TheElementOfFyre

After you pay someone to pet-sit the immortal snail, their only job is to feed them cucumbers, which are not nutritionally dense enough to sustain them. Some pet owners have said that if you treat your snail with too much cucumber, they will become addicted and only eat the cucumber because they LOVE water-heavy foods.

So while a cucumber-only diet cannot kill the “IMMORTAL” snail, it will cause malnutrition. Symptoms of malnutrition in snails are:

Weak, cracking shell due to calcium deficiency

Slow movement and low energy

Pale, shrunken body tissue

Shell erosion and collapse over time

A cucumber-only addiction that leads to starvation

However! The immortal snail is often perceived as being hyper-intelligent. Malnutrition also causes brain fog in snails, which would further slow the snail down—as long as it eats nothing but cucumbers.

Walmart app: hey, would you like to add this to your order scheduled for later? You still have time.

Me: no thanks I havent decided yet

Walmart app: WELL TOO FUCKING BAD!!! ITS ADDED BITCH!!!

My parents: Did you add this? Please don't do that. Write it down separately. These were non-essential items.

Me: 😭 I wasn't trying to 😭

Me: Ok so do you need a snack, so you need to hunt, or do you need to play? Cause I have some sausages in the smoker, I am always up for a midnight hunt, or I can toss you a stick.

Werewolf: Wait... what?

Me: You didn't ask to be this way but now you have all this energy and new instincts. So lets work with what we got.

Werewolf: *tearing up* Um yeah a stick would be nice and then can I have a sausage?

I've posted this at least once a year for the past 3 years and I will continue till it happens!!!

For some, it is the chirping of birds in the morning, others it's the sound of their child laughing, or spouse singing, some may find they prefer the anguished sounds of their enemies screams failing into silence as they burn to death while they laugh maniacally

It looks like a fluffy blanket