Songs Are Written About Girls Like Me

“Okay, I can definitely agree with that… school in general is a pain in the ass and the snow doesn’t really make it any better. Although, some mornings with snow are great due to the fact that school can always be canceled.” 

“You know, I didn’t think of that--” Jane paused in thought. “I should wish for more snow.”

“Are you suggesting I wouldn’t know how to have fun at the carnival without you?”

“Hey, Mom, I’m marrying my friend. Who’s a girl. She and I are not romantically involved, and I still love cock.” He chuckled. “Piece of cake.”

“I kinda just meant to ask her to be my fallout shelter companion but everyone kind of assumed and now we’re stuck in this situation forever.” She spoke in a deeper voice, more as a generic dude voice than to mock his voice.

“Weather in Virginia is known to be a bit bipolar, although I don’t really mind the snow. It gives me an excuse to sit inside cuddled up with a book all day.”

“Snow is a pain in the ass at seven in the morning when I have to drive to school.”

“What I don’t understand is why Astronomers would say there’s gonna be a change in our climate when it’s the exact same weather.”

“After you, Tiny Cooper will call me all in a huff because I didn’t propose to him. Then my mom will awkwardly show me the newspaper and just look at me with an expression that screams, ‘how the hell did this happen?’’

"How the hell are you supposed to explain things to your mother like-- Mom I decided to marry a girl but I’m still gay.” Her brows furrowed. “Like a sort of platonic marriage.” She ended up laughing at the thought.

“Of course not, neither would mine,” he replied, waving once more before climbing back onto the truck. The crowd started to disperse and he settled back in with a large grin splitting his face in two. “Watch out, Sparkwood Gazette is going to have announcement of our coming marriage tomorrow morning.”

She scooted to the edge of the truck to make space for her friend, chuckling as she did. “Tiny Cooper will be the first to call me demanding he help me pick my gown when in reality he’ll just end up choosing it for me. And then my mother will want to meet you.”

Will wrapped the ring around her finger, unable to contain his loud laughter as he tilted his head back. They were being too loud, however, and some people walking by started applauding—they really thought Will had proposed. He looked over at them and burst out laughing yet again.

She turned to the people who had started to applaud, showed the rope around her finger and smiled like it was the proudest moment of her life. “It’s so beautiful,” she looked at the shoelace on her finger. “Just the right shadeof white.” She was laughing when she turned to Will, though. “This is one way to start the morning.”

She sat up when he hopped down off her truck. She covered her mouth with both her hands-- more because she was trying to contain her laughter rather than to keep herelf from crying tears of joy as one would in a hypothetical scene similar to this one. “Yes! It would make me very happy to be your fallout shelter companion.” She held her hand out for him to slip the makeshift ring into her finger.

“Will Grayson!” she exclaimed much like one would when they’d been proposed to. She placed a hand on her chest as a gesture to show how moved she was. “That’s about the nicest thing anyone has said to me,” she cooed before falling into a fit of laughter.

He was slightly taken aback by her statement, but he didn’t let that show. It was quite the answer to a simple courtesy question, but he supposed he shouldn’t have expected anything less from Jane. Will paused for a moment before announcing his reply. “I’m constantly torn between killing myself and killing everyone around me.”

Jane paused and turned to Will before she let a laugh erupt from her mouth. It shouldn’t have been funny, considering he’d made hints of suicide and murder. The laugh was mostly because she was impressed with the originality of his answer. “I hope I’m not included. I’m quite attached to living despite my complaints.”

“Damn right, you wouldn’t mind my company.” Will laughed, stretching luxuriously before settling in. “How have you been, Jane Turner?” he asked, a crooked smile on his face.

She paused, actually considering the answer to his question instead of giving him a formulated answer. “I am unsettlingly dissatisfied with my supposedly perfect life,” she concluded out loud. “And yourself, Will Grayson?”