Thefivearchive’s DHMIS 5 TEACHER HEADCANNONS!! :333
I’ve been freakishly obsessed with the both of them since 2020 so I might as well drop these
A straight white (red) man MWAHAHAHA
A civilized individual who tries (fails) to be polite. (Holds doors, gets things off high places, allows people to go before him.. reassuring touches that Colin wants him slaughtered for… uh)
He likes cattle. Something about them fascinates him.
Dad rock enjoyer. no comment.
He loves cold weather and winter as a whole. He loves cooking Christmas dinner for the rest of the funny house annually :)
Genuinely doesn’t know how to work a mobile phone. He likes his life as simple as the health shape.
He’s a relatively calm guy and keeps his composure under stress. the monster cans take care of his dirty business.. 😰
He likes to think positively about the other teachers. sure, they hate him, but maybe they’ll warm up to him someday. (*runs away and sobs in a corner*)
Stephen has red-tinted skin that has these strange white marbles going through it. Nobody’s quite sure what’s up with him.
He’s a big boy. Chubby… tall.. um.. kind of like a beer belly but he doesn’t drink. Also btw he’s 6’8.
He’s got a big nose and a clean shaven face. A dog bit him in childhood and he now has a sort of scar around his left eye. poor guy.
He’s a brunette! His hair is short but it’s sometimes a bit scruffy.
Stephen usually wears a collared/dress shirt of some sort with black jeans. In the winter, he bundles up in gloves, a knit hat and a big puffer jacket.
unlike most designs for him, I don’t think he has any cooking injuries. He got into it later in life and has been much more careful than Sadie.
Raging freaking lesbian like omg (homophobic Shrignold HATES her for it.)
Oh my athletic tomboy spinach can I lobe you
She loves sharks and how fearsome they are. raaaawrrr
2010’s pop enjoyer. No I don’t care if it didn’t exist in 1955 let her enjoy it.
She’s a spring girlie. She loves to look for the newly blossoming wildlife and… bask in the hot spring sun. ..almost like she’s photosynthesizing. *wink*
Can *kind of*? Use a mobile phone. She can text and call but beyond that she needs to ask tech-savvy Colin for help.
Whether it’s a raspberry from roller skating, a sprain from a bike crash, or a burn on her hand from the stove, she’s literally always hurt in some way. Stephen doesn’t even know how she does it.
Unlike her pal Stephen, Sadie’s energy is undying. She ALWAYS has to be doing something. um also she’s like a mad yapper
Also, Sadie has no filter. She says what she wants and doesn’t hesitate to share her opinions.
Sadie has sage green, freckled skin that’s scarred in various places due to sports injuries.
She’s super skinny and flat and is kind of insecure about it :(
She has her cutesy buck teeth and freckled cheeks. Awww and she’s 5’5 (my height aww)
Sadie’s hair is naturally jungle green! She likes to keep it shorter to keep herself cool (like mid-neck length maybe?).
She likes wearing her classic combo of overalls, a T-shirt, and sneakers (her blue star cap is optional) she claims it’s perfect for all seasons.
Things they have in common:
(I uphold them both to the social expectations of generalized 1950’s society.. though they don’t fit in very well.)
Of course they’re both incredibly skilled in the kitchen I mean what else did you expect 😭
They’re both freakishly eccentric. Eccentric in the sense that they can’t uphold a normal conversation without pulling some random shi out of pocket. Like no Stephen I didn’t know that aspic is good for your liver wtf
They both have a strange obsession with corpses/bodies in a way. Ok that sounds weird but like they collect taxidermy, bones, teeth, and anatomy diagrams. freaky individuals.
Yes, they both live in the funny house. They share a home with Colin, Paige, Tony, etc. (S2 teachers live down the road)
Also!! Their roommates HATE them.
Colin hates that Stephen won’t stop touching him, Tony hates that they don’t allow him to have caffeine or pizza (same with Larry and alcohol). Shrignold hates that they collect dead animals and Paige hates that Sadie’s skin is green (racist 😡). Their housemates have to sneak “complex” food if they want it and that ofc doesn’t help
(Even though the entire fandom refers to them as the healthy band), they know nothing about music. They do like to sing together when cooking tho!
They both hate birds since Duck Guy showed up. They’re now convinced that they’re all egotistical and rude.
