Joe Rogan Podcast But Good

Declaring the money long overdue compensation for some of the nation’s most persecuted individuals, President Donald Trump announced an $88 billion fund Tuesday specifically appropriated to any man ever rejected by a woman. “At long last, there will be justice for every man in America who was very unfairly told no,” said the president, noting that all heterosexual males could claim up to $5 million each by documenting abuses such as being denied a second date, not receiving photos upon texting ‘send nudes,’ or being given false contact information to thwart any possibility of future interaction.

Still reaping the benefits of a mass suicide timed to coincide with the arrival of the Hale–Bopp comet, members of the Heaven’s Gate cult told reporters Friday they were looking forward to this month’s anniversary celebration of their 29th euphoric year on the highest plane of existence. “Shedding my human vehicle and transcending to a higher evolutionary level was the best decision I ever made,” said Heaven’s Gate member Sam Clybourne, adding that while he may have been nervous about participating in a ritual that required him to consume phenobarbital-laced apple sauce, drink vodka, and then asphyxiate himself with a plastic bag, his travels aboard a comet-trailing UFO had made it all worthwhile.

Militant anti war protestor

Ecoterrorist

Barista

Secret lover of a diplomat

Dnd player that lives in someone's attic

Unpaid fresco painter for rich people

Guy who ties people to train tracks

Guy who gets tied to train tracks

Guy who stands conveniently close to the train track switch that has people tied to both tracks

Girl

Pretentious Quebecoi with an accent

The gig economy

An exact clone of Fidel Castro

Head of a film club that exclusively watches gay porno flicks from the late 70s

Union organizer for lesbian polycules

Bisexual woman mafia hitman

Pet rock haver

Travel blogger

Postal worker

Derelict 1960s era housing project

Wine mom

The family dog

Cobbler

Charcuterie board maker

Guy who buys expensive Dutch cheeses from a deli every 3rd Wednesday

Guy who stabs tourists in London

Recreational cigarette smoker

Folk Singer

High School bully

High School Art Teacher

Horrifying Chimera

Cashier at an over priced oraganic local grocier

Russian bot

The old grandma who got lost in the Menswear department of a large department store

The Toxic relationship metaphor cannibal

Bagel shop owner

Guy who bites into ice cream

Hiker

Bus driver

Cabbie

Bob Dylan

The 5th Beatle

Cop (ew)

Indie game dev

Pursuing a postgrad degree

Person who puts the cone of shame on the dogs they pass at the park

Joan Baez

Fujoshi

Furry

Little German Boy