Lost Inside of my Own Head

The sheer size and population of Balders Gate was staggering to those not familiar with the city. The streets hum with the voices of its people through both day and night. Merchants pitched their sales, buskers sought coin in exchange for entertainment, and the newly instated steel watches clanked and thunders as they roamed the streets of the city.

Admist all the noise and chaos, not many had both the time and ability to hear the soft mewling of a lost kitten, calling out to passer-by’s who simply strode on by without looking down.

Gale, always one to be charmed by the magical and the mysterious, felt his heart tug as he knelt beside the kitten. "Lost are you?" he cooed, allowing the kitten to nuzzle against his palm. "No collar - I’d wager this one is born of the streets.”

Shadowheart raised a brow as Gale scooped up the ragged and tiny creature, “Before you suggest it, I believe we have enough animals travelling with us as it is.”

Gale held the kitten close to his heart, whispering comfort into its perked ears before looking up at Shadowheart, “Then we must set out to find it’s mother. I absolutely insist.”

“We have more pressing matters, don’t you think?” Shadowheart replied, though she could feel her fortitude waning at the sight of the kittens enormous, innocent eyes. Gale looked up at her with similarly large, gleaming eyes, and she finally caved, “Fine. We’ll look for the cats mother - but you can be the one to explain to everyone the reason for us being late to Elfsong.

The local vicinity held no clues or evidence of another cat inhabiting the area. Determined not to give up, Gale began dragging Shadowheart to people’s front doors, luring them out with a knock and asking if they knew anything about the kittens mother. Everywhere they went, Gale introduced the kitten as "our charge" while Shadowheart pretended to be indifferent.

When it came to be her turn to hold the kitten, she found it even harder to resist fawning over the innocent creature. It was a bit dirty and ragged for her liking, but it’s soft purring and brilliant eyes were difficult not to fall in love when.

She supposed the two of them actually had something in common. The kitten was searching for a mother it couldn’t remember - she could relate to that.

As night began to fall and street lanterns flooded with illuminating magic, they were beginning to feel as if the mother was going to remain elusive. Deciding to try one final home closer to Elfsong, they eventually settled on a building set on the street behind their meeting place.

Gale’s mage hand rapped it’s illusory knuckles on the door, and it was shortly opened by an old, wrinkled woman who grinned at them with yellow teeth.

“Good evening, madam, I do hope we didn’t interrupt anything important. We are in search of the mother of our charge, this adorable young beauty right here.” He gestured to the kitten that Shadowheart cradled like a human child, “Is there any chance you have seen an older cat resembling this enchanting young creature? Or perhaps know of an owner foolish enough to not bless him with a collar?”

Shadowheart felt a twinge of repulsion as the woman’s eyes fell upon the kitten. Her hideous grin stretched wider, and the kitten began squirming underneath the older womans gaze. Alarm bells began ringing in her mind.

“Ah, yes, I think I know who owns that precious little thing. Why don’t you hand it over and I can…pass it along to the rightful owner.” The elderly woman croaked. Shadowheart didn’t miss the way she lightly licked licked her lips as she spoke.

Gale seemed oblivious to the woman’s horridly suspicious demeanor, “Fantastic. Shadowheart, I believe we can finally-“

Shadowheart interjected before Gale could finish his sentence, “Sorry, madam, but we have decided that this kitten shan’t be returned to an irresponsible owner. I believe it will flourish better under a responsible eye, don’t you?”

She promptly turned around and marched back down the garden path, leaving Gale to rush an apology to the old woman and chase after her. His voice held a layer of irritation as he caught up to her, “Now, why would you go and do that? I thought you were intent on finding this young creatures owner?”

Shadowheart hesitated, her internal walls crumbling. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think you might have been right," she admitted. "It's grown on me. Maybe we were meant to find it. Besides, I do not trust that foul elderly woman.”

Gale didn’t answer verbally, instead simply staring at Shadowheart with an expression that reeked of both smugness and satisfaction.

“Don’t give me that look, this is clearly the responsible thing to do. I guess we simply have to solve every problem around here ourselves.”

And so, Gale and Shadowheart returned to the Elfsong with a new companion in tow. When asked by the others where the kitten came from, Gale would fondly respond, “I believe our dear friend Shadowheart is far softer than she intends to lead on.”

Shadowheart promptly denied the accusation, but later that night, once all had retreated to their bunks hidden away behind private partitions, the lost woman held the kitten close, whispering sweet comforts into its torn and ragged ears.

Astarion and Karlach are often the last to go to sleep and make a habit of drinking together once everybody is asleep. They each share a unique sadness - a life stolen and forever tainted against their will. It’s a purely platonic relationship.

Shadowheart was initially cautious of Scratch, and was slow to warm to him, but he eventually won her over. Now, he often sleeps curled up next to her sleeping roll. She would be reluctant to admit it, but she finds that she sleeps better with the dog nearby.

Laezel HATES bannanas. She finds their peels uncannily close to her own flesh.

Wyll had a pet rock when he was younger - sometimes he sits and reflects on the irony of his attachment to the stone when he now has a sending stone permanently lodged in his eye.

Gale uses magic and mage hand for almost all of his mundane tasks. When Laezel suggests that he try living a day without magic, he finds non-magical life surprisingly hard.

Halsin takes the Owlbear cub under his wing, and teaches it to hunt for food. He wildshapes into an adult owlbear to better connect with the cub, and teaches it to catch fish out of nearby rivers.

This unfortunately clashes significantly with my inability to talk about anything other than my interests.

Instead of railroading the player, they simply place hints and clues in every single location you come across. This is especially evident in Act Three, but I was thinking about it throughout my first play through of Act One.

Uncovering the mystery of what happened to Halsin was thrilling. Various random NPC’s offered minor details and hints that progressed my understanding of what was happening.

Not only does it work by ensuring that the player finds information on whatever path they find themselves on, but so many of these interactions provide interesting context that doesn’t HAVE to be there, but exists to deepen the world, story, and lore.

I think it mirrors the real world quite nicely. Life is unfair and the universe tries harder to squash it out than it does to nurture it.

I haven’t watched that episode with Fry’s dog since I was a kid. I can’t bring myself to do it. He chose not to revive the dog because he was convinced Seymour had lived a long and happy life….but he didn’t. His only friend disappeared and he spent the rest of his life waiting for him to come back. Literally writing this hurts.

On the opposite side of the spectrum…that first intended show finale. After Fry gave his hands back to the robot devil, he couldn’t play the holophoner anymore. Almost everybody left the theatre.

But Leela stayed.

That final line, the one that could have been the last of the show, gives me goosebumps.

“Please don’t stop playing, Fry. I want to see how it ends.”

Her delivery. The music. The art.