The Foregone Conclusion.

Despite looking indomitable throughout free practice, Sebastian Vettel was pipped to pole position by his Australian team-mate, Mark Webber. The German double-world champion, who had topped the time sheets by some margin in the first two qualifying sessions, scuppered his final hot lap, allowing his team-mate to take pole by seventy four thousandths of a second, demoting the young German to second place, ahead of championship leader, Fernando Alonso and McLaren's Lewis Hamilton.

Vettel has been in stunning form over the last few races. A measured drive from eleventh to second in Belgium was followed by an alternator failure in Italy. However, Vettel became the first driver in 2012 to claim back to back victories after his triumphs in Singapore and Japan. After this burst of form, the reigning champion finds himself just four points behind Ferrari's Alonso, with one hundred and twenty five up for grabs. Vettel's form, confidence and natural pace suggested that he was going to breeze to pole in Saturday's qualifying, and until the checkered flag dropped, the idea looked like it would be proven. Mark Webber, who looked to be Alonso's chief rival after his victory at the German Grand Prix, produced a fine lap to snatch pole from his team-mate and set himself up for what would be his third victory of the season. It is slightly lamentable for Webber, who demonstrated on Saturday that he and his car do indeed have the pace to be up there with Alonso and Vettel, and he may fear that this strong performance has come too late in the season. A series of disappointing results, including retirements at Monza and Suzuka, have chucked the Australian out of a realistic shot at the title, as he now sits fifty six points behind his in-form teammate, sixty behind Alonso. Webber does look to have a secure seat at the Red Bull team in 2013, but after his disappointment in 2010 and '11, he may feel aggrieved that his time is surely running out. Nevertheless, he discarded those fears on Saturday to take the eleventh pole position of his Formula One career.

Lewis Hamilton, who was complaining after second free practice regarding what seemed to be a bizarre lack of pace from the McLaren cars managed to qualify fourth fastest, behind Fernando Alonso and ahead of Lotus' comeback-kid Kimi Raikkonen and the Alonso's resurgent team-mate, Felipe Massa. He was almost knocked out of the first qualifying session, as he chose not to put in a final safety lap. However, Bruno Senna failed to throw himself out of the drop-zone, something he blamed on the fact that he was unable to do a lot of running in the free practice sessions, partly due to mechanical troubles, but also due to Williams' test driver Valterri Bottas taking the reins for the first practice session. Senna, under pressure to maintain his seat in 2012, did not helped himself with what was frankly a poor qualifying effort.

Daniel Ricciardo will take a five-place grid penalty after being forced to change his gearbox following a failure at the end of Q2. The Australian Toro-Rosso driver qualified sixteenth before his car gave up on him in the final sector of the Yeongam circuit. He will now start fro twenty first on the grid, ahead of only the HRTs and Charles Pic's Marussia. His failure also caused some heartache further up the grid, with subsequent yellow flags hindering some final flying laps. The Saubers and Paul di Resta failed to make it, but the biggest casualty was certainly McLaren's Jenson Button. The 2009 World Champion was unable to beat tenth placed Michael Schumacher's flying lap and will start the Korean Grand Prix from eleventh on the grid. He will be hoping that without using another set of tyres in the third qualifying session, he will be able to use them to maneuver his way through the field, like Sergio Perez did in Monza three weeks ago. Perez, the man taking Hamilton's seat at McLaren next season, qualified twelfth, one place ahead of his Japanese team-mate, Kamui Kobayashi.

With all Formula One discussions concentrating on Britain's Lewis Hamilton confirming a lucrative move to Mercedes, and the now-heated battle for the Formula One Drivers' World Championship, Sergio Perez has found himself rather overshadowed by what could be considered the move of a lifetime. It is of course good for the young Mexican who, unlike Hamilton for much of the season, has found himself relatively free of the paparazzi; allowing him to concentrate on producing solid drives for the remainder of the season. Yet, it is important to acknowledge just why Perez has found himself in such a lucrative seat next season - alongside the experienced 2009 World Champion, Jenson Button.

While Perez' reputation has only accelerated in 2012, observers remember his immediate impact at the 2011 Australian Grand Prix; his first race in Formula One. The Pirelli tyres in 2011 confirmed their lack of durability for the vast majority of the grid in 2011; forcing the drivers to make three or in some cases, four pit stops during the race. However, Sergio Perez, in his first race, managed to score a points finish for the midfield-battling Sauber team while only fitting one new set of tyres. Of course. much of the attention was focused on Sebastian Vettel winning the first of what would be eleven wins that season, Perez' feat was still acknowledged, and he was recognised as someone who thoroughly enjoyed driving a Formula One car. While he failed to set the world on fire in 2011, he scored enough solid finishes to maintain his seat for 2012, when he began his surge.

At the season's second race in Malaysia, the young Mexican battled the tricky conditions in his Sauber to take a deserved maiden podium. The fact that he was disappointed for failing to snatch the victory from winner Fernando Alonso told everybody all they needed to know about Perez' burning ambition. The gossip after the race vigorously linked the starlet with a potential move to Ferrari to replace the struggling Felipe Massa, but he insisted that at such an early point in the season, he was not interested in such speculation and that he wanted to concentrate on scoring points for Sauber. With Perez being a member of Ferrari's Young Driver Development program, observers thought that a switch to the Italian team was inevitable. Will Ferrari lament their decision not to snatch the Mexican when they had the opportunity?

After a series of fairly disappointing results for the Mexican, caused by a mixture of poor strategy calls, mechanical faults and a frustrating lack of pace, he bounced back expertly in Canada to take his second podium. After starting fifteenth on the grid due to an error at the Epingle hairpin in qualifying, he opted to start the race with the prime tyres, while many other drivers opted to take the super-soft option tyres. This became particularly fruitful in the race, as Sebastian Vettel and Fernando Alonso were forced to surrender their positions due to tyre wear. As a result, Perez, managing his tyres as he always has so brilliantly, was able to advance through the field, defeating other drivers with what was an inferior car. Strong performances followed, with a sixth place finish in Germany and a career-best fifth (fourth after Pastor Maldonado's penalty) on the grid for the Belgian Grand Prix. While a pile-up caused by France's Romain Grosjean eliminated Perez from the race almost immediately, he bounced back again at the Italian Grand Prix, finishing in second place behind the man he is set to replace at McLaren next season, Lewis Hamilton after a masterful drive in which he climbed from twelfth on the grid; overtaking, among others, Fernando Alonso and Kimi Raikkonen.

After a Premier League season which has provided twists and turns throughout, we enter the last month of the season still without a concrete idea on who will win the division. Manchester City, having led the season for twenty-eight games before hitting a bad run of form, once again regained the top spot after a decisive 1-0 victory over their local and competitive rivals, Manchester United. It was a bitter blow for Alex Ferguson's men, who have seen an unexpected eight point lead over City vanish in three weeks. There are now two games left, and with the teams only being divided by goal difference, the common denominator may be just how many goals United can put past their final two opponents, Swansea and Sunderland, in order to determine this season's worthy winners.

Manchester City lit up the league until Christmas. With new signing Sergio Aguero combining with the likes of Carlos Tevez, David Silva and Mario Balotelli, they surprised even the most optimistic of supporters, while obliterating rivals in their wake. 2011 saw the Sky Blues stun their main rivals for the last two years, Tottenham Hotspur, with an exceptional 5-1 victory, before thrashing United 6-1 at their rival's ground, Old Trafford. It meant that regardless of a disappointing exit from the Champions' League, City went into the New Year with a comprehensive advantage over the trailing pack, which included United and a surprising package in Tottenham. United, who were also knocked out of the Champions' League prematurely, never really hit top gear until February. Despite a formidable 8-2 victory against Arsenal, they failed to achieve momentum as form was interrupted by dire results, notably a 3-0 defeat at Newcastle and a 3-2 loss at home to Blackburn. It meant that they trailed their rivals in the New Year.

While City's home form rampaged on ceaselessly into the first few months of 2012, stuttering away form meant that they were unable to capitalise on poor results for United and Tottenham in January. But with Tottenham capitulating in March, the race for the title suddenly became a two-horse race between the two Manchester Clubs. United typically hit top form in the February/ March period, while City dropped points against the likes of Swansea, Sunderland and Arsenal, losing their 100% home record in the process. This led to them trailing their rivals United by eight points in early April. Yet, they suddenly re-found the indomitable edge which had illuminated the world at the start of the season, with a 4-0 demolition of West Brom, and away wins at Wolves and Norwich, the latter being a 6-1 drumming at Carrow Road. Meanwhile, United's great form through March came to an unexpected end when they were thwarted by a resurgent Wigan side, before dropping valuable points at home to Everton in a remarkable 4-4 draw. Therefore, City were once again in the ascendancy as they prepared for this derby clash.

City, with form and the home advantage on their side, brushed away a lack-lustre United side who were unimpressive throughout the ninety-nine featured minutes. Whether United have simply become fatigued following an intense couple of months is unknown, but they lacked integrity and composure for the duration of the match, with loose passes, sloppy marking and non-existent movement. Vincent Kompany's goal before the break was the only difference on paper, but their will to win compared to their rivals, as well as the chances they created, highlights a far bigger division between the two sides, and one that may well decide this season's winner.

Going into the final two games of the season, City maintain a crucial advantage in their goal difference. Their victories over West Brom and Norwich, which added nine to their ratio alone, represent their vitality as they now have an eight goal advantage over United. Yet, they will firstly be challenged by a Newcastle side who, despite a resounding defeat at Wigan on Saturday, will still be gunning for a top three place, especially if they can muster a victory against Chelsea at Stamford Bridge on Wednesday. This is followed by a final home game against QPR, who may or may not be relegated by this point. If they are, City may be grateful that they are facing a team that on paper, should not be a worthy match for the Sky Blues. However, if their Premier League survival depends on a result, City could find themselves facing a very difficult task. United on the other hand, face two opponents who have nothing significant to play for. Their home game against Swansea on Sunday will be a game in which they will expect to reduce their goal difference disadvantage. The Welsh team have suddenly shown signs of tired legs and with survival secured, they may not be a strong resistance for the Reds. While their final opponent, Sunderland, have nothing to play for, they have built a reputation for being a tricky side to play against since the appointment of Martin O'Neill. With United's need to win, they will be expected to overcome Sunderland, but it may not be a game in which United could attain a high scoreline.

After much controversy which surrounded the staging of the Bahrain Grand Prix this weekend, we were thankfully saved from any events which may have disrupted the race or harmed supporters. With Bahrain hosting a comeback race of sorts, after the Grand Prix's cancellation in 2011, McLaren drivers Lewis Hamilton and Jenson Button were hoping to regain some ground after average results in Malaysia and China, while eyes were focused on China's winner, Nico Rosberg, to see if the young German could repeat his success. As it happened, it was another German, reigning double-world champion Sebastian Vettel who led the race from start the finish to claim his first victory in 2012.

Prior to Bahrain, Vettel was having a lacklustre season. Despite an impressive second place in Melbourne, Australia, he finished outside the points in Malaysia, following a puncture when colliding with the HRT of Narain Karthikeyan. He was set for a strong finish in China, but tyre degradation resulted in him falling victim to the two McLarens and his Australian team-mate, Mark Webber. Webber, who has been remarkably consistent so far this season, while holding his own against Vettel, who convincingly outclassed the Australian last season, was again in composed form as he drove a relatively quiet race to take a fourth consecutive fourth place. Yet, in Bahrain, we saw exactly what has given the young German the reputation that he established over the previous two seasons. He delivered a brilliant lap on Saturday to put himself on pole position; directing the race comfortably from that point. While there was an unsteady period for Vettel when he was fending off the returning Finn, Lotus' Kimi Raikkonen, he successfully resisted his charms and finished three seconds ahead of the trailing pack. It was welcome return to form for the reigning champion, who now leads the Drivers' Championship on fifty three points, four ahead of McLaren driver Lewis Hamilton.

If any driver could rightfully say they had experienced an arduously frustrating afternoon, it would be the Brit, Lewis Hamilton. The 2008 World Champion, who had finished third in the opening three races of the season, fell victim to three dire pitstops, which all but eliminated him from contention. The McLaren driver was on the receiving end of a poor pitstop in Australia, which prevented him from challenging Vettel for second place, and his frustration was evident after the first of his stops this weekend in Bahrain. A shake of the head which was followed by the question "What happened there?" showed his aggravation towards a race and indeed a season that simply does not seem to be going his way. Following two pole positions in Australia and Malaysia, and a second fastest time in China (Prior to a five place grid drop due to an unscheduled gearbox change), Hamilton once again qualified on the front row of the grid in Bahrain. Yet, the performance of his mechanics in Bahrain dropped him down the field, where he ventually finished in a lowly eight place, between the Ferraris of Fernando Alonso and Felipe Massa. His team-mate, Jenson button, looked set for overtaking force India's Paul Di Resta for sixth place before a puncture and a gearbox failure forced him to retire three laps from the end. Button, 2009's world Champion, qualified in fourth, but a slow getaway meant he lost a place to Lotus' Romain Grosjean. The retirement capped off a miserable afternoon for the McLaren team, who appear to have lost the blistering pace that they showed pre-season and in Australia. The McLaren drivers currently lie in second and fourth in the Drivers' Championship, with Hamilton on forty nine points, with Button six points behind on forty three. The McLaren team will be determined to amend for its errors and insufficient results in Barcelona in three weeks' time.

The outstanding team for the day is without a doubt the Lotus team, who got both their cars on the podium with Kimi Raikkonen in second and Romain Grosjean in third. It was a terrific result for the team, and one that looked unlikely following the qualifying positions of its two drivers; with Grosjean in sixth and Raikkonen in eleventh. Yet, the promising race-pace of Lotus was immediately recognisable, with Grosjean flying into fourth at the start, before overtaking both Mark Webber and Lewis Hamilton. Raikkonen opted for a different strategy from the rest of the field; choosing to put on another set of the softer option tyres during his first stop while others selected the medium prime tyre. It was a decision that paid dividends, as with his subsequent pace, combined with the faultering McLaren mechanics, the Finn was able to catapult himself up the order. There was a period prior to the final pitstops where Raikkonen appeared to have a substantial advantage over Vettel's Red Bull ahead of him, and came very close to overtaking the German at Turn one. However, he was unable to complete the pass and was unable to create another overtaking opportunity. His French team-mate, Romain Grosjean was impeccably consistent during the course of the Grand Prix; capitalising on the McLaren's inadequate pitstops to comfortably secure third place. The Lotus team propelled themselves into the Constructors' fight, and a proposed battle with the likes of Red Bull, McLaren and Mercedes is looking very likely indeed.

Mercedes were unable to continue the great form that they displayed in China, and were generally absent from the Grand Prix in Bahrain. With Rosberg topping the time sheets in free practice, many were expecting the Silver Arrows to light the track in Qualifying. However, problems with the drag reduction system, DRS, meant that seven-time World Champion, Michael Schumacher, was unable to break into the second qualifying session. Combined with a five-place grid penalty following a gearbox change, the German veteran started the race in twenty second place. his younger team-mate, fresh off the back of a superb victory in China a week earlier, qualified in an undistinguished fifth place. Rosberg struggled to maintain the pace of the front-runners and was only able to finish in fifth, following a maneuvre on Force India's Paul Di resta in the closing laps. Michael Schumacher finished in a reasonable tenth place; climbing through the field to claim only his second point in 2012. Mercedes will believe that they can use their exceptional straight-line speed to good effect in Barcelona to amend for a rather disappointing outing in Bahrain.

The Force India team, who pulled out of the second session of free practice and were not televised in Saturday's qualifying session had a mixed weekend. They were the victims of violent protests on Thursday evening, in which petrol bombs were hurled towards the team's personnel. Yet, with Paul Di Resta producing a fantastic display in qualifying, he started the race in tenth place. He adopted a two stop strategy for the race, and although tyre wear caused him to lose fifth to Rosberg's Mercedes, it still enabled the Scot to finish in a commendable sixth place. His German team-mate, Nico Hulkenberg, had a silent race in which he found himself squabbling with the Williams and Saubers, finishing the race outside the points in twelfth place. The Force Indias have thus far had a reasonable season, in which they have regularly collected points. They will be hoping that they have the pace to keep up with the leaders in Spain, as well as to maintain their advantage over their main rivals, Sauber and Williams.

It seems like an eon ago when Sergio Perez produced a stunning display to finish second in Malaysia. since then, we have seen the team squabble back in the midfield, despite showing breathtaking pace on occasion. The Mexican, Perez, participated in the third qualifying session once again, and placed his car eighth on the grid, while his Japanese team-mate, Kamui Kobayashi was lower down the order. The drivers battled with the likes of Michael Schumacher during the course of the race, but were unable to produce enough quality to secure a top ten finish, with Perez eleventh and Kobayashi thirteenth. If the Sauber team wish to regain momentum to contend with those ahead of them, they have a lot of work to do in the next three weeks upon their arrival in Spain.  The Williams team, who seek a recovery season following a disastrous 2011 campaign, in which they only attained a single point, were confident ahead of this weekend's Grand Prix, following a successful Chinese Grand Prix, in which both Bruno Senna and Pastor Maldonado collected points. However, bahrain was all to reminiscent of last season. although the drivers looked like they might have been able to contend for points, Maldonado retired on Lap 26, following a puncture, while Bruno Senna pulled his car into his garage three laps from the finish. It spelled an enormously frustrating afternoon for the British team, who need to seek some kind of retribution in the following races.

Well, it has finally happened, Felipe Massa has put himself on the 2012 scoreboard. With pressure constantly raining down on the Brazilian following three appalling races, he was finally able to take the inadequate F2012 that is beneath him and put it in the top ten. He still failed to break into the third qualifying session, and was still beaten by his Spanish team-mate, Fernando Alonso, but a strong start and some bitey overtaking maneuvres showed us that he may not be beaten yet. he will be hoping that it is just the start for him, and it will be interesting to see what improvements Ferrari can make to their car over the duration of the next three weeks. After his win in Malaysia and regular point finishes, Fernando Alonso still finds himself meddling with the front runners. However, it is appreciated that if the Ferrari team cannot develop their car, that will be a distant memory come the end of the season. Fans from all over the world want to see the team succeed, and it will be disappointing if they enter a slump which bears resemblance to the eighties and nineties, in which they only managed to collect a handful of victories. 

It now appears as though the Bahrain Grand Prix, which was cancelled last year and was in severe doubt once again, has definitely been approved. Although the FIA confirmed their decision during the week, there was an expected re-discussion after protesters engaged the Force India F1 team with abuse and petrol-bombs. It is the fourth Grand Prix of the season and comes just a week after Nico Rosberg claimed a superb victory in Shanghai. There has been much debate over the decision to allow the race to go ahead, as with nationwide conflict and protest, the safety of neither the drivers, the teams nor the fans are guaranteed.

The Bahrain Grand Prix in Sakhir was the first ever race to be held in the Middle East. It debuted in 2004, and was first won by Germany's Michael Schumacher. Spain's Fernando Alonso has won the race more than any other driver, winning with Renault in 2005 and 2006, before winning for Ferrari in 2010. Felipe Massa won for Ferrari in 2007 and 2008, before Jenson Button won for Brawn GP in 2009. Due to F1's Diamond Jubilee, 2010 saw a change to the layout; where the opening sector was edited to fit a more intrinsic section of corners. This layout was labelled as The Endurance Circuit, and was a one-off for 2010. After uprisings in Syria, the Bahrain Grand Prix was cancelled in 2011, amid safety fears. While the race has been passed this year, continuing social problems in Bahrain strongly threatened the placement of the race.

So what could have lead the FIA and Bernie Ecclestone to authorise this race? Firstly, the construction of the racetrack was a personal objective of Shaikh Salman bin Hamad Al Kalifa, the Crown Prince of Bahrain, and cost US$150m. The circuit was the first to receive the award for most outstanding track in 2007, based on its facilities, marshal competency and safety. The main reason that Bahrain was permitted to go ahead was surely down to the money that Formula One would lose if the race was cancelled. A second successive year without the race would mean that the contract would be void and that Bahrain could not be on the calendar in subsequent years. Secondly, after claims from the heads of Formula One that the race would definitely go ahead, it would be a commercial catastrophe if they changed their minds. When Michelin pulled out of the 2005 American Grand Prix at Indianapolis, there was an outcry from fans and the response was a contributing factor to Michelin's withdrawal from the sport shortly after. The tickets which have been bought would be unlikely to receive full compensation, and it would cause a surge of disgruntled supporters. There would be repercussions for the sport's broadcasters across the world, with financial factors going even deeper than what has been mentioned. Finally, there is belief that a Formula One race would go a long way to calm the conflict. With civil war taking centre stage in the Middle East, it is arguable that the race would provide the necessary distraction to help resolve the situation, if only for a little while. So while many say that the continued hosting of the race is a ruthless financial tactic from Ecclestone (and are probably correct by saying such), there is faith that the decision has been made after considering it with respect for the situation and the people it may affect.

However, there are obvious reasons why the race should not have been allowed to go ahead, with the key one being exacerbated on Thursday. This primary concern of course, is safety. With civil unrest and factions striving to gain advantages and attention at every opportunity, the Bahrain Grand Prix would provide a unique occasion to capture the attention of everybody around the world. With cars travelling at two hundred miles per hour, with thousands of litres of fuel between them, it seems foolhardy to place such volatile machinery in the firing line of explosives and demonstrators. As Force India discovered first hand on Thursday, security can be strong, but not indomitable in the face of such public disdain. It was ambitious to suggest last year that the violence would have died down by now, and ridiculous to consider that the FIA have put drivers, personnel and fans at risk. While it is appreciable that determination to stage the race looks good if everything goes to plan, an incident over the weekend could potentially cause a crisis within the sport with huge repercussions, more so than the Piquet fixing scandal in 2009. As well as this, Bahrain has never really produced breathtaking races in the past. It is not a race like Monaco or Monza, where cancellation would dramatically affect TV viewing figures and the fan-base. The last race that Bahrain hosted was the opening race of the 2010 season. After a race that was basically a procession led by Fernando Alonso, papers dubbed it the 'Bore-Rain' Grand Prix. It is has never been a particularly entertaining circuit; there are large run-off areas so drivers are forgiven if they make errors and there are not any memorable corners, like Spa Francochamps' Eau Rouge or Silverstone's Copse. In truth, it is not a race that would be sadly missed by fans or drivers, and in my opinion, not a race that is worth the risk of endangering personnel and supporters. 

Prior to watching John Michael Mcdonagh's The Guard, I was anticipating a film that would hold itself in my memory for a long time after watching it. Sadly, I fear this is not the case. It is certainly a highly recommendable watch, and it is certainly a film that is re-watchable, but it lacks the edge that I was expecting. Set in the west of Ireland, we follow Sergeant Gerry Boyle (Brendan Gleeson); a 'Guard', who is trying to solve what appears to be a simple murder upon the arrival of a hot-shot FBI agent, one Wendell Everett (Don Cheadle); arriving in Ireland to detain a large drug ring. The Guard takes us through the investigations, as we see a relationship of irritation between the two protagonists develop into one of mutual respect.

The whoring, beer-swigging, drug-abusing Boyle is by no means a conventional protagonist. He is a man whose hobbies include swearing, perversity and the expression of casual racism. From a Hollywood perspective, Boyle should be the bumbling sidekick while the down-the-line Everett takes the lead. But it is in fact that which makes The Guard so dynamic. Everett, arriving in Ireland with his high education and respectable role, is understandably judgmental and even condescending to Boyle; in one instance, Boyle comments on how 'drug mules' are normally Black or Mexican. The FBI agent is then shocked and appalled when the Irishman discusses his adventures with crack and whores. It provides the perfect set-up for strong character development; we see Everett begin to admire the way in which the irregular Guard manages to nonchalantly connect the pieces of the investigation, while at the same time remaining so down to earth. It transforms the film from one that focuses on a particular incident to one that surrounds the character of Boyle; he maintains the same persona while everything else gravitates around him.

The setting itself is colourful yet eerily lonely; further contributing to the lemony twist that The Guard blends with the police thriller genre. We are introduced to the melancholy atmosphere (something that is followed by Boyle's demeanour) from a very early point; we see snapshots of Boyle's bedroom, as well as the location's rolling hills and vibrant greenery. It turns the film from one which could have been a modern take on Columbo into a caricature of Heartbeat. It also renders every event unusual. In a world of Celtic language and  hot scotch, we find ourselves coming to terms with the fact that inside it, there are murders, car crashes and drug rings. Paradoxically, it makes everything more lighthearted; giving us a more accurate depiction of a quiet police force by avoiding the shoot first, ask questions approach we see all too often in modern cinema.

Yet, while humourous quips and humble locations dominate the film, it is a film that is almost too calm. Despite the refreshing nature of Boyle, his corrupted nature only makes him stand out as hero among the others who are bought off around him. It is not a criticism on how Gleeson interprets the character, more that this caricature of a traditional Irish policeman becomes tedious after time; leaving us to consider whether he is a hero or just the best of a bad bunch. His racism, something which as he declares, is part of his nature ends up falling flat after the first gag. He maintains a care for himself; not flying in the face of public opinion (he tells Everett without shame that he visited Disney World alone for his own enjoyment), but his entire demeanour, as likable as it may be, masquerades one where he in fact breaches the law that he is charged with preserving. True, he is a protagonist who sticks out for his cunning yet halfhearted approach, but actually, he is simply a hero in a society full of villains. 

The Guard certainly breathes new life into the police thriller genre. The role reversal where we see the squeaky clean American playing second fiddle is a fresh idea which separates this from the typical action films from Hollywood. With its melancholic landscapes, its enlightening humour and its tantilising character development, it is a film worthy of high esteem. However, a questionable protagonist, a generally slow subtext and a fairly substandard finale prevent it from clearing the gap between a great film and a classic.

After studying French for the duration of nearly seven years at secondary school and two years at university, it is now apt time to evaluate my French capacity. Needless to say, I’m disappointed. Even though there is a consensus that British people may find difficulty in adopting a Latin-derived European language, it is still regrettable that not only have I been unable to develop my accent, but I still struggle in regards to successfully capturing spoken French, as well as being thrown off by certain written pieces. Now, I can rule this down to one simple fact, which is that I simply did not work hard enough. Throughout secondary school and lamentably the first year of university, I breezed through, thinking that I was, quite frankly, the bollocks, and that it was regular to need multiple years to learn a language fluently. How wrong I was. Looking back (with hindsight being the most practical tool of futility), I would be at a far more sufficient level if I was more humble and even a little more motivated. An ‘A’ grade is great when you can fulfil the required criteria, but in terms of the route to becoming a lingual expert, it is neither helpful nor meaningful. Let us look at Year 12 as an example. Coming off the back of successfully spelling my name to receive an A in GCSE, I certainly under-estimated the necessary rise in quality while equally over-estimating my own ability. Winning combination, I think not.  Reparations in A2, and any rational person would have thought to themselves ‘Christ, you got away with that one; let’s not make the same mistake yeah?’ It is at this point that I should mention that on a scale from one to ten, I am somewhere near Timmy Mallet in terms of sensibility. That bodes well for an illustrious career I am sure. So here I now am, playing catch up as I did in A2. But while the former consisted of discussing ‘la contre-plongée’ and the repercussions of ‘Mai ‘68’, I now find myself frantically preparing myself for a year in France! If I was either blind, mad, or conceited, I would suggest that I had been thrown into the deep end. However, with the gleaming quality of being able to recognise my mistakes, I now know that I launched myself off the diving board whilst trying to do a triple somersault. Or at least I thought about it, then just pencil dived because I was too lazy (I feel the diving/swimming metaphor was necessary, the Olympics are coming you know). Having never lived in France, I am optimistic that this year will provide the excellent opportunity to improve my skills verbally, audibly and literately. I remember saying that with a year in Strasbourg, which lies in the Alsace region; it will be a disgrace if I am not fluent in French and do not possess a respectable grasp of German by summer 2013. After that, all I will have to do is improve my English; which has recently become the thorn in my side (Because French coursework finished). The sad tone to that of course is that I should not be worrying about how my abilities will improve during this year. A year in France should be used to refine my skills, not create or develop them. Yet, here we are, nearly ten years targeting the apprehension of the French language, and I’ve moved no further than an asthmatic ant with some heavy shopping (Blackadder, 1917). Time to lament? Probably not. Time to regroup and reproach? Perhaps. Time to stop writing a stream of consciousness in English and actually get on with some French? Most certainly.

Although the first race in Melbourne, Australia, has already passed, I have still opted to commence a series of the Formula One season; which will declare my predictions and opinions on each race, as well as on events that may occur in between.

So after last Sunday's first race, we have now gained a better understanding of the expected running order for the season. Many I am sure were relieved to see that Sebastian Vettel was unable to carry out his traditional strategy; that of galloping away and leaving the rest of the pack to 'eat his dust' and squabble among themselves, and disappointed to see that we are once more robbed of the chance to see Fernando Alonso exert himself in a top-class car. The Spaniard, who seemed pessimistic throughout pre-season testing, was able to superbly finish in the top five, clawing his way back from a frustrating twelfth fastest qualifying time. It was a testament to the veteran's racing skill, but in vain as he looked impoverished in the lacklustre F2012; defending himself from the Williams of Pastor Maldonado rather than attacking the Red Bulls and McLarens ahead of him. The Ferrari is a car which can only improve, lest they settle for another season of unacceptable under-achievement. 

On the other hand, the McLaren, notably that of 2009 World Champion Jenson Button, looked in unbeatable form. Both him and his team-mate, 2008 champion Lewis Hamilton, excelled in Saturday's qualifying session, and Button's pace, as well as his preservation of the 2012 Pirelli tyres added to the prowess of the Woking-based team's creation. This is particularly encouraging, for while McLaren have often finished highly at the end of the season's proceedings, they have stuttered at the start; forcing themselves to play catch-up right from the off. This will present a new challenge for the British team: They are at the front, and the only team they need to try and emulate is themselves. So how will the development of the MP4-27 fair against the improvement of its competitors? Will McLaren remain top-dog for the rest of the season? Or will they be stretched by a resurgent Red Bull? Perhaps Sepang this weekend will provide more insight into this season's expectations.

After a positive qualifying session, Mercedes once again succumbed to the fate they experienced all-too-often last season by deteriorating in the race. I say deteriorating in its most appropriate sense, for their failure to impress comes from their aggressive effect on their tyres. It was certainly a disappointment for the German team, who after Michael Schumacher's fourth place in qualifying, as well as their controversial rear wing device (designed to provide more pace in the DRS zones) were inspiring strong expectations. Alas, Schumacher's retirement and Rosberg's consistent lack of pace resulted in a rather anti-climactic weekend for the team. Yet, it is not all condemnation for the Silver Arrows. Although they suffered from the same fault that hindered them last year, they still showed genuine pace, with Schumacher comfortably maintaining the advancing Vettel until he was struck with gearbox problems on lap ten. Yet, with Sepang coming so soon, and its notoriety as a track that ruthlessly tests the tyres, this weekend may prove itself to be a dive in the deep end for Norbert Haug's team.

Another team that dominated the spotlight pre-season was Lotus (formerly Renault), with its ambition and intriguing driver line-up. Yet, Melbourne will have certainly given team principal, Eric Boullier, mixed emotions on Sunday evening. With the young Frenchman, Romain Grosjean, failing to capitalise on an exceptional third place in qualifying, it was down to Formula One's new prodigal son, Kimi Raikkonen, to salvage points for the team. And that he did; coming from a dismal eighteenth on the grid, the Finn steadily climbed through the field to earn a respectable seventh place on his comeback race. His drive was one that showed neither exceptional pace nor exquisite maneuvers, but his experience and flair allowed him to deliver consistent lap times and take positions. He also retained his image as something of a pragmatist by taking advantage of his squabbling rivals on the final lap. Truly, it was an impressive return for the flying Finn. His team-mate on the other hand, will be bitterly disappointed with the outcome of his race. He failed to capitalise on his remarkable qualifying performance, and fell down the order before his early departure from the Grand Prix. While there is an argument that his retirement came from a stubborn, if not rude maneuver from Williams' Pastor Maldonado, Grosjean will nevertheless be lamenting a hugely disappointing Sunday afternoon. 

The discussion of Romain Grosjean appropriately moves us to the promising exploits of the Williams team. Although Bruno Senna was all but eliminated from the race on lap one, his teammate, Pastor Maldonado, delivered an impressive display before his unexpected crash on the final lap. Yet, despite the Venezualan's encouraging display, his retirement was caused by a sheer lack of concentration; depriving the Williams team of invaluable points. Perhaps it was his haste in trying to best his immediate target Fernando Alonso's Ferrari unfortunately resulted in an unforced error. It was nevertheless remarkable to see the Williams team fighting in the points again after a horrific 2011 campaign, which saw them claim a solitary point. With a management re-shuffle and the team's reunion with engine supplier, Renault, the legendary constructor will be confident that it can rediscover the competitiveness that it has lacked in recent years. While the absence of points will live a sour taste in the Williams' paddock, their performance in Melbourne will do nothing but moralise the team; leaving them in no doubt that they can be competitive during the course of the season.

Popularity and patience with the trailing three teams on the grid continues to wane as they delivered yet another hollow display. With HRT failing to even reach the grid, Marussia and the newly re-named Caterham team were charged with showing progress. Yet, we were once again disappointed, as they faded out of contention as soon as they hit the circuit. Marussia, like HRT, had been unable to test their cars beforehand, so any sign of vigour or pace would have been nothing but a surprise. However, the Caterham team, who had been boasting that they had developed a car that could challenge the midfield and even the points places, were probably the most disappointing team on the grid. With both drivers retiring, they failed to quench the temptation of waking up fifteen minutes later on a Saturday morning to avoid the formality of the first qualifying session. It looks like it is going to be another long and ultimately disappointing season for the tail-enders.

Two teams this weekend surprised us in one way or another. Firstly, the Sauber team dazzled us with two impressive finishes from Japanese driver Kamui Kobayashi, and his Mexican teammate, Sergio Perez. While its main rival, the much anticipated Force India, was virtually non-existent throughout the weekend; with the Scottish Paul Di Resta earning only a point for the promising outfit. It was indeed a forgettable weekend for Vijay Mallja's team, as the team lacked pace and threat throughout; fortuitously gaining as point as a result of Pastor Maldonado's sudden retirement. Hulkenberg impressed upon his return from his year-long absence by planting his car in ninth in qualifying, but his early retirement meant that the young Scot, in his second season of F1, was charged with the task of salvaging something for the team. The Force India team will definitely be looking for improvement in Sepang this weekend. Sauber, on the other hand, amazed critics and I am sure, themselves with delightful displays from both drivers. Their leading driver, Kamui Kobayashi, drove a comfortable race to finish in sixth place, while Sergio Perez clawed his way up from seventeenth to finish in eighth place. For Sauber, this result will be nothing but promising, with the only bitter pill being that Perez was unable to capitalise on the frantic final lap to gain seventh. Yet they were the final team (behind McLaren and Red Bull) to put both their cars in the points. Only time will tell if they can maintain this form throughout the season. Which brings us lastly, but certainly not least to the Red Bull's sister team, Toro Rosso. With their scrapping of their drivers for the previous two seasons, Sebastien Buemi and Jaime Alguersauri, Daniel Ricciardo and Jean-Eric Vergne were hired to try and carry the minnows up the constructors ladder. And it must be said that both prospects impressed in Melbourne. Their performance in Saturday's qualifying showed us that they are now a team that has the pace to compete with the top ten, rather than settling for saving their tyres and taking advantage in the races. There were signs of inexperience, with Vergne taking the occasional detour through the gravel trap, but his eleventh place suggested that he has the flair to race with the best. Ricciardo, having raced for the tail-ender HRT in the second half of last season, drove resiliently to finish in ninth place; immediately putting Toro Rosso on the score board. Like every other team, Sepang will present a new breed of challenge, but Red Bull's sister team certainly appear to have the potential to compete this season.

In regards to this weekend, we are most likely to be thrown another curveball. All eyes will be on McLaren, to see if they can repeat the dominance they displayed in Australia, while observing a possible resurgence from Red Bull. While it is unlikely that we will see a rejuvenated Ferrari, we can still expect to see Fernando Alonso making it very difficult for the front-runners. Mercedes, despite their out-and-out pace, will have to improve monumentally to survive the blistering Malaysian conditions, and Lotus look like they may be formidable. the most ferocious battle will likely be in the midfield, with Sauber and Toro Rosso hoping to fend off the charges of the redemptive Williams and Force India cars. All in all, this weekend promises to be a spectacle, with fierce battles throughout the field. Don't miss it.

Quick preface: Whenever you are considering watching the new Gossip Girl or One Tree Hill, tell yourself: "No, today I would prefer to watch a magnificently crafted series about war, incest and dragons, which probably provides a more accurate depiction of reality than the superficial bullshit that I currently watch."

I will inform you now that if you are looking for an unbiased and scholarly review, you should search elsewhere. I concede without a seed of lament that this entry is filled with nothing but praise and excitement; written purely for the sake of expression.  

Indeed, it is finally 're'-arriving. April 1st. So suit up, sit down, or perform whatever action you feel is more appropriate. Note to those who have had children, your nine months of relentless pain and suffering was a picnic compared to the anguish I've experienced while waiting for this second series to be released. And, at the risk of sounding presumptuous, I firmly believe that the end-product will deliver itself to be more worthwhile.

If you have never witnessed the majesty that is Game of Thrones, allow me to express firstly my disappointment, and secondly my burning will to convince you otherwise. For those of you who might not be familiar with the concept of chronological plot, it is highly recommended, if not demanded, that you watch the first series prior to commencing round two. Stating the obvious certainly, but there are those (Yes, 24 viewers, I'm talking to you) who feel that they can just spontaneously drop themselves into a plot at any random point. Quite simply, no. While it is not as frustratingly tumultuous as Lost or Fringe, this is still a programme that requires undivided and thoughtful attention, for the context is vast, intrinsic and ever-changing.

Despite the focus on swords, kings and settlements, this is not a televised version of The Lord of the Rings. The fateful inclusion of Sean Bean aside, there are neither magical rings, enchanted forests nor ambitious eyeballs, for that would be ridiculous. In fact, Game of Thrones has proved more tactful, opening our eyes to prostitutes, bastards and fire-proof women. You see, much more realistic. 

Yet, it is not just the appealing ideal of artistic medieval warfare that renders this programme to be so attractive. Its high budget clearly presents itself with stunning cities, clever music and dazzlingly natural effects; adding emphatic substance to every scene. What is more is that Game of Thrones refrains from relying on monumental battle sequences and exaggerated gore; gradually implementing them to enthrall us and leave us wanting more. That being said, the tensity between factions, the range of culture and the unpredictability of characters are the programme's principal traits; taking us away from needless violence and delivering surprise and drama. With rationed battle sequences and hostile romance, Game of Thrones truly delivers in every category.

Without wishing to divulge any further, I will conclude this entry. With the second series approaching, I am at great risk of revealing spoilers, so I feel that I must stop myself. I wish to remind you spectral readers of the cyber-universe that Game of Thrones is certainly a programme worth witnessing; if not for its stunning backdrop, then for its drama, its characters and most of all, its place as a deep and esteemed work of art, which, in my opinion, will remain unsurpassed for quite some time.

Upon discovering more and more of the World Wide Web, I seem to have approached this attractive little network; a network that i find soft, strong and thoroughly absorbent. Yet, while I have tamely titled this text purely for the sake of alliteration, allow me to express my enthusiasm towards the intricacies of this intriguing intranet. 

I feel it is my obligation to alert you, the phantom cyber-population, what can be expected from the foolish individual that is me, myself, but rather surprisingly, not I. What you will be up against is a young man, who regardless of his actual demeanour, enjoys writing like a pretentious tool; agitating observers with his pointless remarks, faceless cynicism, and impervious references to himself in the third person. Yes ladies and gentlemen, you have rather clumsily entered the realm of an incessant git.

While I could reel off frivolous information about my family, my hobbies, or my trials and tribulations, I have instead opted to be tediously vague and ambiguous; possibly in the hope of one day being the subject of a Poirot mystery.

To conclude...