke in here somewhere.

Not only can he play his Beethoven at full blast, but Eric has also hooked up a powerful microphone where he can pick up nature sounds from outside just by pointing it in the right direction. Frogs! Wonderful.

All excited with his new toys, Kurt tells Veronica to leave him alone for awhile. So she starts playing with her new toy, Eric, in the boathouse.

We get another sex scene, this time complete with some naked man butt, which is always welcome. Kurt decides he is tired of listening to music and wanted to hear more frog sounds so he starts pointing the microphone all around. He hears a hawk which delights him, but then he hears some other sounds. Are these Lovesounds?

Uh oh, better turn up the volume. It's pretty obvious to him what is going on so he runs to the boathouse.

Well okay we are all adults here, let's talk this out.

Or...maybe just pour straight gasoline on the boathouse. Either way.

There is not much time for the couple to react before...

Wow that lit up faster than a Christmas tree in January! What was that made out of?

Well it's safe to say, they did not make it out on the boat. What to do now? I guess maybe listen to that new stereo system.

After a while, more sounds start playing on the speakers. It sounds like what AI might think two people having sex would sound like. Are the ghosts of these two haunting the sound system?

He's still watching, always watching.

Wow this thing is off the charts!

Now the last 5 minutes of this episode is great, you can tell they just had so much fun making everything explode.

The stereo starts exploding.

For some reason the bar starts exploding.

Kurt is covered in blood from his face and then this happens...

Oh no! That statue explodes!

Well I guess everyone got their comeuppance, but there is still someone who has the last laugh.

No, not him. I'm pretty sure he died in the explosion.

Wow that's a beautiful shot of the evening sky...and the smoldering bodies and wreckage behind him. Well the Hitchhiker finally got his revenge for being called out on his trespassing. He assures us by saying that in time it will be peaceful here again and someday people will come and hear the sweet sounds that even a tyrant couldn't silence.

Yeah, he says that, but I'm also sure all those frogs died in the explosion as well. Unless he's talking about those sex sounds that were haunting the stereo...hmmm where is that stereo....

Oh Dear God! Well maybe I was wrong and he's still there watching...

Finally we get to an episode I remember watching back in the day. Even though I knew what was going to happen in this one, I was still very excited to re-visit it as I remember it being kind of bizarre.

We start with the opening theme music and then, wait what's this?

Who is this guy? We've spent all our time establishing a relationship with Page and then we see someone else?

Oh so he does exist! I guess this was one they couldn't re-shoot with the new Hitchhiker so they kept it as is. I knew I had seen a version with him in it, so it must have been this episode.

They actually used to play this one quite a bit in syndication despite the fact that it's a totally different guy. I honestly don't know why they bothered to re-shoot the other ones when they couldn't do this for all of them, but whatever. I was curious if somehow the Hitchhiker ends up more integrated with the plot.

This episode actually takes a different approach and instead of starting with the main character driving, we see him in his office. This is Jake, a down-on-his-luck real estate agent who has some interesting vintage phones on his desk.

I guess instead of having a phone with multiple lines, he just has two different phone lines? At first he doesn't seem like your average Hitchhiker protagonist since he's pretty dorky and you can't really imagine any sexy situations with this guy, but this is HBO after all.

I'm not sure he's actually talking to anyone on these phones since he happens to accidentally hang up the phone with the other receiver, yet the caller is supposedly still on the line.

How is that possible?

Anyways, it's time for driving so we can figure out how the Hitchhiker fits into this plot. Wacky music starts playing when we see this character's crappy car. I guess this is to establish that he is indeed very desperate and bad at his job. Hearing this music I expected a bunch of clowns to start coming out of it. But instead it looks like the car is about to burst into flames.

He meets the Hitchhiker while Jake is lost in some suburban neighborhood. He approaches him to ask him if he knows the road of the house he's trying to visit and he just points.

I guess this was why they couldn't re-shoot this because the editing would probably look pretty bad. My main question with this scene is, is this guy hitchhiking in some residential neighborhood? Isn't that a bit creepy?

The Hitchhiker seems to know him after he drives away since he tells the camera that Jake seems to think he's charming sort of a guy. Wow this hitchhiker sounds really Canadian and much friendlier than the one we are used to. I definitely prefer the creepy vibe that Page gives off more, but this was interesting. Anyways, charm can sometimes fool the charmer, or so the Hitchhiker says.

Jake drives up to the house he's been asked to sell. This guy really doesn't look like a Jake, more like a Herman or a Norman or some gross dorky name. We meet sisters Frances and Priscilla Packard played by real life actress sisters Audrey and Judy Landers. Now here are some actresses that look familiar. I know Audrey from singing that Tits and Ass song in the A Chorus Line movie. Judy Landers was in that Stewardess School movie which I caught 10 minutes of on Comedy Central back in the 1990s. Audrey actually went to Julliard and somehow she is still in this show. Both had made a number of television appearances in the 1980s so they are very familiar character actresses. Both are very good in this episode playing dumb sexy blondes which is basically their M.O.

They also like to dress as magician assistants around the house. This is because their father who left them this house was a famous magician.

Jake was very subtle when meeting these bodacious babes.

Get a good look Constanza?

He also says to one of them "You should have a sign that says 'beware of bush!'" Considering what happens to this guy in this episode, I think he should maybe take his own advice.

He also comments on how he likes the mounds in the garden. Real smooth.

There is some wackiness where he thinks both sisters are actually the same person until they appear together.

Of course being a classy guy he says "Stereo blondes! This is going to be delightful." I guess due to the unfreezing process he seems to have no inner monologue.

As he moves through the house we see a lot of cutlery imagery. One uses a chain saw, he runs into a hand saw, there is a random guillotine in the living room. Very curious.

There is also a bear in the closet. Oh Canada!

After the house tour, we learn that the sisters have trouble sharing. They had a doll someone gave them once and they had to split it down the middle so they didn't have to share it.

You can see here this doll is perfectly in tact with not even a seam down it, but somehow...

Jake is back in business as he gets to show his two new clients each a new home they can buy after they sell the home they are in.

This lady seems to be the only person to realize how disgusting this guy is.

The first sister gets shown a nice modest house. She gets horny when she finds out it has a fireplace and immediately strips and seduces Jake. Good Lord.

The second sister is shown a condo complete with creepy mannequins. He turns on the fireplace and we find out that fireplaces turn this sister on too.

There is a weird jump cut with this scene. My guess was the actress was too disgusted having to pretend to have sex with this guy and they had to cut out a facial expression.

At some point he does say the line "Let's slide into escrow together." Yuk.

I have to say the score on this episode with the wacky music is really distracting. Jake goes back to the house sometime later because he finds out the girls are not going to sell the house. Both sisters are just hanging out in their underwear.

Oh and one of them is making a sandwich. I'm sure this is doing it for someone right now.

They let Jake know that they both like him and they can't share him so they are not going to sell the house. He does seem more concerned with the fact they won't sell than the fact that these sisters are both after him. They both want him for some reason so his solution is that both of them can have him. They decide to take a photo to commemorate this moment.

There seems to be something happening behind him. Watch the birdie!

Wow that's a perfectly sliced sandwich! Ta-dah!

This scene has weird blocking, I couldn't tell how they got to this spot. And why is there no blood?

We end with the sisters walking through their garden talking about what new things they were going to plant in their mounds. The Hitchhiker has a voiceover, but we see his reflection in the door meaning he has been creeping around this neighborhood the whole time. He informs us that Jake would do anything for a sale and now he's a permanent fixture in the house.

Wait a minute...mounds in the garden? Are all those mounds other bodies of people they have done this to? Who is supposed to be the villain here?

I did like this episode. It was still crazy even without any supernatural elements. And it's nice to see that Nicholas Campbell wasn't completely erased from existence.

Well after that first episode, this one was a bit of a disappointment. First of all, nobody was in it. No surprise stars, just actors that were genuinely not very good. The plot did have a twist that I will get into, but again not nearly as interesting as the first one.

The only really interesting thing about this episode was that the Hitchhiker character interacted a lot with the main character. This was especially weird since the version I saw again did not have the original actor (Nicholas Campbell) so it was clearly reshot with Page Fletcher with different lighting.

This episode starts with the main character, an old ugly dude with a bad body named Bob Ames. He's driving, much like the character in the first episode, however this time he actually stops and picks up the Hitchhiker.

Not sure if this shot is Page or if this is from the original version since it's from the back.

They still haven't figured out how to tie this Hitchhiker character into these crazy plots. This time they actually have a conversation and this is where the Hitchhiker learns that this guy cheats on his wife, but she's totally cool with it. I can't even figure out how that came up in conversation because I thought he was just talking about his family at first. You can tell these scenes were filmed separately and they must have really had to do some interesting editing to merge this new Hitchhiker into these scenes with Bob.

Here is Bob from when they first shot it:

And here is when they filmed the new Hitchhiker:

The colors are a bit different even though these scenes occur right after one another.

Then we see some possible foreshadowing...

I wonder why they showed us this sign?

When he drops the Hitchhiker off at, Bob asks him "What are you going to do?" The Hitchhiker says "Hang around see what's happening." This exchange feels weird and his creepy stare as the car drives off is even more unsettling.

At this point I was thinking he might be the bad guy.

But then the episode goes into familiar territory. After we hear more foreshadowing of a killer blonde on the loose through a police radio, Hitchhiker informs us that Bob thinks he's got the world on a string, but the sky is charged tonight which can sometimes boil the blood and fog the mind. What? There is thunder in the background which almost drowns his speech out, so I guess lightning storms can cause evil to happen? I mean I know from the movie Short Circuit it can cause robots to come to life, but I'm not actually sure where he is going with this. I mean, I bet escaped murderers might be a bigger cause for bad things to happen, but what do I know.

It seems Bob was heading to his cabin in the woods. Maybe he told the Hitchhiker this and I missed it? Anyways he sees an intruder is in his cabin when he gets there, so he goes in pointing a gun at whoever is in there. It just happens to be a naked sexy blonde drying herself off with a sheet. He tells her she looks like Bo Derek - wow what a line!

You can imagine where the story goes from here.

For some reason she has sex with this guy, in a very disgusting scene which I will not subject you to. Her sexy talk was very bizarre, mentioning something pretending she was an animal and then something about cutting her hair and pretending to be a boy. He put on some generic fake rock music and proceeds to dis Devo and the Go-Gos. Yeah those trash bands. But wait a minute I think I noticed something else...

Is there a knife missing? That's weird.

The generic fart guitar on the radio gets interrupted by another bulletin about the escaped blonde from the Rawley State Mental Institution. Where have I seen that name before?

Oh, right.

He seems to piece it all together now.

He accuses her, ties her up, she escapes. What follows is a pretty boring chase scene where this supposed lunatic starts hunting him like an animal. The hunter becomes the hunted.

This doesn't go so well as she ends up getting shot by a female cop with really bad line delivery.

Back at his place with the female cop, and Bob uses his famous Bo Derek line. That sly devil. She supposedly calls the police station to come over and collect the body of the escaped mental patient. At this point, I realized what the twist was going to be.

Ouch, a boning knife! And they didn't even get to have sex.

And this is the end. There is just a voiceover from the Hitchhiker while some car drives by saying that Bob used the same line on everyone (oh right him telling them they look like Bo Derek) but in the end death...something the line. I don't know what he says, I can't actually make out the words. Oh look the car at the end is a hearse. What a twist!

This ending was not quite as interesting as the last one. Very anti-climatic. However, the next episode is one I remember actually seeing back in the 1990s when the show was in syndication and I know it's great. I cannot wait.

Many times the first episode of a series isn't the best example of the show. It may not have figured out what it wants to be yet or maybe the characters haven't been fully realized. But let me tell you, this episode as a first start was fantastic. It pretty much had everything you would expect - the semi famous actors, supernatural forces coming out of nowhere, the crazy scenarios and the sexy results.

What I did notice though, in these early episodes, they seem to not really know what to do with this Hitchhiker character and how to relate him to these stories. I also need to mention that Page Fletcher was not actually the first Hitchhiker and the first few episodes were filmed with an actor named Nicholas Campbell playing the title character. The only version I can find of this episode was the version where they re-filmed his shots with Page Fletcher, so I'm not sure if anything was changed. In this particular episode, the Hitchhiker is shown hitchhiking and the main character's car drives past him fast, not bothering to stop for him. This appears to be his first mistake, possibly contributing to his downfall at the end.

But let's get into it. The episode starts with Jeff, played by Bruce Greenwood. This actor has been in a lot of things, but I mainly know him from the mostly forgotten late 1990s movie Disturbing Behavior. Yeesh, not even that awesome Harvey Danger song could save that movie. Anyways, he's apparently a professional water-skier, who doesn't like picking up hitchhikers. The Hitchhiker describes him as "not a bad guy" but comments that ambition can take people places they wouldn't usually go. This water-skier is soon to be in water way over his head.

After almost hitting the Hitchhiker with his car, he goes to an old Eastern European woman's house. We find out this is his grandmother and she is giving him a wedding gift, a old figurine of an old couple.

Thanks grandma, I'm sure this will totally fit in with my freewheeling, waterskiing lifestyle. He mentions something about how he is going to be living in a big house after he is married, so we can assume he is marrying for money. Waterskiing doesn't pay too much I guess.

Then we meet his wife-to-be or the old bag I guess. She is a very attractive semi-older woman played by Alexandra Stewart. She looked so familiar to me, but looking at what she's done, I realized I was remembering her from a couple episodes of Highlander, the series. They have sex while a bird watches.

It's hard to tell from this screenshot, but this bird is definitely forced to watch their intimacy and if you think that doesn't come up later, you are wrong.

After the soft core, we get a nice establishing dinner scene. Introducing, the sexy step-daughter, who says...well I have no idea. Let's just call her Mushmouth.

This is the old bride-to-be's step-daughter and you can tell there is some friction between the two and maybe some heat between her and Jeff?

He's just watching his favorite TV channel, the pool, when what do we have here? They have sex in a jacuzzi while there are no birds watching.

Then the blessed day arrives! The wedding day is here and I mean I know this was filmed in Canada but why is this bride dress like Anne of Avonlea? We get it, she's old.

This is where we find out all about Mushmouth's inheritance which she only gets if her step-mother dies. Hmmm interesting.

Then the maid, Edith Bunker lights candles on the wedding cake right near that old figurine from Grandma.

The wedding couple suddenly feel like they are burning up and then...

The couple also falls over after this figurine falls and gets a face full of cake. You know, I'm getting some serious Teen Witch vibes from this when she makes that voodoo doll of her teacher. That bird is watching this too by chance. Is this like The Crow, and the Hitchhiker is seeing all this through from the bird's point of view?

After another experiment involving the figurine, Jeff has now pieced together the connection and has a brilliant plan for being able to have his cake and eat it too. He will kill his new-old bride using the figurine so that he can have the young girl and all the money...wait did she say she was going to stay with him after she got her inheritance? Boy this guy is confident.

The plan starts with Jeff taking his new-old wife's friend scuba diving. Because you know he's a water-skier, so he's an expert. They don't get far from the land while Mushmouth is taking part in the other part of the plan, placing a glass case over the figurine.

Jeff has his regulator in, so he can breathe fine, but his wife suffocates and dies. Wow, I can't believe that worked.

After the funeral, it's time to have sex, and that bird is kept from the action yet again. He must not be happy about it because he squawks like crazy, escapes the cage and makes his way towards that figurine. You would think if this thing was basically the cause for his life and death, they would keep it in a safer place.

Blood starts pouring out of Jeff. Before you can say "scratch his eyes out", the bird does just that. By scratching the figurine of course.

He runs outside and then...shattered vows.

Mushmouth has nothing left to do but stare confused at what happened. Well at least she's rich right?

The Hitchhiker doesn't have anything too clever to close this, by voiceover only at this point. Something about stumbling into Hell.

Okay, but my question is why didn't the waterskiing come up again? Wouldn't it have made more sense if he was a scuba diving instructor at the beginning? It never comes back around.