thecuriousbella

It’s been a while, I remember I always write and insecure about my blog’s appearance and now, I stopped blogging for a year or so. This is the only time that I open my tumblr and I somehow miss spending time here because this blog serves as my outlet whenever I feel low.

This is so raw. Grammar is all over the place because Im just typing directly here in my laptop and not thinking what I’ll say. I’m just going with the flow. Hehe.

So, what’s new? I grew. I want to think that I am moving towards to a better  version of myself. It’s slow but I am proud that I have the courage to face my own demons.

I was caught off guard by my anxiety last year. I remember my fear of going out even though, sa kanto lang ng subdivision namin and the thought of traveling away from home keeps me anxious about things. I was really afraid to go out. I just want to stay at home for months. Riding MRT really made me nervous, I didn’t attend my interviews because of transportion. My body also didnt cooperate and until now, I am gaining weight. I gained 20 pounds. Though, I am so insecure about my appearance I think, I am happier now. I can now travel to places without thinking that I’ll have my anxiety attack.

Anyway, what’s new?

For the past months, I learned how to be a minimalist or a less hoarder. I painted my room white for clarity. I declutter my clothes and sell it on carousell. I sell my books even though, I haven’t read anything. Haha.I learned boxing. I learned how to do my own bullet journal. 

I have a pet! It is a betta fish. He’s (Sandrino) with me for 7 months.

I learned how to take care of plants.

and I’m currently obsessed with Diamond art. ;p

What am I grateful for this year?

I am thankful for my family who supported me all the way. They are the ones who showed me that life is worth living and knowing that they are there to support and love me just the way I am really comforted me. I have been having a hard time contemplating about life but my family always been there to listen.

I am thankful for my friends. I have lots of friends in the past but as the saying goes people come and go but the real ones stay. I am glad that I found few true friends who stayed and understood me even though I am quite moody and a lil bit impatient.

I am thankful for my boyfriend for he is not only a lover but also my best friend. He is very patient with me and he treats me like a princess. We are open to each other and he compliments me whenever I did something right which is a big factor for me since I am somewhat negative. He is my companion and he loves me though I am so hard headed.

I am thankful for Robi for helping me get rid of my anxiety. He is my first betta fish and he will always have a special place in my heart.

I am thankful for God because even though I am not in good shape He continuously gives me blessings. I know, that  most of the time I rant about life but He endlessly shows me that He loves and He have a plan for me. I believe that someday things will turn out fine because He will make things happen eventually.

I am thankful for 2017 because this year gave me a lot of realizations. My past does not define my future. Wallowing and regretting the decisions I made will only give me anxiety. 2017 made me realize that I should love myself more. I should believe in myself, live in the present and leave all my bitterness behind. All these years, I am blaming myself for all the choices that I made but I want to change and I want to love myself more by letting go of the things that make me sad. I should live in the present and dream about my future.

I skipped two and three to give my respect to my grandfather, Tatay. He passed away this June after battling certain illnesses for 4 months. Though I am still trying to understand why things happened I think, I should also be grateful for having him since I was a child.

Four months was tough for us but for tatay it was tougher. I saw how strong he was. He’s such a fighter. I remember when my grandmother had stroke he said that “Nanay, niyo na lang alalahanin niyo.” He always wants us to take care of Nanay instead of him. I admire him for loving Nanay unconditionally. I hope I can have someone like that.

He sometimes calls me “Miss Universe” and he will sing “May Panyeta pa Siya Uyyy! May suklay pa man din!” Having him around was a blessing. I love him so much. We love him so much.

Thank you, Tatay for being a fighter. You’ve been the best grandfather to me. Sana nandito ka pa. Thank you for being kind and lovable. Hearing all the stories about you made me love you even more. I hope, nakita mo ‘tay kung gaano ka kamahal ng mga tao nung libing mo. Nakakaproud na apo niyo ako. I love you, ‘tay.

You are in a better place now. Please guide me. I miss you.

It has been months since I wrote something here in my blog. I don’t want to be negative because as I promised, I will only write things that makes me happy!! But to be fair, I want you to know that I have an anxiety and I am working things out to be back on track. So, I decided to start a 52 Weeks of Gratitude Challenge that may help me on getting rid of these confusing thoughts in my head.

#Girlboss written by Sophia Amoruso

I bought the book because I heard good reviews about it. I am not that into story telling or autobiographies but the book somewhat gained my attention. Sophia (the author) tells us her journey towards her goal. I like the way she wrote the book because it felt like I was just having a tea talk with a #nastygal.

The book motivated me to do better with life. All of the tips are helpful. I learned that in life there is no instant success instead you need to work hard to get what you want, you can be physically attractive even though your clothes are cheap sabi nga nila nasa nagdadala yan, learn to spend your money wisely and the most important thing that I got from reading the book: It is never too late to start again & finding yourself. She started small and a little confused about life but look at her now.

I was lost and I tried my best to cope up with life by listening and reading books that will help me to overcome my insecurities and find myself again.

I must admit that I sometimes forget to read this book since I am quite busy with other things but I still make it a point that I pray every single day from the moment that I wake up and before I sleep at night.I picked up the PDL learning that it will strengthen my faith and hoping that I will find answers to my life questions.

I just want to share my notes because as the book says that worship is sharing words of God. :) The book is a 40 day program that will help us to know our purpose and be the best version of ourselves.

DAY 1:  One of the reasons why people feel miserable because they thought that life is all about them but our life’s purpose if God. Life isn’t about us but it’s all about God. God wants us to have a personal relationship with Him and He wants us to focus on our future not on our past.

“Everything got started in him and find its purpose in Him.” Colossians 1:16B

“ When I get tired and fall down Slowly when I give up everything It was you who hug me It was you who caught me Yes, it was you “ 

I love tea! Tea is life! lol

On Letting Go

Why do we need to let the good things go? Why do we still linger with the pain of the past? Is it because we were so happy in the past that we forget that we need to live in the present? Is it because we are afraid to accept the fact that we feel miserable and though we are trying our best we cannot bring back those memories back in reality?

How about stop dealing with the past? How about stop worrying that things will turn out bad and just learn to look the brighter side of life? How about living all the consequences of your actions and be happy about it? How about improving yourself and be the best you can be?

Always remember that each one of us have struggles in life and the most important thing about all of those challenges are the learnings and how you handle the situation for your own betterment.

Hi dear readers,

I don’t know why but I am feeling happy today so I decided to update my blog. I guess, this is the perfect time for me to share my favorites songs because I am feeling so inspired with the love that I receive from people every day.

It is very important for me to know that someone loves me the way I am since I am such a pessimistic person and I focus more on my insecurities rather than my strengths.

Take time to listen and be in love.

XO John Mayer/ Better Man Paolo Nutini/ I Got You Jack Johnson/ Loving You Paolo Nutini/ Your Body Is Wonderland John Mayer/ Flightless Bird American Mouth/ Let’s Stay Together Maroon 5/ Tenerife Sea Ed Sheeran

Check out this playlist on @8tracks: Acoustic in Love by itsmejoannas.

R E A D I N G – I am planning to read  Edgar Allan Poe’s Tell Tale Heart but still confused if I should finish Aristotle & Dante first before starting a new one. I am such a slow reader. I tend to get lazy and watch youtube videos instead.

W R I T I N G –my plan how to save money for Christmas because December 25 is fast approaching!

L I S T E N I N G – to If This Was A Movie by Taylor Swift but I love Maddi Jane’s version.

And When We Were Young by Adele such a beautiful song.

T H I N K I N G – what is the cause of my face and neck allergies. haayyy

S M E L L I N G – Body Shop’s White Musk perfume, my favorite scent!

W I S H I N G – to find the right path before the year ends. My negativity eats me up.

H O P I N G – for a better October. Time flies so fast. I am still bitter from last year’s experience tapos konting kembot  na lang 2017 na. What happened?

W E A R I N G – my pambahay.

L O V I  N G – my new set of notebooks from Papemelroti, Notepad from Landmark and my initials from Market Market.

W A N T I N G –to eat Chowking’s ChaoFan with Kangkong! Haha but I need to start working out today because my tummy is getting bigger and I have a bigger appetite na! huhubels

N E E D I N G – I need to fix my everyday routine. Feeling ko my days are so unproductive.

F E E L I N G – a bit hyper! I am so excited for October that I wrote a blog post today! Uhuh! Haha

I was a bit hesitant to buy the book because I thought it’s only for children but the good reviews and the movie pushed me to finally buy my own copy and read.

SUMMARY:

Moral allegory and spiritual autobiography, The Little Prince is the most translated book in the French language. With a timeless charm it tells the story of a little boy who leaves the safety of his own tiny planet to travel the universe, learning the vagaries of adult behaviour through a series of extraordinary encounters. His personal odyssey culminates in a voyage to Earth and further adventures. 

Manila International Book Fair’s last day is today and I just want to share with you my book haul last Wednesday, Sept 14, 2016 at MOA SMX Convention Center. There are lots of exhibitors and the discounts are really superb. Major bookstores like FullyBooked and National Bookstore offers 20% discount and some exhibitors offer up to 30% less from the regular price. I only bought few books because my reading list is piling up and my wallet wasn’t ready for the event.

These are the books that purchased. I actually planned to buy only two books but I was overwhelmed that I bought more. Haha.

Ang ganda kasi ng reviews nila sa Goodreads! :)

You can still buy books today. NBS and other exhibitors offer bigger discounts.

Love is accepting someone’s flaws despite you getting pissed off. It is putting an effort to make him smile though you are a little bit sad. Love is hugging him so tight to ease his pain and comfort him with words telling him that everything will be okay. Love is trying to have a longer patience just to work things out. It is calling him just to hear his voice. Texting him I love yous every single day. Love is not letting your lover sleep if you have a fight instead try your best to fix things before going to sleep.

Love is wishing for someone to be happy. It is the contentment you see whenever he smiles because you are really doing a great job. Love is being with someone who loves you more than you love yourself. Loving someone is being selfless. It is the reason why you try to be the best person you can be.

Love is magical feeling. It makes you feel alive.