Here Comes the Bun (do do do do)

Forbidden nesquik 

why in God’s name was it necessary for so many people to clarify that a dirty bag of blood from the gardening section isn’t safe to eat like what fucked up tumblr subculture has my shitpost reached

if i bite my lips it’s not to flirt, i’m just ripping the skin off my lips because of stress

I am the gatekeeper of the whole LGBT community and you must answer my riddles three before you may pass!

no

me and the lads getting fancy in the bog

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

They also go by PEARs

Local minor now hates pears even more than previously thought upon discovering an acronym

I love the ones where he is so happy or shocked he made it, he drops all the rest of his cards

good god when the onions and garlic hit the olive oil..........

Panties hit the FLOOR

you know it sister

I’m losing my goddamn mind

I'm babe

The Peel is an offshoot of the Onion but honestly if someone told me this was real slam poetry I wouldn’t even question it

10/10 would marry.