Hello

You did notice, you just called it by a different name.

When you noticed us acting different, you called it

childish

standoffish

unpredictable

too sensitive

insensitive

dramatic

manipulative

intentionally being difficult

When you noticed our amnesia, you called it

irresponsible

flakey

forgetful

not listening

not trying

unreliable

lying

When you noticed us dissociating, you called it

spaciness

daydreaming

not paying attention

not caring

stonewalling

acting stupid on purpose

wasting time

being lazy

Yes, DID/OSDD is frequently misdiagnosed first as BPD, bipolar, schizospec disorders, and others. Less experienced professionals may assume the symptoms are psychotic in nature. It's also possible to have any of those disorders as a comorbidity with DID/OSDD which further complicates things, so it's a challenging dx for both professionals and for someone trying to diagnose themselves as a non-professional.

other than getting diagnosed bc we’re Working On It

And I got a lot of flak from the others (not undeserved, frankly) for being “kind of a control freak” still, even after all the practice.

I also fakeclaimed the others all the time, including for contradictory shit (like both “handwriting too similar” and “handwriting not similar enough” were reasons to fakeclaim).

But ultimately, like… if you were faking, you would know. You would be doing it deliberately. It’s possible to misinterpret your symptoms, but it’s not possible to be “accidentally faking” or whatever other paranoid bullshit I was guilty of telling myself at that time. You’ve probably heard all of that before, but I’m repeating it here bc for me it took time and repetition to truly internalize that. If you were faking, you would know. And you certainly wouldn’t still be experiencing the “faked” symptoms while all alone in the privacy of your home, etc.

Even once I absorbed that on an intellectual level, it still took time and deliberately redirecting my self-fakeclaiming behavior in order to get myself out of the habit. Denial is a hard habit to break, and this is just one way of many that it manifests. Try not to be too hard on yourself about it. This is a pretty common problem, particularly for hosts.

Something that I did a lot while in that struggle (and still do, sometimes, when the denial starts coming up again) was say something to the others like, “please, feel free to come to front/communicate with me. I apologize in advance if you hear me struggling with doubt. I promise I am working on it.” And that, for most of them, was enough of an apology for them to not get too pissed at me.

so it’s not really possible to fixate so heavily on being part of a system that you trick yourself into exhibiting symptoms of it?

it’s probably an obvious no but the DENIAL and fear of making myself delusional and fragmented when i wasn’t already fragmented is very strong. but i just worry that what if i naturally strongly dissociate so it’s easier for me to delude myself and create a problem that isn’t already there. and it’s like what if i’m unnecessarily sectioning off parts of my personality onto someone else and am getting myself into some deep shit if it turns out i’m not part of a system and have to undo all this sectioning?

sometimes i’ll think about if my alters were to front and how they’d act. is that normal, or at least not a sign of making things up? sometimes i worry that’s a sign of me faking and that i’m only able to know how they act so well BECAUSE i made it up. it’s like how i often imagine myself in therapy or on a talk show or something silly like that and what i’d do, sometimes i’ll imagine one of the others in place of me.

This video by the Alexandrite System helped immensely.

As contradictory as it may sounds expressing my fears to another alter helped.

He reminded me of all the things that I noted down in my past that made sense through the lens of OSDD and that I couldn’t have gone back in time to fake that.

He encouraged me to back through our journals and read over entries that had complete changes in thoughts or talked about dissociation.

He reminded me that if I were making it up somehow or accidentally faking that I could make him stop talking or make him go away, then stood there waiting for me to try it and pointed out that if I were really so distressed by faking I could stop at any point. But I wasn’t, because I wasn’t faking, and that’s why we were having this conversation again.

He reminded me that, I’m not out irl as being part of a system, I have nothing to gain from faking being part of system, there’s no external motivation or any reason to be faking. I get nothing out of faking being a system, so there’s no reason that I should. So I’m not.

And he reminded me of that video and said “so what?” So what if I’m wrong or somehow am subconsciously faking? If the talking to him or the others helped me, and I wasn’t causing direct harm to anyone else, and it was all internalized anyway, then so what? It was helping me cope with life and trauma and that was the important thing.

He pointed out that there was no conscious choice to fake, pointed out that misdiagnosis was a different thing, (pointed out that it hurt a little to hear me constantly trying to say he and the others weren’t real,) pointed out that I have no real reason to fake any of it, and finally just said “so what?” Because at the end of the day, if the coping mechanism for OSDD/DID help you, then that’s what’s important.

Internal Family Systems does a similar thing for singlets, so if the coping mechanism help, then use them. It’s all okay.

(Be careful of IFS as a system though, we tried some of it a while ago and I had alter madder than a wet hen at the language and another in tears because of it. I won’t say don’t use it at all, but use it with caution and lots of check-ins with other alters.)

As for thinking about how the others will act when they front, I’ve noticed that that’s often meant that they’re close to the front or some level of co conscious with me. (I’ve also considered that it’s a form of scripting for them as we’re autistic.) For example, I’ve noticed that L holds the steering wheel while driving differently than I do, and I think about that on occasion while I’m driving, and might even try holding the steering wheel as he does, just to see how it feels (sometimes as an offer to drive if he wants), but it doesn’t mean that I’m making it up that he does that. It just an observation that I’ve made about him.

I was the first alter to come forth. I wasn't aware of Nyx and she wasn't aware of me, but when I came to with my own sense of self, I already had the appearance of Yami Yugi from Yugioh. We struggled with this for years. She was and still is extremely hyperfixated on Yugioh and was aware that "if she had to pick someone to share a body with, it would be that character." This caused a lot of issues as neither of us really knew where I came from. She and I are well aware that an alter can't just come out of nowhere, and it felt beyond disrespectful to say we had DID if that's not what was going on. We knew we had a traumatic childhood, but because of the character I looked like, we could never be sure. We struggled for a long time with "are we endogenic?" Not to mention, the obvious connection between Yugioh and DID. "Did she just want a real life Yami Yugi?" What made it even more strange is that I don't act like that character at all, nor do I have any desire to be thought of as a fictive or even an introject. Considering the only thing I share with that character is the name and voice, I didn't find the label fitting.

We got our diagnosis awhile ago, but that didn't stop all of these questions from bothering us, even after we had other alters split from trauma down the line.

It wasn't until a couple of things made us realize what happened. Someone brought up to us at one point that alters can be there for years, but not come forth because they don't have an identity to latch onto. I wish I remember who told us this, because they honestly changed our entire perspective on our system. Coupled with therapy, we realized that some of the memories were indeed my own and not just hers, but I never had my own identity to come forth with until she began watching Yugioh.

A system on Tumblr (I will keep their name private unless given permission to tag) made a post about their Yami fictive, explaining "of course our brain latched onto a character who also has no memory of his past and has identity issues." That was what really solidified it for us and made us realize that I wasn't just some hyperfixation that came up out of nowhere. I have been around for years, but never realized it because it took that long to find a character to associate with and I finally came forth. My memories as who I am start with that day, but I do remember certain things from childhood that we thought were her own memories until recently.

Also plenty of introjects are fragments and fragments can fuse together to make another alter, which is technically an introject with several sources. This has happened with Pan and Alyce.

CAN WE NOT??? immediately went on and find me being shipped with [redacted]. like??

Hi! Thank you for the question firstly

There’s a few routes I would go!

Firstly there’s plenty of biographies (I believe that’s what they’re called!) that you can find at places like Barnes and Noble, Amazon, and libraries. The main one we would recommend reading is called: “When Rabbit Howls.” It’s written by a DID system and their doctor. It’s pretty well done and personally I think it has a lot of good information that you can learn from it. Just be aware that there is abuse (physical, neglect, and sexual abuse talked about) through the book. Sometimes in detail so if you go into it be prepared to have to stop every once and a while.

There’s another book called “Today I’m Alice.” We haven’t fully read this book but we own it personally and have heard only good things about it. It is on our reading list and also a biography of a system.

The Body Keeps the Score does talk about DID but it mostly is about how abuse affects the body and mind in general. Our family bought us this book when we were first diagnosed with CPTSD and BPD. We haven’t fully read it either as there’s some triggering topics in it but from what we’ve read its more of a educational book and less biography.

Media: Now we don’t think any fictional book or movie has been completely accurate when portraying DID. So things of fiction will not be on this! However I will say Moon Knight that just came out is the closest we have seen so far with the internal dialog, hearing voices, etc. But we aren’t going to talk about fiction HOWEVER there is a good documentary.

The Many Sides of Jane - It’s kind of set up like a documentary/reality show. It shows Janes day to day life of being in a system, alter dynamics, relationships, etc. Just like all the above trigger warnings for heavy mentions of abuse and SA. It’s really well done, shows some therapy work, and is pretty informational. Just realize that the switching on there is heavily dramatized.

If you want other things to watch read I’d heavily suggest looking up NAMI (National Alliance of Mental Health). They have local places in a lot of towns and they usually have a library and classes of their own.

Social Media: Follow systems on either tumblr, TikTok, etc. People like us do love to educate when we can but mostly blogs and TikTok’s are our own sort of journals in ways. It’s a good way to look into multiplicity from a more personal, less education lens.

I hope this helps at least jump start some research! There’s a lot of resources we haven’t found yet ourselves but that’s at least where we would start.

*sees a video of traits* I do that, so now I’m gonna call myself that

What it actually is:

*sees video or post about traits* oh hey I do that

*gets curious and looks it up* 

*denies having it cause “i don’t relate to this at all”* 

*realizes that they do, diagnostic criteria are just very ridged and don’t provide a lot of explanation* 

*maybe a breakdown or two*

*talks to friends who have it*

*laughing about this anxiety, only for the scary moment of “oh yeah no that sounds like *insert disorder here**

*talks to a therapist if able*

*talks to strangers who have it*

“Maybe it’s not this, maybe it’s this…”

*More research to try to prove themselves wrong*

*realizes all the childhood/teenage moments that should have been a red flag* 

“Well, all these other people have it like this, but mine is different, so I don’t have it!” “No, that’s still a trait/symptom, just less well know or less sensationalized”

*finally coming to terms that maybe you have it*

*depending on what the disorder is, fearing your social life is fucked*

• You are valid as a system, regardless of how many introjects you have.

• You are valid as a system, regardless of where your introjects come from.

• You can have more than one alter from a single source.

• If you’re not human, you’re still valid.

• You are not your source.

• Your alters are not their sources.

System Internet Safety

System Internet Safety

A Quick & Dissociated Guide To: System Internet Safety

Be Careful What You Share About Your System

How To Keep Yourself Safe From Fear Mongering & Misinformation

How Social Media Can Distort & Misinform when Communicating Science

Understanding & Avoiding Armchair Psychology

Understanding & Protecting Yourself From Syscourse

System Responsibility

Tips From a Tumblr Vet (10+ Years on this Hellsite)

Tips for Kids Online

Social Media Tips for Teens

Online Abuse Resources

The Online Harassment Manual

Speak up & Stay Safe®: A Guide to Protecting Yourself From Online Harassment

How Doxers Find Your Info & How To Protect Yourself

How To Stay Safe From Doxxing With A VPN

Tip Sheet: Keeping Adults & Kids Safe on the Internet (TW: csa)

Behaviors To Watch Out For When An Adult Is With A Child (TW: csa)

How To Asses How Toxic A Group is

Warning Signs That a System is Toxic

System-related Abuse

Reporting Online Abuse

Reporting Cyberbullying

if a pro-endo claims to experience something, we HAVE to believe them, no matter how impossible it is. forming DID without trauma? syshopping? fictives that literally were their source in a past life? even if it goes against science, we have to believe them. and we can't even bring up the possibility that they could be mistake about what they're experiencing - even after many dissociative systems come forward and say they were mistaken about the same thing.

but when we, a DID system, claim to have experiences that line up with medical views of systemhood? suddenly we can't be trusted to accurately judge our own experiences. we're just being brainwashed by Big Psych, or by our "sysmed" friends, we're probably an endo in denial and soon we'll figure it out.