Hot Takes From A Muppet

Check out the tumblr for my new play coming out NEXT WEEK. This one is very, very special to me. 

1. No one is ever JUST SAYING. In fact, if they say that, they are usually just patronizing.  2. What other people think of you is none of your business. (RuPauls Drag Race told me this.) 3. You always, always learn more from your failures than you do from successes.  4. That guy you think you're gonna marry? You're probably not. Don't ignore your girlfriends, even if they're being wenches.  5. Dark liquor is not your friend.  6. The loving choice is always the right choice.  7. No one you date in middle or high school matters so stop being weird about it, teenagers.   8. Having a good time is more important than being cast in any school play. 9. If you are good at something besides acting, for heaven's sake do not be an actor.  10. Young men, do not write about nazis, jail, or incest. If you must, do not combine any of these.  11. A one act play should be in one place. It's not a movie, dumbos.  12. People you meet on Okcupid usually just want to sleep with you.  13. If you are aggressively nice to someone for long enough they will be your friend out of spite.  14. Do not sleep with anyone you met on Okcupid. 15. Matching your socks is a giant waste of time.  16. Not everyone has to follow the rules. Really. Most of them are just made up. 17. Most of your adult life as an artist is trying to be exactly like you were when you were 7.  18. When you are already a weirdo, what's obvious to you is not obvious to everyone else.  19. Do not threaten to fight people at bars. See number 5 for details. 20. Do not fight with anyone over GChat.