The First Mom

So this has been hard for me to commit to but with the slowing down of life and various traumas going on I feel a calling to come back to this Blog. 

Last post (if you have not read it please do) I talked about my life changing experience at Seek 2013, but I didn’t share the most memorable and important part of the whole week. It all happened in the Conference room at the bottom of the Swan and Dolphin Hotel on Disney World property. A huge group of young Catholics eager to learn more about our Church on their knees heads bowed and adoring our Lord. In the front of the room all week we had the house band, L’Angelus playing “Sing My Love” by Jesus Culture.

Let me tell you this song is everything. It became my windows down and shout sing at the top of my lungs summer anthem. I loved it! The way the drums and guitar chords vibrated through me in the room felt so powerful. Before this trip I never experienced praise and worship and honestly I still don’t go into any kind of worship stance after all I grew up Catholic and we don’t praise and worship during mass, but this song did it for me. If you have not listened to it go do it now!

In the back of the room was a group of priests waiting to hear confession. It was something I have successfully avoided for a few years now. The times I did go, I confessed but honestly I never planned on stopping what I was doing. So  I sat and did an examination of conscience. What’s That?  Before celebrating the Sacrament of Penance, one should prepare oneself with an examination of conscience, which involves reflecting prayerfully on one's thoughts, words, and deeds in order to identify any sins.(thanks USCCB for the definition) I like to do this by reading each commandment and really thinking how I thrived or failed in that area. 

After my examination of conscience I had 3 pages of sins. How awful I know and I wrote it all down because I did not want to forget to confess anything. I needed to say everything out loud to God. It is one thing to be sorry and tell God you are sorry but to look at someone and tell them is a whole other challenge. So I waited in line, the longest line I have ever waited in at Disney World. After a long line where I could think and prepare to really bare my soul I finally made it to the main event.

I sat in front of this Priest from somewhere in Florida and started. “Bless my Father for I have sinned...” I will not tell you all my sins because they are gone now. I was truly sorry and truly forgiven. The one thing I need to share however is what the Priest said after all I said. He told me I didn’t know that I am Lovable. Nothing in my life to that point ever made more sense. I was constantly searching for Love and acceptance. God made my loveable so I am. If he made me loveable then I have to love myself! 

First let me just address the fact that I started this and then just abruptly stopped. Well before like a few weeks ago I was a busy mom with no laptop but then I got a new job, needed a laptop, and here we are. I’m actually going to go through with this. So here it is the beginning of my First Mom Story.

It all started my last year in college. My sister was the Student Campus Minister for CCM and she was super pushy (eager to evangelize really). I had lost a lot of my devotion to my faith and to the church and honestly God. I was lost and unsure of my beliefs. I thought, well I’m pretty sure I’m Christian and that won’t change but maybe I’m not Catholic. 

I was all wrong. I went through an awful breakup and I was just sad. Kara had been begging me to go to Seek (a FOCUS ministries event) and I said no way will I pay for that. She kept asking and I finally told her that I wold go if it were free. Well when my sister wants something so bad she makes it happen and that December we were off to Florida with my mom to spend a few day in Orlando before we would go to Seek at the Swan and Dolphin hotel on Walt Disney World property.

We rang in 2013 with our mom at Universal Studios and then went to Seek, I thought the best part of my trip was over. Walking into Seek was like stepping into a world I had never witnessed. Staying at a resort with so many Catholics my age was amazing. I had no idea it would be that way. I woke up every morning to work out and who was beside me a priest on the treadmill. Outside as I walked around Disney’s man made beaches I passed nuns. It was a dream I did not think I needed to experience. 

So of course you may wonder what has brought me here, to Tumblr a place I haven't visited in years. I can honestly say a lack of knowing many blogging sights but also because Tumblr's format is simple and I can get my thought written and out easily.

I know that in the past I stopped using Tumblr because of the lack of morality in posts I saw come up on my feed. I think that shouldn't make you shy away from something because we can easily flood things with good.

Now that that is out of the way...

Why this? Why a Blog? Why even try this? Well simply put I need to get my thoughts out and I feel as though I'm not this only one with them. It's been a year since I first became Mommy and lost some of my old self, so you may think shouldn't she have her stuff together by now? Lol... Um... No, I don't. When I became Mommy I lost a lot of things I thought ( and at times still do) were important and I've been learning to put that away.

So I guess that is my intro. Expect to hear my musings on being the first mom among a group of friends, being a first time mom in Pinterest world, being Catholic mom and wife, and some more fun things. :)

God Bless,

Kyna